Comments on: Your Call: Should She Fight for Her Ex?

By: Jeanelle

Jeanelle — Sun, 03 May 2009 06:12:37 +0000

I totally think it’s time to move on and start fresh. I’ve learned that’s it’s very hard and stressful to try to recreate your image with a person who already has a negative impression of you. You may find that you always feel like they’re trying to prove yourself or convince them how different you are when they’ve already made up their mind that you’re a certain way and you’ll always be that way.

By: Dave W

Dave W — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 05:45:24 +0000

It seems to me that every response in the poll, except for the first, involves moving on. And Max had some good insight into the first response. If you’re not moving on, whatchya doin’? Waiting by the phone? That’s never pretty. Your ex and newgirl could be together for a while. There might be an opportunity to get back together in the future, but heck, maybe you won’t be interested at that point. Or, with him being a good guy, and you being a better person, maybe it could work out.

By: jim

jim — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:06:36 +0000

If you chase him now it’s just a case of wanting what you can’t have; the worst rap against women in general.

By: Max

Max — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 15:01:39 +0000

I chose “don’t wait a second” because telling him does NOT equate with “home-wrecking”.

Telling him doesn’t mean you two are going to jump into the sack.

But what telling him MIGHT do is help him better understand the breakup in the first place, and help mend whatever pain he might still experience as a result of it.

It’s just communication.

But you should understand that telling him IS different than trying to win him back.

By: kb

kb — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 04:54:04 +0000

I choose wait until he’s single, though really, I’d say, wait until you’re not single then you are. I got back with my ex after two years last year. and you know what? three months wasn’t enough time to process, wasn’t enough time to mean it if I said I changed. live your life. live with yourself for a while, and seriously-go on dates with other people too. If you really want him back you have time. and I like what someone said above “if the same thing happened, what would be different?” really. what would? if you are going to get back with him, you’d better have a good answer for that.

By: Dee

Dee — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 03:45:30 +0000

I chosed move on with your life. Sounds like you got it together why do need some guy who doesn’t want better himself by having a job in today’s and times before a man is not man unless he’s taking care of home. It’s wonderful to have a man who treats well but bickering about stuff like money and job will eventually ruin things up so best find another and hope you learned something from this one so you don’t repeat it in next relationship. Like my girl Liz say he might be happy in that relationship don’t do to someone else what you wouldn’t want done to you my friend.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 03:22:00 +0000

Totally wait until he’s single. You pushed him away, by your own admission – and that’s your fault. You should not cause pain to this other girl just because you miss what you gave up. Now, if it’s truly a rebound relationship, that will probably be over fairly quickly… and you won’t have to wait long. And if it turns out that he is truly happy with this girl – well, if you really care about him, you would not try to ruin what makes him happy.

By: flick

flick — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:57:09 +0000

Yeah i chose “wait till he’s single” because while it’s really possible that you miss him so much, what would happen differently now if the same situation came up [he lost his job/can't find a new one still]? would you still be naggy? or would you stop yourself because you know that while he should get a job, he’s important to you with or without a job?

if you would still stick to your guns, then it’s probably not gonna be a good relationship attempt on either end, but if you really truly have changed in three months (that’s kind hard) then try. worst he can say is no.

By: Bethy

Bethy — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:02:55 +0000

It might be kosher to be on COMPLETELY platonic contact with him, and let him know you have really been working on yourself during this time. It would not be ok to try and break him and newgirl up. Read “Good in Bed” by Jennifer Weiner. Take up jogging. Get a dog. Continue to improve yourself. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. But you can’t take on tremendous bad karma (being the other woman) to get what you want.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:22:37 +0000

It’s entirely possible that he’s happier with new girl because she doesn’t nag him about getting a job. (I speak as someone who got dumped for job-nagging.)

Really, you can’t go after him while he’s not single, period, but I tend to think you shouldn’t try to go after him again at all. Money fights are ugly and you’ll just end up going through the same thing again, probably.