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Wise Guys: Do Most Straight Guys Secretly Love Bum Play?

Tue, May 5, 2009

Advice, Wise Guys

butt_statue_bum1photo by Jo_Jakeman

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do most straight guys secretly want to have their bums explored by their girlfriends/wives? Like, even if they don’t admit it, and they’d never ask…deep down, are they curious?

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): When they’re together, straight guys tend to avoid anything that could sound even remotely homosexual. Not even a metro guy will tell his buddies how much he enjoyed the ass-play he got last night. This makes it hard to gauge how many butt-buffs there really are out there, but for me I can easily say no. No curiosity, no secret enjoyment. I’m probably in the minority here, but to me it’s sort of like a stray finger up the nose while making out: not terrible, but not particularly exciting either — just off-target.

Straight Married Guy (Jamie):
I really think this has to do with the guy’s own level of homophobia.¬† If the guy is open-minded and comfortable in his masculinity, then it’s just something else to try in the bedroom.¬† However, I personally know a few guys who are otherwise pretty sexually adventurous, but who feel that any attempted ass play from their partners is a deal-breaker.¬† Of course, these are the same guys who still think it’s funny to make “fag” jokes about each other in public.¬† I think, for guys like this, asking for some anal attention would be too big of a threat to their warped sense of masculinity.

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Let’s face it: The prostate is the prostate.¬† Your nerve endings don’t care whether you like to have sex with boys or girls; when something feels good, it feels good.¬† It’s possible that even ten years ago I would have answered differently, but twenty-first century porn has changed my mind: Sites like Seancody.com and BrokeStraightBoys.com, where supposedly straight men have sex with other men, are wildly successful. And I do think that at least some of these porn actors are straight, or at least straighter than they are gay. So this makes me think that there has to be something intriguing enough to them about the idea to overcome what’s left of the taboo. And this is with other men! So if very experimental straight men are willing to let other men explore their bums, then yes, I suspect that your average straight man is definitely interested in having his female partner explore his bum — even if he won’t admit it.

Our ‚Äúwise guys‚ÄĚ are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week‚Äôs Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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76 Responses to “Wise Guys: Do Most Straight Guys Secretly Love Bum Play?”

  1. Vic 55 straight Says:

    I just love bouncing up and down with pillows stuffed under my arse. Best scream out orgasms I have – can get out of breath tho

  2. Vince Says:

    There fantastic anal orgasms are very good for health of prostate. Even elderly men without boners can enjoy them

  3. CK Says:

    Most guys love a little back-door attention! Check out my article on TOOTIT.com on how to introduce this in the bedroom, even if your guy is hesitant: http://tootit.com/2011/10/taking-anal-play-like-a-champ/


  4. WD Says:

    More straight guys than admit it crave to have their anuses stimulated and penetrated. The stereotype that male anal eroticism equals homosexuality is sexist, homophobic, and entirely false. Unfortunately, it persists among women as well as men, making it difficult for many men to fulfill a deep, persistent desire.

    Fortunately, there are signs of change. Consider the massive quantitites of porn on the internet having to do with strap-on dildos and analingus, with women giving it to men. And all the books–both how-to sex guides and erotic novels–just do a keyword search on Google Books if you don’t believe me. And all the anal toys marketed for male use, from butt plugs to prostate massagers (look up the Tantus Glide) and vibrators.

    I am a straight man who craves anal gratification. I get it from my wife, who loves to bend me over and lick and penetrate my anus with a well-lubricated finger. Penetration itself is mind-blowingly pleasurable, and the stimulation of my prostate leads to the most powerful orgasms ever. Best of all is the sense of role reversal and being receptive and submissive. I have never been taken by a woman wearing a strap-on, but I hope to be one day.

  5. po Says:

    I love when my wife uses are strapon on me she.really gives.it.to me we both enjoy it and we have done this for 2 years are so its great to have role reversal she loves to pound me

  6. MWM330 Says:

    Iv played with my tail end for most of my life and its a great aid to masturbation. My new wife asked me if she could play with my bottom and I was shocked at how good it felt. Im not gay but can understand why both sexes like a little back door action.

  7. Joe Says:

    I’m a gay man and a clinician. I love having my ass pounded, or pounding my man’s hole. What’s fascinates me is the number of straight guys I’m seeing who are exploring ass play, prostate exploration and getting pegged by their girlfriends and wives. It’s also been pretty cool to hear how man straight boys are asking their gay male friends for advice on how to open their holes!

  8. very worried wife Says:

    hi, need help i have been married for almost two years and recently my husband like playing with my bottom hole during sex (this is very uncomfatable for myself as i consider that a waste hole lol) but he really enjoys it what am i too think?
    thanks one very concerned wife


    Help, my husband loves his anus plaed with, he wants me to lock it and it is not a turn on, he wants me to do him with a strap on, and our attemps have been disatourous, PLEASE HELP, THIS IS RUINING OUR MARRIAGE, AS HE TOLD ME THIS AFTER WE HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR 14 YEARS AND I CAN’T SPANK HIM WITHOUT CRYING WHEN I SEE THE MARKS ON HIS ASS, AND THE ANAL ON HIM, HAS BEEN REALLY BAD.

  10. rob Says:

    Well, a while back I heard of colonic hydrotherapy and was instantly interestdd in it. Before that I had anally pleased myself with a dildo or cucumber. The pleasure is amazing but the mess it smetimes made was a turn off and made me not want to do it. I discovered the correct method of enemas though, (and not the little disposable bottled ones on the shelf). To properly prepare your colon for anal stimulation you have to flush it out to where it is 100% cleansed. After you are thoroughly cleansed the enjoyment is 10 times as amazing.! So now I am able to take way bigger objects in back there and the climax is out of this world. I recently started colonic hydrotherapy, and that’s an aazing sensation too. As soon as the session is done I know I can pound away with no mess, just pure pleasure…. So remember, its all about preparation, to enjoy it to the fullest.

  11. Mike Says:

    My wife and I have been married over 30 years. I introduced her to having anal sex. We don’t do it all the time, but once in a while. She has toys and has used toys stimulate my anus, and is willing to finger me during sex. I have discovered that I thoroughly enjoy the action of being fingered or having her use a toy up my bum. Great read by the others who submitted comments.

  12. Joe Says:

    I’m a straight men but I’ve always been interested to fine out how a prostate orgasm feels. I’ve never said it to anyone else though and I’ve never actually reached it because I always end up grabbing myself end masturbating the old fashioned way, but something up there can make a bit of a difference.

  13. J Says:

    If you are married and your husband likes doing sexual things you can’t deal with, then it’s going to be hard to work through that if you aren’t flexible.

  14. p Says:

    well i am not gay that is 100% but i love spanking lol.

  15. BJ Says:

    My husband has recently been licking his fingers and stimulating his anus while having sex and it is probably going to end our relationship. It’s not that I care about what turns people on its that it feels so unsanitary to me. Not to mention I’ve had several yeast infections and a stomach bug since he started it. I no longer can even get excited we he starts to touch me (he used to ALWAYS start at my breasts) most always on my ass. He prefers sex from behind but if I am on top he tries to stimulate me and I just get disgusted, especially since it’s usually in the morning which is when I go #2. I can’t take it. We have 5 children and we used to have a great sex life, but I work with children and hygiene is so important to me. I know it’s my hang-up but I just can not deal.

  16. Straight Guy Says:

    My girlfriend, who is a lot younger than I am started playing with my butt and over time became a bit more bold. She got my crazy hot and then without even asking licked her finger and stuck it right in and banged my prostrate til I came.

    I had no idea that I was ready for that kind of sexual activity. She isn’t into anal sex herself and we have a deal. If she can stick a dildo up in my butt that is the same size as my cock then I can have her ass.

    She’s uncomfortable sometimes during regular intercourse so I’m hesitant to follow through. And that does sound too gay for me to let her do that.

  17. imatrulove Says:

    This is to all you men who are straight and feel funny about anal play…Don’t. Everyone has needs and if you have a close and loving relationship with your lover/wife.. Then there should be no boundaries. That’s the beauty of sensual love. I’m 48 year old woman who has the most amazing lover. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to him or for him. It is highly important though to practice cleanliness. Never ever go from bum to vagina without washing with soap and water.

  18. chris Says:

    Im a happily married guy and love my ass played with. It feels so good and my wife is very willing to finger me whilst masterbating.She sometimes rims me which is just fantastic.

  19. Gary Says:

    Clinical and sanitary issues…
    What happens to the vagina and what happens to the rectum should be exclusive of each other for sanitary reasons. If you both enjoy anal play you should even have separate toys. As for the woman who was uncomfortable with morning buttplay, that is very understandable, but a quick enema can take care of that. The first mistake people make is putting too much water in and disturbing fecal matter that is much farther from the rectum than play will ever happen, so go lightly, and just cleanse a few more times after matter stops coming out.

    With that out of the way the major factors are to be openminded, relax, use lots of lube, and go slowly at first.

    I don’t know if its true, but it seems to be in my case, there are as many nerve endings in the rectum as there are in the head of the penis, so that means there is lots of pleasure to be had, if you relax!

    The first time isn’t always heaven, but give it four or five times before you dismiss it, it seems to get better every time!

  20. WD Says:

    If you want to get intellectual about it, you might like to read articles or books listed in my “Heterosexual Men and Anal Eroticism: A Scholarly Bibliography” at

  21. Biron Says:

    No, they are not straight. Simple as that. You can make up all the bullshit you want. No truly straight man would put anything up his ass. If they claim they are straight, they are delusional, in the closet, or in denial about their true orientation. It is as simple as that. Perplex the idea all you want, NO, straight men do not anal play, PERIOD.

  22. Nikki Says:

    My boyfriend has recently discovered he likes me lubing him up and fingering his anus, rimming him, and pleasuring him with sex toys. I think it’s amazing and I really enjoy doing it to him, and knowing that he has been so open about it is great. The only thing ruining it a little is that he feels it’s wrong because of so many people making comments about it being wrong and that enjoying it must mean you’re gay. That is utter rubbish, and completely ignorant of some people. I have found in the past that most of the men who think it’s wrong and gay are most commonly the ones that actually enjoy it and only deny it because everyone else does. It doesn’t make you less of a man for doing it, all it proves it that you’re close enough with your partner to be that open and comfortable to explore new things with them. I have reassured my boyfriend and we will be continuing to do this.

  23. trevor Says:

    I like because it feels good and thats the only reason ive wwondered if it makes me gay but hell no im not gay I just just like anal play its awesome

  24. ed Says:

    I have a new girlfriend who fancies herself an expert in prostate massage. I was skeptical, but wow did she prove herself right! it’s actually sorta dignified too the way she does it. I get it laying on my back, not on my hands and knees with my butt up like a bitch ready to take it, lol. Since she’s not a dude, and doesn’t even look or act like one, I don’t see what she’s doing to me as being “gay.”

  25. Matty Says:

    I’m straight but love being pounded in the arse with a banana or cucumber

  26. emandlo Says:

    Can’t tell if you’re joking, but just in case, we wouldn’t recommend putting anything up your butt that wasn’t intended to be used in the butt. You need a flared base, man, otherwise you might end up a funny E.R. story.

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