We just did an interview with Cosmopolitan about our new book, 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink, and they turned it into a nifty little 10-step program for introducing BDSM into the bedroom:

1. Talk Dirty to Him

“Bringing up S&M with your partner can be shocking and awkward. A great way to test a fantasy is to incorporate it into dirty talk. Whisper in your partner’s ear, ‘What would you think if I did this to you? I would find it so sexy.'”

2. Safety First

“Physically and emotionally, kink can be heavy, so it’s great for long-term couples who already have built up trust. Still, if there’s going to be bondage and a little struggle, have a safeword other than ‘no.’ It can be ‘red,’ ‘banana’—something you normally wouldn’t say during sex.”

3. Cuff Love

“We’re all about working up to things gently. Padded, velcro handcuffs are familiar and easy to use. They’re a way to establish if you might like to move on to more kinky things, like rope ties.”

READ STEPS 4 THROUGH 10 ON COSMOPOLITAN.COM