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Confession: Ugly Guys Make Better Booty Calls

Wed, Mar 25, 2009

Confessions, Personal Post

bag_headsphoto by scragz

Our contributor is a student at an East coast university. And that’s all she’s willing to say. Except this…

I’m not attracted to attractive guys. Those Burberry-wearing, BMW-driving, weight-lifting, business-studying, fraternity hunks just don’t do it for me. At the end of the night, I know I’m booty-calling my chunky, red-haired, 800-dollar-car-driving, engineer boy — the guy that I’m actually attracted to.

Sure, we all know that beauty is only skin-deep and that the slightly doughy nerd makes a much better husband. But I’ve found that the conventionally unattractive guys make better booty calls, too. I’ve slept with my share of hotties, the head turners, and let me just say that they’re lucky they’re pretty.

With every attractive guy comes a package. No, not a manly “package” that will make me moan and orgasm, but a package that includes sorority-ex-girlfriend drama, expectations that coitus will be as pleasurable to my insides as his rock hard abs are to the eye, and, most likely, a higher risk for STDs.

Take my most recent foray into hottie territory (hey, what can I say? I’m only human, and even I am occasionally tempted by fancy wrapping): I was on a “private tour” of a fraternity house with a rather attractive guy I’d met in class. I’d never met an undergrad before who was built like a body builder! The tour invariably led to us sitting on a couch. I waited for him to make his move. Turns out his “move” consisted of him taking off his clothes. No joke.

Sure, it was nice to look, but his unceremonious disrobing took all the fun out of it. Besides, it was the wrong time of the month, so I wasn’t in the mood for much more than kissing and a little friendly fondling. I told him this, but it didn’t stop him removing the final few articles of clothing while I sat there flabbergasted, fully dressed in a coat and scarf.

I guess the eye candy trick is usually all it takes, because that appeared to be the only move in his playbook. I kissed him briefly, out of pity, and he kissed just as horribly as you’d expect from someone who thinks uninvited stripping counts as foreplay.

As I extricated myself from his groping and cleaned up the saliva he’d deposited halfway across my face, all I could think about was my chunky red head, who is smooth as butter in the kissing department and far more generously endowed than any of the frat guys I’ve groped and/or been groped by.

The seemingly unattractive guy is a gem — totally underrated and so eager to please.

Ladies, why do this to ourselves? Why settle for the hotties; the ones with the great bodies, nice cars, perfect haircuts, when you can have the better guys? The ones who are so flattered you would even consider touching them, that they treat you with respect and yearn to please you. (Yes, I’m talking about cunnilingus.) As the unofficial spokesperson for these overlooked males, I ask you all to take a chance on the man with a little flab on his gut, un-groomed hair, and even a pimple, if it comes down to it. Because the best thing about the unattractive booty call? He always picks up.

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30 Responses to “Confession: Ugly Guys Make Better Booty Calls”

  1. Lisa Says:

    I agree, I too always went for the guys who were not typicaly “hot”. Once I did go for the hot basketball player, he was tall and built amazingly. I was so excited for sex! However, he was like an old man with a big car, he had the size but did not know how to drive it! he was selfish in bed I guess he figured just being hot was enough, WRONG!! Anywho, I broke it off the next week. LOL

  2. Sarah Says:

    I’ve always been mentally attracted to smarter (somewhat dorkier) men. Compared to the one attractive, personal trainer that I dated that bored me half to death in the bedroom, dorky guys work hard at it. They’ve been better at oral, respectful, and some are even kinky as hell which is ridiculously more fun than a lazy, yet attractive, man who couldn’t care less whether I got off (which I never did).

  3. Robin Says:

    I agree whole-heartedly!!! The “hot” guys I’ve slept with have all been mediocre in bed, really only interested in enjoying themselves. And trying to hook up with them again is like pulling teeth, always at their convenience. Why do I bother trying? Anyway, the non-Adonis guys I’ve been with have been exquisite in bed; all about my pleasure (multiple times!), good with their hands and tongue (and penis), and truly interested in me and my life (which helps me, seduce my brain and my body will follow you anywhere). So ladies, don’t automatically pass up the guy who is a little shorter than you, or not amazingly attractive, or maybe a little older than you. You may be missing out on some fantastic sexual experiences!

  4. Jay Jay Says:

    I once had a boss that I swear resembled more closely to that of a twelve year old boy than he did the 26 year old man that he was. He was the fair skin, freckly, red haired, pot bellied, glasses wearing guy that we all know, all agree is a great friend, but certainly never YEARN for. I must have been the exception to this because I could not get enough of the man! I found him to be sexy as all hell and while watching him at work, found myself to lick my lips and think scandalous thoughts on more than one occasion. Not only did he look DAMN GOOD to me, but he also treated me like gold – light years beyond how I had ever been treated in the past. Additionally, he was so flabbergasted that a girl like myself – much younger and cuter if I do say so myself – would give him the time of day that he worked that much harder to show me that it was a good decision on my part. Like I needed the incentive! Best guy I have ever come across! I thought this years ago and still think so now! Unfortunately he is long gone now because I was an idiot, but I’ll always be preaching on the AMAZING-NESS that comes from being with a quote, unquote “ugly” guy – turns out it’s pretty fucking hot!

  5. Diana Says:

    I generally see where you’re coming from regarding “hot” guys not feeling like they have to do more than show up, but “The ones who are so flattered you would even consider touching them, that they treat you with respect and yearn to please you.”…”Because the best thing about the unattractive booty call? He always picks up.” made me cringe. Reads a little Maxim, fat-girls-give-great-head, to me.

  6. Sophie Says:

    The worse pick-up line I was ever given was by a very hot hottie! He was a friend of my cousin, I had met him a couple of times and sensed that he was attracted to me. I was flattered, but I only thought of him as hot, and that’s not enough for me (he was on the dumb side, total turn-off). Anyhow, we were at this party at my cousin’s and quite late in the evening he finally made a move, telling me that he hoped that it wasn’t a problem with… my own self-image that refrained me from being all over him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Isn’t that charming?

  7. flick Says:

    A) HUGE RESPONSE COMMENTS. oh man.

    B) i just wanted to say how well written this was, before i bothered reading all the responses and soiling my initial opinion. it’s really well written and so true. It’s a fun read.

    on what the you guys have said about it being rude or mean to say”ugly guys make better booty calls” just like “fat girls give good head” it’s true. it’s not nice way of saying it, but it’s true,

  8. flick Says:

    to sophie:

    PLEASE tell me you had liquid in your mouth that you spat all over him from bursting out in laughter at his comment. That is TOO FUNNY!!

  9. Elizabeth Says:

    I think “ugly” guys are better in bed… but that’s really because I am mainly attracted to guys most girls consider unattractive. I think intelligence, kindness and an easy smile are things that make a man attractive – not perfect hair, rock hard abs, and killer eyes.

    That said, I don’t really think the article was meant to be taken word-for-word seriously… I think she just meant that the men who are conventionally attractive tend to think their attractiveness means they don’t need to be good in the bedroom department. At least, in her experience.

  10. Courtney Says:

    Although this stereotype may be true, there’s nothing stopping you from finding a mega-hottie who is a closet nerd. And what’s to say if he’s pretty and treats you like gold, but is horrible in bed, that you can’t teach the poor thing? The ones you can’t fix chuck to the curb, but I think working at it for more a few seconds might be worth while.

    The guy who stripped without consent, I’d agree, needed a reality check and your undoubted rejection.

  11. A.M.B. Says:

    I agree wholeheartedly with his article. My husband is not conventionally attractive – he is doughy and nerdy – but he’s attractive to me. He is the best lover I’ve ever had and always so eager to please me in bed. He knows just how to use his tongue, fingers, and penis.

    Some hot guys have total Frathole Syndrome (FRATernity AssHOLE vibe) and I imagine they are as selfish in bed as they are in real life.

  12. Erin Says:

    I’m with a short, hairy Italian boy. He’s a developer, nerdy, wears glasses and everyone he works with in impressed with his expertise at programming. I knew he was the one when he thought my pleasure was more important than his. I have seen girls and friends with guys who, although pretty got off easy, they were lacking in departments because they were too good looking to be told the truth for all their lives, in every aspect of their lives. He maybe nerdy but he’s all man to me and he loves me for who I am not what i look like.

  13. Johnny Says:

    Altough I woudn’t say unattractive girls are better in bed, I would say that I have noticed no correlation between a woman’s appearance and her aptitude/attitude in bed.

    Hotter is not always hotter.

  14. Susan Walsh Says:

    I write a blog called http://www.HookingUpSmart.com, and I hear from a lot of college women. Several of us were sitting around chatting recently, and one girl said, “Boyfriends are ugly.” The other five girls immediately agreed. I thought that was so funny, but they accepted it as fact. The point is, the frat rat hotties are totally self-absorbed and think they can just get ass whenever they want, whereas guys with less going for them looks-wise have less attitude and try harder. Since the brain is the most important sex organ by far, I would say that’s good strategy.

  15. BDP Says:

    I think you’re all overlooking something here. You’re talking about hooking up with college boys and not men. A man is not a man if he can not put the woman’s own pleasure before his own. By doing this he ensures that this most likely is not a “one time thing” and she’ll call him again. Not to mention he’s smart enough to realize that she will talk about this with her friends, and really who wants bad gossip? This solidify’s his conquests further. The “hotties” just arent smart enough to realize this, but that doesn’t matter because there’s always another conquest. Face it, women love a “bad boy” and want to be the one to “settle him down” so there will always be one in the waiting. Just like the saying holds for women it holds for women “ugly guys need love too” and I’m glad that you’re all here to offer that up.

  16. "Anonymous East Coast University Student" Says:

    Hi, it’s your anonymous confessor here: In response to what Diana says above, I can see your point (ouch!), but I meant this “confession” to be more of a tribute to those whom people deem unattractive. Perhaps my point didn’t come across that I actually find those typically unattractive guys VERY attractive because of their personalities. Of course this is an enormous generalization, but I meant to explain that I love the sweet, down to earth guys whose heads aren’t huge from having girls swoon over them their whole lives.

  17. nicole Says:

    i swear an ugly dude wrote this article, but anyway… and as far as getting w/a less than hottie for the cunnilingus, i could probably count on less than one hand the amount of guys that i’ve had sex with that have not went down on me-seems it’s very rare to find a guy who doesn’t like ummmm… having a lick these days-and i’ve been with way more than just 5 guys. but, i like all kinds of guys and thru the yrs i’ve totally found that i’m not all about the pretty boys and muscle heads. they’re way to cocky and usually players…i don’t have the patience for their bs. so yeah-a great average guy that i’m attracted to that respects me is the best, be it for sex or a full on relationship.

  18. Chris Says:

    What this article reads like is that all the girls here are dissing the hot guys because they cannot get them to do whatever they want, whenever they want like the “ugly” boys do. It comes down to this, Guys are as loyal as their options, and quite frankly may not try as hard when another girl is coiming over the next day for sure. That being said, it does not make us all bad in bed, quite the contrary, some good looking boys try hard too, then its the best of both worlds, good at going down and good to look at to…….

  19. Jessica Says:

    I think that this article is pretty unfair actually. Asking girls to give someone a shot that they’re not attracted to, just because he’ll be available and eager to please, implies a certain lack of self-esteem . It’s also unfair to guys who are less conventionally attractive – people have different preferences. I’ve had quite a few guy friends who wouldn’t be considered hot by most standards but act just like the frat boys described. It isn’t just guys who look like male models that have inflated egos and it isn’t just “unattractive guys” who treat women well.

    My current boyfriend is absolutely gorgeous. We go to different universities and I swear he has a fan club – every time we’re at a party at least 3 girls come up to him and hit on him, irregardless of my presence. My ex’s were also really good looking. I’d just like to point out that for guys everything isn’t about sex. Sure my boyfriend could choose to not commit and have regular sex every day of the week – but he cares more about a real emotional connection. Also, I’ve never had bad sex with any attractive guys (though it’s only been 3). They care just as much at pleasing their partners as anyone else.

    Personally, I think that having an attractive guy commit to you is more meaningful precisely because it is a CHOICE. He’s not desperate, he doesn’t think you’re better than him, he’s not needy, he just cares about you.

  20. Black jack Says:

    I’ve gotta say that I couldn’t have sex with someone I’m not attracted to, I have been with the hot guys and less conventional guys too and I have noticed that on a general basis a lot of really hot guys have inflated egos, not all of them but a lot of them. That doesn’t mean some unconventional guys don’t to, but when a guys is told from day one they’re gods gift to women they can be pretty selfish. Here’s a couple of examples of people I’ve been with on both ends of the spectrum, I was with a really hot guy once who had no respect for my needs at all, but I have also been with a hot guy who was amazing in bed and very sweet. On the other side I was with a really average guy who was great in bed and another who was awful and kind of creepy. Not to say you can’t teach someone to be good in bed, but you can’t when they don’t respect your needs. Also an example of two guys I”d love to screw are Johnny Depp (hot) and Leonard from big bang theory (Unconventional). I’d also do Alan Rickman who plays Severus Snape in the Harry Potter movies, god his voice make me hot and don’t even get me started on him in that Snape costume…damn.

  21. Doll kitty Says:

    I think this has been taken out of content by many readers.I really dig the article and I’m currently looking for a “man” toy lol and I going to see whats out there! Wish me luck

  22. Nick Says:

    ok.. since I’m a doughy geek, I’ve explained this myself.
    geeks like to study, and perform results driven experiments.
    We research sex techniques, from the point of view of both genders.
    and when performing in bed, we are happy to listen to her input, and will work hard to get the desired results.
    (also, on the rare occasions a girls shows interest, we like to show our appreciation by making sure that we do everything we can to make her experience as good as possible.)

  23. C.C. Says:

    I don’t think “”unconventional” men are better because they have fewer options, though I agree they are usually better lays… we’re talking about nerds really, not ugly guys, and nerds are good to women because they are thoughtful people. Give them a little credit! There are some hot nerds, and they tend to be in the same class you’re talking about. A thoughtful man knows more about women and sex than what is gleaned from Maxim and frat culture. They can still be assholes, but at least they’re assholes who understand that women can be slutty without being “bitches,” that kink is nothing to be afraid of, and that, in this day and age, it’s considered kind of rude not to eat pussy.

    Conversely: Republicans. Never fuck Republicans.

  24. nick Says:

    C.C.

    “Never fuck Republicans.”

    Can i get that on a bumper sticker?.

    i jumped out of my chair and cheered when i read that.

  25. Joseph Says:

    As one of those fugglies I can say as a 4-eyed-nerdy youngster it was difficult, frustrating and sad. Either I was too small then became stocky. However as a late bloomer taught by a Sensuous Black BBW how to please her (listen to how she wants it and enjoy talking and cuddling).

    Found being both intelligent, sensitive, still, nerdly though now with a Mesomorphic body type I spy women peeking at me (short, stocky, muscular me!) Funny thing is through all the girls, women that turned me down it is woman that were the most kind and always I’ve learned: return that kindness, treat all women as queens with intelligence.

    Oh, size matters (if your into that) I’m not short, medium, or large just listen and hear women before becoming a A-hole by talking smack.
    If I can look past beauty to see brains and skill I know women look beyond looks to see fuggies as guys to take a chance on.

  26. Michelle C. Says:

    Ugly guys are very shy type persons. They could not face the truth especially when talking about looks and perfect hot hunky bodies. I don’t really think the article was meant to be taken word-for-word seriously.

  27. doyle Says:

    im glad someone finally figured it out im a 5’11′ 165 lb sexual trex :) have fun and good luck girls :)

  28. db Says:

    Some of the ugly short fat guys have huge chips on their shoulders from cute girls not giving them the time of day. When you date one they take all their inferiority anger out on you. Their friends will talk about you and what you might be “up” to since “why would you be dating him when you could get a hot guy” By the way the sex is sometimes bad with the ugly guy also since they haven’t had much practice.

  29. Starry Brown Eyes Says:

    Agreed and applauded. One caveat: I’ve interluded with hot fratrostituded and regular hotties with abundant packages ;-) … you just have to find the ones with more than a penny in their pockets and be willing to Teach AND Require foreplay. Lolol.

    But seriously non-hotties are ALWAYS the best in bed with no effort required on your part, except multiple orgasms that is ;-)

    Sometimes a girl just does not want to fake it! Love your post.

  30. Carl Says:

    First of all, sorry I’m late to this party but I gotta ask, who gives who the right to call someone “ugly?” I guess being 5’5 makes me ugly as well lol! We all know that most women don’t prefer short guys and deem us as unattractive partners, but what actually constitutes ugly for a guy? IMO, ugly for a woman means a capital b**ch with a nasty personality who thinks she’s better than everyone. Beauty is only skin deep peoples, and it’s all in the eyes of the beholder. Is it safe to say that this forum’s way of thinking is based on the American standard of what is considered beautiful? Tall, dark, slim, fit and handsome with washboard abs?


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