Comments on: Dear Em & Lo: What’s So Wrong with Cheating on My Husband?

By: zeema

zeema — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 04:27:06 +0000

re:mrs,m iam married too!have a good life a 3yr old son,my husband he acts immature a lot of time,i feel like i have 2 kids,i always wished that i would have a matured &understanding husband!well now the place i work i met a guy ,who just had a devorced&right now he dating 10 girls at a same time,he asked for my number,i gave it to him &now we see each other,we also kissed!he is still dating a lot of women,iam attracted towards him only with just that 1 kiss !makes me want him more,i am preety sure he will be good in bed too!but now i dont know what to do?i so want to have sex with him but iam feeling bad about cheating on my husband,need help!

By: Madamoiselle L

Madamoiselle L — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 15:48:51 +0000

I said: “Many of us here in the US, and other Western Nations, have had to make our own money and make our own lives” THAT wasn’t right. Most people IN THE WORLD have to make their own money and thier own lives. No matter where they live.

I’ll never figure out “The Rich” and the way they think (or rather rationalize) if I live to be 104.

By: Madamoiselle L

Madamoiselle L — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 15:46:12 +0000

Re: Mrs. M. There is a balance between trying very hard to salvage a relationship to someone you really really love, and staying with someone you NEVER loved out of….what? A “love” of money? I am sorry, but I just don’t get the “I’d be left penniless if I did not marry him.” SO? My parents didn’t give me money when I moved out (they were divorced, and didn’t seem to have any) I WAS “penniless.” (most young otherwise middle class people start out this way) I finished college, and married a likewise “penniless” man whom I LOVED.

I would NEVER marry for money, and it seems Mrs. M did so. Many of us here in the US, and other Western Nations, have had to make our own money and make our own lives. I’m sorry that Mrs. M. was going to be cut off from her parents’ and inlaws money if she didn’t marry the man she never loved but SO WHAT? Most of us make our OWN way in the world. Most of us don’t have rich relatives to depend on, and in the long run, especially if those relatives expect us to marry people we hate, IT’S JUST BETTER to make your own life. Sorry, but blaming “culture” is a bad excuse for bad behavior which really harms people.

My father was old world Mediterranean. I had dated only ONE man from “our” culture in my life, and didn’t want to marry him. I went back to the man I was first in love with, from an “other culture” in my early 20s (we had never actually made a complete break, it’s a LONG story)

I used to hear, “Can’t you find a nice (insert ethnic group here) boy?” I’d just say, “Nope.” and carry on what I was doing. There wasn’t money involved, but there was “TRADITION” (my father, when he was wed to my mom, was the first to ever marry OUT of his ethnic group in his family and his neighborhood, and it ended badly, so he was convinced, well, you know) I just ignored the ethnic pressures, and My Man and I made our own way. Not a “penny” from our families. We made our own pennies. And dollars. That’s actually how MOST people manage their lives.

I just can’t see marrying for money, “Culture” or no culture. People LEAVE their home countries to get away from the bullshit of restrictive “cultures” in a lot of cases. Your kids will KNOW you don’t love each other, and they will eventually figure out you are cheating.

You want advice (you thought I wouldn’t give some?) Dump the man you can’t stand, GET AN EDUCATION and make your own way in the world and live on what you CAN make yourself. JMHO.

By: Bonnie

Bonnie — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 11:52:51 +0000

Mrs. M. I was the child of that marriage. Trust me, we can tell when you aren’t in love. It doesn’t matter if you don’t argue, or if you put on a smile for the kids. I can remember at the age of three wondering. Get a divorce. We’ll understand. Nothing makes me happier then the smile on my father’s face with his new wife. They were made for each other in ways my mom and him just aren’t.

By: Jerseyboy

Jerseyboy — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 03:07:53 +0000

Many people tend to forget that marriage, by definition, requires patience, humility, and SACRIFICE. As far as I know, marriage vows say “for better, or for worse”, not “as long as you’re happy, honey!” Many loving and enduring relationship have had to weather adversity (sometimes PROLONGED adversity). Unfortunately today, many feel so entitled that the marriage vows don’t seem to mean much of anything to some anymore.

Cheating is cheating, PERIOD. I am only human, so I know i am fallible, but I think I’d rather kill myself than let my selfish indulgence be the cause of pain for my lady. And… If my desire to be with another woman ever became that urgent, I’d either… A. Discuss it with wife and perhaps compromise (threesome, etc.) or B. Get over it and enjoy what i DO have.

By: jerry

jerry — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 18:30:09 +0000

Sex is playing important role in mariage but
Mariage is not just about sex or atraction.

By: Rei

Rei — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 22:48:52 +0000

Mrs. M,

By any chance is religion, or culture have to do with you being ‘forced’ into marriage? Nobody should be forced to do anything. Here is an idea, and it may not work, but just think about it:

Divorce your husband. Have your ‘intimate friend’ divorce his wife. You two get married, and have your ex meet his ex. Maybe they will fall in love, and all your children will still be in your lives. Kinda twisted, I know. But it can happen. You should do what you feel is best, not what family thinks you should do. If you always do what someone else thinks you should do, you might as well be their ‘pet dog.’
Get out of your marriage, and see if your friend can do the same. People should first do the right thing and break up or get a divorce, and then proceed with being intimate. Your kids will understand later in life, once they start understanding true love.

By: Mrs. A

Mrs. A — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 17:28:43 +0000

Dear Mrs. M, I read your Nov 29 post.
That is a heart wrenching story. I felt distant and unloved also from my husband and started hanging out with another man and though I am a conservative person, it didn’t even feel wrong at the time.
I did not want to be deceiving though so I filed for a divorce.
Nothing changed until we were to go to court and then my spouse seemed to do a 180 degree turn.
I ended up reconciling with my husband though I thought it was impossible.
I can understand not wanting to hurt the children.
All you can do is pray to God for guidance.
Best wishes.

By: Mrs.M

Mrs.M — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 14:57:53 +0000

Ok, about 10 years ago, I was forced to marry someone I did not want to marry or be disowned, and penniless. I was in school and I did not want to give up on my dreams or lose the family that, despite their departure from sanityville, had been loving and nurturing, however dysfunctional. I did the “right” thing and made everyone happy, and inside I was miserable. The first few years of the marriage I was overwhelmed and went into survival mode, pretending to go along with the flow and that I was happy when I wasn’t. I cried on my wedding night, I fake smiled in all my pictures, I sacrificed myself and who I was for what my family expected of me. I finished school, became a professional and had 3 kids along the way. I did not love my husband, and frankly, do not like him either. He was not a bad man, just not the one for me, we did not have anything in common other than the same address and the same children, no matter how I tried. I was never excited to see him, and I looked at my anniversary as the anniversary to my sentencing to life in prision without parole.
So,approximately a year ago, a friend of mine began to share with me his set of marital problems with his wife and that he was also stuck with his children too. I was his friend first and foremost, and wanted to do my best to help him out find solutions to his problems and do the best to take care of his kids. But as we became further united in our strife, we became closer and our relationship became intimate. I know its not the ideal conditions for love to flourish, but we have been moving forward. I am there for him whether he needs help cleaning his house or cooking for him and his kids (wife doesnt do that), or picking him up from the airport when he had to rush off to a family member’s funeral (wife told him to get a cab), or even babysit his kids that not only love to play with my kids, but love me a whole lot as I do them. He was there for me when my mother was sick and would call her and visit her even more than her own son-in-law would, take my kids out to eat and play for the day when I was sad after my mother died, send me cards and fruit baskets just because, call me first thing in the morning and be the last person to tell me good night. I finally got to fall in love, but the situation is all wrong. I’m unhappily married as he is and we don’t want to destroy our families for our children’s sake. I have no idea what to do and I used to judge people who cheat too, until I found out that people like me can cheat too.

By: sleepingcousins

sleepingcousins — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 22:15:07 +0000

Cheating (on tests and lovers) is discussed at http://www.sleepingcousins.com/is-it-wrong-to-cheat/. Check out another perspective there.