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25 Things You Probably Didn’t Need to Know About Em & Lo

Tue, Feb 17, 2009

Confessions, Personal Post

em_lo_blowup_dollphoto by Michael Birt for The Independent

Unless you’ve been living under a rock you’ve probably noticed that everyone and their mother is posting those “25 Things About Me” lists to their Facebook profiles. Yes, they’re an exercise in vanity, but we’re having a vain moment, so we thought we’d (over)share.

1. We met 10 years ago this month. It was BFF at first sight.

2. We agree on just about everything related to sex and love — except for baby talk. Em thinks it’s gross and weird in or out of the bedroom; Lo thinks that what you say when no one else is listening is your own damn business.

3. We’re probably the most prudish sex writers you’ll ever meet.

4. That said, we sometimes forget how inured we’ve become to certain topics and have been known to discuss, say, rimming, a little too loudly on public transportation.

5. We did used to disagree on one other thing: Em once believed that you could assume exclusivity in a relationship after a certain period of time; Lo eventually convinced her that until you’ve had the monogamy talk, you can’t assume shit.

6. We’ve only had one fight. But we can’t tell the story because we still disagree on exactly what went down. (Em: It was a gentle shove. Lo: It was a slap.)

7. A guy in a bar once asked Em if she would check out his penis and tell him if he was above or below average size. When she ran away as he unzipped, he followed her, yelling, “But you’re a professional!”

8. For most of the past decade we’ve lived minutes apart, but we rarely work in the same place. We send approximately 100 IMs a day to each other and have invented our own totally dorky IM shorthand.

9. Our other halves are great friends with each other and will be the first to tell you that we don’t always practice what we preach.

10. Our basements are sex toy graveyards, full of piles and piles of free sex toys that we’ve received over the years, gathering dust. (Because, come on, how many vibrators does a gal really need in rotation at any one time?)

11. Em once accidentally referred to “the gays” during a live radio interview. Lo has never let her live it down.

12. For the record, we think that the best sex advice is universal and that anal sex is as likely to “turn you gay” as watching Mommy Dearest.

13. At a book signing, a reader once asked us to spank him with our book after we’d signed it. We did.

14. We once posed for one of Spencer Tunick‘s group nude shoots on the banks of Williamsburg at sunrise with 200 strangers — this is and will always be the extent of our “tasteful nude work.”

15. Okay, so we also once stripped down to our underwear and handed out flyers on the streets of NYC to promote the Nerve.com Personals. There was a white van, a disco ball, a flask of whiskey and a camera crew from 60 Minutes. This is the closest we’ll ever come to being pornstars.

16. Neither of us has a degree in sexology, though Lo did write an eleventh-grade English term paper on Lady Chatterley’s Lover.

17. We once went to an underground traveling all-male strip club in the Bronx — for research purposes, of course — and learned the meaning of “tying off.” We also learned that not all women giggle at male strippers; some of them take it very seriously.

18. Being a sex writer isn’t nearly as good a pick-up line as you might think. Or maybe we just never learned how to wield it.

19. When our first book came out we drove cross-country in a Ford Taurus (affectionately nicknamed The Clitaurus) and attempted to sell copies of the book out of our trunk to everyone we met, including the sweet young corn-fed farmboy who pumped our gas in Montana. (As soon as he saw the dude-on-dude action in the book he said no thanks. But we did manage to sell a copy to an elderly couple we met in the parking lot of a Super 8 later that day.)

20. We can’t stand the word “pussy” but we’ve never been able to come up with a decent alternative.

21. We once interviewed a man who can suck his own dick. Fully clothed, he demonstrated the position he uses. We haven’t been quite the same since.

22. Because everyone asks: Yes, we love our job.

23. We can’t quite imagine doing this when we’re old(er) and wrinkly, but we don’t know enough about gardening to write gardening manuals, so we’ll keep going for now.

24. Because everyone asks: Yes, our guys are very proud of what we do for a living.

25. Because everyone asks: So are our parents.

P.S. Become our Facebook friend!

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9 Responses to “25 Things You Probably Didn’t Need to Know About Em & Lo”

  1. Royally In Love with this post Says:

    I LOVE IT!!!!!! Every single one of these was hilarious!

  2. Chelsea B Says:

    I love that you shared all of this with your devoted readers! I am about to facebook friend request you too.

    You’re website and work is amazing, I wish more people could be more down to earth about sex and love as you two :)

  3. J Says:

    I agree. Pussy, as a word, sucks.

    It’s so weak. And floppy.

  4. Kristine Says:

    I love Spencer Tunick! I was in high school when I first came across his documentary Naked States. Thinking that it was another Showtime soft core porn, my sister and I decided to watch it for a few laughs. We were pleasantly surprised to see that it was actually a documentary on nude photography, and I’ve been a fan ever since!

    I also would like to meet the man who can suck his own dick, so I can give him a hi-five and then ask him if it’s worth it.

  5. Diana Says:

    This was adorable! The first “25 Things” I enjoyed reading :)

  6. Nora Says:

    Love it! Gotta love facebook… Where’s the “like-button”? :p
    Here’s a list of vagina euphemisms! Maybe you can use something besides pussy from now on? http://www.starma.com/penis/muffy/muffy.html

  7. Antonio Says:

    LOLOLOL A SLAP! I’m pretty sure I had this issue with a friend…

  8. Leigh Olivia Says:

    Yeah, pussy is a crap word. I actually like “snatch.” Don’t judge me. I didn’t at first, but it’s grown on me. Admittedly, it’s only a sometimes word–great for casual conversation with either sex (“My boyfriend left on his business trip. It’s only been two days and the snatch is already pouting…”), not so great for sexy bedroom talk (“Oh baby, your snatch is so…wait. Why are you giggling? Stop that!”). But it’s still better than pussy, which is never the right word, unless it actually meows.

  9. searchingwithin Says:

    We once interviewed a man who can suck his own dick. Fully clothed, he demonstrated the position he uses. We haven’t been quite the same since.

    Just can’t get past that one.

    As far as pussy, it’s one of those things I won’t allow people to call me.

    Pussy, c*nt, tuts, broad or Lu Lu


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