Our contributor Antonio Reis, a first year at Wesleyan, has a confession to make:
Is it normal for a guy shy of 20 to want to sleep with a 50-year-old? Would society really frown upon me doing a woman three decades older than me?
What if it was Madonna?
Yes, one of my wet dreams is doing The Holy Mother of Music, in all her acid-rock glory. It would be a rough-and-tumble event. Iâ€™m quite sure thoseÂ muscular ripples — she does have the body of an immortal — would beat up my appendages, which at the moment resemble Amy Winehouseâ€™s. In her one-piece leotard, channeling the days of ABBA, a glowing disco ball turning above us, we would perform positions that would make the Marquis de Sade gasp. Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body.
When I tell friends, they look at me and laugh, as if Iâ€™m joking. What they donâ€™t realize is Iâ€™m dead serious. It blows my mind that the world doesnâ€™t feel the way I do. (At least Louis Vutton agrees with me, having chosen her to be the face of their brand this season. And it’s high time Louis V brought some flossy flossy up in that joint.) I just want to connect to the sky / future lovers fly there in mission style. And in my fantasies, Madge and I are future lovers…
Being ousted from my dorm room and sent back to my suburban nightmare of a life, I have kept myself alive by setting the “Confessions on a Dance Floor” concert DVD to repeat. I sit atop my bed and watch the modern masterpiece. It opens with Madonna riding men as if they were horses. Green with envy,Â I watch the professional dancers as Madonnaâ€™s ivory thighs pound against their bare torsos. I muffle my cries so my parents wonâ€™t hear me pining and lamenting in my bedroom. I feel like a virgin, touched for the very first time, when I experience Madonnaâ€™s canticles of creativity.
Someone once told me that if Madonna werenâ€™t famous, I wouldnâ€™t think of her as sexy. The person also said Madonna was nothing to be lusted after. I asked the idiot in question if he had a death wish, for that’s heresy in my book. And to those who crack wise about her age, I paraphrase Shakespeare and say “Your jealousy shapes faults that are not.” In other words, you wish you could hump a glowing boombox or snag A-Rod!
I am positive that Madonnaâ€™s celebrity status is not what makes her attractive. Of course itâ€™s a plus, but what really makes her so damn sexy is her ability to evoke hope and wonder. When I watch her shows or hear her music, I am inspired to go forth and fix all the wrongs that clutter our world. When she stops mid-show and tells a screaming fan â€śWe can do anything!â€ť I am almost brought to tears as I realize that yes, I can do anything. Madonna puts everything in perspective for me, like a religion. She’s the guiding light in my life, my lucky star, but Iâ€™m the luckiest by far.
– Antonio Reis