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Confession: Porn Makes My Heart Grow Fonder

Wed, May 20, 2009

Confessions, Personal Post

porn_setphoto by TheNaughtyAmerican.com

One of our female friends currently in college, who wishes to remain anonymous, has a confession to make:

I watch porn. That’s right, I said it: Porn. It’s a word that, among females especially, can be pretty taboo. Watching porn is simply not the ladylike thing to do; it’s for ball-scratching, horny men, right? Well I say wrong. Not only do I watch porn, but I enjoy it. And to be completely honest, I think that most other women do too but are scared to admit it.

The first time I ever watched porn it was an accident. I found it on my brother’s computer when I double-clicked on the wrong file and got a full frontal surprise. I was appalled; this was perverse. I wish I could say the shock immediately turned my head, but it didn’t. I watched it and by the end I shamefully thought it was kind of hot. I certainly never told anyone I had seen it and just brushed it under the rug as a moment of misbehavior.

As I got older and more sexually active, I found my curiosity about what goes on beneath the sheets broaden. I began watching internet porn on my laptop with headphones late at night in secret, feeling like a rebel. That’s definitely one of the appeals for me: its forbidden nature. But that’s not all:

I like porn because I imagine myself in the situation and that gives me a thrill. I think about doing the things I see on the screen with the real person I’m currently in lust with.

I like porn because it’s taught me about some of the things that men like, techniques that turn them on. (I learned most of what I know about how to give a blowjob from watching it). Yes, in many cases porn focuses too much on the man’s pleasure, but there is porn out there that focuses on what women enjoy. Lesbian porn can actually be great for this if you’re comfortable watching two women, which I am — not because I’ve ever been attracted to another woman, but because I find the focus on women’s pleasure personally satisfying.

I like porn because it shows me the range of fetishes men and women can indulge in, which gives me different ideas about how to be creative in the bedroom.

And I like porn because I get a kick out of the surprise that men have when I tell them I enjoy it — it excites them.

The first time I admitted it to a guy — my boyfriend — I was nervous, afraid he would find it weird or gross that a girl, especially his girlfriend, was entertained and turned on by something that so many see as vile and grotesque. He wasn’t. As a matter of fact, he thought it was really hot. I eased my way through the conversation, hoping to convince him that this was just a facet of my kinky side and not a borderline nymphomaniac obsession. He got it.

I eventually brought up the idea of watching porn together and he agreed without hesitation. We picked a night and browsed the internet for something and immediately found that our tastes differed: I preferred something a little slower moving, something sensual that built up anticipation until you were about to explode, while he liked to get right to point with actors who seemed like they just couldn’t keep their hands off each other. We eventually found something that appealed to both of us. In fact, a quick tip here: we discovered that the first time you’re watching porn with a partner (or even the first time you are watching it alone) something with a silly plotline serves as a good icebreaker — laughing helps ease the tension.

We lay in bed together and watched a young innocent type slowly revealing her naughty side as we slowly revealed our own. The porn created this amazing tension between us as we struggled to keep our hands off of each other. Eventually we gave in when we literally could not resist each other anymore. It was intense and hot in that raw, predator way. I loved every minute of it and so did he.

In our case, porn was a great bonding experience. Aside from the mind-blowing sex, we really learned what turned each other on. We were able to satisfy each other’s lust in a new way. The things I saw in porn and wanted to try but never mentioned are now feasible since we’re sharing the same reference point. My dirty little secret has become ours and that’s brought us closer together.

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10 Responses to “Confession: Porn Makes My Heart Grow Fonder”

  1. Tony Says:

    I agree, Watching porn with your partner is a fun and exciting way to explore different sexual tastes with out actually doing them. Every since I found my parents stash at the early age of 12, I have enjoyed watching it over the years, I am now 46. My wife says she does not like watching porn, but if its on, she will sit and watch and get into the movie and the fun begins.
    I say sit back and enjoy watching porn, either alone or with someone.
    Have Fun.

  2. trillie Says:

    Like the author, I watch porn for (arousing) inspiration, for knowing what else is out there, what turns me on, and what might turn my boyfriend on. I would also say I look for porn online about twice a month, no matter how much sex I’m having. On a side note, I consider myself very lucky, because I have a boyfriend who has the same sex drive as me, we’ve been together for a year and we have sex almost every day. Yay! ;-)
    But here’s the key point: A few days ago we were talking about porn, and it turned out that he only watches porn whenever he feels he doesn’t have enough sex… So I watch porn to enhance my sex life, while he watches porn to substitute for his sex life. Interesting, isn’t it? Is that a man/woman difference?

    Great post, and great idea — I mentioned maybe watching porn together some time, I guess I’m going to suggest it again soon :-)

  3. Johnny Says:

    About the whole “women like porn but won’t admit it” thing – that’s often true, but it can be difficult to tell who’s who.

    Know who I’ll definitely call out as big fat liars, though? The ones who picked, “I’ve never seen porn, but I’m curious” on Em&Lo’s recent poll.

    WTF!?!? So easily satisfied a curiosity, left unfulfilled? Bullshit! Stop lying.

  4. Erin Says:

    Love the post, I love watching porn with my boyfriend. I’m sure if more people could watch it with out all the emotional, feminist, guilty feelings peoples sex lives would be better. I practically thrash my laptop in anger when ever on Dear Abby someone’s “perverted” husband has porn on the family computer and watches it. Abby always points out they are sex addicts, clearly she’s got credentials, and that they need to stop because it’s hurting the couples sex life and going to destroy the family. You want to know who is hurting the sex life? The bitchy wife who thinks it’s sick and nit picking her husband for other things in front of their kids. Women need to lighten up about it, their is nothing wrong with watching it, you don’t need to watch XXX porn unless your into it and it can bring you together. I despise that men think all women hate it and that we are too prude to watch it, romance is the way to the heart and bedroom but we need other things to keep us going, flowers won’t get me off.

  5. Slartibartfast Says:

    I’ve never been able to watch porn. Or, more accurately, I’ve never really been interested in watching porn although I have seen snippets here and there. Maybe I just haven’t been exposed to the right kinds, but it invariably makes me feel embarrassed, vaguely apologetic and sometimes slightly depressed. I suspect the straight-to-video production values coupled with the rote, going-through-the-motions performances of the little I have seen could be causal factors. It’s always felt appallingly degrading to the participants and that kind of bothers me. Nicole at The Midwest Teen Sex Show once offered that the key to watching porn successfully was to not think about it too much and that might explain why I don’t see the allure. However, erotica (particularly pieces authored by women) has a decidedly salutary effect on my amorous inclinations. Succinctly put, some of *that* stuff makes me randy as a goat.

  6. Rei Says:

    Many, many women watch and love porn. I wish there were more websites with pictures of nude men for women, like the many websites of nude woman out there for men. This is 2009. Women deserve to have easily accessible (without having to pay) websites with many naked men pictures/videos.

  7. Crystal_S Says:

    PORN- Its about time women get interested in it. I Love it and believe that everyone should own a few videos. Im A Women and Proud that I have porn I believe its healthy I worry about the people that Dont Like It

  8. Katie C. Says:

    It’s not that we don’t love porn it’s that we love the ideas and scenarios, unfortunately most porn is geared with the guy in mind and what he wants! I love porn and love it when it’s a woman’s fantasy like on http://www.dancingpornbear.com and sites like that…there just isn’t enough porn that caters toward women but there are and we love it! I have a pizza guy fantasy for example!

  9. Claudia` Says:

    i love it too, it opens my mind with new possible methods and scenarios. the only thing that sucks :( i live at home, cant watch it and my bf lives at home now also, its very frustrating, dont want to waste money on a cheap motel, and also have too much respect and fear for either families to do things with them in the house. its killing my sex life. help !!! :*(

  10. John Jewel Says:

    One of the greatest liberations has been the internet. As most have attested that viewing porn on the internet basically was not so much accident, but more out of being curious. For those new to xxx porn
    you have far better quality than ever before, there still isn’t any plot and the music is a little better. So enjoy your porn videos and as much fun as these sites are remember they are for adult use and
    set your preference block should you have kids using your machine.


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