photo by Jo_JakemanAdvice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do most straight guys secretly want to have their bums explored by their girlfriends/wives? Like, even if they don’t admit it, and they’d never ask…deep down, are they curious?
Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): When they’re together, straight guys tend to avoid anything that could sound even remotely homosexual. Not even a metro guy will tell his buddies how much he enjoyed the ass-play he got last night. This makes it hard to gauge how many butt-buffs there really are out there, but for me I can easily say no. No curiosity, no secret enjoyment. I’m probably in the minority here, but to me it’s sort of like a stray finger up the nose while making out: not terrible, but not particularly exciting either — just off-target.
Straight Married Guy (Jamie): I really think this has to do with the guy’s own level of homophobia. If the guy is open-minded and comfortable in his masculinity, then it’s just something else to try in the bedroom. However, I personally know a few guys who are otherwise pretty sexually adventurous, but who feel that any attempted ass play from their partners is a deal-breaker. Of course, these are the same guys who still think it’s funny to make “fag” jokes about each other in public. I think, for guys like this, asking for some anal attention would be too big of a threat to their warped sense of masculinity.
Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Let’s face it: The prostate is the prostate. Your nerve endings don’t care whether you like to have sex with boys or girls; when something feels good, it feels good. It’s possible that even ten years ago I would have answered differently, but twenty-first century porn has changed my mind: Sites like Seancody.com and BrokeStraightBoys.com, where supposedly straight men have sex with other men, are wildly successful. And I do think that at least some of these porn actors are straight, or at least straighter than they are gay. So this makes me think that there has to be something intriguing enough to them about the idea to overcome what’s left of the taboo. And this is with other men! So if very experimental straight men are willing to let other men explore their bums, then yes, I suspect that your average straight man is definitely interested in having his female partner explore his bum — even if he won’t admit it.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
I’ve personally learned many life lessons from the plotlines of my favorite porn websites.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:37 am
I think it’s personal taste.
some people like ass play, some like bondage, some like roll play.
sometimes people are too homophobic to try, some just know it’s not for them, and others are willing to try it before deciding.
May 6th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
My husband (who im seperated from, not legally, he just walked out) asked me on many occasions for booty play. I think he’s gay, on the downlow, or/and bi-sexual. I feel in my heart that he is. He has done and said a lot of things in the past that has made me question his sexuality. I’ve spoken to many of my straight male friends and they believe he is gay also. I just don’t think its normal for a straight man to want the type of things he has asked me to do to him. Including booty play. That is just how I feel.
May 6th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Secretly? This isn’t a big secret, and it is sad if a guy can’t be open about it. I’m surprised people make a big deal of of this.
Enjoying a finger or toy in your butt doesn’t mean you’re gay, it means you’re adventurous.
P.S. It’s 2009.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
My bf loves booty play. He might not tell all his friends about it, but in the privacy of our bedroom, he asks for it.
May 9th, 2009 at 4:26 am
If it feels good, It feels good. I know a guy that loves it and I know another guy that would not even dare sample that.
May 9th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
You Guy Friends aren’t helping me here.
I initially agree with GayEngagedDude. Prostate is the Prostate. I introduced a little outer rim play to my boyfriend of 13 months and he loved it. He never seemed Gay to me.
Howevva, Straight Single claims he doesn’t like it, Straight Married completely dodged the subject and Amanda’s guy who liked it turned out to be Gay.
So which is it?
May 10th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Hmmm… It’s beginning to look as though another difference between men and women has been revealed. While it may be a long-established and widely known fact that all women enjoy the same things in the precisely the same ways, early evidence suggests that not all men like exactly the same thing. Curious. A biological population with individual behavioral variation. Who’d-a-thunk-it?
I vaguely remember reading an advice columnist (possibly Dan Savage) who opined that gay or straight was revealed by *who* someone chooses as a playmate rather than *which* activities are selected. At the time, I thought that seemed pretty reasonable. Still do.
May 11th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Well put, Slartibart (and Dan Savage!). We agree: nerve endings aren’t straight or gay, and acts aren’t straight or gay, either. We also agree that different men and women enjoy different things in bed. This question was a little tongue-in-cheek, we admit. We do tend to harp on this topic a bit because we think it’s kind of a bummer (heh) that this act could be enjoyable to a lot of men if they weren’t so anal (sorry) about its implications. But it’s also true that plenty of men are totally relaxed about the topic but just plain don’t like it, and that’s fine. We just think you should dislike it for the right reasons.
May 11th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
shasta – my straight boyfriend likes bum play… Emandlo are right … nerve endings are nerve endings. Some boys won’t play because they are afraid it’ll make them homosexual…but those aren’t fun boys anyway.
May 12th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
it’s a turn off for me to be with a man who is so opposed to something that could potentially feel nice because he thinks it is a “homosexual” action. i just want to say to those homophobe guys, “hey, gay men give each other head, too. does that mean you’re gay if you like a little oral?” come on, people, grow up. yep, nerve endings are nerve endings are nerve endings and it something feels nice, why should it ever be shunned? my current boyfriend is very sexual, very open, and very masculine. in our relationship, everything is about feeling good. if it feels nice, it feels nice. there is no shame in enjoying the pleasures that our bodies can give us. sex is a gift, our bodies and orgasms are gifts to enjoy ourselves and to share with our lovers.
May 12th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
my experience…current boyfriend enjoys it and feels no shame in admitting it or asking for it, only if i’m comfortable. bum play is just another tool in the pleasure toolbox : ) . last 2 boyfriends liked a little bit of attention to the bum but would barely admit it.
May 13th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
i found very erotic wend my gf rim my bum i don’t find anything wrong whit that, i love to rim her bum for long time and make me crazy
May 15th, 2009 at 12:54 am
All good points. And I’m a huge Dan Savage fan.
Thx.
May 17th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
I like bum play strap it on girls
May 19th, 2009 at 12:09 am
I’m 45…divorced (for 2nd time) different man. Had lots of “encounters sexually in my life. My last lover…..who had overtones of a “homophobe” , asked me to rim play him w/my toy…another time with my tounge…another time w/my finger…..could tell he loved it. Guess ur never too old to learn!!! I won’t hesitate to go though,,,,but gently with my next lover. I won’t ask or wait to be asked. I will just wait till the time is right and if it’s not for him…leave it alone…but I wonder how many men have wanted it but are too afraid to ask???
May 19th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
i guess its 50 50 maybe experienced it from my wife and really creates pleasure.
May 24th, 2009 at 2:09 am
I have had my share of men who have phobia. And my experience is that they have ragged on the next man about that is gay. But I love to fingered that azz. I like to be able to assit in this and no I don’t think they where gay.
But just know someting you need to do is try it. Only if he is game.
May 24th, 2009 at 3:59 am
I like it licked but am still no interested in penitration, just preferance….oh yea, i tell everyone…well good friends hbow much fun it is. if you havent tried it you should boys and girls
July 29th, 2009 at 12:48 am
i just dont get it. does it make you get there?? why does it feel good? im a girl and hate having anything put in my ass. it just doesnt feel right. so why do men enjoy it? details
November 15th, 2009 at 3:01 am
i think ass play is for everybody! I luv when my women touches or licks my ass! It feels so fuckin good! i luv it! but not gay!
November 16th, 2009 at 8:26 am
Im only 19 but had a few experiences. Ive had 2 girls finger my ass and 1 rim. Im never afraid to try new things and admit trying it. I do really enjoy a girl fingering my ass, but didnt enjoy the rimming tbh.Im 100% straight and i think if you like it or not it doesnt actually tell anything about the sexuality of the guy. my ex actually wanted to wear a strap on and fuck me up the bum, does that mean shes a lesbian? not at all…well its the same with guys. Your gay if you think a man is hot and you think a hench body and a six pac is sexually attractive…not if you want a GIRL to do stuff to your g spot…for sureee
November 16th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
Just an aside to the dudes who say “no way!” Especially if you haven’t really explored it (meaning the first 3 times she tried to touch your bung hole you jumped up like a spider bit ya, and screamed like a woman) Did you expect your woman to “love” anal sex the first time you gave it to HER? Did she? Or was it something she found out after some experimenting and learning she either liked or didn’t like? (I can pretty much guarantee it, she DIDN’T like it the first few times….)
I don’t care if a man has fully investigated the genre and really doesn’t care for it, but for a lot of men it seems to be a knee jerk reaction. “My ass? No way!”
My concern is anyone leaving out a part of their sexual experience which they REALLY might like or LOVE because of some prejudice or fear.
Only because I care.
December 1st, 2009 at 1:27 am
My girlfriend and I use a strap on a few times a month and I have absolutely ZERO hang ups over it. She is the hottest woman I have ever ever dated and we are madly in love. No confussion here. Its simple for me..I love women and the mutual vulnerability we share with each other leads to the most passionate…deep…soul baring sex I have ever and will ever encounter.
I AM BLESSED WITH THIS GIRL!
Get real guys and let go!
Ohh and by the way…the orgasm I experience when we do have mutual anal sex is MINDBENDING…straight insanity!
December 5th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
yeah. Good points. I think if you’re doing it with a girl and you refuse to have a nother dude do it to you, it pretty obvious that you just have a fetish for females doing that. So I think you’re not gay. But also remember we all might get certain urges but you actually aren’t born straight or gay. It’s sometihng you usually develop when you’re growing up. Just like how when boys are young they aren’t interested in girls but then they get in high school and they flirt and have sex with all the cheerleader and female flag twirlers.
December 6th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Weither or not a male who likes recieving anul pleasure is gay or streight is not the issue. It is the body itself reacting to what is being done to it. when a person is recieving anul pleasure in what ever form the brain recieves a sort if signal from the anul walls which have super sensative nerves, along with the same stimulation sent to the brain by the prostate. the brain then decides if this is a good or bad stimulation which in turn can be influenced by “mind over matter.” -if the perspn does not believe they will enjoy it from the start then most likely they will convince themselves of that. but if a person is open minded enough to try while in a state of unbiest opinion then the possability of enjoyment is greater.- … anyway… the nurves send a signal to the brain and the brain decides weither this is a good of bad stumilation. i’m not a professional on the subject but in my opinion; (as a man who has experienced anul sex. who is gay) it is the indivituals own comfort level and open mindedness that can truely allow them to decide if anul stumilation feels good to them or not. as well as their own sence of curiosity. .. … if you haven’t experienced anul stumilation then you have no right to give your opinion on weighter it is right or wrong. you can give your opinion on the IDEAH of anul stumilation, but don’t try to convince someone of it is right or wrong if you have no personal experience. hypocritical opinion is the worst kind of opinion. basically all i’m saying here is, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it for yourself.” if you find out that you enjoy it that’s great and if you find out that you don’t enjoy it that’s fine too. (AND if you don;t like this subject matter them just click the “X” at the top right corner of your screne and pretend that you’ve never read this. lol.)
December 9th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
I think that all men and women should at least try some anal play. If a man is willing to let a woman play with his butt, the woman should not be opposed to allowing him to penetrate her anus.
December 9th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Riotact666 – I love anal, so this isn’t a personal complaint, just spotting an inequality on your argument, a finger in his doesn’t equal a cock in hers.. ;0) gotta be even if you’re gonna argue a tit for tat arrangement ;0)
March 20th, 2010 at 8:39 am
any man reading this if you have never had your prostate milked while getting oral i feel sorry for you!! most intense male orgasm there is and easy to learn for females, period!!I consider myself an average man. If you do your research you will find many men enjoy this. Woman do too for diff reasons. you have to build up the trust factor with someone you know will not judge no matter how they feel about it.and dont just start out stuffing things in there, step by step. women this is your time to hold the reigns and feel the power your lover feels. its about role reversal not about homosexuality.if for nothing else anything kinky sex acts i want to perform on my gf she should have option to do to me.