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Wise Guys: Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?

Tue, Apr 7, 2009

Advice, Wise Guys

first_datesphoto by kreetube

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Does sleeping with a guy on a first date really ruin my chances for a future relationship with him? What if it’s obvious we really like each other, the chemistry’s great, we have a lot in common, and we’re both horny?”

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Thinking that putting out on the first date will kill off any romantic possibilities is pandering to an old skool way of thinking about sex and love: that the guy must court, wait a gazillion years while the woman’s heart oh so steadily burns and yearns and he tries to satisfy himself on a nightly basis, Onan-style, until they are finally wedded before sex can even be in the equation. In the 21st century, sex on the first date could very well just mean that you “have a lot in common and were both horny.” Sex doesn’t always complicate, nor is it always a barrier to further emotional intimacy. On the contrary, in fact. Consider all the gay couples around the world who meet each other on a sex date/Internet hook-up/anonymous sex excursion, find that there are other things they like about each other and end up happily part of a pair years later. What really ruins future relationships is being dishonest about your needs and desires. So fuck on the first date if you like! Any guy who would dismiss you for it despite having such a great connection otherwise is too much of a fool to keep on seeing anyway.

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): I don’t think first-date sex together ruins your chances but it does change them.¬† You know the critical little “voice in your ear” that says “Hold off: good girls shouldn’t ruin their ‘reputations,’” even when you’d rather not wait?¬† Men get that too.¬† Only ours says “Go for it now: losers never get another chance.” Neither “voice” is telling the truth but they can have an effect anyway.¬† Sometimes when we have sex right away the social pressure those “voices” represent get in the way of everything else we might feel about each other. So for both men and women I think it’s worth it to wait at least for the rest of your feelings catch up. And since when did horny have a shelf-life anyway?¬† Even waiting a few days (three days, not three dates) gives you both time to talk, a chance to take showers and sleep on it in your own beds, a time to decide what you really want instead of what you think you should do, and… time to get your respective bedrooms tidy and kitchens stocked for intimate guests.

Straight Single Guy (Mark): I don’t think there are too many absolutes in this crazy game of love, so a first-date romp doesn’t necessarily preclude any future relationship potential.¬† What is a universal absolute regarding potential relationships is that communication is key (trite as it sounds, it’s so true). Let’s say you and your date are lucky enough to totally “connect” in all the ways mentioned above, and are also comfortable enough to acknowledge to each other how much you are on the same page, even about getting physical right away (and of course, as Em & Lo have taught us, keeping in mind, and also communicating about, all the relevant important safety issues involved!). Well, in a way, you already have some fantastic “They were inseparable (figuratively in this case, heh) from the moment they met!” romantic potential built right in!¬† So why, then, does the fun have to stop at the bedroom doorway? Now, as we know, it’s not always such an ideal world, with perfect communication right off the bat, so exercising a modicum of restraint (and building up anticipation for the fun after a subsequent date soon to follow) isn’t the worst thing in the world, either. So go with the flow.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech god at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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204 Responses to “Wise Guys: Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?”

  1. shannon m Says:

    My bf and I were instantly attracted to each other when we met and we had sex on our first date, that was over a year ago and we are still together and got engaged. Women should trust their instincts though because not all guys are the same, some just hit and run… I say do what feels right because in the end, the number one relationship killer is lies and lack of communication!

  2. Michael Says:

    I think sex at the first date is nothing you need to be ashamed of in the 21st century. But you may consider that in most cases you dont know each other very well after spending only one evening together. So you need to be really sure to feel each others willingness to move on to the next level. Otherwise you could ruin it all and you’ll never know what might have happened at a second or third date. ;-)

  3. Zama Says:

    when me and my fiance met,we had sex on our first date.It was great but i felt horrible afterwards,i thought i had ruined my chances of a future with him,i thought maybe he thinks im trash and i give it away too easily.I couldn’y stand looking him in the eye for about a two days,until he told i have nothing tio be ashamed of and he feels great respect for me and does not think im a lose girl-he could tell i was bothered.that was four years ago,we haven’t looked back since,we are getting married in two months from now and so inlove with each other…..sex doesn’t ruin anything on a first date.I think its about how we communicate and act after we’ve done it as we all think that 1st impressions count the most!!

  4. Vivian Says:

    I met dis guy on fbk.he calls more than twice each day with text msgs.until he invited me to his house the 1st time.we had sex that night after my 2yrs of abstnainance.he told me he love me,and i truly fall in love wit him. The next day i left,since then i’ve bn doin the callin.he doesn’t call nor txt lik he used to,unless i flash,always full of stories to tell why he had’nt call,and assures me that he still cares and that he is always their for me. He is inviting me again. I tink he is using me as a “booty call”

  5. joe Says:

    he was definitely playing you, guys call alot in the beginning sometimes, it doesnt mean they were after anything besides sex. I’ve done this before. Its a matter of finding a good guy. If a relationship with a guy dies just cause of sex, in 2010 that is not a good or emotionally mature guy. He is also probably an opportunist since he presents himself as compassionate up until sex. Could be trouble down the line in a real relationship.

  6. todd Says:

    Not to say it’s a necessity, but speaking as a guy sex on the first or tenth date just means that’s when we have sex. My longest relationship was with a girl I slept with several times BEFORE we went on a date. And thinking about it, the strongest relationships amongst my friends are a couple who were a drunken hook-up and, had he not forgotten his glasses at her place, they might not ever have seen each other again (together 7 years at this point); a couple who were friends who had a fling (together 5 years and married for 1 now); and bandmates who slept together on tour once (won’t get married until gay marriage is legal, but together 4 years and have a 1 year old).

    My two cents: do what makes sense to you. If you’re not comfortable having sex on the first date, don’t. If you are and it’s headed that way and you want to, go for it. If he’s put off by you putting out and thinks less of you, remember this–he had sex on the first date too. :)

  7. autumn Says:

    sex on a first date isn’t really bad nor good
    :)

    I agree with everybody just do what feels right
    if it pushes the guy away than fuck em
    theres other fishies in the sea

  8. Mark Says:

    My current Lady friend and I both wanted to have sex the first date but both held off. It made for a wonderful second date however and a third and a fourth before we actually did have sex. We both knew what we wanted, its hard to stay out of the sack when both want it but if you find out more about each other it seems to me that is makes it more special

  9. Steph Says:

    I am feeling bad right now after last night. I’m 38 and he is 28met this guy from a dating site for the first time after months of chatting thru phone/email. We were attracted to each other instantly. We had a drink and I was supposed to leave but then he invited me to his place and I hesitantly went anyway. Eventually we did it and when I left the following morning he promised to call me in the afternoon. Of course, no call or text. It makes me now feel guilty and I hate myself because I ruined what should have been a good relationship, and probably he thinks I am not worthy for a serious relationship. Did I really ruin everything with having sex on the first date?

  10. Joseph Says:

    When I first met my wife, we were instantly attracted to each other, and we made love within 3 hours of meeting. Now, 11 years on, we are married, have two children (aged 7 and 2), and are very happy. There are two many rules about what is right, what is wrong; you should just go with whatever feels right.

  11. Steph Says:

    To Joseph:
    Thanks for posting that. That makes me feel better. I guess the guy I just dated was not really into any relationship and only after sex. Maybe I don’t really deserve someone like him.
    I admire you both..many good wishes to you and your wife. Cheers to a long happy life together!

  12. Sandra Says:

    I met a guy on MYB , we chatted for weeks , then met, had a few drinks, and slept together , that was just over two months ago…. we haven’t had a chance to get together again , but we do talk, text or e-mail every day since.. I did worry that I wouldn’t hear from him again, but we had talked about so much before we met that I shouldn’t have been concerned ….I agree though , life is too short not to take every opportunity at happiness:)

  13. Heather Says:

    I am a super picky girl, a fault of mine i cant help. I want a guy who is cute, confident (not cocky), good job, doesnt live with mommy. etc. After i got dumped by my ex 4 months ago i didnt think any guy i saw was worth my time. Well i took a guy home one thursday night because he was in no condition to drive and of course gave him my number. He texted the next day asking to take me to dinner and a movie but i had been sick so i said i didnt want to go out in public. We decided on staying in and watching movies at his house (idk if this counts as a first date) but we ended up having sex. We had talked for a while the previous two days and surprisingly found i liked him. but now im worried because i did like him but i let 4 months of no sex get the best of me. im not sure where to go from here, i think i actually want some sort of relationship with this guy…any thoughts how to go about it after first date sex?

  14. Johnny Says:

    ^ You sound like you’ve got it together and you know what you want… just don’t get over-excited about the relationship thing. It might happen, it might not. The surest way to sabotage yourself is to start over-thinking it.

    I’d also give you the same advice I give to men (even though women don’t want to hear it and never follow it): don’t stop dating just because things went well with one guy on one night. KEEP DATING ACTIVELY until a relationship is explicitly established. I’m not saying you need to sleep with other people if you don’t want to, but you’re setting yourself up for disappointment by putting all your eggs in one basket.

  15. jd Says:

    I met a guy online, chatted for a few days and then met at his house to watch a movie. We did everything but have sex; I haven’t been with anyone in a while (got out of a relationship 1 1/2 years ago) and it felt great to feel beautiful and wanted. I don’t want this to be all we’re about, only hook-ups. I think there’s potential for a great relationship but am afraid if we started out having sex, will he expect this every time? Also, I feel like I am making more of the effort by texting and calling. He calls back and returns texts but I don’t want to seem over-anxious. I really like this guy. Do I need to get more of a life?

  16. Sofia Says:

    Hello,
    Okay so I met a guy at a club about 1 week ago, we hooked up (made-out, etc) no sex though, he called me the next day and i feel like we hit it off. on our first date which was this sunday. we went to the movies, had wine at a bar and this time we had sex. we are supposed to see each other today, but he has not called yet.
    to be continued…

  17. mom Says:

    dump him immediately. that was callous of him. if he causes u pain at this early stage, it will only get worse. he really sd be an eager beaver at this point, so screw him. or rather, DONT screw him.
    at this point, u r prob desperate to make him like u, so u feel an artificial sense of attraction to him. it is your ego that is hurt rather than an actual attachment to him. he is crap to keep u waiting. if he were a half-decent guy, he wd at least call with some excuse. put on some make up and go hit on a nicer guy. leave this loser-scum for another bimbo. his mama didnt raise him right. dude deserves a retard.
    [i sd take this advice myself, but damn, its hard. be brave.

  18. Kathleen Says:

    People on this site seem to think that sex is just intercourse. Sorry, but that’s not true.

    If you are doing “everything but,” you are still having sex, but you aren’t having the intercourse part.

    Sex is a lot more than intercourse and I get irritated when someone says, “We made out, did a lot of fooling around and I had a few orgasms, but we didn’t have sex.” Oh yes, you did have sex. :-)

    We need to ask, “Should I have intercourse on the first date?”

  19. Ni Says:

    I met a guy on a site a couple of months ago and we arranged to meet up at his, watch a film and celebrate new years together. We ended up having sex I stayed a couple of nights but am now feeling the gitters that he might not call.

    He did say he likes me and that he hasn’t felt this way about a lady in a while.

    How long do I wait to call or do I wait for his call?

  20. Madeline Says:

    I meet a guy on a dating website over two weeks ago, we had an awesome connection, chemistry and many things in common, we felt comfortoable talking to each other. We have both been out of relationships for over 5 months. We even discussed sex. We just recently had our first date and it was an amazing date, i live over an hour away from him, so the idea was that i would stay the night at his place to avoid the long drive back late at night. He was a gentleman said it was up to me and that i could stay in his daughters room. Once there,showed me pictures of his kids, showed me his daughters room where i would be sleeping, and we moved on to watch a movie. He sat next to me, held my hands, was very affectionate. We ended up having sex, he stayed with me all night, and cuddled, treated me like a lady. This was on saturday, he did say he had a great time. We have only spoken once since about our thoughts of our dates and we both shared that we both had an amazing time and like to see each other again, had a good conversation about our lives. Being that he is a single dad and lives with his childre i know his schedule is tight becuase of that and work, so he briefly told me we would see each other again in about a week or so, when he doesnt have the kids. However, its been almost 2 days and he has not text or called me. Is this a sign that he is not interested in me, or that he is just so busy with everything he has going on that he has not had a chance to even say hello to me? What are your guys thoughts? i really appreciate it.

  21. Mary Says:

    I met a guy from a website. We have been talking a lot by emails and text. We have a lot of in common. Last night he asked me to come over his house, I didn’t. I told him that I worry that I would lost him if I would have sex with him so easy, He said that he just like to sleep next to a woman, we don’t have to have sex he said. I said that we can’t control if we sleep next to each other…But I promised him that I will come his house tonight. Cause we had a plan for first date tonight. Tonight we will have first date at restaurant. But I don’t know shall I suppose to come his house tonight?

  22. Lauren Says:

    I’ve been into a guy for a while now who I work with on and off. We had been flirting for quite some time and finally went out on a date. Things went well, but we didn’t even kiss. We both then got really busy and weren’t able to see each other for about a month. We finally had a second date and ended up fooling around at my house. We did not have intercourse, but played around a lot and had oral sex. We’ve texted since, but things just don’t seem the same. He mentioned getting together again soon but said he’d “let me know” when he is free…I really want to see him face to face to talk about what we did, etc, but I don’t want to come across as needy and mention it when the ball is sort of in his court. What do you think I should do?

  23. Anne Says:

    I had sex (if you can call it that) with one guy on the first date and another on the second date:it was the worst sex I have ever had in my life .Guys cannot perform well when they do not know a woman and so it not a good idea.I just could not get away fast enough:I did not want to see these guys again although they wanted to date me.They both knew I did not want sex with as I told them I did not want it:it did not suit me.They both tricked me into it.One insisted on me coming to his flat when I just wanted a coffee.It was a disaster: I just thought how can I get away? Anyway I don’t think he made it as I cannot remember much It ws revolting.The second guy kept coming round my house and would not leave : I ended up calling the Police. I was so angry I never went near another man for about 2 years

  24. Anne Says:

    People are just lazy these days;of coursethey will try sex as early as pos sible if they think you are easy and available.Early sex is about seeing the person as an object/their physical characteristics only.it is pretty insulting if you think about it.Getting to know someone;what they are really like etc takes time and effort and is hard work

  25. Anne Says:

    do not go to someone’s house alone unless you know them really well.If not ask if you can bring a friend.Be Brief: agree to stay a fixed time and then leave.do not spend a long time alone in a private place with someone you do not know well.It is boring and you end up having sex as there is nothing else to do.If a person is nice they will respect your wishes look for good manners and behaviour.The better someone treats you the better everything including sex will be.

  26. Amanda Says:

    Iv been speaking to a guy i used to really like in school, I never had the guts to ask him out. A few weeks ago he added me on facebook and wev talked everyday, he wants me to come to his for a movie night and stay the night as its half an hour out of town. There is such a strong attraction between us i feel we will end up having sex, but iv told him and he says he wouldnt think anything different of me? I really dont know what to do..

  27. kezone Says:

    i met this guy in a social networking
    sight(yesterday)
    we chated…i gave my no. n he called me
    we talked n he started talking bout sex..
    we planned to meet up today but both of us had some important work..he called me again tonight..we did phone sex..n now..tomorrow, its gonna be our first date..m not sure of wheather to have sex with him or not…
    Help..

  28. Lydia Says:

    After reading all these comments I am very relieved because it seems like all of your thoughts prove the evolution of time… That we are no longer bound under those unrealistic morals that waiting makes things last… It didn’t for my best friend who was married twice and also dated forever before finally meeting a great guy with whom she has had relations with from day one (so she told me)… I myself have met someone (online nonetheless) and we had sex on Sunday which was our 2nd date… since before then and since then nothing has been bad… he seems like he is really interested and is coming over tonight for our 3rd date and we BOTH love sex amongst other things!!! So even if this does not last… I did NOT make a mistake because I wanted it… boy did I want it!!! LOL

  29. Cypres Says:

    I met this girl at a mall. She recognized me and said I have seen you a lot at college. I remembered to have seen her a couple of times too. She was about to take a bus back home. I told her I am going to drive you home. We went to her apartment and she took me right away to her bedroom. I began to wonder: It is just the first time we met what do I do? Do I kiss her or what? I did nothing and said god bye after about an hour. When I called her the next day she told me that I disappeared like that. I invited her to my house. We talked and after 15 min she said she want to go home. I said let’s chat and talk. She said I want to go home right now and I am serious. I drove her home and the next calls we did she was always criticizing me and calling names. We stopped to talk to each other.
    I think she was to fast for me or we are all weirds. It has been six months she is now looking on dating websites and I am still looking too. Whether both of us will get someone better I don’t know.

  30. On the Regular Says:

    So I think that the dating thing boils down to we..both men and woman have gone so long between intercourse that when we meet someone we are attracted to we give up all reasonable thought. I, at this point, after having had a few go wrong, would like a friend with benefits so that I could date and still have sex regularly with someone I trust. Who knows but the crappy insecure feeling that comes from giving it up with the wrong guy sucks. I have been single 6 years and have had sex maybe 6 times…Woman have needs that toys don’t fulfill.

    It would be nice to find happily ever after but, there is something to be send for the carnal need.

  31. me Says:

    I have to say it’s a laugh and a half to read these comments. Most of you can’t even spell or use proper grammar and you don’t seem like you are even emotionally mature enough to date in the first place, not to mention having no boundaries. Too funny!

  32. miss t Says:

    i chatted to a guy on dating site, and promised myself that when we met would not sleep on the first date. we had been talking for a month and had lots in common and a great rapour, in fact i was so excited about meeting i just crossed my fingers his picture was not old or not like him. however he met me after work one day for first date and we spent the whole afternoon, lunch evening champagne together, next morning too.the chemistry was electrifying between us and i simply could not resist neither could he…. i went to work on cloud nine and only heard brief pleasant message day after…. somehow i feel heartbroken as i have never fell in love so quickly with the whole package surely i did not get this so wrong but have been on meltdown ever since and albeit two days later my gut feeling is that he should be saying cant wait to see you again but he has not. guys out there does this mean i got this so wrong is he playing it cool or just got everything in 24 hours…. heartbroken as women of 45 never felt like this so quickley

  33. Zara Says:

    Ok guys, been interesting reading everyones thoughts in this ! To the person above who slated everyones grammar etc shame on you, you are obv on here for a reason also so why don’t you just come away with what your issue is? I’m interested in all comments here as I have recently found myself in a similar situation with a guy too. Having been in a relationship for 5 years and just newly single I hooked up with a guy from school that I have not seen in years and we slept together ad the attraction and chemistry was immense! My issue is now that we are texting constantly but over the past day he hasn’t text first,it’s been me doing the groundwork . Very keen on this guy but picking up different vibes all the time from him. My question is this. Do guys like to be chased so much that they lose interest on what the connection was in the first place? I’ve decided that’s it for me , I’m not making any more effort to text or call /email as at the end of the day girls if a guy wants to see you in a different light other than a shag, he will make the effort, if not then you have been used! Fact!

  34. Dee Says:

    I’ve been with my bf for 4yrs then he broke up with me for five months…the first day we met after the 5months we had sex(the fours yrs we were sexually active) & it was a little off,I think cuz no true love was in it…what is the hope for us being together?!

  35. Dee Says:

    Def. @ “Zara’s” comment never chase a guy they always want something they can’t have so let them do the running around….

  36. Amber Says:

    I split up with my man of 7 years recently so dating isn’t my strong point. I’ve known a guy for over a decade who has always wanted to get in my knickers. We decided to see how things went and ended up in bed together on the first date. I was completely out of my comfort zone and had just been through a horrible death in the family, so I was quiet and shy but the sex was amazing. What happened next? He turned into someone horrible. Honestly, you think you know someone and you feel like you’ve known them ‘well’ for a decade, but he’s turned into an arrogant and selfish control-freak. He’ll tell me I’m the best sex he’s ever had and that I wouldn’t believe how often I’m in his fantasies, but he’ll talk to me when he wants to and ignore me the rest of the time. He plays games and tries to make me jealous, telling me far too much information about other girls. I managed to bag myself an absolute toole and the only reason I haven’t cut him out completely is because I miss our long friendship.

    Now I’ve a date tonight and if the opportunity presents itself, I won’t be holding back from sex. In my experience, even when the chemistry is amazing and it feels perfectly right, it might not be. To me that’s all the more reason to sleep with him early and find out.

  37. Red Says:

    Call me weird I guess, but I’m one of the few voices on here that strongly believes having sex too soon is bad. For me anyway, it’s causes me to question their character and trustworthiness. But at the same time, I’m willing to have sex with a girl right away. But it’s like presenting them a test. Where saying yes to me and spreading their legs so soon is failing that test. From that point I start to lose interest. It’s really weird and difficult to explain. If I really like a girl, and I try to make advances at her, I actually hope she will stop me and tell me to slow down. My penis doesn’t want to hear that, but my heart does, and it makes me like them so much more than before. I believe that good or better things come to those who wait. I believe relationships fail today at such an astounding rate because everybody is taking on this gimme, gimme, I want it all now attitude. Has anyone else ever noticed how much more you appreciate things you actually had to work for compared to things that fall into your lap without hardly lifting a finger?

  38. Zara Says:

    Nice to hear a guys point of view! I’m in exact agreement and believe that all guys think this, us ladies just let our hearts take over our heads too much… Without question I still think if it feels so right then go for it but if most lads are in this frame of mind maybe us girls should start thinking the same? Remember this, it’s easier for girls to have sex ad men tend to think with their dicks before there head, but the annoying thing about it all is if a guy sleeps with a chick on the first night to his mates he’s a legend but if a girl sleeps with a guy on a first night we are slags, or easy.. Sad but think in a guys mind that’s exactly what he thinks. With ref to my above comment I stopped texting and emailing the boy from school and needless to say have been put of one night stands since, now having noticed I’ve not made the effort I’m being contacted daily, started off texting back but to be honest one dirty text message from him put me off instantly.. Point to story is, I thought we had lots of chemistry in the beginning, turns out he was nothing to what I was looking for and thank god I’m over it!! Ha ha girl power and all that jazz !!

  39. ZZ Says:

    Sex, Lies & Audiotape!

  40. MissE Says:

    I met a guy over 4 months ago, he is a taxi driver and i did not see him for weeks on end.When we first met there was this instant attraction but neither of us said anything. I met him again on monday evening i invited him over to my place and we had sex,it was the best sex i have ever had and he still calls, as i’m writting this he just called me to tell me he is taking me out to lunch,we’ll see how this turns out. I’m hoping to have a lot of fun with him. Thank you

  41. tsi Says:

    well it depends on what you think is right..life is too short to do what other people wants you to do..if you want to have sex on the 1st date no problem..ul neva know..

  42. I Says:

    The truth is I think everyone here with an issue is worrying over nothing. There are over 6 billion people in the world, who think differently…. There shud be better reasons for not doing what u feel like doing but not what the other person thinks about u. The reason is it takes two to tango. U used him as much as he used u and u both had sex. If he sees u as loose, then he’s the same. If he doesn’t call u, call him once and free… An older guy 1ce said 2 me and likewise john mayer say what u need to say no matter how bad it is…. Express urself freely but as my dad will say don’t ridicule yourself in the course. This is to say that we all need to be adults…. Never be afraid of making mistakes but how we handle them is what matters… Do what u need to do and know when it’s time to kiss it good bye… So if u wanna have sex anytime do it… N let go when the individual starts acting up (being an adult is all about making tough decisions)…one thing that keeps me going is I think of what the other person is doing and I do the same… U can’t allow a fellow human being like u hurt u when there are other crucial issues… Trust me everything is a thing of the mind.. Nevertheless nothing stops u from keeping in touch 1ce in a while no matter what… If the individual is also adverse to that… Then the individual is simply insane and immature… But pls don’t be a stalker… People love independent people… Proove I can do without u even though it hurts… I cud actually tell whoever it is too… I’m happy this way, so u cud try it. o

  43. Mishal Says:

    My Pakistani bf exchanged text messages 4 months. I was out of Paris & he was also very busy. It’s about 3 weeks we met first time. And he reserved hotel. We had sex 5 time in one night. Now I loose my virginity & I can’t live without him. What I feel he is ignoring me now. He always try to avoide me.

  44. Johnny Says:

    ^ You can live without him, and it’s quite possible that you’re driving him away with that very attitude. Try relaxing and giving him a little room to breathe.

  45. marie Says:

    I had sex with my bf on the 2nd date. We are living together for five years up to now, we didn’t do much sexual intercourse in 5 years actually i can still count how many time we did, something like 5 times only up to now not even enjoyable and contented. He’s scared of me getting pregnant although I say pills will help. He doesn’t trust any contraceptive. Two years ago till now I’m confuse, I am the person who love sex. I kept on nagging at him but he insist on his excuse not to have sex it’s not safe and He said wait till the catholic church annulment is done and get married. He is 50, I’m 42, I want to enjoy my sex life! He’s totally not interested. I alsmost leave him twice bec. for me seems like I’m wasting my time with a guy trying to controls me from what I wants. He loves me sooo much but he is cold as frozen person. He shared to me that he doesn`t have sex with his ex-wife after few months of thier marriage that`s why the wife found another guy and they end up to divorced.
    A married co-worker of mine in one a half year kept on wishpering on my ear that he wants kisses and hugs from me. I was mad to him and tell him to stop but never stop. I almost tell to my boss but I tried not to because if he gets fired my concience bothers me, I almost quit my job to stop seeing him, I even share this problem to my bf was mad and he adviced me to report to my boss but I didn`t. but after a month I was tired him doing this and just ignored all those acts. He did this for a year. And last week I needed a box from him. He called me to go and take it, nobody was around and he kisses me in surprise. I did love it and the following day he shows me attention, concern and kisses everyday. Since the first time he kisses me, everything melt down, I felt love and miss him.
    We then talk and have a first date and have sex. I`m seeing him again after my 2 weeks vacation and I dont know what to do. I felt embarrassed,
    He may doesn`t talk to me anymore and may have even shared to his friend. He`s a quiet and nice guy though.I was pushed to him because of my cold bf.

  46. marie Says:

    Would anybody give bad or good comments, I dont mind whatever you say…its fine for me.

  47. *S* Says:

    In response to the above comment, I think you should give this co-worker a chance, because your boyfriend doesnt seem like he is making you happy. He even said so himself that his ex wife ended up with someone else because he was so cold and aloof. It isnt your fault anyways and you deserve someone that will hug you and kiss you, as well as sharing a fulfilling sex life.

    I just stumbled across this article because I had sex with a guy the first night we got together at a night club. We’re still in regular contact and meeting but theres that doubt in my mind that Im making up these romantic fantasies in my head which will never become reality.

  48. simplyme Says:

    i met this guy off a dating site. We decided to meet up for dinner the same date, we hit it off on the date to where we hung out the rest of the night and we ended up in a room and we had sex. the next day he called and i told him i was deleting my page on the dating site and he told me to wait till he do it so i can see that he did it. Instead he called later and gave me his login info an told me to do it. We been dating every since. I was worried about it at first but turns out we did what we felt was good for the both of us at that moment and it turns out we wanted each other….

  49. helpme Says:

    so i knew this guy as it was my friends brother, we had been speaking for 7 months nothing serious just casual talk. one night he asks me to go back to his after id been out with my friends! anyway i did an we obviously had sex me being drunk and him! a couple of weeks later he moved to new york to do camp america! he recently messaged me asking am i okay and things! but have i ruined my chances of a relationship with him when he gets back?….

  50. Franco Says:

    I like to bone a chick on the first date. For me, there is no sense wasting time getting to “know” a chick,only to find out she’s not nasty enough. If they won’t give it up on the first date, there will be no second date. Relationship? Not on your life…


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