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Dating on Craigslist Is a Crap Shoot

Wed, Feb 18, 2009

Pop Culture, Websites

craigslist_crapped

Oh man, we hope this Portland, Oregon Craigslist Missed Connections post is real, not only because it’s hilarious, but because this guy has got to be the coolest, most understanding man on the face of the planet and he deserves love, if not from the shitter in question, then from someone in more control of their bowels:

To the woman that crapped in my car. (NE Portland)

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat…

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Stout

P.S. – If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early. Touch├ę.

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10 Responses to “Dating on Craigslist Is a Crap Shoot”

  1. Antonio Says:

    Are we sure this isn’t a joke?

  2. Antonio Says:

    PS If it isn’t its really really touching. I hope someone will one day embrace my metabolic jewels.

  3. Diana Says:

    Hilarious, but sadly, I think this is a joke, since I’d assume if they went out after meeting via Craigslist, he would have her e-mail address. I smell (haha) a “would you go on a 2nd date with someone you clicked with if they crapped in your car?” poll.

  4. Chelsea B Says:

    I love this! If it’s not a joke, it takes a pretty awesome/understanding guy to ask her out again. She must have been one hell of a gal! That is pretty embarrassing though, I must say.

  5. trillie Says:

    Ahaha, hilarious! This MUST be a joke though (because if he sent her a package the day after, why post this on craigslist?). Thank you for finding this. And: Now I know what to do if I fail at my exams — plan B will be writing funny craigslist ads for the amusement of others. Yay!

  6. Johnny Says:

    If this isn┬┤t a joke, there┬┤s nothing awesome or touching about a person who┬┤s so desperate that they┬┤d pursue someone who crapped in their car. It┬┤s very sad. He doesn┬┤t know that he┬┤s worth one of the many women in the world who won┬┤t crap in his car.

  7. searchingwithin Says:

    I have to admit, I am quite speechless on this one. If it is not a joke (he must have her email/number, or something to set up the date), I somehow don’t see this woman coming forward.

  8. A. Barret Says:

    I’ve been looking for this very subject for awhile now – no one has content just like this. Really glad I found this site. Are you willing to be a guest blogger on my site? I’ll email you with some details if you want.

  9. Jerry Whiting Says:

    OK, I thought I’d heard the best of Craiglist Dating Stories (http://www.JetCityOrange.com/dating/) but obviously not.

    And before you blow me off, I met my wife 7 years ago via CL casual encounter ad (today’s cyber booty call).

    Yes, this guy is a real gentleman. I’m not sure I would have been so forgiving or funny.

  10. Steven Says:

    CL is Crap. Period.

    Folks, 99% of what you read in these personal sections–including under ‘Platonic’–is spam from dating site affiliates. And here’s the way to spot them:

    1) No contractions or contractions without apostrophes, e.g., ‘I am,’ or ‘Im,’ etc.
    2) No capitalization, e.g., ‘im,’ ‘well, this is…,’ etc.
    3) Text whose margins end about midway across the page
    4) Text that begins, “never done this…” “New to this…”, etc.
    5) Text that read like broken English
    6) Photos that are a) blurry; b) show a person who’s in their 30s or 40s but who claims to be in their early 20s; c) nudes
    7) Posts in which the age is different than what’s mentioned in the text
    8) Or the city is

    Craig and his list are not like newspaper classsified in that there is no way to police who posts to it. Most of what you see here and even a considerable amount of what is posted elsewhere on these websites are frauds.

    Be advised.


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