Dear Em & Lo,
For the past two weeks I have been sleeping with a guy I met here at college. The boundaries of our relationship have been well-established: late night phone calls for no-strings-attached sex. Nevertheless, I want to keep this thing going. However the last time we were together I had one of my most embarrassing moments. I got my period during sex and although he seemed to handle the situation relatively well, he hasn’t called me since. I am worried that what happened was more of a girlfriend-type situation than a booty-call type situation. Was that a deal breaker for him? This is an incredibly awkward situation for me, as we know many of the same people and I fear that he has given up on me and that this can only reflect badly upon myself. Should I contact him? Apologize? Buy him new sheets? Help!
– Crimson Tide
Dear C.T.,
We have so many questions…
First, how does you unexpectedly getting your period reflect badly on you? We’re sure you didn’t plan to turn his bed into a crime scene, right? Sometimes these things happen. Your period is part of life. Heck, it’s part of your sexuality. And have you seen the stuff that comes out of the end of his dick when he ejaculates? Not exactly flowers, either. If you wanted to win the Nice Booty Call of the Year award, you could have offered to either help him clean the sheets (he may not have the experience we ladies do with getting out blood stains) or buy him new ones. But how many guys do you know who offer to clean a woman’s sheets when he spills his seed all over them, huh? It’s just not that big a deal.
Next, if this is a mutually understood, agreed-upon, and pleasurable booty call situation for both of you, why are you waiting around for him to call you? If you want to keep making sex appointments, call him. If you want to find out if this is a big deal for him, just come right out and ask him. You guys are getting naked and poking each other’s holes, for crying out loud. That’s pretty intimate stuff, menstrual blood or not. We think your relationship, however casual, can handle a frank discussion about the functions of those bodies that get undressed and roll around together.
Finally, assuming it turns out that he does think it’s a big deal, why would you want to be with him? He doesn’t have to lap it up like Edward Culllen from Twilight, but if he’s so grossed out by your period that he’s willing to give up a good booty call arrangement, then he’s an unsympathetic, immature baby who doesn’t understand the first thing about female anatomy (which probably makes him suck in the sack, anyway) and he doesn’t deserve your amorous attention. But rather than giving him bloody hell (which would be our first instinct), we guess you could rise above it all and try to gently explain why it’s just not that big a deal, making him a better future booty call and boyfriend for girls to come.
Of course, you need to consider the possibility that his not calling has nothing to do with your period at all. You’re in college, you’ve known each other only two weeks, you’re having casual sex, he’s a guy — it’s kind of a miracle that you’ve gotten together more than once! He might have just moved on to have casual sex with someone else, period.
Seeing red,
Em & Lo
May 7th, 2009 at 1:03 am
E&L. What can I say? Sage advice. It’s as if the gods are looking down on me. Thank you thank you!
May 7th, 2009 at 8:10 am
I once very vividly got my period during sex with a FWB. At first he thought his dick was broken. Then we joked about the crime scene sex (we have changed position numerous times and made quite a mess). But his sense of humor made it cool. Alas, he soon found a real girlfriend in the city, as I realized I *wanted* a real boyfriend. But still a good memory. No drama, no strings, just mutual attraction following my messy divorce. Just what the dr. ordered!
May 7th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Given that everything is on such a small time-line, they have only been seeing each other for 2 weeks, if this was a few days ago, he could just be assuming she is still on her period and would not want to have sex now. He is young enough to possible realize you can have a period and still have sex, or had a past g.f. that did not like it. Hell, my g.f. is 47 and still won’t have sex while she is bleeding, no matter how much reassurance and attention I give her.
May 7th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
That same situtation happened to me when I was about 25 or 26 with a casual fling in his early 30s. Had a messy period overnight and didn’t hear from him again. It was embarrassing, yes, but I wasn’t upset about it because of all the aforementioned reasons. While I was no more serious about him than was me, I still thought he could have been an adult about bodily functions, no matter how unattractive. (Seriously, talking about unattractive, guys you should see yourselves when you have an orgasm … the old Robin Williams stand-up about resembling Goofy is spot on.) Anyway, I ran into him at a bar several months later and after a few drinks found a way to jokingly ask him about it and he admitted that the situation suddenly crossed our relationship into the “too-much-information-this-is-the-crap-you-handle-with-a-girlfriend” category. I again mustered the humour needed to quip something about seeing more maturity displayed from a Cub Scout troop before excusing myself from his attention. I did receive flowers from him twice the following week, along with several phone messages that babbled inanely about wanting to pursue something more like a real relationship, but never agreed to see him again.
May 7th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Another thing that could be done in the future, along with heeding Em and Lo’s excellent advice, is keeping a menstrual cup (I used Instead) in your purse. It allows you to have intercourse without putting towels down or staining the sheets and you don’t have to worry so much that your partner will turn out to be squeamish. Most guys are able to feel it during sex, but never to the point that it makes intercourse less pleasurable.
For a while, it seemed like every time I had an opportunity to hook up with somebody I was really into, it was always that time of the month. I’d always tell them about the menstrual cup and make sure they were okay with it beforehand (and surprisingly, each guy acted like it was the coolest thing he’d ever heard of and wanted to know more about how it worked). I never had any complaints and I was able to have great sex without feeling self-conscious.
May 14th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
That happened to me once, it was gross but he just gave me a funny look and said all was fine. We’re still together