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Dear Dr. Kate: How Can I Make Sex Less Painful?

Thu, Jan 22, 2009

Advice, What's Up Doc?

ladybug_sexphoto by kaibara87

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City who will be answering your medical questions here regularly:

Dr. Kate,

Since I started having sex (4 years ago, I’m 20 now) I’ve never been able to handle penetration for a very long time. After a while it loses its fun and becomes painful. My current boyfriend and I use lube and we make sure I get aroused so that I’m very wet. He takes a while to come from sex and I can’t help but make him stop after a while. How do I make sex less painful? I want to be able to handle him a little bit better (he’s a little bit on the larger side) but it hurts when we start and just gets worse. I’m becoming discouraged from having sex since it’s losing its fun for me. Help!

– In Pain

Dear In Pain,

No wonder you’re discouraged from having sex — it’s hard to think about pleasure when you’re just trying to avoid pain. While pain during sex is unfortunately common — two thirds of women will experience it at some point — it’s never normal. And it’s not that you’re not a good fit with your guy — the vagina was designed to fit a baby, so unless he’s book-of-records large, it’s not his size that’s the problem.

You’re doing one of the best things already by using lubricant. But wetness isn’t the only sign of arousal — you want your pelvis to be engorged as well. Make sure you get enough foreplay so you’re really aroused before intercourse (you want to have plenty of blood flowing to your vagina to make penetration easier). Your boyfriend can also insert a finger in your vagina first, so you can judge how you’re doing arousal-wise before actually having intercourse. Don’t worry about taking “too long” — women on average need 20-30 minutes of good foreplay to become physically aroused enough for comfortable intercourse.

The fact that sex hurts when you start could mean that you’re not getting the foreplay you need…but it could also signify that you have vulvodynia, or pain in the vulva not just caused by sex. If you experience vulvar pain at other times — like with tampons or gyn exams, or even tight jeans — vulvodynia may be the culprit.

There are a lot of reasons why sex can hurt, and almost all of them can be addressed. Your gyno can also help you figure out what’s happening, and help you make sex fun, not just bearable.

Are any of you struggling with painful sex?

– Dr. Kate

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City. She also lectures nationally on women’s health issues and conducts research on reproductive health. Check out more of her advice and ask her a question at Gynotalk.com.

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126 Responses to “Dear Dr. Kate: How Can I Make Sex Less Painful?”

  1. Sara Says:

    I have trouble with painful sex, too– on a regular basis. My situation sounds similar to the questioner here, but I’ve found a pleasant solution. The only way I can be (almost) sure not to hurt after a few minutes of intercourse is to have an orgasm before intercourse starts– many ways to that goal, of course.

  2. Abby Says:

    Um. This is kind of icky. Make sure you’ve poo’d recently. I have had very painful sex and then realized it was my, um, matter both pushing my vagina down so it was shorter and making it tighter. So…poop before you play.

  3. Candace Says:

    I have sensitive skin, to the point where I have to be really careful to use laundry detergent with no fragrance and watch every single product I use. A few months after my (now) husband and I started having sex I was in pain every time. We finally figured out I was having a reaction to the slight residue of soap on his skin. He switched to my soap and that fixed the problem.

  4. Cheryl Says:

    Presuming you’re going the safe route and using condoms, it may be that you’re experiencing latex sensitivity! There seem to be only 3 non-latex condom options available that are also able to protect against STDs; Durex Avanti, Lifestyles Skyn, and Trojan Supra (lambskins only keep out the sperm, not the cooties). Try switching to one of these and see if that helps.

  5. Jenna Says:

    I have these problems too, except I’m not exactly sure what to do. It seems like I can only fit in the first inch, then it is almost as though I he hits a brick wall. I haven’t been able to find anything that works, but maybe I should try more floor play. I feel bad for anyone else who has my problem; it is very discouraging.

  6. cookie Says:

    well..i have this problem too… but what i suggest is to make yourself relax…no tense…get free all other problems in your mind (mind’s free)… just enjoy the excitement, adn explore… unless you’re not really into him, then how hard you tried, i would tell you, you wouldn’t enjoy your sex…

  7. Amy Says:

    I have the same problem as Jenna. My boyfriend can only get about 2 or 3 inches in before the pain is too intense for me and we have to stop. it’s literally like somethings blocking it. we’ve tried lube but i don’t think that’s the real issue… we’ve decided to go to the doctor together about it because it’s really frustrating.

  8. Dani Says:

    My problem has started more recently. Every time my fiance and I have sex, I start to tear and after a few minutes, I can’t handle it anymore. I stay sore for a few days, sometimes a week, before I heal completely. He thinks it’s because of him or that I’m not attracted to him and that’s why I start to dry up during sex. I keep trying to tell him that it’s not, and it could possibly be from stress from college, but he doesn’t really believe me. We just bought some lube and we are going to try that the next time I go home to see him. Either way, it has been very discouraging.

  9. Vic1984 Says:

    I’m having the exact same problem as many of you here, and I havent found a solution. It really does feel literally like he’s hitting somthing inside me, and although i doubt it is bone (unless my knowledge of basic anatomy is very wrong) but thats what it feels like, literally that hard. Annnnyyy help would be greatly appreicated, as my boyfriend is very experienced and I know that HE knows it’s something with me, since he’s never had this before. Although he is on the large size, its really not helping our relationship and i can tell he’s getting frustrated, even though he’d never say it. If anyone can explain what might be going on and how to resolve it I’d really appreicate it :)

  10. Amber Says:

    It seems that a lot of girls are having the same problem I am.
    I can get my bf in a couple inches and then, bam, no more. The first couple times I was scared and realized that was the problem but recently we have been really, really ready to do the deed with tons of foreplay and it doesn’t help at all.

  11. amberk Says:

    So I’ve been reading these comments and they sound very familiar! This is what I’ve found: During foreplay, the cervix ascends to make room for the penetration of the penis it knows is on the way. The “wall” that you feel your SO hitting is the unascended cervix, either you haven’t given it enough time to get out of the way or its not moving properly. My suggestion is to continue foreplay, some women (me included) need 45 minutes to an hour of foreplay to really get things primed. Just try it, keep foreplaying until you think you are ready for penetration, then foreplay for 15 minutes longer, you’ll be suprised at the effect. Good luck ladies!

  12. Katie Says:

    I have the same problem as Dani, except lube does not work for me. In fact, it makes hurt more and makes it more irritated. No matter what I do I can’t seem to figure out how to fix this problem, and it’s gotten so frustrating that I”m about ready to give up on sex because I don’t know how to fix the problem. Any suggestions?

  13. Dr. Kate Says:

    I would hate for any of you to give up on sex – or even sex with your current guy. Katie, there are a variety of lubes out there (water-, oil- and silicone based), so consider trying another type…you can even spot-test it on yourself first to see how your vagina reacts, before you try it during sex.

    With regards to the cervix, yes, sometimes he can bump up against it…but it’s at the back of your vagina (so 4-6 inches in). If you’re feeling like he’s hitting a wall after only 2-3 inches of penetration, it’s not your cervix – it’s more likely the walls of your vagina tightening together (like a spasm). This may be vaginismus, or it may be that you’re not physically or mentally ready for sex in that moment. You can see with your gyno as well, for an exam and recommendations.

  14. Haley combs ; Says:

    okay , so i was reading all of these comments and .. i have this problem. i have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months , and it still hurts like HELL . and after a while i dry up ? its not that im not attracted to him , he is sexy , and we rub around on each other , oral and everything before we start . i know it cant be im not into him , he is in the marines and is totally buff as can be , who dont like muscles? well anyways , i really hate this and i know he does too.. any suggestions ?

  15. Leah Says:

    Ok, I know this works for me,
    If you are dry, try drinking more water throughout the day. If you drink lots of coffee, tea etc. You aren’t actually hydrating yourself. Good hydration = good wetness, at least in my case.

  16. Rebecca Says:

    Dear Dr Kate,I met my fiance two months sex is awesome for me especially since he’s on the Large size,but he says he feels sorta like walls on inside when he’s in me he even has bruises .Could me having had a hysterectomy be one of the reasons or because Im not streathed out enough.Im 50 years and you wouldn’t think that would be the reason .please help us I enjoy our love making and I want it be good for both of us.

  17. Tonia Says:

    So I also have plenty of foreplay before, and I’m “SUPER WET” as my boyfriend says, but it HURTS UNBEARINGLY with penetration. He tries his best to make it comfortable, but after 2-3 inches in, I’m in immense pain. One very sexual intercourse occasion this has been the problem, which explains why my sexual activity count is less than ten! I want to feel the pleasure of sex, so I can relate to this girls when we’re having GIRL TALK. PLEASE HELP!

  18. Kaitlin Says:

    Hello I am also experiencing pain during sex. Me and my boyfriend have used lube before and my boyfriend says I’m really wet but it is still very painful when he first enters me. We haven’t been able to have sex for months because of this. I don’t want to be scared of sex anymore. Please help!

  19. Alyssia Says:

    I am currently having this problem and am looking for help because it is affecting my relationship. My first time has been with my current boyfriend of 4 months. We’ve had sex a few times and most of the times penetration hurts…We have plenty of foreplay and lubrication but I think it may be a mental thing. It’s not that I’m not attracted to my boyfriend but something in my mind stops me. Like a mental block. I want the both of us to be able to enjoy our sex life more without having to worry I’ll be in pain. What can we both do to make this better? I don’t want him to be scared of hurting me. Please Help!!!

  20. Shaun Says:

    I’ve read through many of the comments because my girlfriend and I have had similar problems. One thing we have learned is that lube can make it worse. Light water-bases lubes don’t get as sticky as the wetness wears off and silicone lubes are the thickest and can be worse in wet locations. Some lubes can cause irritation, burning, and can detract from your natural wetness. For us it hurts going in but a little spit and forplay goes along way. Another thing is that if you’re a girl that masturbates and would be comfortable doing that with your partner before sex then try it. In our experience it helps her relax, makes her more wet, and makes the pain almost all go away. Hope this helps.

  21. zach Says:

    I had sex with my girlfreind for the first time. I am larger then al her previous partners. She was in immense pain. We were have foreplay for hours teasing each other.I want to make this better cause I really like her and she was crying cause of pain and cause we could not make love properly. I want her to enjoy it and be happy. I also noticed that when I was far inside I could feel something in the back? Please help me I want to have a long relationship with this girl and any advice would be VERY much apprecieated

  22. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Katie, be careful what is IN your lube. I didn’t even know this until recently (from the info I got with an order from Babeland.com) but many women get VERY sore from lubes with GLYCERIN, menthol, peppermint and other additives.

    I realized that a lot of my Urinary tract infections and yeast infections were from these additives.

    Both KY and Astroglyde make non glycerin, water based lubes, and although I have not tried then yet Babeland has several of their own lubes without these additives. If you use the Astroglyde, get the one with the GREEN cap, the purple cap has glycerin and other things in it. And although ID is a popular brand of lube, I haven’t been able to find one without the additives.

    Also, anything which promises to “tingle” or “warm” will probably also irritate you. So sensitive girls and boys need to stick to the less exotic lubes and go with plain KY or green cap Astroglyde. Or an other lube without menthol, peppermint, glycerin and other additives.

    Good luck.

  23. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Zack, you were probably hitting her cervix (that thing at the back of her vagina.) The cervix is the opening to the uterus, and although when very aroused many women find it pulls UP and OUT, when a woman nears orgasm it comes down to accept semen. Also, if she isn’t used to sex, pressure on her cervix can be VERY uncomfortable.

    You may want to get a good book about sex (Em and Lo have a bunch) or Our Bodies Ourselves (yeah, I’m old school) and look at some pictures of female anatomy so you can see where her stuff is.

    If she was a virgin, she might be uncomfortable at first. A good water based, non glycerin lube could really help, also, for the time being, less deep thrusting could help.

    Go slow and follow her cues, and as she gets more experienced at sex, things will get better. And IMO, there is little better to arouse any woman than a nice long oral sex session. For BOTH of you. :)

  24. jcdbkp Says:

    Hi, i was reading these comments and i have the same things!!!! I tried to lose my virginity at an age when i wasnt ready and my boyfriend really pressured me into it, sinc he was older and it was very painful for me! Like excrutiating, but i know that i wasnt wet or at all in the mood for it and was so scared that time. However, ive been with a guy for over a year, am 18 now, and trying to lose it to this guy i love and am very sexually attracted to. However, after like 2 or 3 inches its sooo painful, also the lube weve used burns me and makes it worse. I will try lube without additives though. When he fingers me it can burn also and doesnt feel good unless its at the top with the clitoris. What can i do to help?

  25. Advice ladies! Says:

    What I’ve heard of from a cosmopolitan magazine (I think), is buy a dildo. Work on putting it in yourself every chance you can, and eventually you’ll get deeper and deeper without hurting yourself…this stretches the vagina – and remember lots of lube!

  26. Becca Says:

    I just stumbl;ed upon this site, and just wanted to note that I seem to be having problems very similar to those posted here- however, I’ve done some playing around with myself and experimenting.

    first of all- my situation: I started on nuva ring last august. (dont know if that was related, but its something to note, if it is) since then, i started a long-distance relationship and didnt have sex much- and because he didnt want me to, I didnt use any kind of dildo for penetration either. now- understand that although I could handle something reasonably large, if I had lots of lube, I was already tight to begin with, and I do kegels on a regular basis. so… I went some 6 1/2 months with very little penetration after the first coule of months when I had This complication:

    at first I would use my fingers for penetration and would sometimes dig the pads of my fingers pretty hard into my g-spot, which had my fingernails digging into the more delicate tissue right above the g-spot. after doing that one time, I looked down and noticed that my hand was covered in blood- and it was NOT menstrual blood. my doctor said that it was being all torn up (i did Not manage to tear an actual hole in my vaginal wall, But he said i was getting there) from the fingers and the constant irritation of the nuva ring. he had me take out the ring, wait two weeks for any kind of penetration, and then to put a new ring for the next month. and to not use my fingers any more I did as he said, and have not really had much penetration since then.

    since then: I have noticed that I have gotten tighter, and tighter- and sex has gotten more an more painful. at this point, I cannot take anything even resembling penis-sized into my vagina without an intense pain. and I should mention that in my poking around with myself, and trying to stretch myself out using my fingers, I have noticed that it is an intense pain in TWO areas, not just one: one of them is inside the vagina- the vaginal walls about a couple of inches in (and that’s about how far in a guy can get before I cringe and grit my teeth)- but the other, is in what’s left of my hymen- its like THAT has gotten tighter too- like, its pulled together and the hole has gotten smaller. when I have sex (no matter how wet or lubed up I am), I feel like I’m re-losing my virginity each time. I feel like I’m tearing, and I’m sore for a few days after… now, I’m a bit of a masochist so to a certain extent i like this pain… but the point is: its gotten bad enough that even as a masochist, I know that this isnt right- that something is wrong.

    I dont know what is causing the problem- if it is simply the lack of penetration for a while (and contracting hard when I cum from clit play), and I just got tighter again… or if I caused some damage and scar tissue is causing me to tighten. I dont know if the hormones from the BC could have done something, or if its the ring itself- just the object being there that’s causing me harm. hell, for all I know, there could be some kind of infection, and its simply some inflamed tissue between the vagina and rectum. i’m really at quite a loss.

    in the hopes that the nuvaring is the problem- or at least part of what’s making it worse- I have removed the ring and am looking into other methods of birth control. I hope that someone has some idea of what’s actaully going on- not just my hypotheses, and can help me figure out a way to reverse it.

    does anybody else recognize these symptoms? does anyone else have a story similar to mine? any clues as to what has happened? or what I can do?

    good luck to everyone- I hope you find your answers as much as I hope to find my own.

  27. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Becca, your doctor should have addressed the problem. As he has not bothered, you NEED a new doctor. I have never heard of ANYONE putting a hole in their vaginal wall from any kind of digital penetration. (I’m a nurse, not a doctor.) Nor have I heard of anyone “getting close” to doing so.

    You may have vaginismus, a tightening of the muscles of the vagina, which can be very painful. This needs to be addressed by an GYN MD or Nurse Practitioner.

    Hormonal birth control can cause vaginal dryness and yeast infections in some women, but not “holes” in the vaginal wall or the muscular tightening you are describing.

    As for penetration with a dildo on your own etc, WHY does your boyfriend have a say in this? It isn’t HIS vagina. One of the treatments for vaginismus is graduated pessaries, (or dildos, in the vernacular) to help the muscles relax and get used to penetration.

    You need to see a doctor who will listen to you. This isn’t normal and you shouldn’t be in pain during sex or any type of stimulation AND your doctor doesn’t seem to know what he is doing, IMO.

    Please see someone more dedicated and knowledgeable about the female body, as there is no reason to be in pain.

  28. Fragola Says:

    I too am having problems with sex. I must admit that on the odd occasion if I grit my teeth and bare the pain it sometimes gets better, but after a decent amount of time I feel as if I am almost “drying up” and I get a burning sensation during sex. But for the majority of the time, I have to stop my boyfriend as I simply cannot bare the pain, especially if we don’t have sex for a certain amount of time, eg during my period. Once we go back to having sex again I feel that we’ve landed back at square one and the pain is intense again. This is really frustrating me and my boyfriend, and I would very much like to go and see a doctor, however I am still relatively young (although I am legal! Don’t worry ;p!)and I still live with my parents, I don’t want to arouse any suspicion on their part by going to the doctors as tend to be very nosy, and I don’t think they’d be very understanding ! Anybody know any excersises or home remedies for my problem ;x!

  29. Julia Says:

    hey… me and my boyfriend of over a year tried to have sex for the first time yesterday. After barely a few inches he couldnt get it in farther. I was feeling too much pain; it was intense. I cant evenstand it when he finges me— it hurts too much. People are saying lube, and more foreply, and i’m starting to have hope… but at the same time it sounds like a lot of people are having the same problem and theres really nothing to help it. Im ready to give up my virginity to him, but…..i cant because of the pain. and honest to god it sucks.

  30. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Fragola, your health is more important that what your parents think. If you are at least 18, You should be seeing the doctor for a PAP every year, even if you aren’t sexually active, anyway. WHY is it their business? If worse comes to worse, go to Planned Parenthood, and you pay what you can afford. No doctor can tell ANYONE, parents or not, why you go to see them or even that you went to the doc. It is actually illegal for doctors to reveal this information.

    I know my older girls didn’t want a “family doctor” for their pelvic exams (neither had any pain, but still they needed a PAP and Pelvic and eventually birth control) and wanted to take control of their own health, so they both went to Planned Parenthood, and I only knew because they CHOSE to tell me. If they had chose, I never would have known.

    Ladies, sex SHOULDN’T be this painful unless something isn’t right. Please see a well trained doctor or midwife to find out what it is. There is no reason to miss out on the beauty and ecstasy of sex, due to something fixable like vaginismus, an imperforate hymen, or adherent clitoris. Please, see a doctor who knows what he or she is doing so you can enjoy yourself.

    And NO doctor has ANY right to tell your parents a damn thing about why you saw them. Often bills can even be made vague enough so they can be read by parents who are still living in the dark ages and for some reason don’t think their adult children deserve medical care for their female organs.

  31. worried Says:

    I dont have vaginismus and we always use lube,but it still hurts like crazy when we do it. He’s really big and I can feel him stretching me when he enters. Most times If I can put up with it for about ten minutes or so, the pain eases up a bit.But sometimes its just intolerable. It makes me feel terrible because he feels bad that he’s hurting me. The last time we did he was apologizing the whole time. He’s a bit older than me and has a bit more experience and he’s never had this problem with any other woman;So I know its me. I dunno what to do. Its really embarrassing because anything other than missionary is basically intolerable. I try to just give it to him and pretend it doesnt hurt but then I end up bleeding and sore for days. I’m lost….

  32. young and scared.. Says:

    me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and though i feel so ready and we have lots of forplay before sex its always uncomfortable for me.. he says it’s because i’m so tight.. but the pain is pressure not actual ripping or burning like the first time.. im scared somethings wrong with me but have no idea what to do about it.. please help!

  33. Newlywed Says:

    I got married two months ago and experienced the same issue with him going in a few inches before pain. It helped me to have him rub my legs or another part of my body while we were having sex. He also would periodically remind me to relax, which helped as well. Lastly, I would recommend trying new positions to everyone with this problem. For us, it seemed like missionary was more difficult than other positions. We found a similar position that worked much better for us – alternate legs. Starting in missionary (initial penetration was easier here), but then have him move one of his legs over one of yours. Maybe it was just us, but it helped a lot! Also, go slow, and maybe ask him to do lots of small strokes back and forth to help loosen up.

    As for our problems, the entrance to my vagina often gets very sore during sex, sort of like a mild rug burn. We do use plenty of lubricant, so I don’t think that’s the issue. And it really doesn’t hurt anywhere else. It’s very frustrating and I would like to know if there’s anything I can do to help the situation. Thanks!

  34. Madamoiselle L Says:

    worried, have you been to a competent GYN for a complete work up, and has he or she made absolute sure you DON’T have vaginismus? It isn’t something a lay person can diagnose for themselves.

    Don’t “Give it to him and pretend it doesn’t hurt.” HOW does that make your relationship honest and better? If it’s that painful (and it has NOTHING TO DO with “tightness” as if the vaginal muscles are working properly, even a new virgin will accommodate a large penis) something is wrong, and you need medical help.

    Please, don’t put up with it, stop looking at sex as something you “give” your man, (supposed to be a sharing activity, not one of only one person enjoying it, and the other making some kind of sacrifice) and please see a medical provider for help.

  35. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Plus, worried, why is he CONTINUING to have sex with you, if he KNOWS it’s so painful, and just “apologizing?” A good man would accompany you to the doctor and not force you into sex, if it hurts. How are you two setting the stage for an equal and honest relationship, if he is having sex with you, knowing you are hurting badly, and you are ‘pretending’ it doesn’t hurt and seeing sex as something a woman “gives” a man?

    Please, something needs to be done, both your body and the relationship need help.

  36. newlyweds Says:

    I recently married a virgin. I didn’t think we would have any significant problems with sex as long as we had plenty of foreplay, took it very slow, and used plenty of lube. But, sex hurts her tremendously every time. She keeps wanting to try because we know it’s got to get better, but I have a hard time staying in the mood when I know I’m hurting her. I’ve never gotten more than a few inches in, and the last few times we have tried have ended with me not being able to get in more than an inch before it became just too painful. She has been dealing with constipation, too, but it doesn’t seem like that fully explains her pain. She says her vagina doesn’t hurt before or after, so I don’t think it’s just soreness. But, as soon as we try any penetration, the pains starts up strong. I try to talk softly with her and get her to relax. She seems in the mood and says she badly wants to keep trying right away, but the last few times, she had felt tighter than ever. Could this possibly be a normal tight virgin adjusting to having sex for the first few weeks, or is this a sign of a true problem that is calling for a doctor’s appointment?

  37. Autumn Says:

    I haven’t had sex in years, but when I was, it hurt a lot and the guy also the the feeling of hitting a brick wall when only about an inch in. I still have the pain and difficulty most of the time when I try to use a toy. But, I finally found out during a pelvic exam that I have a tilted cervix and that can cause those problems. Don’t know why the other docs never mentioned it. Make sure you are very very aroused and don’t forget to add more lube after you get started, those can both help.

  38. Cheerleader Says:

    I am 20 years old and i’ve never had sex before,and i think im ready…i know my boyfriend is ready,but the only thing holding me back is the fear that it will really hurt…please give me a response on what to do

  39. Dancer Says:

    My first time having sex was pretty painful i admit but i did foreplay before hand to loosen up a little bit and when my boyfriend started to penetrate me he went slow and when it started to go in he would stop rub it around and go a little farther and he would start to move in and out nice and slow even if he wasnt in me very much just to loosen it more and it helped alot when he moved in and out cuz it helped it go in my vagina more when he pushed farther in and when he was fully in he went slowly in and out to help me get used to it cuz going to fast before your used to it can hurt more. So go slow and try what i said it helped alot. I won’t say its gonna be pain free because that would be a lie but once you start doing it more you get used to it and it doesnt hurt when it goes in, it just feels tight.

  40. krystal Says:

    im 17 and my bf is 18 ill be 18 in two months we are engaged and as any other couple we have sex well try to were fine during the forplay but when he starts to penitrate it hurts him i use lube and im wet but hes complaining im to tight?? we mess around for a good 30 or 40 min but he still complains about tightness and the sex feels great for me but hes in pain and he wont really talk to me bout it i think its bc hes embaressed but idk how we are gonna work somthing out if he wont talk to me please help me

  41. Jen Says:

    After loosing my virginity, I thought that the pain of sex would eventually go away and become more pleasurable. Unfortunatly, every time since then has just been VERY painful for me, and I have to stop after a minute of sex or so. I’ve tried condoms, LOTS of lube, and LOTS of foreplay. I’ve even came once before intercourse, but it still hurts. What can I do?

  42. Texas Says:

    I have been having discomfort/pain during sex off and on for the last eight months. I’ve been diagnosed with sensitive skin (so I’m careful with my soaps and laundry detergent), latex allergy (now use non latex condoms), yeast infections and bacterial infections (went on antibotics and treatment for both). Right now, I’m going to an acupuncturist which seems to really be helping.

    I’m also keeping a detailed diary of my symptoms, when they occur, if they are connected to sex or something else. I would recommend this for anyone seeking medical help. Make sure you find a doctor who is going to take the time to listen to you – and help them by being as prepared as possible.

    Besides drinking A LOT of water and focusing on a healthy lifestyle (both diet and trying to reduce stress) the thing that has helped me the most is my boyfriend. He has proved time and time again that sex is not a girl “duty”, I shouldn’t feel like a bad girlfriend just because I’m have some physical problems that I’m trying to treat. We have focused on non-penetrative sex and other ways to be intimacy which a little penetrative sex throw in to test the waters. I’m in control of the starting and stopping of that sex. This is a process and I believe that it will get better. Sex is a really important part of a relationship but it’s not the only part and you can’t let your problems define the rest of the relationship.

  43. some one like you Says:

    well i have this same problem my vag is dry i have had three kids cesection and im 23 years old i dont know why this is we use lub and evert thing it SUCKS and HURTS this amn is my husband so i love him and im attracted to him so some times i cant even get in the mood ok i hardley ever get in the mood why ??/ help

  44. jen Says:

    havent had sex in over 8 months will it hurt like when i lost my virginty

  45. Kelsey Says:

    I’m not sure if I have the same problems… I just recently started having sex and it only hurts whe he first enters me.. After five to ten minutes it doesn’t hurt anymore. Is this just because I haven’t had sex much, or is it a medical problem?

  46. Cristy Says:

    Please help. I was reading through these and a lot sounds familiar! I went to the gyno to tell the doc about all the problems i have been having for a few years. when i have sex it doent matter if i use lube or not or even if we play around for forever or not it still hurts. we have tried several different positions and stuff. my problem is that it feels like someone has my overies(sp) in a vice grip. It really hurts. My bf is a medical student and can very clearly feel that he is not hitting my cervix.(which he has done before and did not hurt) When i told the gyno about this he checked me for endimitriosis(sp) which came back negative. I just dont get it and really gets to where sex is more of a chore than it is fun!!

  47. Katie Says:

    I’ve read through a few of these and it seems to be a similar problems as well as the questioner above. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and have only had one partner before him in which only had sex with twice so both of them times werent great but im guessing thats just because it was my first time. Me and my boyfriend have stopped using condoms as i think i am allergic to them and i’ve gone onto the pill. However sex is still very painful. We try often but have never lasted longer than 5-10 minutes. He is very considerate and understands but obviously i would much rather sorting the problem so we can both enjoy ourselfs. Please help!

  48. ashley Says:

    hi, im 17 and still a virgin. my boyfriend is 19 and is still a virgin. we both want to have sex but i’m afraid because when we dry hump, by that i mean go through the same motions as sex with my panties on, it hurts so much. the first 2 times it felt amazing, i thought i was 100% ready for real sex. but the more we do it with my panties on the more it hurts. to the point now when even the next day it hurts. it didn’t used to but now its almost unbearable when he fingers me, like my area is swollen and closed up. he alwasy tells me im reeeally wet when he fingers me, but it hurts so bad. i try to pretend it doesnt hurt since were not even having sex, but he sees right through me and now is afraid to do anything that might hurt me. not everything he does hurts bad enough to outweigh the pleasure, but it does hurt. also i noticed a spot of blood in my panties after a long night together and i thought my cherry popped, but it still hurts, if not worse. what should i do, i understand sex may not be an option for a while, but how can we pretend without it hurting me.

  49. ballet/dancer/cheerleader Says:

    When my bf enters he’s penus I’m okay, but as soon as he starts moving he’s penus up further in, it feels as if I’m being rammed to deep it hurts, I mean I can handle the pain but there’s just no pleasure in it for me, I know I’m super horny and wet after four play & oral, we don’t need lube we use condoms, is there any easier position? Or anything that we can try to ease my pain would be healpfull, he’s a little but on the big side problably 8inches long & 3 inches thick..thanks

  50. isabella Says:

    its been a year that i have been dating my boyfriend.n he thinks its time for us to have sex. i am afraid as both of us are virgins.reading all the articles above has got me wondering as to if i will hurt or not. please tell me if lubricated condoms will lessen the pain. i think we vil give me ample time of say, 30 mins of foreplay to be ready.. but still, what do i do? if i am going to worrying about the final moment of him entering me, how can i reduce my pain?how do i relax myself? and please also tell me if there is need to use lube with lubricated condoms?isnt it that more the lube, lesser friction and lesser pain it will cause? he has a normal sized penis.. about i think 6 to 6.5 inches..please help me.. i am very tensed..


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