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Just Broke Up? Get a Breakover!

Wed, Apr 15, 2009


hair_color_samplesphoto by House of Sims

When it comes to revenge after a breakup (and if you’re the dumpee, you know you want it), there are two approaches: the high road and the low road. A breakover is all high road — it’s the kind of revenge that benefits you, rather than directly harming your ex, bodily or otherwise. Join a gym where you can literally work off all your anger and aggression in pursuit of a hot body to make your dumper eat their heart out; the idea of Fuckface seeing you in the best shape of your life will actually inspire you to work out longer and harder (listening to the Flashdance soundtrack also helps). Did your ex nag you for six months to quit smoking? So quit now. Take that, Fuckface! Get a new haircut, go shopping for a hot new wardrobe, and make a shitload of money either by winning the lottery or finally getting your own dance-studio business off the ground. Splurge on a high-end sex toy for you or your next partner and put the sex you had with Fuckface to shame. Ha!

For more on breakups, check out BUH BYE: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Getting Dumped.

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12 Responses to “Just Broke Up? Get a Breakover!”

  1. searchingwithin Says:

    BRAVO! *standing ovation* Getting it any other way is only playing into their hands, and giving them what they are hoping for (and you know they secretly are).

    Your way is the only way to kick dirt in their face, while they are preparing to come crawling back.

  2. kim Says:

    IF IT WAS NOT A HAPPY JOURNEY THEN IT WILL NOT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING. Get over it!!! It probably sucked anyways. Move on to the next.

  3. jim Says:

    Love the new catch phrase; you know I’m gonna steal it!

    Make them miserable by being anything but. It’s hard not to dwell, and to pine away, but indifference is worse than hatred – and it drives them absolutely crazy.

  4. kim Says:

    THE BEST WAY TO GET OVER SOMEONE IS TO GET UNDER SOMEONE ELSE. Metaphorically of course, I am one of those who loves to be on top. Now, I am not suggesting that you get under or on top of someone else, but I have just heard it helps. I personally like to wait awhile.

  5. Faith Says:

    Just had an unexpected break up….THANK YOU EM AND LO!!!!! You’re helping me get through it.

  6. Zoran Says:

    Interesting, I`ll quote it on my site later.

  7. Yatz Says:

    Add me to the list of surprise breakups recpients. This site is a bright light in the tunnel of pain. Thanks Em & Lo.

    Yeah, the 10 min breakup phone call after a year and a few months….

  8. Jaime Says:

    I do this even when it’s just a major argument with my husband. I do something new with my hair (usually cut it much shorter, we don’t fight often). I’ll begin wearing make-up more often than usual and just pamper myself. I always feel better and it doesn’t harm him in any way.

  9. *R.. Says:

    i joined a kickboxing class, bought a whole new line of expensive skincare, and went on a diet after my most recent break-up. Now i look and feel great & am more “marketable” for finding a better guy! =]

  10. tivatime Says:

    I’ve been chuckling about this article all day, empowerment rocks!
    Make them regret the day they even THOUGHT about letting you go!

  11. yumcha Says:

    hhahaha.. “Fuckface” – I LOVE THIS!!

    Just been dumped by someone I really fancied, but told me he could never be in love with me. You guys are brilliant and I’d write a longer fan letter but I’ve got to run to yoga class!! haha lots love! x x x

  12. phatbootycutie Says:

    Word up to all my “SINGLE LADIES”. I absolutely love the advise that Em and Lo have dished on this topic! We should be giving ourselves the ultimate treatment anyway, however we often lose sight of who is most important when we’re in a “relationship”.

    So whenever it’s over, revamp ur butt into gear, and show him and all the other men what they’re missing!

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