It’s official! That unspeakable term for the act involving a woman’s boobies and a man’s peen is out — and “melon balling” is in! Arbitrarily and without warning, we closed the polls today on the election of a new word to replace the awful…don’t make us say it (you know, it’s the one with the initials T.F.). It was a close call between “boob job” and “melon balling,” but just like in our last presidential election, the better choice won. (Congratulations and many thanks to Dave W. who recommended the term in response to our first post on the topic.) While the original term had an immature aggression to it, the new one has a sweet, playful tone — which is always nice when it comes to sexual terms (even terms referencing acts that can be truly raunchy). “Boob job” is fun too, but its more common meaning of breast augmentation would have only resulted in mass confusion. Now that “melon balling” has won, it’s time to wholeheartedly embrace this neologism. Actively use it when requesting or suggesting the act. In fact, try using it in a sentence at least once a day with your friends and family. (Okay, maybe not your family.) We won’t be satisfied until “melon balling” becomes the universally accepted term for the act which needs no further explanation. If Dan Savage could do it for “pegging,” we can all do it for sweet, sweet “melon balling.”
March 27th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
How would this be used in conversation? Last night we melon-balled? or Last night we balled melons? Could the lexographers (is that a word?) chime in?
March 27th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Thanks to Em and Lo for posting the question and all the readers who chimed in with suggestions. I’m so glad to have a better term for this.
And a deep doff of the cap to Dave W. for the winning suggestion!
Dan Savage eat your heart out! …or whatever tickles your fancy.
Yours,
Lex.
March 28th, 2009 at 3:35 am
Lex, thanks so much! I’m happy that you’re happy.
March 28th, 2009 at 7:37 am
That is a lot better then “titty fuck.” Hilarious, too!
“Hey baby, wanna ball my melons?”
Bahahahaha…
March 28th, 2009 at 8:06 am
So would the giver or the receiver be the melon baller?
March 28th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
We would be inclined to say “last night we melon-balled” (instead of “balled melons”) — it just rolls off the tongue nicely that way. Also, we prefer to think of any sexual act as something couples engage in together, rather than a sex act being something actively DONE TO a passive recipient, so we would say a melon baller is ANYONE who engages in the activity, whether they’ve got melons or balls.
March 28th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
The comment was meant more in jest, but that’s a good, quality answer.
March 29th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Oh, that’s not a close call – mellon-balling was far and away the best one. I love it, and I never even had a problem with the
“TF” term! I will do my best to spread the word.
March 30th, 2009 at 12:34 am
When I saw the original artical I tried desperately to come up with something cause the term “tittie fuck” is just soooooo unattractive and I couldnt..
Melon balling will now be making its way into my vocabulary let me tell you! Thanks guys!
March 30th, 2009 at 7:35 am
Perfect!
Bravo!
What did our wordsmith win, aside from our eternal gratitude?
April 1st, 2009 at 4:31 pm
NRP offers their quiz winners Carl Kasell’s voice on their home answering machine. But we don’t quite have his gravely timbre, so how about eternal gratitude PLUS a place in history right here!
April 1st, 2009 at 7:05 pm
That’s plenty!
April 3rd, 2009 at 3:50 am
OH THANK GOD! We talk about this subject alot at our Pleasure Parties in the Bay Area and I hate saying the T.F. word! This is brilliant. I will so use this word ALOT at our parties and on my radio show! Sweet.
April 23rd, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Somehow I was browsing your excellent blog and got drawn in by the title of this post…
And oh wow! Somehow… this sort of act doesn’t sound appealing at all for me. There are so many other ways I love about making love to a woman. But this isn’t it…
Tell me something here… do women actually like doing the melon ball treatment?
April 23rd, 2009 at 4:21 pm
First off, I think your idea of it being a ‘treatment’ may be playing a big role in your distaste of the act. If two people are having sex, it is a two-sided, active process that the woman is taking part in as well as the man. And also, I think there is no general rule about what sort of ‘treatment’ all women like. Some rare women can experience orgasm from heavy nipple stimulation alone, while others detest having their breasts touched, and there are many women who might find it just enjoyable. Chances are, no, a woman’s not going to get an orgasm from melon balling–but she may be super-turned on by experiencing her partners passion so directly. Some women may hate it. Some -men- dislike it. A woman may like it with one man, but not with another….and the variety continues. Every couple is different.
April 28th, 2009 at 11:32 am
omg-I haven’t enjoyed a good laugh in a while – thanks!!!!
May 9th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Loooove it! I am adding it to my FL “fetishes” section immediately.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:11 am
Oh, what’s in a name?
In this case, where the common term is so strangely un-sexy, plenty.
Melon-balling isn’t a sport I’ve tried just yet, but upon consideration of just -why- that is, I sincerely believe the currently common term sounded- common; vulgar; gross. It’s not something I would suggest, just because it doesn’t sound like fun. Melon-balling sounds like fun and something woth looking into.
Thanks Ladies!
NB
June 4th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Mellon balling sounds weird. I think boob job is a better term for breast augmentation.
June 6th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Roxanne, melon-balling is a new term for “titty-fuck”ing, not for boob-jobs.
June 10th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
To answer the “how do we say what we were doing” questions, try this:
” Last night, we did a little melon balling,” or “Last night, when we were melon balling . . . .” That lets you avoid the “I was balling her melons,” which almost sounds worse than the euphemism we were trying to avoid.
My $0.02.
July 7th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
I like the term melon balling – but it doesn’t make me think I’ll enjoy “melon balling” any more – just don’t get the fascination with it! Maybe I’m doin it wrong?!?! lol
October 4th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
I would be a little cautious that you are not misunderstood in suggesting such activity – one definition I found was “The act of having sexual intercourse with a member of the melon family such as a Canteloupe or Honeydew. A hole is drilled in the rind of the melon and it is heated in the microwave to the appropriate temperature.”
I assume that was ‘body temperature’ -one imagines that insertion into a microwaved melon could be quite dangerous!