By lit, like kate said, I do mean peer-reviewed academic publication, that I got from my college library for a psych paper years ago. I could probably find it again if I tried, and if I do, I’ll post it for you.

But that was talking about sex workers in general, not porn stars specifically. My info there is more anecdotal. My macabre interest in who’s a dead porn star began when I discovered, a couple of times, that women I was wanking to regularly had been dead of something horrible for 2 years, although she was 5 years younger than me.

So I googled “dead porn stars” and was shocked at what I found. Like 10 women whose work I “admired” were dead of the causes I listed above, and those are just the ones I was familiar with – there were many, many more.

Obviously porn itself is not responsible for drunken car wrecks or overdoses. I guess my point was that these people are chronic bad decision makers, usually because they’ve got major issues, and here’s this industry that’s more than willing to step in and make a buck off that.

Not to mention the threat of HIV, of which I think there have been 19 cases in the U.S. industry since 2004.

Maybe I’m just getting old or something, but the scuzziness of the porn industry is getting harder to ignore. That’s not to say I won’t watch it anymore – to be honest, the train-wreck aspect of it is arousing (hey, screw it – I’m not afraid of my own fantasies). But maybe with time I’ll get there.

“Before anyone take offense to that, look up the lit correlating sex work with mental illness and drug addiction. It’s gross.”

Do have links to this “literature?” Or what most would call research. I’d like to see it. I don’t see porn start dying from “car wrecks (really?) drug overdose, HIV etc” anymore than anyone else in the Entertainment Industry.

If you can provide actual Evidence Based Research to prove your point, I’d read it. Somebody’s opinion, from a Church Group or something does NOT count as “research.” Just so you know. Data, studies, P values, longitudinal will suffice.

Many scenes may not DEPICT exploitation as part of the sex, but behind the scenes those women and men are sex workers, which means they’re usually either drug addicts or fucked in the head.

Before anyone take offense to that, look up the lit correlating sex work with mental illness and drug addiction. It’s gross.

I’m sure there are many examples of individuals in the sex trade who are perfectly healthy in their minds and bodies and are just entreprenurial spirits who love sex.

But give me a break. Like professional wrestlers, sex workers die young with alarming predictability. HIV, overdose, suicide, murder, car wrecks… Look up a list of dead porn stars and why they’re dead. Then tell me of any other legal line of work that’s anywhere near that likely to end in tragedy sooooooo often.

As for the exploiters, at the very top they’re big bazillionaire businessmen – think they got that way playing nice? They don’t give a shit. To them porn is a product measured with numbers.

The question for the individual consumer is one of hormones versus morals. Some people don’t care what bad choices other consenting adults make. Some people don’t like the shady side of porn, but can’t deny that it turns them on, so they assuage their guilt by looking at softer-core porn. And some people just hate everything about it.

Jeez, I think I just talked myself out of liking porn.

I agree with several others here, you should offer to share it with her, and encourage her to share her secret fantasies with you then try to find something that suits her tastes, as well as your own, then she will discover that the industry is not all about the misogynistic exploitation of women, but rather, that it CAN be very liberating for all person’s involved.

There is so much pressure from people to watch porn. It’s everywhere. I’ve watched some of it years ago, and I know what it does to people and I personally don’t condone any…it’s hard to just say a little. To me, I think saying “a little” is safe is like playing with fire. But I’m glad you guys were able to work that out.

As for the rest…

I don’t watch it and the guy I’m with, he knows exactly how I feel–if he disrespects me by watching it, we’re done. He knew that before the relationship, and that commitment between us has only grown.

That being said, I am no prude in the bedroom (or elsewhere when we can sneak somewhere private). He gets as much as he wants as often as he wants and in a lot of different ways–unless I’m being a tease for a few hours. He knows he cans ask me to do just about anything and I’m willing because we mutually love and respect each other. I’m willing to give him his fantasy, sometimes even when I don’t understand the thrill. The only limitation is that we are monogamous. So our sex is both wild and at times also tender and loving. We don’t settle for one or the other, and because we invest in each other and not images, we have tangibly felt our intimacy grow between us rather than giving it to the image in our minds or on a tv or computer screen. He lusts after me, and I lust after him, and if something tempts us to lust elsewhere, we turn that emotion on each other instead *immediately*, so that we invest in us. I never say no to him unless I am physically ill, and vice versa. We recognize we each have needs and we want to satisfy the other so that no one and nothing else is needed.

And let me tell you–it is WOW!

My opinion, bottom line: You don’t need porn if you’re *living* your sex life. Whip. Spank. Dress up. Whatever–it’s fine as long as you trust and lust for each other. I started out a bit timid, but over time and investing in *us* sexually, I’m now a complete sex kitten for him, and he eats it up.

Healthy women have to feel 100% safe in their relationship to really let go. If they do, they’ll explode sexually. (Pun intended, LOL)…

In the end he taught me to slow the hell down. We hardly ever use dominant fantasies, just every once in a while. I’ve kicked porn to the curb and masturbation is much more about me and enjoying myself rather than “getting it over with, blowing off steam etc.” it’s a nice healthy way to take a break and keep my self entertained.

Now I was the girlfriend who said no porn in the relationship (and during that time we both relapsed once and felt ever so guilty about it). I was feeling pressured, not so much by him, but kind of by society and myself to be a major sex kitten and I was afraid I wasn’t sexual enough (though I really am).

Long story short we’re both insecure and we’ve both dropped the porn. But porn is not forbidden and I want to know about it. Just like I think it’s hilarious he’s been masturbating in the shower and he’s all shy and embarrassed and hides his face against my neck.

Any good moral story here? If you’re not fully accepted and loved in a relationship – it’s a deal breaker!