Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why didn’t he call when he said he would?
Straight Married Guy (Matt): There’s a simple answer to this one: it doesn’t matter. Most women I know get very worked up over this, and it never helps anything. It could be one of ten thousand possible reasons, and there is no chance that sitting and discussing it with your friends ad infinitum or stressing about it is going to help anything. It might just be some reason that has nothing to do with you (family problem, work problem, some other unrelated problem), or hey, maybe he likes you and he scared off the last woman he liked, so he’s forcing himself to pull back a little — or maybe your worst fear is true, and he isn’t actually into you. You won’t figure any of this out by sitting there and worrying about it or analyzing every tidbit of your last conversation or email exchange looking for clues, so what’s the point? My advice is to do everything possible not to obsess over the guy’s delay in calling. Distract yourself with whatever you can, even a date or flirtation with someone else if that’s what it takes. And if he never calls back, fuck him. At least you can feel good about not having wasted all that time sitting by your phone.
Straight Single Guy (Colin): Let’s be optimistic for a moment. Maybe he was debating how long he should wait to call so that he wouldn’t seem desperate. But now he’s waited too long and feels silly calling so long after the fact. Okay now let’s be realistic. Most likely this guy fell into the trap we all do sometimes, saying what we think we should say instead of what we actually think. Maybe the sparks weren’t there and he didn’t have the heart to tell you. Try to get in touch with him if you can. But if he’s still flakey, give him a quick kick to the curb and move on.
Gay Committed Guy (Terence): While tempted to say, “He’s just not that…” I think not calling is more likely because the alcohol has worn off and/or another woman is already on the side. When a guy wants to get laid, and let’s face it, if he’s asking for your number, then he’s that kind of into you, the first question running through his head after getting your number is why didn’t we just go home then? Calling sets up a whole ‘nother time-consuming process that sometimes just doesn’t seem worth it. Personally, I think not calling takes real balls — not the good ones. Either you’re an over-confident prick, or you’ve got a girlfriend. You’re over-confident thinking you can get someone better (easier), or you know you may get a little somethin’ started and then have to emergency bail out of the situation. Solution: always, always take his number even though it’s just as shitty to wait around for him to return your calls.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week they’re all a little shy.
September 3rd, 2011 at 11:05 am
Some guys – especially guys who don’t like the phone – just resent the expectation. We don’t feel we should have to check in like that.
To us that feels like, “ok, here’s my obligatory phone call. The one you made me promise to make. Not that I have anything to say.”
Women hate this because they want us to want to call. They wish we’d WANT to pick up the phone and gush about our day and how much we miss each other, just like they might with one of their girl friends.
But I, for one, am just not like that. I too get irate when beholden to call-appointments. I’ll call when I’m feeling it. Or, if you want to talk, you could, you know… call me. Instead of tearfully enforcing demands that I call you.
January 5th, 2012 at 3:09 am
@ Johnny..I admit that women love to talk to their guys on the phone. but my question is if you don’t like talking on the phone or its not your obligation to, why tell her that your gonna call every time and then don’t? JUST DON’T TELL HER YOUR GONNA CALL BECAUSE YOU ONLY DISAPPOINT HER WHEN YOU GIVE HER EXPECTATION
January 18th, 2012 at 8:07 am
Since I have been single for the past 4 years, the men will approach me, I may or may not show interest. If I decide to give him my # the men will call once or so then say they will call but don’t. They sit back and wait for me to call them. I have been told after not calling them for months, ” I haven’t heard from you.” My response, the last time I checked you have my #. These men her in Charlotte, NC act like they are a king on a thrown. I have news for them, I never chase after a man. I am way too beautiful and I do mean beautiful inside and out to chase a man! I’m not agressive at all. If you don’t show interest in me like you did to get my # then I will back off. I’m really tired of men stupid childlike games. I can be by myself and be okay with it. My friend once told me men are intemidated by me because I a pretty and smart and won’t be controlled.
Sincerely,
Tired of men (black men especially).
January 18th, 2012 at 11:25 am
Unfortunately, this behavior has become an epidemic. Stick to your guns tired of men, if you hold out for the best you will get it.