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Wise Guys: How Can I Have a MMF Threeway?

Tue, Mar 31, 2009

Advice, Wise Guys

threesome_snailsphoto by Ed Bierman

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “How can I can convince two hetero dudes to have a threeway with me?”

Straight Single Guy (Max): Barring the possibility that you could trick these “hetero” dudes into your lair (using beer, snacks or Ahnold movies) I’d say that your best bet is to try and wiggle your way into the arms of two friends or, even better, the bromance. Face it: a lot of guys go by the super homophobic rule of “as long as the balls don’t touch,” so you’re much better off finding two guys that are as comfortable with one another’s body as they are with their joint egos. After that, your best policy is honesty. You can’t be coy about getting two guys at the same time, so I’d say be up front: “If you boys want me, you’re going to have to share. I’ll be in that room. Come find me?” Oh, and please end any threeway with a lot of high fives. They’re free, and you deserve it.

Straight Married Guy (Ben): What you really need to do is figure out if the MMF threeway is a “Yes,” a “No,” or a “Maybe” for these guys. Yes? No problem — go for it. No? it’s never going to happen – stop wasting your time. Maybe? Well, then it’s negotiable. And, while it’s easiest just to come out and ask, you can also test the waters by sharing “a sexy dream you had,” or confessing a fantasy after a few drinks. If you want to get fancy, use a Yes, No, Maybe list and cover a ton of ground all at once. And when you get your answer, you’ll know how to proceed. The “Maybes” are the ones that need convincing and what that really means is setting some ground rules. Maybe it’s no guy/guy touching. Maybe it’s lots of touching but no kissing. Maybe it’s only one cock visible at a time. Whatever. If it’s a “Maybe” for your guy, the question becomes, “What do you need to make this threesome happen?” And that is a question that can be answered.

Gay Committed Guy (Mark):

1. Get them drunk.
2. If that doesn’t work, you’re on your own. And when you find out, let me know.
3. “Dudes”?

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com. Our Committed Gay Guy, Mark, is a writer and teacher in NYC and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England — both asked us to file them under “shy.” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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41 Responses to “Wise Guys: How Can I Have a MMF Threeway?”

  1. Chelsea B Says:

    This is a fantasy of mine….but I am taken and my boyfriend would be highly, HIGHLY against a MMF threeway. Maybe someday though, and thanks for all the advice boys, I’ll remember it if the opportunity ever strikes ;)

  2. flick Says:

    i had this once. a MMF threesome.. no DP tho. ew.

    it was really hot.
    and totally awesome, but it was definitely because they guys wern’t sober and knew each other really really really well.

  3. screwball Says:

    I’ll tell you how. Ditch your boyfriend and find a coupla guys – where at least one is bi.

    The other could be bi or gay.

    Your fantasy of two straight guys and pulling it off is just that. Fantasy.

  4. Johnny Says:

    Not wanting to rub my balls against another man’s balls makes me “super homophobic”?

  5. Vincent Says:

    Ha… damn… nice.

    Typically it’s best if you aren’t attached to one of them. Two casual friends, some drinks, and bring it up… “I have always fantasies’ about (insert here)”

    But let’s not be sloppy drunk shall we. : )

  6. screwball Says:

    “Not wanting to rub my balls against another man’s balls makes me super-homophobic?”

    No, Johnny, it doesn’t.

    Just makes you a typical and unadventurous straight male lover.
    FFM threesomes with two girls actively participating with each other? Let me guess Johhny. You think that’s HOT.

    Two guys? Not so much,eh, Johnny?

    In addition to being a boring lay, you’re also a hypocrite.

    This is why I prefer male and female bisexual lovers. Everyone else is so narrow-minded it’s like hitting up a Republican Party convention.

  7. Johnny Says:

    Screwball indeed.

  8. Jester Says:

    Screwball, why bother with women ? with all that ball rubbing… Johny is not a hypocrite, he may be limited by your standards but he’s honest, you, on the otherhand, you’re just embarassed of what you really want.

  9. Rolando Says:

    I’m thinking Max was attempting to condemn the homophobic presumption that a man being in any way intimate with or around other men is “totally gay” and to be avoided at all costs, even if it would net you a hot sexual encounter. He was condemning that belief and the “hetero dudes” that share it, not every hetero dude. His advice as to how to get that threesome happenin’ is the most on-point also.

  10. Elizabeth Says:

    I know men who are not physically or emotionally attracted to men, but would be okay with a MMF threesome, even if “the balls touch” or whatever, just because they find multiple sex partners at once very hot. Granted, these men could be lying about the attracted-ness to other men, but I really don’t believe they are – it’s usually fairly easy to tell if they’re hiding something in that department.

    And screwball, just because a man is honestly not interested in a sexual encounter with another man does not make him narrow minded. It just means he knows what he wants. I mean, do you believe someone who chooses that they have no desire to participate in watersports or BDSM or anal sex is narrow minded? I personally believe that sexual preferences are okay… there are certain acts that I will never try, because I know that even if it might feel good, it’s not something I am comfortable doing. I think that I am being true to myself, and the same goes for Johnny. If he knows he has no desire to be with another man in any way, not because it makes him “gay” but because he has no desire for that… it just means he knows what he wants and respects his own boundaries.

  11. Daniel Says:

    “As long as the balls don’t touch” is homophobic and I will explain why: to revile the idea of ones balls touching another guy’s (especially in a sexual context) is not disliking the act benignly (“taste”, “preference” or otherwise), it is disliking it because it creates the possibility and most importantly the PERCEPTION the guy might like it, or might have secretly wanted it. It cannot be the act in and of itself that is objectionable, because physical touching is just that, just touching. Ball touching, lips touching, etc. are meaningless physical occurances. But we give those physical acts meanings, connotations, suggestions. And when one determines an act like balls touching is unacceptable, you have to ask yourself “what is the meaning of the act that I find unacceptable?” And in this case, that answer has to do with a pervasive homophobia that stigmatizes physical touching between men. It is NOT about knowing what you want. Because if you were so secure about knowing what you want, how could your balls touching another guys’ balls derail that? It doesn’t. And the objection otherwise is homophobic.

  12. Elizabeth Says:

    My point is that being not homosexual or bisexual does not automatically make someone homophobic. I am not homosexual or bisexual. I have absolutely no desire to be kissed by another girl, because I am not attracted to other women. I am not AFRAID of, or have hatred toward women who are sexually attracted to other women. I am not scared that I would be attracted to women if I gave it a go. I know that I don’t enjoy kissing people I am not attracted to, and since I am not attracted to women, it goes to reason I would not enjoy kissing women. If I meet a woman who I am sexually attracted to, I might try it out, but I’ve yet to meet that woman. I believe the exact same can be applied to the “balls touching” issue. It is possible to not enjoy sexual acts because of the people involved, without it being because of the meaning. Just because a man does not want to sexually interact with another man does not mean he is homophobic. It MIGHT mean that he is… or it could mean that he realizes he does not want to sexually interact with a person he is not remotely attracted to. It’s like saying that if a man does not want his balls touched by a girl who he is not attracted to, he must be homosexual, or else there is something wrong with him. Obviously-that is not true in every situation. Why would the reverse gender maxim be true?

    All I am saying is that not ALL men who really do not want to sexually interact with another man are homophobic. Just like not all men who would be okay with sexually interacting with another man are gay. Generalizing is really not okay.

  13. Jester Says:

    I like Daniel’s argument, but when I read it, I see him standing behind a bull, gently cupping his nuts with one hand , while he rims the noble animal …in a seemingly innocuous “physical occurance”

  14. Jester Says:

    Elizabeth bravo, for a very thorough explanation for those simple minded to come to the same conclusions on their own. I can only say that your argument falls on deaf ears, as these men, are insulted by acts that drive their own passions. When you trivialize their importance or dont acknowledge importance of their actions, and the thoughts behind those acts — then you unwittingly ignore not only the caresses that are the physical expression of their emotions, but the validity of them. Which is what , closet Dan is saying. ::Smile:: Rubbing balls against a clit …now’s that’s awkward yet pleasant exercise

  15. Rei Says:

    I think its crap that its always ok for FFM, but once a female wants MMF, guys don’t like it. C’mon, the whole pretend lesbian sex with one guy is lame, I wanna see one female have the empowered role with 2 males at her beck and call and pleasure her without the guys think they are gay if they ‘touch’ each other. Stop the homophobia guys. Are you against orgies too because you might see another man’s dick? Think before you watch porn too, ’cause you mostly see dick and balls.

  16. Jester Says:

    Rei, are you upset you can’t find an M partner for your FMM escapade? maybe it’s you not them?

  17. =( Says:

    My bf is super against MMF.. but it’s a secret fantasy of mine. 1) He isn’t homophobic per say, but he won’t happily strip down and screw with another guy. 2) He’s sort of the jealous type. I know loves me too much to be okay with me getting intimate with another guy. Hmph.. I love him too but how do I get him onboard?

  18. BeenThereDoneThat Says:

    Just ask them! Start with strip poker (that’s how I found myself in the situation), twister or some other game that can be suggestive and let it go where it goes. Despite all the commentary, when sex is on the table, few guys are going to refuse. Let them figure out the “positioning” that they are comfortable with, trust me, they will.

    Now, having said that, if one of the guys is your very significant other, be prepared that there porbably will be changes in your relationship due to what happens… just sayin’.

  19. Grownclown Says:

    The easiest way is simply to ask. Guys generally aren’t bashful about portyraing their sexual desires.

    As far as the sidebar that has started I think Elizabeth pretty much makes the most sense. I’ve been with 2 girls, didn’t like it. Just because something is popular in the media don’t stereotype guys into being that way. I like my rimming but I don’t like anything other than a tongue near my ass. Yes I tried a dildo, again don’t like it. So what’s that make me? Truth be told sexual preference is no different than what foods you like. If someone eats meat they aren’t some uncaring uncivilized person . . . they just like meat. If someone is a vegetarian they aren’t a pansy tree-worshipping fairy . . . they just don’t eat meat.

    Respect each other’s differences. Just because someone doesn’t walk down the same path as you doesn’t mean they are lost.

  20. Rolando Says:

    “I believe the exact same can be applied to the ‘balls touching’ issue. It is possible to not enjoy sexual acts because of the people involved, without it being because of the meaning.”

    The only problem with this reasoning is that, even if the two men were to never touch, they’d still be joined in a sexual act together. They’d be having sex with the same woman. The ‘balls touching’ “issue” isn’t about who is or isn’t involved, it’s about perception. Specifically the perception of being non-heterosexual.

  21. Elizabeth Says:

    Rolando, I see your point, but I still disagree. I think it’s totally fine if the man has no desire to sexually touch another man… even if they are involved in the same sexual act. Their pleasure in that act could come from the fact that they both desire to please the woman, the voyeuristic/exhibitionist aspects, or whatever.

    Using my own example, I would be okay with being involved in a FFM threesome, but I would not want to touch the other woman. Not out of fear/disgust/hatred/whatever, but because I don’t desire to touch another woman. I would really enjoying watching my guy with her, and knowing that she was watching me with him, but would not want to be involved with touching her physically.

    I am sure that for some men, it is about the perception as being seen as homosexual. But I am also sure that for some men, it is honestly about a lack of desire to sexually touch another man. Really, my issue with these comments is the fact that people on here continually make sweeping generalizations about all hetero- men who have no desire to have their dirty bits fondled by another man (or his dirty bits). Generalizations and stereotypes are not ALWAYS true. Often, they aren’t even true most of the time, and it’s not fair to make those kinds of statements.

  22. Johnny Says:

    It’s not black/white, on/off, gay/straight. It’s a wide spectrum with a loooot of grey area.

    Let’s get something damn straight: the more boners there are in a particular sexual interaction, the closer that interaction is to being gay on the straight-to-gay spectrum. Not comfortable with that? Will you at least settle for “homoerotic?”

    Anything wrong with that? Of course not! I’ve done it myself. I look back on that instance and say, “damn… that was kinda gay.” I don’t care. That doesn’t bother me. But let’s call a spade a spade. What’s with all the “there’s nothing gay about two men with boners rubbing their balls together” bullshit? Sounds like some of you aren’t as comfortable with homosexuality as you’d like to think.

  23. Elizabeth Says:

    Who is saying that there is nothing remotely homosexual about “two men with boners rubbing their balls together”? Yeah, there’s obvious homoerotic interaction going on there… which is fine. I’m pretty sure the conversation was about whether or not a man could NOT want to engage in homosexual/homoerotic activities and not be homophobic.

    And I agree, it’s all about a spectrum. And some people could be okay with being one step closer on this spectrum by having more “boners” in the room, but not the next step, being having their sexual organs touch. I just don’t think that because you’re willing to take one step, you have to take the next… and that people can have whatever sexual boundaries they want.

  24. Jester Says:

    Rolando, speak for yourself, the only perception of it being non-heterosexual is yours. Throughout the world, there are various degrees of personal space that cultures engage in, specifically men kissing on the mouth in Slavic countries, or men holding hands as in the Arabic countries. They have no perception of their acts being homosexual, but more importantly, they dont have a perception that our lack of such masucline closeness is a sign of our national collective homophobia , especially where Arab countries are concerned. So in conclusion, the perception is personal, and definitely your very own.

  25. Daniel Says:

    Elizabeth, 1) you should acknowledge that an MMF threesome *is* a sexual interaction with another man. I agree with you that a straight man not intentionally wanting to have gay sex with another man isn’t instrinsically homophobic. But that’s not I am talking about. My delineation is more nuanced. I am saying that when a man is in a sexual context with another man, to attempt to create this kind of “scrotal prohibition” speaks to a deep homophobia where even an accidental graze could create a psychological panic. The prohibition says this: “AT ALL COSTS, I DO NOT WANT TO BE THOUGHT OF AS HAVING ANY SEXUAL DESIRES FOR ANOTHER MAN.” The fact that there is such a “no balls touching rule” to even discuss speaks to its male homophobia and crisis of masculinity. If we make the inverse case with MFF thresomes (as screwball did), has anyone ever heard of the “no tits” touching rule between women? Of course not. Why? Because touching tits doesn’t create such an upheaval to the *individual* or social meanings of heterosexuality and femininity.

  26. Elizabeth Says:

    I thought I had made it clear that I do acknowledge that it is sexual interaction with another male. I fully understand that. I think I just shortened it down to that phrase because typing out “heterosexual male who does not want his balls to touch another male” is kind of long.

    I do see what you mean, Daniel. I still think that screwball was being rather rude to men who do feel that sexually touching another man would destroy their masculinity… it’s sad… but considering how deeply American society ingrains that in men starting when they are small children, it’s a wonder that their are hetero-sexual men like the contributor, or others I know personally, or perhaps some who have commented here who can be comfortable enough in that regard to not have some kind of a psychological panic over something like balls touching.

    My point, though, which I fully believe still stands is that there is no hard and fast rule when it comes to people. Ever. Yes, you have a point as to why men often abide by that “no balls touching rule”. But I am sure that I could find examples of men who use that rule as a shortened way to say “I don’t want you to touch me, or me to touch you because I am not sexually attracted to you, but I would like to watch you f- that woman”. I am sure that if you looked, you could, too. Probably not most of the men I talk to, or most of the men you would talk to, but some. I was never trying to prove that there is not homophobia in the main thinking of that rule – just that not ALL men who abide by it are homophobic.

  27. Jester Says:

    Daniel , if your gf, decided to do it with you and a dog, and your balls rub, obviously she’s committing bestiality, are you?

  28. Black jack Says:

    Personally after reading all of these comments I believe the following to be true. 1. I do not believe a man not wanting to touch another man makes him homophobic 2. I believe that a man flying into a panic over physical contact of his sexual organs with another males in this type of situation does speak to deeper issues 3. I do think that this rule itself likely began as an off shoot of homophobia. 4. I think it can be a shortend way to express a desire not to touch but in its general context does come across as being homophobic or born of societly ingrained issues with men touching sexually. Finally I do believe that all people have a right to their boundries in sex, but I also believe some of the awkwardness and discomfort in this particular type of situation comes from the general view of our society that men who touch in any way that could even be construed as sexual are gay or in some way attracted to men. I also think that if you are truly comfortable with your self and your sexuality that you shouldn’t be horrified if you do something that can be construed as gay or fly into a psychological panic if someone says you are. If your straight and comfortable with who you are you should be able to calmly tell someone you are heterosexual and are not attracted to men, instead of the general reaction I have seen most often which is to yell, become angry or violent, or become extremely defensive as if its the end of the world. It’s like Shakespear once said, “me thinks the lady doth protest to much,” In this case it is a man but the same idea applies, often but not always, the people who yell the loudest are the ones who feel guilty about what they like or are not willing to admit their feelings to themselves. These people may also simply have the ingrained process to be horrified by homosexuality, which I find truly sad, people should keep their hate to themselves or better yet learn to let it go.
    Yes I know that was a bit of a rant, but I wished to cover all my bases while I was on this subject, also in case you’re wondering I am a bi-sexual female who enjoys watching two men together, I am open minded and my motto is whatever floats your boat, you like what you like.

  29. Angela Says:

    I had a MMF with two male who are friends and it started out awsome until the actual act started happening one guy couldn’t get into it and he said it was because of the other male. But honestly it was the hottest sexual experience I ever had! If a girl wants some MMF action I suggest doing it with someone other than your BF! I don’t think I know any guy who’s had a MMF experience with their girlfriend.

  30. Manda Says:

    geez when did this have to be a politically correct issue…..if u r gay, straight, bi, homophobic, or curious who cares this is about fantasy and making it happen. If ya want to do it, do it….if ya want to do it but are afraid of any variety of perceptions from whoever including yourself just get drunk and blame it on the booz :D lol

  31. Harv Says:

    Guys, get over it. I am extremely straight, but I do love sex. I’ve had MMF sex and it was GREAT! Balls touched, arms touched, but nobody cared. We were both fucking the girl, DP and all, and she was having a blast. In fact, the two of us were high-fiving all night. GET OVER IT! Sex is sex…

  32. Panzer Says:

    I’ve actually always wanted to do this. The sheer overwhelming sensation that the woman enjoys during this particular act is…well, it’s just f’n hot (that’s right, guy’s DO enjoy giving pleasure, especially extreme mind-blowing pleasure)!

    But I must say, I do not find men attractive at all. To me, men are just ugly. It’s not homophobia, I just don’t see/get it (in fact, I wish I did, it would help to know if *I* looked good).

    To touch the other guy’s balls would be so, well I can’t think of any word other than gross, that it would probably completely take me out of the moment.

    It does not come from homophobia or society, it…it’s like how some people absolutely hate anal sex; it turns them off.
    I was once with a girl who would completely lose the moment if I even accidentally touched or grazed past her anus. It’s kinda like that for me, except with another man’s balls, lol.

  33. Panzer Says:

    LOL, and upon reading more of the comments (or rather actually bothering to pay attention to every word); it looks as if I’m the guy who proves Elizabeth’s point.
    The last paragraph of her last comment is pretty much me exactly, although I could also add that it’s more about the sheer overwhelming sensation that the woman experiences (especially from DP) than “I would like to watch you f- that woman.”
    Although I wouldn’t mind that, I suppose it’s kinda like watching live porn, lol.

  34. Rissa Says:

    Sorry if I sound a lil ignorant…but what is “DP”?

  35. AlanK Says:

    I was interested to note that Googling DP didn’t answer the question; maybe it’s really true that there are more cat pictures than porn on the Internet.

    On the other hand, Googling DP+sex wil tell you more than you want to know. I’m carefully avoiding Googling DP+cat. That might also tell me more than I want to know.

  36. maru-chan Says:

    Forget the philosophical ball touching mumbo jumbo, I just pulled this off with two guy friends of mine and it was so fucking hot. It was totally spontaneous: we were drinking and talking about our fantasies, one of them mentioned that they had run a train together on a girl before and that’s how the conversation started. They actually walked me home, both kissed me on the cheek before I went in the house, then I went inside and put my jammies on to get ready for bed. One of them text’d me and asked me to come outside to the car, they were still downstairs and wanted to ask me something. I notice they both have their shirts off as I walk to the car (its summer in AZ so this is typical lol), the one that text’d me grabbed me immediately and started kissing me and grabbing my ass and the other stood behind me and rubbed his hard dick against my ass. I was surprised but soooo turned on! Long story short, it went DOWN and I’ve never felt so sexy in my life with both of them saying how sexy my big ass is how good my pussy felt and tasted, one or both of them moaning my name. Its crazy, I never thought I’d have the guts to do something like this but they were so ready for me and when you have two long, strong thick yummy dicks pointed in your direction its hard to say no. I’m pretty sure both of them are straight, there was no ball touching involved, they have been friends for years and I’m relatively new to the equation. They’ve done 3ways and 4 ways with other girls in the past so it didn’t take any convincing on my part, in fact they were the ones that had to convince me after the initial kissing. They took turns fucking me, one would smack my ass and suck my titties while I rode the other one’s dick or one would eat me out, lick my ass and do what I told him to do while the other fed me his dick. The same guy that licked my ass liked to suck my toes and hold my legs while I was getting fucked. He also spanked my pussy which is something I’d never done before but it was SO HOT. The perfect mix of pain and pleasure. I’d do it again ^.^

  37. Larry K Says:

    Here’s the thing, I have no gay desire but honestly thinking about getting a bj from the woman, licking her clit while another guy is fucking her just sends my flagpole right up! More could happen if we were all into it. I would love to “tag team” her in a very sexy way. She gets one of us til he or she comes. Then the other guy gets in place and picks right up or waits for her engine to rev again.
    But regarding touching the other guy, I don’t think it’s taboo as long as a woman is actively in the mix.

  38. Matthew Says:

    why does everyone comment on other peoples natural likes and dislikes? Johnny Said he doesn’t want to slap balls with another dude, and if his brain doesn’t want it why would he do it? It doesn’t make him boring! I don’t want cigarettes, so why would i smoke? personally i’ll try anything once. My long term Girlfriend have MMF 3somes because i’m cool with that, but we have never had MFF 3some because she doesn’t like girls. That’s her choice, if i’m not happy with it i can move on, or i can stay. that’s MY choice. Don’t listen to these morons throwing labels at you like BORING, HOMOPHOBIC, HYPOCRITE. My girlfriend is none of these things, she is amazing, smart, fun, beautiful, creative, and caring. She just happens to love having 2 guys and not 2 girls.

  39. tommy Says:

    Interesting to hear all the perspectives here. I’m about to embark on my first MMF on Thursday, with two total strangers. I’m just a horny married guy who would love my wife to be into it, but as this will never be, am willing to stray in order to fulfill a desire. Do I give 1/2 shit if our balls touch? Fuck no, you’re missing the point here. Its all about getting off and pleasing the girl!

  40. boobookittyf Says:

    I just had a threeway with two guys and it was freaking amazing ;) What you really need is two bisexual guys, that way they arent all scared of touching eachother and you can have a lot of fun all together hehe. I am in an open relationship and we brought over an old bf of mine that was also friends with my bf and we all discussed it before hand for a while too, so nothing was left to suprise execpt for how awesome it was! :D My tips: Bisexual guys. People you know and trust. discuss barriers before hand. it was AMAZING! ;)

  41. boobookittyf Says:

    PS @Tommy, if your wife isnt into the same stuff sexually as you are you should be a man and break up with her so she can be happy with someone else instead of cheating on her and being a liar, cheat and undeserving of the vows she bestowed upon you. Be a real man and tell her what you want, dont be a loser n just cheat, your destroying the trust of someone that loves you for selfish reasons, so get it over with be a man and out with the truth because nobody deserves that shit man, I may be a slut but I would never touch another womans man. Grow some balls man. not cool.


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