Wise Guys: What Do Men Think About When They Fantasize?

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Advice from three of our guy friends. A few weeks ago, one woman wanted to know “Why do men masturbate in relationships, even when the sex is good and regular?” In his response, Max (one of our Single Straight Guys) said, “Trust me: You don’t want to do the things that we’re thinking about when masturbating.” So we wanted to know “What DO guys think about when they masturbate?” Ironically, of all three guys’ answers to this follow-up question, it’s Max’s that we thought was the most tame:

Straight Single Guy (Max): In order to masturbate, I have to have some kind of scenario in my head. It can be past experiences, girls that I’ve been with and (perhaps most often) girls that I want to be with. It might be the girl that was making eyes at me earlier in the day (though the likelihood is that I was making eyes at her and just misinterpreting her look of “what are you staring at?”) or perhaps stranger subjects, such as fictional girls from dreams, co-workers, or women that you might consider out of your age range but still attractive (there’s a reason that MILF is a household word). Oftentimes, the male mind is most interested in the forbidden. For instance, the girlfriend that wouldn’t try anal? It’s only going to happen in your head. Already have a girlfriend but have the hots for her friends? Save everyone the heartache. You really want to break into your workplace late at night and pour champagne all over each other and do it on your boss’s desk? You won’t get arrested if it’s just a dream. Bisexual fantasies? Go for it. Essentially, I view masturbation as a time for completely uncensored fantasy. Whatever comes to mind and turns me on, I go with it. And as far as girls’ fantasies go? I’m amazed when I talk to my girl friends and they all say that they don’t think about much of anything… just concentrating. Weird.

Gay Committed Guy (Mark): As a very private person who sticks to a fairly small collection of gay vanilla porn for solo gratification, the specifics of this one are probably out of my league.  Fantasies are boundless and infinitely various — that’s sort of the point, right? — regardless of whether one is a man or a woman.  (Although I’d like to ask Max, a.k.a. “you don’t want to know” what could be so bad.  Violence?  Unsanctioned excrement?  Pets?) That said, some educated guesses as to what some straight guys might be thinking of while wanking:
1) Women who are not their wives/girlfriends.
2) Their wives/girlfriends doing really degrading stuff (see above).
3) Men.

Straight Married Guy (Ben): Guys’ fantasies fall into three distinct categories: The Unique, The Unfulfilled and The Unmentionable. The Unique are what women want us to fantasize about — previous sexual encounters, preferably with your current partner, that we’re reliving in our heads. Or, about one percent of our fantasies. The Unfulfilled are the things we really, really want but are mostly too chicken to ask for — the threesome with that hot couple at the bar last night, the cute intern, you and your sister, with or without us. This is about 60 percent. But then there’s that last 39 percent — The Unmentionables. These are the things that make us hot — we don’t know why — and are actually too out there even for us. This is the macho degradation porn. Or the animals. Or the three gigs of dwarves on the hard drive. It doesn’t make sense, especially to us. But you know what? Sometimes, it’s exactly what’s needed to get the job done.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com. Our Committed Gay Guy, Mark, is a writer and teacher in NYC and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England — both asked us to file them under “shy.” To ask the guys your own question, click here.


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54 Comments on "Wise Guys: What Do Men Think About When They Fantasize?"


[…] What do dudes think about when they fantasize? […]

Johnny
2 years 3 months ago

First, “I’m so disgusted because I feel like if it’s real he wouldn’t have eyes on another woman so if I can’t fulfill his every need then we can’t be together…”

And then, “…I don’t fantisize about men unless I’m masterbating…”

Love it.

Tasha
2 years 3 months ago

My ex boyfriend is in florida I’m in virginia and he’s away on work. I’m not happy with him being so far away and going out almost everyday, he told me he fantasizes about girls he sees in the bar I’m so disgusted because I feel like if it’s real he wouldn’t have eyes on another woman so if I can’t fulfill his every need then we can’t be together I need him to worship the ground I walk on as do I for him. Love stinks and I’m waiting until that ONE comes around cause I can’t do it so I broke it off with him. I don’t fantisize about men unless I’m masterbating I don’t go out and think about any man the bar and club is nowhere to find a man. Im more turned on by emotions u can look good but I never been boy crazy anyway my opinion is u can’t stop it, jus avoid it. Maybe find a real man who isn’t a pig and I’m on my journey.

Max
2 years 9 months ago

Randy, please look into the book “Surfing for God”. It is an excellent new book out to help Christians through their porn addictions. If ths is something you don’t think you need, then please think twice before calling yourself a true, Born Again, Christian. A real follower of Jesus, while definitely human, with absolute human failings, would not be proud of looking at porn. They would be asking the Holy Spirit to fill their souls and help them through this addiction. They also would be praying and reading the Bible regularly, in order to follow God’s will. It’s not that Christian’s don’t have these feelings or fail… but they do not consider it okay and the norm. They repent and continue to strive to do better to allow the Lord to live through them. And in the meantime, if we have a true heart about it, the Lord knows and forgives us fully with His incredible grace. This is Christian. Either get onboard or please stop making a mockery of it. Once you commit to Christ, you become an example and teacher, of sorts. More is expected of you. You will fail every day, no doubt; just don’t make it something you become comfortable with. To say you are Christian and continue to speak the way you do about porn and fantasies, is to lead people away from Jesus, not to Him. While it is through grace and not good works we are saved, we are to do our best for Him in this life to thank Him for all He has given us. That is how you can distinguish a true Christian from the poser next door. I truly wish you well and hope you seriously consider what I have said. God bless.

Randy
3 years 16 days ago

As a single bloke the internet has enabled a whole new variety of fantasy.

Back in the day I’d be lucky to find a copy of Penthouse under my dad’s bed, what a result!

Now of course with the internet releasing any variety of random sexual imagery at will, I am free to have a different random fantasy every time, without the restraints of societal norms (I must not look at penises etc.) – maybe even introduce some illicit substances to my mind as well, to truly EXPLORE the realms of fantasy and sexual ecstacy.

Don’t be shy now, it is just imaginary – just like the virtual reality xbox games etc.

When finished, clear up and empty the cache & history (properly!) – within 3 minutes it is gone from your mind.

So much more convenient than a needy girlfriend requiring attention, gifts & PDA – been there done that. After a few years it gets a bit much looking into the same face trying to imagine her younger face in the days. And it always progresses into the guy introducing the hardcore demeaning stuff from her, altho’ it seems they actually enjoy this (secretly as fantasy).

Bloke, 40s & christian