- Our contributor Jessie says that this Rolling Stone Gossip Girl cover reminds her of 2 Girls 1 Cup; we’re subsequently disturbed to realize that we’re not sure whether they would be bummed or psyched to hear this.
- We thought we couldn’t get any more bored by the whole A-Rod thing, and then we find out that he hired prostitutes throughout his marriage. Yawn.
- In a world of A-Rods, we give thanks for men like Jason Segel: He’s pee-your-pants funny, he once performed cunnilingus on a watermelon, he’s got a man crush on Obama, and he’s not afraid of a little even-the-playing-field full frontal nudity. No, we love you, man.
- We never thought we’d say this, but we heart Judge Judy — because she hearts gay marriage.
- Rumor has it Justin Timberlake wants to regift his dick in a box to someone new.
- Seth Rogen wants you to know that he doesn’t like to watch porn with his buddies. There goes that fantasy.
- Radio show host Steve Harvey — and Oprah BFF — thinks women should wait 90 days before having sex with a guy. Um, okay. But you know what? If he’s just in it for the sex, he’ll still leave on day 91 — and wouldn’t you rather find this fact out on day, say, 21 instead? But here’s something Harvey says that actually makes sense: “We [men] created the term ‘nagging’ so you can quit badgering us.” Exactly! If we ruled the world, we’d make it illegal for men to use the phrase “Don’t nag me” when what they really mean is “Don’t remind me what a loser I am for forgetting to do that thing that I promised to do a year ago and that I promised I wouldn’t need reminding about.”
- If we ruled the world, we’d also make it illegal to use the words “stretched” and “vagina” in the same sentence unless you were the owner of the vagina in question.
Em&Lo's Greatest Hits
My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me
Confession: I Want to Do My Boyfriend with a Strap-On
Dear Dr. Kate: Can You Tell Me All About the NuvaRing?