the Sundance Channel’s new blog
The Sundance Channel has just launched a spiffy new blog called SUNfiltered. It’s got posts from various writers (e.g. Andrew Hearst and our new BFF Bobbie Redford) on culture, film, green issues, design, music, and love — “naked love“, to be exact. Yours truly will be contributing to the saucier side of things (natch), so stay tuned for our regular Naked Love posts which will start here and end over there.
Our first post is on who has it worse when it comes to casual sex: guys or gals?:
For as long as women have talked about sex over cocktails, they have complained about the double-standard of casual boot-knocking: The more he does it, the more his buddies high-five him; the more she does it, the more her â€śfriendsâ€ť whisper behind her back about what a slut she is.
Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered.
photo by Ed Bierman
Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “How can I can convince two hetero dudes to have a threeway with me?”
Straight Single Guy (Max): Barring the possibility that you could trick these â€śheteroâ€ť dudes into your lair (using beer, snacks or Ahnold movies) Iâ€™d say that your best bet is to try and wiggle your way into the arms of two friends or, even better, the bromance. Face it: a lot of guys go by the super homophobic rule of â€śas long as the balls donâ€™t touch,â€ť so youâ€™re much better off finding two guys that are as comfortable with one anotherâ€™s body as they are with their joint egos. After that, your best policy is honesty. You canâ€™t be coy about getting two guys at the same time, so Iâ€™d say be up front: â€śIf you boys want me, youâ€™re going to have to share. Iâ€™ll be in that room. Come find me?â€ť Oh, and please end any threeway with a lot of high fives. Theyâ€™re free, and you deserve it.
Straight Married Guy (Ben): What you really need to do is figure out if the MMF threeway is a â€śYes,â€ť a â€śNo,â€ť or a â€śMaybeâ€ť for these guys. Yes? No problem — go for it. No? itâ€™s never going to happen â€“ stop wasting your time. Maybe? Well, then itâ€™s negotiable. And, while itâ€™s easiest just to come out and ask, you can also test the waters by sharing â€śa sexy dream you had,â€ť or confessing a fantasy after a few drinks. If you want to get fancy, use a Yes, No, Maybe list and cover a ton of ground all at once. And when you get your answer, youâ€™ll know how to proceed. The â€śMaybesâ€ť are the ones that need convincing and what that really means is setting some ground rules. Maybe itâ€™s no guy/guy touching. Maybe itâ€™s lots of touching but no kissing. Maybe itâ€™s only one cock visible at a time. Whatever. If itâ€™s a â€śMaybeâ€ť for your guy, the question becomes, â€śWhat do you need to make this threesome happen?â€ť And that is a question that can be answered.
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photo by CarbonNYC
Have you even heard of the P.S. Spot? Well, just beneath a womanâ€™s perineum (that short bridge of tissue between the vaginal opening and the anus) is a tightly packed tangle of blood vessels known as the perineal sponge (hence, the P.S.). Like other erectile tissue, this mass fills with blood upon arousal and can be sensitive to massage and pressure via the perineum, via the lower back wall of the vagina (opposite the G-spot), or via the anus. And just because you may have never known it had an actual name, doesn’t mean you haven’t been loving it for years. We’re looking for stories from women (and the guys who love them) who actively or accidentally have enjoyed this spot, who don’t like it at all, or who think it’s just one more unnecessary party trick to try in bed. Write us with your thoughts on the P.S. Spot here (pick “general site feedback”) â€” or friend us on Facebook and send it to us in a private message there. Anonymity honored. Bonus points if you’re from the UK!
photo by iandeth
We feel just awful that we canâ€™t answer every single advice question we get, but we figure that any answer is better than no answer at all. Which is why, once a week, weâ€™ll let you guys decide how to advise a reader. Make your call by filling out the poll after the jump:
Dear Em & Lo,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for close to five months now, and we care about one another deeply. In the very beginning, I told him that I was not comfortable giving oral sex. He replied that it was fine, and he respects my decision. Our sex life is great! And for the past month or so I’ve been thinking about finally going downtown on him. My problem is that I’m concerned that if I am uncomfortable, I do not want him to be disappointed or expect me to do it all the time. Should I just go ahead and go it, or should I discuss this with him first?
– Uptown Girl
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photo by independentman
On a dinner date, always be courteous to the waitstaff. Never snap, clap, cry “Waiter,” or worse, “Garcon!” to get your attendant’s attention; wait until you catch your server’s eye, then simply nod, gently raise your eyebrows, or, as a last resort, raise your hand. Say please and thank you — never say “Give me the steak frites…” If the food’s taking a long time, consider it an opportunity to get to know your date without worrying whether you have spinach in your teeth. And if you must complain about something — perhaps you’re vegan and the waiter brings you steak tartare, or perhaps there really is a fly in your soup — then do it nicely. It’s probably not the waiter’s fault, after all. Finally, if you’re responsible for the tip, make it 20%. We don’t care if your standard policy is 10% (or “whatever change is in my pocket”); on a date, you make it 20, you cheap bastard. Why? Well, if human decency isn’t enough to compel you, then consider this: If you are in any way rude and obnoxious to the service industry professionals, it will suggest to your date that you have the potential to be rude and obnoxious to anyone. And that, our friend, does not get you laid.
photo by killa_kam
Other peopleâ€™s dreams are never interestingâ€¦except when theyâ€™re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a woman asks Lauri:
I had this dream the other night where my mom and I were on vacation and the rapper I like, Lil Wayne, was staying at the same hotel. My mom and I got to meet him and later I went back to my room with Wayne. While we were having sex, my mom walked in on us. Weird dream! Read the rest of this entry »
It’s official! That unspeakable term for the act involving a woman’s boobies and a man’s peen is out — and “melon balling” is in! Arbitrarily and without warning, we closed the polls today on the election of a new word to replace the awful…don’t make us say it (you know, it’s the one with the initials T.F.). It was a close call between “boob job” and “melon balling,” but just like in our last presidential election, the better choice won. (Congratulations and many thanks to Dave W. who recommended the term in response to our first post on the topic.) While the original term had an immature aggression to it,Â the new one has a sweet, playful tone — which is always nice when it comes to sexual terms (even terms referencing acts that can be truly raunchy). “Boob job” is fun too, but its more common meaning of breast augmentation would have only resulted in mass confusion. Now that “melon balling” has won, it’s time to wholeheartedly embrace this neologism. Actively use it when requesting or suggesting the act. In fact, try using it in a sentence at least once a day with your friends and family. (Okay, maybe not your family.) We won’t be satisfied until “melon balling” becomes the universally accepted term for the act which needs no further explanation. If Dan Savage could do it for “pegging,” we can all do it for sweet, sweet “melon balling.”
photo by BruceTurner
A weekly roundup of sex- and love-related posts from some of our favorite blogs and websites:
photo via Google Earth
This Saturday, March 28th, at 8:30pm local time all around the world, individuals, companies, historical landmarks, towns and countries have committed to turning off the lights for one hour to highlight the threat of climate change. According to Earthhour.org‘s Facebook page, Sydney turned off the lights in 2007 and cut their energy usage by 10%; in 2008 the word had spread so that more than 277 cities had turned off the lights; now in ’09, millions have signed up to turn off their lights in over 538 cities in 78 countries. Signing up and committing to turning off your lights is an easy way to support the cause and help get the word out about the importance of conservation. Plus, what better activity to engage in with the lights off than a little au naturale loving, whether alone or with a special friend? Just be sure you use birth control to help keep overpopulation in check.
photo by jacobms
Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City and she answers your medical questions here once a week. To ask her your own question, click here.
A patient in my office last week confessed to me that she’s worried she’s hurt herself from too much vibrator use. She asked me how common vibrator-induced injuries were…and I had no idea. Searching throughout my usual (and not-so-usual) references didn’t yield much information, either. Apparently, sex toy hazards are not a common area of research or publication (go figure). So the advice I could give her (and everyone else) is based mostly on common sense:
- Baby yourself. The skin covering your clitoris (the hood) and the surrounding tissue (your labia) is even more sensitive than elsewhere…it doesn’t get a lot of sun or exposure. So if the tough soles of your feet can get sore from too much pressure, just imagine how your clitoris feels. While blisters, cuts or other injuries in this area are uncommon from masturbation alone, it’s not impossible. If you’re starting to feel sore during or after vibrator use, give the vibe a little rest.
- Choose wisely. As Em & Lo mentioned earlier this week, vibrators, like other sex toys, are not exactly regulated by the FDA. Just because something is for sale, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily safe. Also, a vibrator might be too powerful for your clitoris, or too big for your vagina…
- Stay topical. In fact, most vibrators are meant for external use only (even if that’s not clear on the packaging). So definitely exercise caution when penetrating your vagina or anus with a vibrator that might not be designed for that purpose.
- Don’t push through pain. We use vibrators to create pleasure, not cause pain (that’s an entirely different post). So if you’re feeling uncomfortable with your vibe, stop. You may be giving your clit too much direct stimulation, or are causing too much friction on the hood or surrounding tissues. Try a different speed, or a different position of the vibrator.
- When in doubt, see your gyno. Pain in the area of your clitoris might be from vibrator overuse…or it might be something else (like a yeast infection or even herpes).
Have you ever experienced “bad vibrations”?
– Dr. Kate
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