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Dear Dr. Kate: How Can I Make Sex Less Painful?

Thu, Jan 22, 2009

Advice, What's Up Doc?

ladybug_sexphoto by kaibara87

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City who will be answering your medical questions here regularly:

Dr. Kate,

Since I started having sex (4 years ago, I’m 20 now) I’ve never been able to handle penetration for a very long time. After a while it loses its fun and becomes painful. My current boyfriend and I use lube and we make sure I get aroused so that I’m very wet. He takes a while to come from sex and I can’t help but make him stop after a while. How do I make sex less painful? I want to be able to handle him a little bit better (he’s a little bit on the larger side) but it hurts when we start and just gets worse. I’m becoming discouraged from having sex since it’s losing its fun for me. Help!

– In Pain

Dear In Pain,

No wonder you’re discouraged from having sex — it’s hard to think about pleasure when you’re just trying to avoid pain. While pain during sex is unfortunately common — two thirds of women will experience it at some point — it’s never normal. And it’s not that you’re not a good fit with your guy — the vagina was designed to fit a baby, so unless he’s book-of-records large, it’s not his size that’s the problem.

You’re doing one of the best things already by using lubricant. But wetness isn’t the only sign of arousal — you want your pelvis to be engorged as well. Make sure you get enough foreplay so you’re really aroused before intercourse (you want to have plenty of blood flowing to your vagina to make penetration easier). Your boyfriend can also insert a finger in your vagina first, so you can judge how you’re doing arousal-wise before actually having intercourse. Don’t worry about taking “too long” — women on average need 20-30 minutes of good foreplay to become physically aroused enough for comfortable intercourse.

The fact that sex hurts when you start could mean that you’re not getting the foreplay you need…but it could also signify that you have vulvodynia, or pain in the vulva not just caused by sex. If you experience vulvar pain at other times — like with tampons or gyn exams, or even tight jeans — vulvodynia may be the culprit.

There are a lot of reasons why sex can hurt, and almost all of them can be addressed. Your gyno can also help you figure out what’s happening, and help you make sex fun, not just bearable.

Are any of you struggling with painful sex?

– Dr. Kate

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City. She also lectures nationally on women’s health issues and conducts research on reproductive health. Check out more of her advice and ask her a question at Gynotalk.com.

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126 Responses to “Dear Dr. Kate: How Can I Make Sex Less Painful?”

  1. Marina Says:

    I am 23 and have been with my boyfriend (on and off) for 3 and a half years. We wanted to wait until we were completely ready and steady to have sex. Both of us, having “waited for love” to have sex arrived at this problem as virgins. Using lube, condoms, tons of foreplay, and even letting him go down on me before attempting penetration has not helped to take the pain away. My gyno says that I’m normal, and I know that we’re really really ready to have sex.

    I have a very small body for a 23 year-old, and my boyfriend has a really girthy penis. For some reason, I haven’t been able to take him in more than a couple inches, the pain is completely unbearable, and I find that my body resists him no matter how much I try to relax. He loves me, and pleases me in other ways, but our struggle is making our intimate time together more stressful than fun.

    Sure, this is a problem, but I find it to be an even bigger problem that so many women have posted similar complaints and questions on this thread (and elsewhere), and there seems to be no help in sight. Searching for help seems hopeless, because there is little advice besides “it really really really hurts, but you just have to bear it once, and it will get better.” Clearly the women who have posted here are continuously trying and the problem isn’t going away.

    Sex shouldn’t be a chore or a form of torture, and we shouldn’t be afraid of it, so why is this a problem for so many of us, and how can we solve it? It’s nice to know that I’m not alone, but women are posting on these threads because they’re looking for support and suggestions for a perfectly normal problem. Anybody have anything they want to share with the class?

  2. Angel Says:

    I’ve already gone through the worst of the pain and it still hasn’t gone away. but like you MARIA me and my boyfriend were both virgins and inexperienced. I want to have sex all the time but when it comes to the point when he asks all i remember is the pain and i reject him. I feel crappy but I don’t know what to do.

  3. Kelli Says:

    I EXPERIENCE A LITTLE PAIN WITH MY BF AND IT MAINLY BECAUSE HES ROUGH AND RAMS IT IN HARD..HE LIKES HARD ROUGH SEX I LIKE SLOW SENSUAL SEX…I LIKE FOREPLAY BECAUSE IT GETS ME REALLY WET AND PREPARED.HE KINDS OF TAKES A LONG TIME TO.. (YOU KNOW) SO AT SOME POINTS IM THINKING IN MY HEAD (WHEN WILL IT BE OVER) AND SEX SHOULDN’T BE LIKE THAT.THE WORSE IN MY OPINION IS DOGGY STYLE THATS HIS FAV POSITION AND MY LEAST FAVORITE.I NOTICED THAT WITHOUT A CONDOM ITS MORE PAINFUL AND I THINK ITS BECAUSE IM NOT FEELING *EVERYTHING* LIKE I DO WITHOUT A CONDOM…BUT WITH A CONDOM KINDA TAKES AWAY THAT GREAT FEELING THAT MAKES ME CUM MULTIPLE TIMES….AND AFTER A WHILE IT MAKES ME DRY.

  4. Mickey Says:

    My boyfriend and I were both virgins and the first time didn’t hurt too much. But now the pain is just getting worse. I feel bad because I don’t want to have sex because of the pain but I know he really wants it. I can only get an inch of him in me before the pain is too much to handle and we have to stop. I just want to know what we can try. We have used lube and foreplay.

  5. Natalie Says:

    I want to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I’m sixteen and I know it will hurt but we’re planning to do a lot of foreplay before we have sex but we want to use a condom and I just want to know, do condoms make it hurt more or do they help make sex feel better?

  6. Janis Says:

    hello :)
    My name is Janis and the other day I had sex for first time with my BF…
    It was very Painful for me and it still hurts :S
    I guess I was stressed, and not feeling ready but anyway i would like somebody’s opinion. I can’t go tell my friends i feel so bad and freaky :S
    Pls Help!!!!!!!!!

  7. S.F Says:

    Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have always loved and enjoyed having sex. After we had a baby sex got so painful and i have been to see a doctor and gyno they both said it will go away if we use lube. We use lots of lube for foreplay and sex, but it desnt help. My boyfriend knows how to turn me on during foreplay but as soon as he puts his penis in it really hurts and we have to stop. Sometimes we are both slowly trying to get it in and i try relaxing in every way possible, but it still doesnt work. I really need some help, anyone know what i can do?

  8. Ainsley Says:

    I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend the other night.
    I’m petite and he’s EXTREMELY girthy.
    It hurt like hell and I’m not sure what to do about it.

  9. Brittany Says:

    I have been having sex since I was 16, Im now 24. I ended up with HPV a few years ago and I went through a period that I was so dry down there I had to use lubrication all the time. Ever since I first got diagnosed with it it hurts to have sex with anybody. I is painful from start to finish and usually feels like they are trying to rip my insides out. It sucks because I do like sex but It is so painful I often forget to breathe while in the act.

  10. Sidda~Lynn Says:

    ok so heres a pattern….were all women with one issue…painful sex and lusty but hopeful boyfriends..i’ve had sex twice now..and it hurts like hell..not completely unbearable but yeah damn painfull. i do it to please him and in hopes try to please myself in the process only to end up feelin torn. So the question is ….”What the hell do we do about it?”
    1. find new partners…lol not likely.
    2. more foreplay (obviously not working)
    3. try new positions. i actually like this idea. for those of you who are usually doing the missionary try something different. maybe it will feel different at another angle. ^-^
    4. relax a lil more. if your nervous or stressed out during the start of sex then it will most certainitly not feel very good. its because your clamping down. you need to ease up and relax. let your self smooth out.
    5. picture and object. Something that really turns you on. for me ( paul walker) just sexy lol so picture something that stimulates you. maybe picturing another guy isnt really awise idea tho ..wouldnt want you screamin his name while with your love.
    6. let your fantasies come alive. tell your partner what you fantasize about. like not a cheesy senario but a way you picture making love. maybe if you tell him you two could try it and it would help relax. :D

    ok im just a 18 yr old girl but i have the same problem. as i realize im very inexperienced when it comes to sex i just thought to put some imaginative ideas out there. but if you have any other great ideas please let me know. . im sick of sex feeling like a punishment. nobody should dread sex.

    ~ sidda

  11. kayley Says:

    my first time haveing sex was yesterday at first he fingered me and i felt very unconfortbal we done some foreplay and i put lube on we tryed many times to put it in, in the end he went on top and it was kinda pain kinda pleasure it kept falling out tho and it was alot easier when he you no what cause it made it more moist is this feeling gunna be everytime or was it just my first? help please

  12. Molly Says:

    Hi, im really scared about having sex for the first time!….EVERYONE says it hurts…..and you may even bleed….i speak to my friends about it but they’re virgins too.
    Please Help me realx.
    Thanks,
    Molly,
    xx.

  13. Kelly Says:

    I’ve had sex about 10 times and it hurts so so bad. I’m worried it will never get better! Help?

  14. Ramanda Says:

    I am 14 and scared to death of my first time cause when we partake in foreplay my body tightens and tenses up and just last night we tried and when he tried to put it in me it wouldn’t go so we tried another 3 1/2 hours of foreplay and tried again and it still dont work and we tried today and i was hand cuffed to the bed (my choice) and when we tried again it was down right painful when he tried and i couldn’t do anything cause i was trying to picture it as pleasurable as possible and i heard him moan in pain and so i dont know what to do anymore we used lube he fingered for 45 minutes and we did foreplay and it still hurt the both of us and his is on the rather large side so someone please help i would be so great to not hurt myself and him trying to do what everyone else can do
    Thanks,
    Ramanda

  15. Lacey Says:

    i have had sex only 3 times now. but i can’t seem to get a penis in all the way. & it hurts. i tried the other night with someone & i felt bad for making him stop.

  16. Victoria Says:

    Why is being a girl so hard lol?!!? My boyfriend and myself have been together for a year and 2 months and we are both virgins. We’ve been messing around lately and we’ve tried having sex but it hurts so freakin’ bad, so we have to stop. :’( I feel like in a way that I am disappointing him.. Idk if my nerves down there are really sensitive or im not relaxed enough.. I just want to get it over with so we don’t have to go through this anymore..

  17. Mary Says:

    I was a virgin when I first met my boyfriend (he’s my first and last – we’re engaged!) I never knew what to expect for the first time. My boyfriend had plenty of girlfriends in the past and was experienced in this department. The first time he went rough and hard. It was so painful. We tried so many positions but I couldn’t bear it. Everything else in our lives was perfect but when it came to sex I couldn’t go on and he got frustrated.

    The second time he got me more aroused and then went in, but it was still painful. He’s very large and told me my opening was tiny compared to what he was used to in the past. So instead he used his fingers slowly making the opening bigger and I enjoyed that. It wasn’t painful. It as fun for me and he didn’t get sexually frustrated.

    The third time (recently) I was very aroused in the car (we were traveling) but by the time we made it to the hotel it seemed I just shut off. My boyfriend thinks its because I became nervous knowing that sex brings on pain and my sub conscience mind knows that. He wanted the lights on when I wanted them off. He said he couldn’t see. He tried to get me aroused we used lube. Nothing worked. I went from being a rain forest to a desert. I could not get aroused no matter how hard I tried. It was 2 months since the last time we had sex and I wanted to make him happy so we tried but the pain was unbearable so we stopped and went to bed. The next morning he woke up and just.. jumped me. The lights were off, I felt comfortable and he didn’t give me a chance to think. We used lube and he went right in. Initially everytime he pushed thru the opening it was painful and always will be I’m sure. But once he was in it felt good, sore but I enjoyed it for the first time. I could only handle one session but it was enough for my boyfriend. We’ve come to the conclusion it all rests on how comfortable I am with the current situation. It’s a slow process but we’re learning and taking it one step are a time. :)

  18. joe Says:

    the problem with most of u guys is that you are leaving a lot to fate. Sex to some women is painfull while to others it isnt. If u are among the ones to whom it feels lyk a fire burning in your crotch, it is upon to you to make it painless. Contrary to belief, making sex painless is not a difficult task. It just requires a lot of practice and dedication jus lyk everything else. Communication is key in sex. U have to tell your partner what it is exactly what you want and this isnt in the least easy if u dont even know what u want. U should explore your body fully before setting to have some slip himself into you. Im talking, of course, of masturbation. U should prepare the setting well. Dont just start begin to rub yourself straight away. Make sure you are severely aroused by either watching soft porn that involves a lot of kissing and touching(not the hard stuff that involves ramming coz it just turns you off),reading erotica,listening to soft music or even fantasizing about someone. The need to touch yourself will come naturally. To make it last longer, u should ignore the hunger in your crotch and proceed to touch other parts like nipples,armpits etc till you feel you are sure that you are wet. Proceed then to your pussy(use a lot of lube) and begin inserting your finger little by little. It might be painful but remember that the pain is what you are trying to beat. Continue to slowly advance with more and more fingers(ul find that the more you continue,the less painful it becomes). After yot have mastered fingering,proceed to dildoes and go through the same process. On doing this for a while,you can now proceed to take in a dick. The first time might still be a little painfull but if the pain is still there the second time,send me the foulest insults you can come up with at joemunuve@yahoo.com. If still you cannot take either a dick or a dildo no matter what you do,pay your gyno a visit. ( am a gynaecologist in training by the way)

  19. e*a Says:

    i lost virginity quite late at 23 years old and was hell painful. now i am 28 and still is. and i try to get preggars and cannot. who know perhaps hassomething to do with it. my gyn. doc told me after i have a baby my vagina will get bigger and will be ok. but since i cannot even get pregant:D anyway i guess the easiest is try maybe strange but good position 4 U.for example as many we tried, the least painful was me laing on belly, just like when u sleep and he just lay on me. this is the only way that we can do it, althought cannot say would sort the problem by itself, at least it makes it not painful. use ur imagination when u r the most relaxed – for example when u sit and he simply has to find the way to get in -in that position

  20. Diana Says:

    I am 24 and have been with this guy for the past two years,at first we were enjoying sex well until late this year when it began to be painful..it has come to a point where i can’t even take him any longer,the thought of him on me makes me shiver but i wanna please him coz i love him so i won’t tell him.i suspect that maybe his dick is extra large for me please help me coz i think if he ever touches me again i will tear up

  21. Tiffany Says:

    I am 19, practically 20, and my boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now. When we first started having sex, it was great every time just about. But for the past 3 to 4 months, sex is extremely painful. I didn’t get off for at least a month straight. I do get off from time to time, but it’s rare. I feel like I have to pee DURING intercourse a lot of the times, and other times, it just will never stop hurting! Initial penetration isn’t really where the pain starts. Its when we get more into it and I haven’t started to feel much pleasure when it begins to hurt more. And there have been times where I fell like I will orgasm but out of no where, the pain spikes up again and takes away my pleasure. Symptoms I have are frequent urination, and I’m talking like 6/7 times a day, all just little squirts here and there, then another like 10 minutes later. Cramping coming out of no where (not period cramps) abdominal pain/discomfort. Sonstant fatigue, tightening of the chest, and breast tenderness.There are more, but I can’t think of them off the top of my head. Could this be related to stress? I work full time at a job that has me working from 10 to 9 (with an extended break) and I go to school 2 to 3 days a week. I also have a brother who does nothing but play video games all day everyday while I have to bust my butt to pay the electricity and internet for my mom… Could it be because of stress and harbored hatred that I need to let go of? I do feel as though I may have endometrosis or a cyst. Because I know for a fact I am not pregnant and I always feel cramps and abdominal discomfort in between my periods. Please, someone help me gain some sanity back because this is driving me so crazy. It’s frustrating not to be able to make love to the one person you want to express your love to.

  22. Jazmin Says:

    Me and my BF just had sex for the first time the day before yesturday,we did lots of foreplay and stuff but it hurt alot,like after i bled,does that mean im totally incappaple to have sex?,he only got a inch in and i begged him to stop,ever sence ive been feeling crappy about it :/ im not old enough to go buy lube or anything,i get condoms at school soo what should i do?

  23. Jazmin Says:

    Tiffany
    January 27th, 2012 at 12:39 am
    Reply:Jazmin
    i think it is stress being stress does cause muscular tightness,is it with-or without a condom? because in rare cases people are allergic to latex or even a mans sperm,but i would say stress and hard feelings…relax and meditate or something

  24. Jessica Says:

    Jazmin – You didn’t specify whether it was your very first time having sex. If this is the case it is perfectly normal for it to hurt on the first time and the blood would be from the torn hymen. If it isn’t your first time you may have a condition called vaginismus. It is very common in young women like yourself. I had the condition myself when I was younger. You can get more information about this from your doctor. It is a psycholgical condition but results in pain during sex. It is curable so it’s nothing to worry too much about. If you have had this problem before then it is very likely it is vaginismus.

  25. marceline Says:

    Hi this is my fisrt time of haveing sex I mean its been such a long time that it harts when me and my bf have sex its like I’m going through it all over agen so how can we make it so it dose not feel that way

  26. charlotte Says:

    at the moment my ….private parts hurt and my boyfriend wants to have sex tonight i dont want to put him off but the other night it really hurt me all the way through i had to stop my self screaming in pain , thing is he has bout me a hair cut and style today and i think thats my way of paying him back so ……….. dont know what to do about it , it really hurt and it will tonight , it was my tampons that caused the sore ness , so what do i do ? he knew it was hurting the other night as he could see my face and he saw i started crying , i couldnt help the tears it hurt so much . its down to me having less money this month so i bout 1 pound tampons thats made me soar as hell . What do i do ?

  27. Lily Says:

    when it comes to virgins and newbies its usually a matter of practice. i remember sex hurt for the first 10-20 times. give it some time. also, there is a difference between thinking that you are relaxed and actually being relaxed in a sexual context, often this is subconscious. i remember when i was 19 or so, i was sleeping with a guy who i was seeing at the time. deep down i didnt trust him, i wasnt relaxed with him but i still enjoyed the sex. eventually i developed vulvodynia, according to gynos. the boyfriend cheated and left. im pretty sure the whole thing was psychosomatic. the problem didnt disappear until years later, when i gave up on sex and forgot about the whole thing, and met someone nice. i still cant have too much sex, say several times in a row, the area is sensitive. but im healthy and after 10 years of sexual experience, i know what works for me. so take it easy girls.

  28. Lily Says:

    i forgot my point : DONT HAVE SEX IF IT HURTS! you dont have to just to please your guy. figure out the cause first, or else you are going down a very painful spiral.

  29. jk Says:

    hi friend,
    i want to less my sex how i can less it please help me

  30. BMV Says:

    okay my boyfriend and i had sex for the first acouple days ago and it hurt me sobadly i told him to sotp. he was only in acouple inches and i feel soo bad. What do i do to make it not hurt as much, we used a condom also.

  31. Kaitlin Says:

    ok so me and my bf(who is kinda big) have had sex and it hurts alot. We’ve tried everything nothings helping the only thing that feels relotly good is wen i’m on top and that’s only because I control it. Idk what to do anymore i don’t even wanna have sex this is horrible and i don’t understnd what’s going on. Someone give me some advise

  32. angela Says:

    Omg are we all on like the same boat becuase you girls are taking those words right out of my mouth. Sex really hurts and it hurts even more knowing that you have to allways say NO to your (BF)what is a girl to do

  33. ellie Says:

    Me and my bestfriend decided to lose our virginity together on tuesday, I was expecting pain which I did get but if you stop because of the pain then you’ll never be able to do it. A lot of it for me was willpower and after a few minutes, it got really good quite fast. I don’t have any comparision like.I know its weird but sex isn’t the problem its blood? he popped my hymen I think cause I bled straight after a lot but now I’m still bleeding moderately is this normal? Thanks for any help :)

  34. vernia Says:

    Hi I have and two kids already and since me and my husband started having sex it has also either burned inside the vaginal or it gets swollen and red I tried lubricant but lubricants make my entire vaginal area starts to burn as soon as I put it down there
    I really would love to know a way to make sex stop being painful I was told my ovaries were lower then most women but I highly doubt its because of that

  35. Lauren Says:

    Thank God I’m not alone! I lost my virginity to my now ex-boyfriend about 7 or 8 months ago. We had been together almost a year at the time and I was so excited because I was finally ready to go all the way with him. We did quite a bit of foreplay and used a lubricated condom but it was very painful for me when he tried to enter me (he wasn’t very big, either girth or length-wise). The first couple of inches were actually okay, but after that it was just a sharp pain and when he attempted to thrust I couldn’t even handle it. Also, his penis kept popping out for some reason lol. We tried many different positions but with little success. I haven’t had sex since then, so I can’t really say whether or not things have changed but I’m assuming they haven’t. Again, it’s very comforting to see that so many other women are having the same difficulties.

  36. debby Says:

    I just started havin sex.started last week.yesterday was my second time.its really pepery especially when my guy goes inside more,I feel asif I want to use the toilet or pee pls is that normal

  37. todebby Says:

    Just go to the bathroom before you sex it up, to make sure. Then you have the knowledge that you WON’T pee so feeling like you have to pee doesn’t matter.
    It doesn’t matter simply because you won’t piss no matter how much you want too, because you already did.

    ha that’s logic not reasoning, making it so you can have a solid backing on what you are doing

    anywho

    I have no clue otherwise. Ask ur mom. heh

  38. heather Says:

    Sex used to be fun for me and comfortable. After I had my daughter, nothing has been the same since. My OBGYN also suggests lube and foreplay. This helps only a tiny bit, but before her suggestion, I had been using numbing agents to take my pain away and it probably wasn’t a great idea. I’m right there with you all, fearing sex instead of wanting it and facing divorce from my husband for my lack of desire for intercourse simply because of the pain. A pain he doesn’t understand or thinks of when he prepositions me. I’m so frustrated and on the verge of possibly being single forever if I’m to be divorced because of this stupid problem that I didn’t cause nor have any control over. All I can do is hope.

  39. Nicole Says:

    Hello im 29yrold female that is really looking for answers during the begining of sex i tend to tighten up almost fighting him and those including foreplay its so painful getting started i have been trying to get pregnant but cant been told i have a small uteries and pelvic i want to learn methods why i am so tight and how to relax

  40. Jacky Says:

    Hi. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. When we first started having sex, I used to get wet a lot. Than after a while, when we would have sex I get really dry and so we have to use lube almost all the time. I’ve noticed it’s bothered him. He tells me that lube has not been a necessity with his past girlfriends. It kind of makes me feel bad about myself. I’ve been taking birth contol pills. I wonder if that has anything to do with it. A lot of times when I’m in doggy stile, he wants me arch my back till my butt is all the way up and it really hurts and bothers my bladder when he penetrates me. Please help!

  41. Jacky Says:

    Hi. I’m 21 years old. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. I lost my virginity to him just days before turning 20. When we first started having sex, I used to get wet a lot. Than after a while, when we would have sex I get really dry and so we have to use lube almost all the time. I’ve noticed it’s bothered him. He tells me that lube has not been a necessity with his past girlfriends. It kind of makes me feel bad about myself. I’ve been taking birth contol pills. I wonder if that has anything to do with it. A lot of times when I’m in doggy stile, he wants me arch my back till my butt is all the way up and it really hurts and bothers my bladder when he penetrates me. Sometimes i get wet for a little while and then i dry up quick, so then we have to use lube constantly. Please help!

  42. marinah Says:

    So im 18 and I have been trying with my boyfriend for about two years now. Every time we have sex it kills me. But its just in the beginning. The pain is so unbearable that i cringe when he starts to enter me, even when i try and relax it feels like his penis is a knife that is ripping me apart. After a while it stops and we are able to enjoy it. We really want to have sex alot but sometimes i reject because i am too scared of the pain. He does not pressure me and we do it when i feel im okay with doing it… I have gone to the gyn doctor and of course heard that “there was nothing wrong” but i do not want to be this way forever, foreplay and lubricants do not help. I just need something to help us especially if we pursue in a longer relationship as in getting married and having children. If i cant have sex how am i supposed to have a child? Im so glad that i am not alone in this. although i know it sucks.
    please help! thanks

  43. ketty Says:

    i am 26 years old and recently get married.both of us are virgin.the problem is my orgasm occurs too fast but only for once.it doesnot happen again no matter how long we do foreplay.during penetration i feel pain even if i am wet enough.i use lubricant.why do i feel pain still that is making me frustrated.can anyone help me?plzzz

  44. Imberlykay Says:

    Im 19 just had sex for the first time with my lover. I dont know if I would even consider it sex because after maybe a min we had to stop. It hurt me andd he said it hurt him aswell. He said he felt like I was strangulating his penis. We tried it again and thesamethimg happend. Idk what to do

  45. Charisa Says:

    I’m 22, I got married on the 27th of May, I was a virgin and he was not, and my husband and I have had sex 4 times. The first time we tried him on top, but I tightened out of fear and he couldn’t get in. Every time after that we’ve done me on top and I can get him in but its a slow process because of the pain. Sometimes he loses his hard on half way through. Once we get going its kind of a quiet ache that I can live with but I’m not getting any enjoyment out of it. We use foreplay and lube, he tests with his fingers to make sure I’m ready, and he’s very patient and loving but it still hurts. I’ve also never had an orgasm, either through intercourse, fingering, or oral. We’re still trying though and marriage is the end all be all for us so we’ll have to figure it out eventually but its super painful and I just want so badly for sex to be fun for the both of us not just a chore that we’re doing because we’re married.

  46. Shea Says:

    Ladies Ladies Ladies

    I have multiple orgasms when i have sex with my husband. He was not my first, not even close.

    However, sometimes it just doesnt work for like three weeks in a row and then we will have like months of it working.

    Sex is a spiritual, mental and physical act. So make sure that you are spiritually, mentally, and physically prepared. No ttired, stressed, cranky, full.

    It gets much much better you just have to practice.

    I have found that the deeper my connection with the guy the better the sex.

    So work on the cuddling, massaging, trusting, loving and it will happen naturally.

  47. Kate Says:

    OMG you guys make me feel like I’m not the only one and I thought I was. Sadly just got out of a relationship, and I’m not 100% sure why he dumped me, but I think it was related to the fact that after 6 months of amazing sex (mostly for me, he wasn’t coming at ALL- another reason he may have dumped me), I had a series of issues. I had 3 UTIs in a row, and then it’s been basically messed up since then. Last time I went to the doctor they found a yeast infection, no UTI. I got that treated and it switched. I was really trying hard to get treated, but with just access to Planned Parenthood and no insurance it was hard. Now I got insurance recently but I’m unmotivated because it just seems impossible. It sucks because I actually do like sex, and when we tried it it would feel good then bad. I would sometimes even come but it would still hurt.

  48. jenny oberoi Says:

    my bf want to sex with me….m 19 nd he s 25 ,,,once we tried it with protection but somehow pain dint allow me to ve more…what to do?

  49. yosuke Says:

    Dear Dr kate

    me and my girl friend want to have sex with out a condom but we are scared of her being pregnant, i can control my self i can not come in her i can do the pull out method but we are scared off the pre cum its that even if there is pre cum in the vagina the girl still be pregnant tell me how can i have sex with out making her pregnant and with out a condom there must be a way


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