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Wise Guys: Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?

Tue, Apr 7, 2009

Advice, Wise Guys

first_datesphoto by kreetube

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Does sleeping with a guy on a first date really ruin my chances for a future relationship with him? What if it’s obvious we really like each other, the chemistry’s great, we have a lot in common, and we’re both horny?”

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Thinking that putting out on the first date will kill off any romantic possibilities is pandering to an old skool way of thinking about sex and love: that the guy must court, wait a gazillion years while the woman’s heart oh so steadily burns and yearns and he tries to satisfy himself on a nightly basis, Onan-style, until they are finally wedded before sex can even be in the equation. In the 21st century, sex on the first date could very well just mean that you “have a lot in common and were both horny.” Sex doesn’t always complicate, nor is it always a barrier to further emotional intimacy. On the contrary, in fact. Consider all the gay couples around the world who meet each other on a sex date/Internet hook-up/anonymous sex excursion, find that there are other things they like about each other and end up happily part of a pair years later. What really ruins future relationships is being dishonest about your needs and desires. So fuck on the first date if you like! Any guy who would dismiss you for it despite having such a great connection otherwise is too much of a fool to keep on seeing anyway.

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): I don’t think first-date sex together ruins your chances but it does change them.  You know the critical little “voice in your ear” that says “Hold off: good girls shouldn’t ruin their ‘reputations,’” even when you’d rather not wait?  Men get that too.  Only ours says “Go for it now: losers never get another chance.” Neither “voice” is telling the truth but they can have an effect anyway.  Sometimes when we have sex right away the social pressure those “voices” represent get in the way of everything else we might feel about each other. So for both men and women I think it’s worth it to wait at least for the rest of your feelings catch up. And since when did horny have a shelf-life anyway?  Even waiting a few days (three days, not three dates) gives you both time to talk, a chance to take showers and sleep on it in your own beds, a time to decide what you really want instead of what you think you should do, and… time to get your respective bedrooms tidy and kitchens stocked for intimate guests.

Straight Single Guy (Mark): I don’t think there are too many absolutes in this crazy game of love, so a first-date romp doesn’t necessarily preclude any future relationship potential.  What is a universal absolute regarding potential relationships is that communication is key (trite as it sounds, it’s so true). Let’s say you and your date are lucky enough to totally “connect” in all the ways mentioned above, and are also comfortable enough to acknowledge to each other how much you are on the same page, even about getting physical right away (and of course, as Em & Lo have taught us, keeping in mind, and also communicating about, all the relevant important safety issues involved!). Well, in a way, you already have some fantastic “They were inseparable (figuratively in this case, heh) from the moment they met!” romantic potential built right in!  So why, then, does the fun have to stop at the bedroom doorway? Now, as we know, it’s not always such an ideal world, with perfect communication right off the bat, so exercising a modicum of restraint (and building up anticipation for the fun after a subsequent date soon to follow) isn’t the worst thing in the world, either. So go with the flow.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech god at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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204 Responses to “Wise Guys: Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?”

  1. vivian Says:

    im 22 had sex on a first date with an old family friend ov 29 d next day,i waz so sorry n ashamed of myself i cried my heart out got a call 4rm him later in d day was so happy 2hear 4rm him bh since then,he stoped calling n refused picking my callz im now so ashamed of myself and confused some1 plz help me on what 2 do

  2. Blessing Says:

    My name is blessing, i am 23, i ve had sex on my first date which was yerterday d xmas day and now am scared because i don’t kw if he would call back. Some advice will be appreciated

  3. Andrea Says:

    i had sex on a first date about 4 days ago, we both got a bit tipsy and just went at it, know that this was my first time having sex. The next day he wanted to hang out again, so we hung out, and i practiclly raped him lol but that night we fell asleep in eachothers arms, woke up together, and took a shower together. Tomorrow is our second date, hes taking me out all day and to the movies, this is one example of sex on a first date actually working :)

  4. William Says:

    Why would you want to have sex on the first date if you are looking for a LTR? If you want sex; own up to it and don’t say you are looking for a LTR. The message it sends is totally wrong for a LTR. Would you not wonder if the other party is having sex on other first dates that they go on? There is no way to know how much you are really going to like a person until you have had a chance to spend some time with them and learn about them. I personally think for a relationship to work you need to find out if they share your core values. Ultimately do they want to get married? Do they like kids and want kids? If you are going to be a couple, will they give up their personal privacy if that is what you want? New acquaintances can seem very intriguing but that feeling can also fade very quickly once you start learning more about a person. If you are TRUELY looking for LTR … don’t rush to have sex … as the feelings sex will generate will most likely convolute how you truly like the person … and you will be left feeling hurt when ultimately the relationship does not work out.

  5. William Says:

    Heck if you are having sex on a first date you don’t even know if they respect you enough to know if they are going to call you when they say they will call you… it’s a bad idea if you are looking for a LTR.

  6. Gemma Says:

    I completely agree with William. I am ashamed to admit that I have had sex on the first date with three men. One I never heard from again, one text me a few months later looking for NSA sex and the third one got in touch with me on facebook a year later to ‘apologise’ and see if I was still interested. Despite my actions, I have always believed that a man will never resepect you if you sleep with him on the first date, and my experience has now further confirmed this belief. Most people do not connect with someone so strongly on a first date but if you are lucky enough to you would be very foolish to have sex before getting to know this person. 99% of men who want/expect sex on a first date are using you. Don’t make the same mistakes as me you will likely come to regret it.

  7. katvM Says:

    Well, I don’t think it matters either way… sorry for the length if this post but I suppose you do need to read it all.

    If you ‘own’ your sexuality and know yourself – sex on a first date should not be a deal breaker. Some relationships grow from casual sexual relationships, some from friendships and other you just hit it off straight away. If you know what you want and are clear about it then fine. have sex if you so wish….and I mean this for WOMEN as I get the feeling that we are the ones that ‘emotionally attach’ whereas the man can walk away fairly unfazed.

    I recently had an amazing sexual experience… No, intercourse was NOT involved – he decided to come home with me; waited on ME and after all that accepted that I did not want to have sexual intercourse with him anyway. Following an hour talking, he was more than willing to help me get off…and I did. I asked if he wanted me to ‘return the favor’ and he said no. We cuddled all night etc and that was that.

    This experience taught me two things: when you mean to say no, leave it a that. It would have been cruel for me to kick him out so I left the ball in his court… He could have left if he wanted to but he didn’t. I know him through a mutual friend and with everything I have heard about him, he is (and really is so…)the classic ‘nice guy’. He naturally loves sex but he is also so unsure of what he wants. I knew this and so if he offered to come home with me and then stay with me although I said I would not have sex with him, well then that was TOTALLY HIS choice. We mutually acknowledged we were attracted to eachother and we wanted to spend time with eachother – nothing wrong with this.

    I feel completely happy with my position here. I have not heard directly from him since our tryst but I am glad he is taking the time to think about it. I am clear and very adamant that I DO NOT need or want any kind of drama in my life and not hearing from him is just fine for me as my life remains completely uncomplicated. Sure, maybe when/if I see him again we’ll just be friends but at the end of the day, I am grateful that I had an enjoyable experience with someone completely unselfish and rather quite kind. I do not need anything more from him UNLESS HE decides he wants more with me but on a more serious one-to-one note.

    Ladies/Men – 1st date sex doesn’t need to be a power struggle or complicated. Be clear in your own head and heart about what you want and can handle emotionally, then communicate this with him/her. That is all.

  8. Chelsea Says:

    I don’t wish to be rude KatvM but what you are describing was not a ‘first date’ it was a ‘one night stand’ a ‘sexual encounter’ or whatever you may wish to call it (I am not judging you just stating the facts). Did you read the question this entire article and the comments which followed were based on: ‘Does sleeping with a guy on a first date really ruin my chances for a future relationship with him?’ I am European and I know you Americans do ‘dating’ a lot differently to us so perhaps we are more traditional. However, as I understand it, dates are an opportunity for two people to determine whether they would be suited to a relationship together, thus, a first date would be a potential precursor to further dates. Those women, like yourself, who are free spirits and so happy to engage in casual sex are perfectly free to do so but please don’t fool others, particularly other women, looking for a LTR into thinking having sex on a first date won’t hinder their chances for a future relationship. Take it from someone who has a lot of experience dating and is now in a LTR, for the most part it will.

  9. Annie Says:

    I had 1st night sex and it ended up in a LTR for 6 years. I recently went on another date, had sex w/ him and we are going on our second date tomorrow. Go with the flow, life is too short for games, if you feel a connection and you are both adults then do what feels right. No Regrets.

  10. Jenna Says:

    Most guys that have tried to woe me haven’t even tried the first night even if I was flirting constantly… it’s a sign of respect that they want more then sex. However a few months ago I was at work and a guy walked in I wanted to jump right then and there. Well he gave me his number and one thing led to another and I was meeting him in a public restroom. Well 4 months later we still talk with no sex but he did just inform me that he liked me and wished the way we met hadn’t be so messed up and that he could start over. So sex on first dates… not always bad it’s turning out great for me… however I truly believe if a guy respects you he will give it time.

  11. memammi Says:

    Katvm love your response . Just seems like many women r still stuck up on really old beliefs!!

  12. john Says:

    I believe if a girl has sex on the first date then she doesn’t care about herself or the one she’s with. And a guy has to ask himself, does she do this often with strange men? She really doesn’t know what she is in for, especially in today’s world. liars ,jerks S.t.d’s Think about what your all saying , this is like playing Russian roulette with your penis. I’m old fashioned and don’t want a girl that has had sex with a lot of men. To me sex on the first date is a deal breaker for sure .

  13. Nancy Says:

    I believe that waiting and really taking the time to get to know someone before you get involved with them is always the best way to go.
    Sleeping with someone on the first date or the same day you met them is a definite deal breaker. I say this because my ex even though we are not together always calls me for advice or to vent (he’s 51) and he just yesterday told me that he met a chick on new years eve at a party, she slept with her at the party, he’s still now two weeks later is hooking up with her but referred to her as a simple “booty call” and he has also been pursuing her friends who were also at the party.
    This is a pattern he has gotten into, not the first time he has done something like this and in all cases he refers to them as hos, sluts, booty calls and he hooks up with the homegirls. And this new years chick doesnt have a clue and really thinks he likes her, she’s already brought him to her place and he’s comfortable but talks dirt about her.
    Just be careful girls who you invite in your life, get to try to really get to know someone, it is really true what others have said if a guy is just as willing to sleep with you on the first night that is a red flag. My ex says he knows he’s putting his life and the people he sleeps with at risk but thats a risk he’s willing to take. Don’t trust that the person you sleep with cares about you. I was lucky to have spotted the red flags with him but because i took my time to get to know him and avoid the things he does to these other women. Just be careful

  14. Nancy Says:

    I totally agree with John

  15. Judy Says:

    And let’s not forget that going home with a virtual stranger can get you beaten/raped/and or killed. Some folks are truly clueless.

  16. Sam Says:

    Vivian, would love to help you but you should consider typing properly. It’s a bit difficult to understand what you are trying to say.

  17. Michael Says:

    this is such a silly debate. I’m 33, and I’ve had sex on first dates multiple times. there is some validity to the arguments that a guy can run BS and say he’ll call and he doesn’t, but I also take the line of ‘do I really want to do this’ BEFORE I actually do it. I was with a wonderful woman last night. Our date was at 7, it was romantic, we both looked great, and after another club we went to my house together (2 cars – first time meeting, public place, yada yada.)

    it was probably 1 or 2 when it happened. like three times then, and then another couple times early this morning before I walked with her to her car outside. (Men: there IS a ‘walk of shame’ – do it with her!) I only wanted to sleep next to her (actual sleep), but she said something that made me throw all caution to the wind. she told me she’d become more attached if we did it (and we both knew we wanted eachother by then). I can get all the sex I want, but it’s not LTR sex. I know, already, that she is LTR material and I WANTED her to become more attached. we all have our reasons for doing it or not, but really the advice of value that I’ve heard from a few of you commenters is that – ascertain with certainty what direction this man/woman wants things to go afterwards.

    my longest relationship was with a woman I married. we had sex, hell, within an hour of meeting eachother. my second longest made me wait for months, and I don’t have good memories from that relationship anymore. my third longest, she slept with me and stayed over, first night. and I can state to everyone, now, that I’ll be talking to my date from last night again after this crazy, wonderful night. I slept with her because I wanted a LTR and she is a woman I’m willing to try it with….but I wouldn’t have done it, if she hadn’t told me that she would become more attached. Truth wins.

    Genuine honesty. make sure it’s there, whether through attitude, dates. whatever. but you must trust your date/partner. I trusted her, I believed her, and we ended an amazing evening with amazing sex. we already have made plans to see eachother again, because while we both love sex, we both also want someone to do things with.

    I think it works, to everyone out there. but only for certain people… be honest, all of you men AND women. honesty is the key to happiness, and often enough that same key fits your partner’s chastity belt.

  18. Marissa Says:

    Honesty is the key, however, not everyone is going to be honest about their intentions when you first meet them and some men will just downright lie and tell you what you want to hear. So far, I have only had a small percentage of men be honest in admitting they only want NSA sex, the vast majority of men have lied to me and then to make it even more difficult you have the men who were interested in a LTR but have now deemed you easy and decided you are no longer LTR material.

  19. Judy Says:

    My thoughts exactly Marissa. People lie, especially in the heat of the moment.
    Michael-really no offense-but how can you say that you trust this new woman when you BARELY KNOW HER AT ALL!!! It takes at least a year to really get to know someone. I mean come on.

  20. Lori Says:

    There is nothing wrong with sex on the first date. You can have fun and get off and it can even lead to a LTR. I’ll never forget when I dated this one guy for 2 months before we had sex and it was the worst I’ve ever had. Turned out he had a premature ejaculation problem and that’s not something that came up in conversation. We tried having sex on several occasions but we just weren’t sexually compatible. Sex is important and we broke up. Since then, I’ve had several relationships come out of sex on the first date.

  21. Girlygirl Says:

    Ok so im getting very different answers here. I feel the main issue is people/media make it seem like if u dont wait a year to have sex with whoever your dating your a whore/it wont last. But who can really decide when is right without knowing the relationship or the people in it? Ive been dating someone for over 4 weeks and we had sex after me being abstinent for sometime. It just felt right. It doesnt mean we’ll last eternity but it also doesnt mean its doomed for failure. NOW for the 1st date thing: i dont think one should, more for health risks than a relationship. But unless u know the person prior to the date, i doubt it would go anywhr besides maybe another 1 night stand

  22. jessica Says:

    I met a guy at a party; we got on really well and went on a date a few days later. We had an amazing first date and ended up having (protected) sex. We are just about to celebrate our 1 year anniversary and are so in love.
    If a guy doesn’t call then he was just looking for sex and is probably a bit of a jerk if he won’t even speak to you and be honest and say he isn’t looking for anything serious. Do you really want to be in a long term relationship with someone like that anyway?!
    If it feels right just go for it, as long as you’re safe. If someone just wants sex they probably won’t call you whether you wait a night or a month. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to love, just do what feels right.

  23. serf Says:

    Men and women are different biologically. This extends to our brain structure and hence some of our emotions, etc. Anyone that implies otherwise in order to be PC is lying to you. Men, biologically, must be more sensitive to being cheated on. Why? Men can raise another man’s child unknowingly. Women cannot do this (she actually carries the baby). Expending resources on another man’s child unknowingly is genetic suicide from a darwinian perspective. This is why men have often tried to repress and control women’s sexuality. If a woman sleeps with a man on the first date, then she has proven herself an easily acquired lay. He will be less likely to be able to fully trust her in the future to be faithful, which as I’ve pointed out is more important to men usually. This is the way it is. Wait until at least the third date to go all the way. In the long run, you will have better odds of having the relationship you would like.

  24. Chris Says:

    I’m a guy who recently had sex on a first date. Believe it or not, I really am genuinely interested in this girl. I have never met someone quite like her or had as much fun with someone before. She totally blew me away. The night just seemed to lead there.

    After the fact, I have to admit I’m a little worried. I don’t want her to think that I’m just in this for sex. I think I’ve made it clear that I really do like her without going as far as flat-out telling her. I feel like I should probably talk to her and just tell her what I’m thinking. At the same time, she doesn’t seem as eager to talk to me so I worry that maybe it was just a fling for her or something. I know she’s busy, though. She has a lot more going on in her life than I do right now, and I don’t expect to be the center of attention.

    It’s also occurred to me that if she had sex with me on the first date, how many other people has she done that with? But at the same time, maybe she’s asking herself the same question. That was first time I’ve ever done that. Maybe she was just feeling the same way I was feeling.

    So much uncertainty…it probably would have been best to wait. But maybe things will work out. I sure hope so!

  25. Yvette Says:

    I wasn’t looking for a LTR when I had sex on the first date with him. We’re still dating for over 2 years now.. Go on, if both of you wanna do, do it! Just don’t take it personal if he doesn’t call the next day cos that means he was just into sex, not you..

  26. Johnny Says:

    Chris, may I respectfully give you a little advice?

    “I’m a little worried” – it no doubt shows. DON’T let on that you’re worried. In fact, don’t worry. Things went well. If anything that should be reassuring. Insecurity and fear turn women off. You had a great time. If you wound up having sex, she probably did too. Take CONFIDENCE from that, not anxiety. Anxiety is poison.

    “I feel like I should probably talk to her and tell her what I’m feeling” – please tell me you haven’t already caved to that impulse. DO. NOT. DO. THAT.

    “I think I’ve made it clear that I like her…” – ok, you’ve made it clear. Now stop. Women are emotionally intuitive. She doesn’t need it spelled out for her. Overbearing, early eagerness will make a woman run screaming.

    “She doesn’t seem as eager to talk to me” – ok, there’s a few ways this could be going. I’ll start with the “bad” news. Believe it or not, women like casual sex too. Maybe that’s all she wanted. In which case, you got played, brotha. It happens. Oh well. At least you got a fun date and a lay out of it. Now for the bad news. Maybe the sex didn’t do it for her. I don’t know. I wasn’t there and can’t conclusively say that. But it’s always a possibility. Now for the likeliest scenario: she likes you too, but she can tell that you’re already WAY more invested than she is, and she’s afraid she’s got a clinger on her hands. She likes you, but she doesn’t want you up her butt yet. She’s being careful and is making up her mind about you. Now’s the time to play it conservatively.

    “How many other guys has she done that with?” Irrelevant. Doesn’t matter. This is an inexperienced man’s fear. And inexperience is another thing that turns women off. Don’t advertise it.

    The best thing you can do for yourself here is the following: pick a date in the near future when you believe she’s unlikely to be busy. Ask her out for something fun and light. Nothing heavy and romantic. Do not allude to your feelings for her. Do not allude to the sex you had. A proper invitation will convey exactly what you want it to – respectful interest in her personality and, yes, her sexuality.

    Good luck, my friend.

  27. Diddie Says:

    I went on a date 5 days ago with a guy I met last week. We talked a lot (practically all day long, the same day we went out) and really kind of clicked. We have a lot in common and felt very comfy with each other.
    At some point he started hugging me etc. and I let him know i don’t think this is a good idea, and that I don’t get in bed on first dates. Generally I’m a free spirit and i go with the flow, but I really like this guy a lot. He says he likes me too,and that it doesn’t diminish his respect for me, or anything of the sort. In the end the amazing attraction won, and we ended up having sex. He drove me home (BIG red flag) and i was sure i’m never gonna hear from him again. Next day he texted me and ever since we’ve been talking a lot,just like before the date. He mentioned going on the next one and asked what i wanna do, but i’ve been sick ever since, and he didn’t really ask me out,or set a date.
    I don’t know if he’s just waiting for me to get better, or maybe it’s done .. ? For the last day or so I haven’t heard from him.. he poked me on facebook
    I too have been in LTR and I can proudly say going with your guts is better than playing a game of hide and seek. If a guy decides to never call again, then he ain’t worth it. Sex is supposed to get you closer, no the opposite!

  28. anney Says:

    On sunday night I was out drinking with my buddies, at this club the was this guy who used to visit a friend of mine…& he was buys telling me ”you are so beautiful & I like your style” then we got so drunk n we had sex @ his car, & he called me tonight asking ” hey gal when are we going to have sex again?” I was so confused, was it all about sex? Please help

  29. hava Says:

    YES IT’S ALL ABOUT THE SEX!!!NEXT!

  30. Derek Says:

    Ok, I cant comment on my personal experiences because that’s what I came here to solve..BUT..I did notice nearly every example against it, followed with: “although we are no longer together.” That cant be good. lol.
    Just sayin..

  31. moneyy Says:

    what if hes your ex boyfriend
    and you know him like the back of your hand.
    and he asks you out? is it appropriate to have sex on the first date.
    and we broke up 4 years ago because of long distance but now hes moved closer.

  32. Lovinglil Says:

    I’ve had sex on first dates… With me I never looked at them as ltr after that night I seen it as just fun because I know how some men think… In the end they all called back some wanting relationships others wanting casual dates… Either I haven’t done it in a while… In a relationship now n happy…

    Advice: if u do it on the first date ladies grey yourself together know what u did don’t cry just play it calm n don’t call them let them call u n make things happen on your terms…

  33. Noel Says:

    Guys are looking for a one night stand or a relationship. Sleeping with him on the first date doesn’t change that. It’s up to the girl to figure what the guy is after and then decide. If you can’t trust that he wants LTR don’t sleep with him!

  34. Ma Says:

    I met this cute guy at a party, we made out and he didn’t call me for 3 days, and when he did he said he really wanted to see me, so we made plans to go out. Yesterday we went out, to a bar. From the beginning he was being really affectionate, he set next to me and we stayed more than 5 hours drinking, talking and laughing… We got along pretty well and so by the end of the night we went to his place and things just happened. I’ve never done this before (having sex on the first date) but I really liked him… I told him that, and he said he is not a kid. But now I’m so stressed about it and feeling he won’t call me again. I’m not saying I regret it, I don’t (because in the end, I had my fun)… I hope he felt the same and calls me back, but I’m not so sure. Should I wait and see if he calls, and if he doesn’t, I call him to see if he is going to a party I told him is happening this weekend?
    (I’m sorry for my english, is not my first language)

  35. tiffany Says:

    Sex on the first date is never okay.for those who do so are loose and don’t know self control.I’m not saying that ppl that indulge in the casual activity are bad ppl but lack self control.when u wait I think it gives a good message of self worth and strength.your body is your temple and should be valued not passed around when your horny.for the ppl who don’t get calls back from the person who u had sex with, that’s your lesson….don’t have sex with strangers and expect a call..

  36. Roman Says:

    If you plan on holding out sex because you think we (males) will respect you more; well it is NOT true. I respect women for many reasons – holding out sex is not one of them.

    If you give it up the first night and he doesn’t return your calls – guess what, he wasn’t going to return your call if you waited. His plan was to hit it and quit it, rather it took one night or 10 nights he was only going to stay around until he got laid.

    If you have a good guy and you give it up, he will call you back. Even if you make him wait, he will still call back. My point is that it doesn’t matter what you do, what matters is the guys original agenda.

  37. Bee Says:

    I had sex on the first date last Friday night. Then we continued on to spend the weekend together and he called me about twenty minutes after he dropped me off at my house to let me know he was on his way home and that he was safe. Needless to say he has continued to call me since and wants to pick me up this Friday so we can go camping. He’s going to let me meet his parents and his pets, see his house and so forth. I don’t want to say I made a bad decision…because he was the one begging me to call him back after we left. He’s been telling me he loves me (which has me saying “That’s a bit sketchy.”) but I’m really enjoying it all. Reading what most men think about a girl who does the dirty on a first date has me a bit worried…and I’m praying that I did the right thing. No shame though, we were safe and we had a lot of fun…he let me sleep in his arms and didn’t want to let me go. Hopefully this will end up right.

  38. deanna Says:

    I had sex with a guy on the first date because we couldn’t help ourselves. The anxiety set in after we had sex on the 3rd date. I started getting clingy and expected too much. My friend said it’s the best way to drive a guy away.

    There are no rules as to what we should and shouldn’t do. It’s very simple that guys can’t get it. Women bond longer than men. They forget and we remember longer. And we need a lot of reassurance later on, and when we don’t get it, that’s when the anxiety gets the better of us.

  39. vvvtop Says:

    I had sex BEFORE the first date, and the relationship lasted seven years.

    She (friend of a friend) came over to see if I wanted a roommate in the recently vacated second bedroom of my apartment. She came in to talk about it and we were almost immediately kissing and taking our clothes off. We had sex twice more before the day was out. She moved in, but more into my bedroom than the other, which just held her stuff. It lasted 7 years (until an amazing job offer took her to another city). We had sex three times a day, on average, for the entire time, and would have married if either of us believed in it.

  40. Michael Says:

    Hey, im michael 23 from Bronx. i usually have sex on my first date with girls. it an habit for me, and girls shall not be ashamed of themselves. they can be more smart in choosing the man they wanna have relation with, all men are not as gentleman as me.

  41. Me Says:

    I’m so glad to read your statements on this topic. I’m, for example the type of women that love to exchange tenderness, long walks, funny times, long talks and lots of attention… but I’m on the other hand very emotional and passionate so every gay I find interesting, want to have sex as soon as possible… and I just don’t want to do it before I’m sure that I want to start a relationship with the guy. So, often I have to end the relationship because the guy doesn’t want to wait and meet me better. Recently I got the comment that If I don’t want sex I shouldn’t be so passionate… HM, very stupid thing to say because If you care to meet me you have to respect my decision, not trying to make me fell bad about it. It is natural to be attracted and have sex but that’s easy way to go… emotions are little bit demanding and with them sex is the wright thing and full enjoyment.I have never regret for not sleeping or for sleeping with the guy, but it hurts less when you take the time to think and decide. :)

    Anyways, the point is that one have to know WHAT HE or SHE WONT’S: just sex, relationship, marriage, nothing :) and then act as he\she think IT’S RIGHT. That’s my humble opinion.

  42. nika Says:

    TO EACH HIS OWN…they’re so many sins in the world today who cares about sex the first night…we all have done it before and if you haven’t (unless your a virgin) may be lying trying to make yourself seem perfect or brain washed by who ever made up the rule not to screw the first night or whatever the case may be. Now if your unprotected and just randomly screwing anything that walks is a different story…f*** the BS. now, what if you meet someone and start a LTR and they suck really bad in bed? lol to me its like test driving a car.

  43. Lisa Says:

    I agree with most of the men that have commented. When you go out with a guy he already decided what he wants out of that relationship, whether it be a LTR or a one night stand. You just have to learn how to read the signs as to what a man is looking for. I have had sex on a first date three times and each time it turned into a relationship that lasted several months. It wasn’t the sex on the first date that ended these relationships but other reasons were the cause. I recently met a guy for a first date, and we have been talking on the phone for a week or so beforehand. When we finally met it was just an instant connection, we just talked and laughed and had fun together. We were both really attracted to each other and one thing let to another and we ended up having sex most of the night. We had great chemistry even in the bedroom. He wanted me to stay the night, and he held me most of the night. Ever since that night we have been talking everyday, and we are going out tomorrow night again. I have waited to have sex with guys I dated only to find out that we were not sexually compatible at all. I think if you are honest with each other about your intentions, what you want out of the relationship, then by all means, have sex on the first date if it feels right. Just make sure you are safe.

  44. Lifeistooshort Says:

    As a divorced female over 50, I do not see anything wrong with sex on a first date. If the chemistry is there, do it! So pleasurable! Just insure your partner is disease free. How sad to find out after weeks or months of fantasizing what it will be like to find out that sex isn’t all that and sexually you are not compatible. I don’t think it’s shallow, I just think sex and intimacy are too important to ignore as a key element of a relationship.

  45. almorr Says:

    No I don’t believe you can have sex on the first date or night you meet, unless you just want to get laid. I had sex with my girlfriend when she wanted it, this was just months before we got married. At the most I think that love and sex are great, but sex only is for as I say if you want someone for a 1 night stand and not a proper relationship, you have to get to know that person really well.

  46. SCHEL Says:

    I once had sex on the first date- we will be celebrating 11 years of marriage next month.

  47. Butterfly Says:

    I believe it just depends on the guy. If that’s all he wants then you’ll never have anything more anyways. If you get a guy who wants a relationship I don’t think it matters, he will like you regardless! I recommend waiting but I know that’s no always what you want lol! So pretty much listen to your brain either way, but also make sure your emotionally ready if he don’t call back.

  48. Pam Says:

    I always chuckle when I see questions like this. Sex on the first date, oh my, people will think a girl is loose! Well let me tell you, there are women who do have sex on the first date – they’re not looking to get married, they’re looking for a boy toy. Play it by ear. If a girl thinks it will adversely effect any future opportunity for a relationship, don’t do it!

  49. boudboul Says:

    I had sex on my 1st date with a guy I knew before. I didn’t know hime that well. I had not seen him in a very long time (like one year), and I ran into him in a bar. The next day he invited me to dinner. After we had sex, he did not text me (I did….), he texted back though. He talked to me on facebook a few times, and since then we saw each other at three parties and had sex two more times (NOT after the parties). I’m confused about what he’s looking for… Is it a fwb relationship? I don’t even know… help me

  50. Mrs Hendrix Says:

    I had sex on a 1st date 18 years ago; been together ever since, married for last 13 of those years.

    I had intended to “make him wait” like a “good” girl is supposed to, but he was just so darn sexy I couldn’t resist. Needless to say, he called for a 2nd date.

    A few years ago a friend mentioned to me she thought a man wouldn’t marry a woman who had sex on the first date. I didn’t say anything to her, but told my husband what she’d said. He told me he *might* have asked me for a 2nd date if we’d not done it, but if he’d been turned down for sex on the 2nd date, there definitely would have been no 3rd.

    And ladies, if he doesn’t call back for a 2nd date, consider it a blessing. If he is not at a point in his life where he can honestly tell you he is just looking for a fling before coaxing you


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