Confession: Ugly Guys Make Better Booty Calls

Our contributor is a student at an East coast university. And that’s all she’s willing to say. Except this…

I’m not attracted to attractive guys. Those Burberry-wearing, BMW-driving, weight-lifting, business-studying, fraternity hunks just don’t do it for me. At the end of the night, I know I’m booty-calling my chunky, red-haired, 800-dollar-car-driving, engineer boy — the guy that I’m actually attracted to.

Sure, we all know that beauty is only skin-deep and that the slightly doughy nerd makes a much better husband. But I’ve found that the conventionally unattractive guys make better booty calls, too. I’ve slept with my share of hotties, the head turners, and let me just say that they’re lucky they’re pretty.

With every attractive guy comes a package. No, not a manly “package” that will make me moan and orgasm, but a package that includes sorority-ex-girlfriend drama, expectations that coitus will be as pleasurable to my insides as his rock hard abs are to the eye, and, most likely, a higher risk for STDs.

Take my most recent foray into hottie territory (hey, what can I say? I’m only human, and even I am occasionally tempted by fancy wrapping): I was on a “private tour” of a fraternity house with a rather attractive guy I’d met in class. I’d never met an undergrad before who was built like a body builder! The tour invariably led to us sitting on a couch. I waited for him to make his move. Turns out his “move” consisted of him taking off his clothes. No joke.

Sure, it was nice to look, but his unceremonious disrobing took all the fun out of it. Besides, it was the wrong time of the month, so I wasn’t in the mood for much more than kissing and a little friendly fondling. I told him this, but it didn’t stop him removing the final few articles of clothing while I sat there flabbergasted, fully dressed in a coat and scarf.

I guess the eye candy trick is usually all it takes, because that appeared to be the only move in his playbook. I kissed him briefly, out of pity, and he kissed just as horribly as you’d expect from someone who thinks uninvited stripping counts as foreplay.

As I extricated myself from his groping and cleaned up the saliva he’d deposited halfway across my face, all I could think about was my chunky red head, who is smooth as butter in the kissing department and far more generously endowed than any of the frat guys I’ve groped and/or been groped by.

The seemingly unattractive guy is a gem — totally underrated and so eager to please.

Ladies, why do this to ourselves? Why settle for the hotties; the ones with the great bodies, nice cars, perfect haircuts, when you can have the better guys? The ones who are so flattered you would even consider touching them, that they treat you with respect and yearn to please you. (Yes, I’m talking about cunnilingus.) As the unofficial spokesperson for these overlooked males, I ask you all to take a chance on the man with a little flab on his gut, un-groomed hair, and even a pimple, if it comes down to it. Because the best thing about the unattractive booty call? He always picks up.


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32 Comments on "Confession: Ugly Guys Make Better Booty Calls"


JR
2 months 23 days ago

I like how people say it’s hardly ever about looks but to me it’s quite clear that it is. Deemed unattractive because i have a slightly larger nose than most it has really made me unable to find a relationship for the last 13 years. My self image is completely destroyed because of things I’ve heard others say, a woman I had an unconditional amount of love for completely shattered any bit of self confidence I had left. Now at 31 I am quite lonely and never have any kind of intimacy…i do still pray that i can still find a woman who sees beyond the physical because I really am one of the most attractive souls around…considered doing plastic surgery but is beyond my means and quite a risk but ran out of solutions long ago…any advice from anyone would be a big help…

2 months 22 days ago

JR, don’t do it! (The plastic surgery, we mean.) Sure, if you’re doing it for YOU, that’s one thing. But please don’t change your nose because one mean (SO mean) ex said something awful. We know plenty of women who actually like a guy with a larger than average nose. And there are tons of big-nosed celebrities who are heart throbs — at least, male ones, anyway. We hope you find a way to improve your self-image because you sound like man who deserves love. And we’re pretty sure that your negative self-image will be more damaging to a relationship than your nose. Can you find a way to love yourself? Because you sound pretty lovable to us :-)

Carl
3 years 10 months ago

First of all, sorry I’m late to this party but I gotta ask, who gives who the right to call someone “ugly?” I guess being 5’5 makes me ugly as well lol! We all know that most women don’t prefer short guys and deem us as unattractive partners, but what actually constitutes ugly for a guy? IMO, ugly for a woman means a capital b**ch with a nasty personality who thinks she’s better than everyone. Beauty is only skin deep peoples, and it’s all in the eyes of the beholder. Is it safe to say that this forum’s way of thinking is based on the American standard of what is considered beautiful? Tall, dark, slim, fit and handsome with washboard abs?

Starry Brown Eyes
4 years 4 months ago

Agreed and applauded. One caveat: I’ve interluded with hot fratrostituded and regular hotties with abundant packages 😉 … you just have to find the ones with more than a penny in their pockets and be willing to Teach AND Require foreplay. Lolol.

But seriously non-hotties are ALWAYS the best in bed with no effort required on your part, except multiple orgasms that is 😉

Sometimes a girl just does not want to fake it! Love your post.

db
4 years 9 months ago

Some of the ugly short fat guys have huge chips on their shoulders from cute girls not giving them the time of day. When you date one they take all their inferiority anger out on you. Their friends will talk about you and what you might be “up” to since “why would you be dating him when you could get a hot guy” By the way the sex is sometimes bad with the ugly guy also since they haven’t had much practice.

5 years 2 months ago

im glad someone finally figured it out im a 5’11’ 165 lb sexual trex :) have fun and good luck girls :)