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Wise Guys: Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?

Tue, Apr 7, 2009

Advice, Wise Guys

first_datesphoto by kreetube

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Does sleeping with a guy on a first date really ruin my chances for a future relationship with him? What if it’s obvious we really like each other, the chemistry’s great, we have a lot in common, and we’re both horny?”

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Thinking that putting out on the first date will kill off any romantic possibilities is pandering to an old skool way of thinking about sex and love: that the guy must court, wait a gazillion years while the woman’s heart oh so steadily burns and yearns and he tries to satisfy himself on a nightly basis, Onan-style, until they are finally wedded before sex can even be in the equation. In the 21st century, sex on the first date could very well just mean that you “have a lot in common and were both horny.” Sex doesn’t always complicate, nor is it always a barrier to further emotional intimacy. On the contrary, in fact. Consider all the gay couples around the world who meet each other on a sex date/Internet hook-up/anonymous sex excursion, find that there are other things they like about each other and end up happily part of a pair years later. What really ruins future relationships is being dishonest about your needs and desires. So fuck on the first date if you like! Any guy who would dismiss you for it despite having such a great connection otherwise is too much of a fool to keep on seeing anyway.

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): I don’t think first-date sex together ruins your chances but it does change them.  You know the critical little “voice in your ear” that says “Hold off: good girls shouldn’t ruin their ‘reputations,’” even when you’d rather not wait?  Men get that too.  Only ours says “Go for it now: losers never get another chance.” Neither “voice” is telling the truth but they can have an effect anyway.  Sometimes when we have sex right away the social pressure those “voices” represent get in the way of everything else we might feel about each other. So for both men and women I think it’s worth it to wait at least for the rest of your feelings catch up. And since when did horny have a shelf-life anyway?  Even waiting a few days (three days, not three dates) gives you both time to talk, a chance to take showers and sleep on it in your own beds, a time to decide what you really want instead of what you think you should do, and… time to get your respective bedrooms tidy and kitchens stocked for intimate guests.

Straight Single Guy (Mark): I don’t think there are too many absolutes in this crazy game of love, so a first-date romp doesn’t necessarily preclude any future relationship potential.  What is a universal absolute regarding potential relationships is that communication is key (trite as it sounds, it’s so true). Let’s say you and your date are lucky enough to totally “connect” in all the ways mentioned above, and are also comfortable enough to acknowledge to each other how much you are on the same page, even about getting physical right away (and of course, as Em & Lo have taught us, keeping in mind, and also communicating about, all the relevant important safety issues involved!). Well, in a way, you already have some fantastic “They were inseparable (figuratively in this case, heh) from the moment they met!” romantic potential built right in!  So why, then, does the fun have to stop at the bedroom doorway? Now, as we know, it’s not always such an ideal world, with perfect communication right off the bat, so exercising a modicum of restraint (and building up anticipation for the fun after a subsequent date soon to follow) isn’t the worst thing in the world, either. So go with the flow.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech god at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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204 Responses to “Wise Guys: Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?”

  1. Katie Says:

    “first date” isn’t specific enough–you may have been flirting and pursuing this person for quite a bit before an actual date happens. I don’t see what’s so wrong about sex on the first date then. Meeting someone and then that night or a few days later shacking up? Ya it’s most likely going to end in a one-night stand. But I do know guys where it’s all the “chase”–but that doesn’t mean holding out on sex will make them stick around! I think they already decided that beforehand usually, even if they didn’t tell you (sometimes it sucks to be an “independent” girl because men assume you don’t have feelings).

  2. mehar Says:

    any man after having sex with a women judgethe relationship and the women is a complete jerk and hipocrite .

  3. Ellie Says:

    Daniel… Thank you!

    I feel like every bit of advice on the internet continues to tell women how they HAVE to wait because men will always drop them if they put out early. relationshipheadquarters is especially bad. This is really reassuring.

    “an old skool way of thinking about sex and love”

  4. Candice Says:

    mmm…I find that so many men are just asking me out because they want to have sex. Not sure what they want after that, but not providing sex does see a huge drop out rate. I’d suggest holding off for a while to test the other person’s intentions.

  5. mike Says:

    The only reason my wife and I didn’t have sex on the first date is she had my step son with us . The next time, we went out without him and yes we had sex . That was 30 years ago.
    If the guy or girl isn’t looking for a serious relationship having sex on the first date will not change that one way or the other. My advice is be careful, be safe have fun and stop confusing sex and love. Is sex better when you are in love of course it is. Oh by the way if a woman has alot of sex it doesn’t make her a slut just experienced.

  6. Rio Says:

    Go with your feelings!! Many worry more that act!! The only way to tell is to do it.
    Sex is a celebration of living. There are millions of men who may be relationship material, but not lovers. Sex and love are not necessarily the same or with the same person! Sex is NOT better because you are “in love”. It is better when you are in LUST!!

  7. jaime Says:

    With very few exceptions, most women I have gone out with that wanted sex on the first date are women that are looking for that, exactly that, a sexual partner.

    If I were looking for sex only, that works fine, but if I were looking for a girlfriend, a partner in life, then I would say these women ( the ones that look for sex on forst dates ) are usually not the ones to pursue.

    In our society women are exercising the same freedom men exercise, and many women are enjoying sex w/o a relationship the way men do. Being a man, I do not know how women , or if women can tell a difference between a man that wants sex on first dates vs a man that is not that demanding, but I do see that difference in women, most women that demand sex on first dates are women that need no nor want any relationship, so caveat emptor.

  8. janelle Says:

    i think it depends on the people involved, as well. one first date of mine extended late into the night where we got very drunk and had sex, and we continued to date, however that guy was looking for a drinking buddy/sure thing and thought he had found it, where i was looking for a relationship. Yet another first “date” (it was a weekend trip with a group of new friends), I had an instant connection with this guy, we were inseperable all night, and once everyone had gone to bed we had sex. It hasnt accelerated or decelerated our relationship, its just a fact. i think as long as both your heads are in the same place as to what it means, its not a relationship killer.

  9. mandla Says:

    Sometimes in depends with what u both seeking for on that first date…….if u both want it to go further…….u have a relationship going…….if its just one of u looking for a long-term thing……it will be doomed, if one is just looking for a chance to satisfy the biological urge..then again it kills chances of a relation.

  10. Vin Says:

    No offense but why do you have gay men giving women dating advice? Would you have lesbians give men dating advice?

  11. emandlo Says:

    Vin, haven’t you heard of the book “Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Men”? (http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Tips-Straight-Women-Gay/dp/B0028N7370/emandlo-20) It’s hilarious, not to mention totally helpful — all the cool kids are doing it. There doesn’t seem to be an equivalent book (i.e. Sex Tips for Straight Men from a Lesbian). We’re not sure why. Any ideas?

  12. Mike Says:

    This rarely ever happens to me. Almost every women I’ve dated refuse to have sex on the first date. While I understand the reasons..mostly being that they dont want a one night stand..or that they dont want a relationship strictly based on sex..blah blah blah…….NO!!!! There’s nothing wrong with sex on the first date. If the chemistry is there and you feel it’s right and so does your partner…nothing wrong at all. But do realize that it can have an effect on things in the long run. You do run the risk of the relationship going in reverse. I’ve been there before (the couple times it has happened) where I have had sex on the first date. It was wonderful, dont get me wrong…but they did not end well. But that’s not to say that it always ends bad. For me, I know I have a high sex drive and that if I am in a relationship then I will want sex quite often. I have found that almost every woman translates that into “All he wants is sex” which is far from the truth, but it’s like trying to convince a turtle that it’s a rabbit.

  13. AJ Says:

    As a woman, in a normal scenario, I would try not to do it on the first date… However, the current relationship I have – we started out as nothing more than a fling. We knew it from the start that we both were just looking for fun…but then we’ve remained friends and somehow it has now developed into a steady bf/gf relationship. In fact, thinking back this is the way it happened between me and one of my ex-boyfriends as well. Like many comments above, there is no fixed rules.

  14. JB Says:

    I always had the no sex rule on the first date until I met my current guy. It just felt right and it was. We are still together after 14 months. Of course it’s something we keep between us and talk/laugh about it almost every night.

  15. Patti Says:

    I read all these comments and they seem to make sense, but no one gives clear reasons for or against sex on the first date. That Mike guy, well his was totally ambiguous and I think I dated him for Three years!!

  16. too late Says:

    Well, judging from my dates the thought of sex on even the fifth date would have horrified the women I dated, so anything sooner than that would most likely have been even worse. But then I got prostate cancer and surgery disabled my equipment, so it doesn’t matter anymore. My advice: find a woman who feels about like you do. If she is horrified, or acts horrified, find someone else. Judging from the responses here, they certainly seem to be there.

  17. Truth Be Told! Says:

    Well… It takes two to tangle. For a man to judge a woman because they had sex on the first date say’s very little about himself. Sin is sin, no matter how you look at it. The act was committed due to a lack of restraint and self control on both parts. Neither one is better than the other, nor can they escape judgment from God. She’s just a reflection of the man in their own reality. It’s called the laws of attraction. To put down the female by blaming and shaming her to think she’s promiscuous, fast and easy when in doubt it was consensual by both parties, then what does say about the man? He lacks the same morals and ethics as she does. So why does all the weight fall heavy on the woman? Double standards are terrible in America. I think it’s an easy way out for a man because he doesn’t have the proper skills to express what his true motives are… Therefore, make the girl feel like shit!!

  18. Same Old, Same Old Says:

    Recently, I had met a man online and spoke to him by webcam and phone for three months until we met in person. I was as attracted to him as he was to me. Everything we needed to discuss was already established before we met in person. I felt I knew him truly. We had a lot in common. He is 39 and I am 40, neither one ever married, and no kids. We both have been through some trials with prior relationships and were ready to settle down. He laid out his intentions to me. I did all the listening and was very cautious to how I would respond to his needs. Using wisdom, I thought I was on top of my game. Our first date was awesome so I had thought until the day after. He was such a gentleman by opening doors, pulling out my chairs, taking my coat, great conversation, holding my hand and was stealing kisses all night long from me. Money wasn’t an issue he paid for the meals and concert. I invited him in the house for a night cap and it was on from there. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Self control went out the door once the horn moans were turned on it was hard to stop. I never wanted it to go this far, but he was begging and was all over me. I wanted to see him again and again and try to build a long lasting relationship. I felt horrible the next day when he said he would come by but never showed up. He phoned with an excuse. He said he would contact me on Wednesday, which was four days later. What the heck… Now, I’m turned off by him and don’t know how to react.

  19. Veli Says:

    I had a crush on this guy who arrived at my office, as time went by, we got along, and emailed each other very often. in his emails he would always talk about how he would like to sleep with me, eventually i fell into his trap, but after that incident, i never heard of him, he didnt call, nor sent an sms or email. I hate him to beats.

  20. barry Says:

    LOLLL VELI!! keep your knickers on! ;)

  21. Songbird Says:

    I recently met a guy online. After about a month of conversing, we met. The chemistry was just there. He was funny,smart, and career oriented (All of the qualities I love), etc. Well it happened. I can’t remember when I have been so attracted to someone. He was so attentive to my needs. The connection was so great that it scared me.Thinking that he would think bad of me, I ran. I’m still not sure how to handle it. I would love to see him again and again, I mean long term relationship-like. Since we never discussed one another’s expectations, I’m afraid to let him know how much I’m into him. Should I shut up and wait or let him know how I feel?

  22. John Says:

    I once went on a blind date with a young woman and mutual friends. I took her home but couldn’t stay long as I had to prepare for a meeting the next day. I was visiting my company’s office in her city and that meeting was the primary reason I was in town. I will say that she was the nicest woman I’d met and regretted leaving so suddenly.

    A couple of days later, my friend chided me for not staying and said she’d have slept with me that night. I was conflicted as I liked her but I wasn’t in to casual sex and had to think for a while about calling her. I actually fussed over it for about a week.

    Finally I decided that I couldn’t let this one pass. I sent her flowers and called her. As we lived in different cities, I invited her to spend a weekend with me. That weekend was one of getting to know each other and a lot of sex. I visited her two weeks later. We spend four days together. The sex was great but the time we spent together was the key element of building our relationship.

    Bottom line is we met in May and were married in October and have been together for over 30 years. Have always considered those long weekends as better than dating as we spent a lot of time together (seven days) and got to know each other (and not just physically).

    For my part, I almost didn’t go forward with the relationship because of my friend’s comment. She did tell me later that she’d have slept with me that first night and when I left didn’t think she’d ever see me again.

  23. Tahnna Says:

    It really just depends on the the two persons involved. I had sex on the first date with my ex and we were together over 6 years. I had sex on the first date with the guy I’m with now – we’ve had the normal getting to know you ups and downs like all couples. Some people like to wait – some people don’t and some people should – different strokes – horney folks!!!

  24. inner vixen Says:

    does 3 months of online foreplay count?

  25. Amy Says:

    what if the guy knows for the years on a casual basis and recently caught up with you again? he came off straight and asks for the casual relationship after we made out? after several attempts of communication, he is still hesistant about going on public dates, at least not until sexual favors are exchanged.

  26. Shanel Says:

    My boyfriend and I slept together on our first date but we had been talking for a couple of weeks up to that point. It felt right and we went with it and are still together a year and a half later. I think we need to stop “thinking” about it so much. If it feels comfortable, do it and if he doesn’t call, then he wasn’t worth it.

  27. Amy Says:

    he texts everyday and asks me go to his house whenever he’s free on weekends. he said he wants to make sure there is enough chemistry going on between us before he can decide if the relationship is going anywhere. i just hates the idea that he always wants to have the upper hand and never ask me what i want. i just think it’s risky if he always gets to control the relationship.

  28. Leftos Says:

    We’ve had a similar discussion over on our site. A lot of our users (women too) don’t have a problem with it but for the most part they don’t generally practice it.

  29. angel Says:

    I must say I came across this article while trying to find something to help me with my first date and sex dilemma. I’ve been talking to a guy I met online for some time now, the connection is definitely there and it feels as though we know each other well. There is definitely chemistry and more than just physical attraction. The conversation is great and never boring or awkward. I feel that us, both being adults, going into first date sex need to understand the risks. We will both have to evaluate and consider what would be beneficial to each of us, as well as understand what the other person sees happening next. I haven’t been able to pick up on any negative intent. I must say I was the one who started the “sexual compatibility” conversation and I am sure he thinks of me no differently. If it happens let it happen, be safe, enjoy yourself and be sure to separate emotions from carnal desire…as a woman I say go for it, as long as you understand the risks involved, what comes next relationship wise, (whether long-term is still a choice or this was just a one nighter) and you feel that the time is right, carpe diem ladies (or gentlemen)!!

  30. Straight Dope Dad Says:

    The problem with sex too fast is that it accelerates the intimacy beyond what the relationship can currently support. There is no such thing as casual sex with someone you have a connection with and care about. Have sex too fast and your brain gets confused. That’s why it tends to kill relationships. It would be like getting employee of the month on your first day on the job. Or being promoted from line cook to executive chef after on a week on the job. There is going to be a psychological disconnect while you try to catch up to your new status if at all.

  31. Frenchie Says:

    Hey there, I just read all your comments and still come to the conclusion that most Men would consider a relationship with a woman who doesnt sleep on a first night.
    After my last relationship, I have been having lots of fun and not cared about what men thought of me for sleeping on the first night since all I wanted is have a good time…however this past year, I found myself getting emotionally attached to each man I slept with on a first night.
    I keep thinking its because I am ready for a long term relationship and that it is no longer a good idea for me to sleep on a first night and that I am too sensitive and unable to put my emotions aside like I used to… so I keep telling myself to no longer do it then when I meet someone I am attracted to but I just can’t help it…and I keep repeating the same pattern over and over. I am the type of woman who is very spontaneous and simply too forward, I enjoy the spur of the moment and do not think of the consequences so I find myself miserable and upset when the guy doesnt call me back… I dont know how to resist the temptation…I feel like being European / Mediterraean descent makes it even more challenging… my exotic looks plays in my disfavor in America and attracts the wrong men. I feel like they view me as a chalenge and are only interested in having sex with me and dont take in consideration my feelings… how can I learn to control myself when I meet someone I am attracted to? Any ideas?

  32. Lynz Says:

    I slept with my ex on our first date..we lasted for 5 years and we are still in contact after 3 years apart…he must have liked it!! I think it depends on the situation and if both parties are up for it. I think many women think that if we put out on the first night that we will be judged,but let’s not forget it takes 2 to tangle..and if he thinks your easy then he is too!!! As long as your safe with it and know your limits then relax and enjoy. Life’s too short to worry about stuff like this..sex is sex and you’ve got to have it to find the wright partner..xxx

  33. Nympho Says:

    I don’t know… I used to put out on a “first date”. Then I used to hold it. But I am a nympho, so whether I hold it or not the result is the same in the long run.

  34. to Frenchie Says:

    actually, that’s how I feel. I started having sex when I was 14. Had all kinds of men, however that has never interfered with my education and later career. But things have changed since I turned 27. I started getting attached to the guys I sleep with. Well, first of all I work a lot, so I don’t really have as much time as I used to for going out and just sleeping around. But for the past 2 years this “guy” thing has been killing me. A little over a year ago I met that guy and it has been a hell. He is very good looking, has money, he’s in his 40′s but… preoccupied with golfing, boating, work… I feel like I am a secondary thing to him. Yet we’ve been together for over a year. This situation pisses me off so bad, but I cannot detach emotionally. My job performance suffers. It’s not that I’m crazy in love, but just… stupid. I even told he to either marry me or stop calling me. He just laughed and called the other day to ask how is my hangover.
    I feel like my teens were my 20′s and now I’m a high school girls happily in love.Wtf

  35. Marie Says:

    I’m 26, I’ve dated quiet a few guys and slept with most of them on the first date or close to it. I’ve also had many one night stands because I just love sex. One thing I’ve learned is that even though some of the relationships last a while they still all end about the same way. The relationship regardless of how long it lasts ends up being all about sex. Guys loose some respect for a woman when she has sex on the first date and though they like having you around that’s about all they want. As far as the internet things, I mean if your having cyber sex I’m sure if you meet it will be a one night stand come on think about it. I think its better to wait until you know someone before sex comes into play. If you really like someone it will be worth waiting for both of you. And ladies use your common sense.

  36. Ron Says:

    I think when a woman has sex on the first date it at least makes the guy wonder how many men she has taken home before. Men are expected to try everything they can to get the girl in the sack. Women have to decide for themselves if the stigma of being thought of as easy or slutty is something that won’t bother them. Men by definition are easy. We have no concern of being thought of this way. I have had relationships develop from sex on the first night, however it seems the woman always ends up hurt because of the strong feelings that she develops. I think women should be physically guarded if the thought of the situation being a one night stand will hurt them. Bottom line if you know you won’t develop feelings, and being thought of as easy doesn’t bother you go for it. If it does wait a little while.

  37. Steve Says:

    I met this beautiful gal on a dating website. We had a second date, had a great time, spent the entire day together. At the end of the evening we ended up at her home, and one thing lead to another..thought we both had a great time and I was totally interested in seeing her again…the next morning..she sent me a “dear john letter”…so obviously in this case..it was way too soon. I knew in my head this might happen..still hurts when it does..live and learn I guess

  38. Susan Says:

    it seems like almost all the dates i’ve been to, at least from internet dating the guy always wanted to have sex with me on the first date. I dress sexy but not slutty, and i am just really confused about this. I mean what kind of girl do guys want to sex with on the first date?…is it someone that they want to have a realtionship with or not?… is it someone that they are attracted to and like? or just want to have a one night stand.
    I never have sex on the first or or any other date until i feel ready by the way.

  39. sandra Says:

    I’m confused on how this sex on the first date idea, I’m 20 years old and I’ve had my share of experiences, I’ve learned what I want and how to get it and I’ve mastered on saying “no” well a co-worker set me up to meet this guy she knew, turns out we went to highschool together but neither was available at the time, well he came to my work, I’m a barista, and we talked as I worked, we exchanged numbers and met up that night we went to a friends house with another couple and had drinks while watching movies and just talking, well we ended up having sex that night, it was amazing, probably the best I ever had, well by the end of the night or should I say the next morning we went to my place, well the next night we had sex again! This guy really intrests me, he is the only guy I’ve met that may actually be on my level! We’re both in our 20s, single, students and working for a living… Well he didn’t ask me out again, and when I asked he seemed to have ignored the messege, is all lost or may we still have the opprotunity to click again? Yuu all seem to know allot about this so I took this opprotunity to ask a quesion!

  40. Brenda Walsh Says:

    I just had sex with someone that is completely “out of my league.” We chatted for over a week and by the time he came here we could barely keep our clothes on.

    I need to say that we are in our 50s. Good, hot, casual sex is not just for the young.

    Still, I have the fears of him never calling again or thinking I’m “too loose.”

  41. Amy Says:

    I have experiences about this kind of man cheating. The scripts are always the same. Man talks about how he successful, be gentle in treating me, taking me for the dinner. Then they tried to trap me, find excuses or reasons to ask me drop by their place. And what happen next, just guess? They start to talk that they like me, and there is a chemistry between us…and then kisss…try to evoke my lust. All they want is sex. They’re not sincere. The first times, I was trapped but the second times I escaped.
    I don’t believe that having sex the first date is good for the future relationship.
    It’s OK for woman have sex on the first date if she only want sex. It’s wrong if woman believe she can have a good relationship with the man who only want sex on the first date. It’s only hurt.

  42. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Amy, you should NEVER feel “Trapped.” No means NO. Even if you went to his house, for whatever reason. Just because he bought you dinner doesn’t meant you “owe him” sex.

    I hope you didn’t feel you “had” to have sex with men you didn’t want to, simply because they expected it.

    “NO means NO.” is one of the most important things both women and men need to understand when dating.

  43. shotgiver2u Says:

    I say fuck on the first date..if that is what you both want..if it’s going to be then it’s going to be. Youre not meant to be with everyone you sleep with anyways!!..I’m not saying just screw ANY/EVERYBODY..have some tact and choose wisely..and ladies keep your emotions in check..quite a few of us tend to ‘fall-in-lust/love easily..LOL! and happy orgasms!

  44. shotgiver2u Says:

    is it okay to have sex with a friends past sexual fling?..personally I dont see anything wrong with it because it was just that..however i would like to hear what people think..just curious.

  45. sandra Says:

    Well it depends on whether yuur friend had feeling s for this person!
    Aslo if the friendship is not important than “to each his own”
    If this person rocks yuur boat (and I mean that in any sence) than take it as far is it will go, as yuu said earlier if its meant to be it will be. So enjoy the pleasure life has to offer.
    But… If yuur friendship is that of value than I’d run the idea by yuur friend and just see what’s up that way yuu know what yuur in for

  46. alaska Says:

    well i knew my ex 2 days before having sex with him we only lasted 2 weeks. big mistake i also could be preg. i made all my other exs wait :/

  47. LISA Says:

    Being a woman, I must say WE as Woman, has to think very carefully before making sure a huge step. LIKE ANY OTHER WOMAN BEING A HUMAN BEING,its going to be guys that you want to have sex with on the first date because your human but think long and hard before you take that leappp…I know AS A WOMAN I have alot to lose, just the act itself can change my life forever….And we all know the acts I’m talking about.(girls)
    Sex is the most amazing thing and I want to enjoy it, I’m greedy..I want to know everything about the man I date and every inch of his body. You don’t need to have sex to learn what works and what doesn’t. It just take time. Give yourself time to explorer. Touch more,talk less. Trust me, he would love you for it and love will seal both your hearts. Treat yourself to a lifetime of fun…..smiling. I did!….

  48. Kat Says:

    I had sex with my ex boyfriend on the first date. In fact, it wasn’t even a date. We met at a party (as awful as that is) and have a lot of mutual friends that set us up. We had really great chemistry and went on a hike the next morning and found out we had a lot in common. Then we were together for almost a year. In that case, sex on the first date was almost an ice breaker, and it turned out really well. But there are always situations where one person is only looking for sex and goes into it with that mindset. I think it really depends on the person and the situatuion that you’re in, but sex on the first date is by no means a relationship killer by its self.

  49. Laura Says:

    Well… my current boyfriend and I had sex several times before we even went on the first date and we’ve been together for two years. Be safe and be honest and if it’s meant to be between two people then does it really matter when they have sex?

  50. christine Says:

    I feel very confused about this and I am 51.
    However I was married for 22 years and have been single for 10 and I am still confused about what’s right!!
    The only conclusion I’ve come too is that you should not go anything you don’t feel right about doing. Or because you feel its expected. I don’t think a man will respect you any less because you have sex on the first date and if he wants something long term then he will come back whether you had sex with him or not.
    I dont think women are slutty because they have had sex on the first date……however I do think there is an element of mystery if you can hold back for a few dates and personally it does make me feel a little more respect for myself. But feelings of chemistry and sexual arousal certainly do hamper your willpower that’s for sure!! So don’t feel bad if you do want to give in, We are all only human after all!!! After all if we didn’t have sex then there would be no future generations!!
    Just stay safe and only do what you feel ready to do!!!

    Take Care All


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