Comments on: Wise Guys: How Much Younger Than Him Can a Man Date?

By: Michelle

Michelle — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 04:59:33 +0000

Hi everyone, pls help me out..
I met this guy at my cousin’s party last saturday night,he is one of my cousin’s old friends.He is 35 and I’m 18, I think I like him but the thing is all of my cousins make fun of me. They say: “Whats wrong with you? that’s nasty, there are a lot of cute guys in university who are better for you..”I feel so bad about that. However, my aunts and my uncles really like him, because he and my cousin been friend for a long time. They said he’s really nice,good looking and he has a good job too, thats why I’m interested in him. Like sometimes, I feel so lonely and I need a boyfriend to support me because my parents are in back home, I came here to study. Plus I dont want to waste my time with a guy who is immature, I’m 18 but Im kinda like really mature like an 25 years old woman. I choose to be in a serious relationship rather than having fun with some other guys at clubs. I dont know what to do, because you know when people ask you about your age and your partner’s age, i dont know how to answer them. I’m scared..they will laugh at me.

By: Michael

Michael — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 12:48:01 +0000

Hi, I’m a french guy (english fluent) and if I landed here it’s because I recently fell deeply in love with a girl that is really much younger than I am – actually 40 years younger. Hey, stop, hang in there ! I was willing to find out if other guys ever found themselves in the same situation. My two latest relationships were with girls respectively 22 years and 17 years younger than I am. The one who was 22 years younger than me was Asian, and even looking much younger than that. You could think that an 18 years old girl was dating a 54 years old guy (when going to night clubs security was always asking for her ID!!!). All I have to say about it is these relations were working greatly, whether mentally or physically. We had really good lives and good times, getting along perfectly, having good laughes all the time. I’m young at heart, outgoing, did a lot of sports and dancing (and still do), I’m looking 10 years younger than my real age (well, the girls said that), so… Of course, the stakes are much higher now, but I have to say that I will take a chance, and see what happens. I guess there are no rules, real love should prevail, and whatever people around think and say, I just ignore it. And I guess it’s just the same for the girl I’m planning to ask out. She’s plain tired of guys just trying to take advantage of her physically, forgetting she may also need tenderness and some good care…
When I was with my latest girlfriend (the one 17 years younger than me), she was sitting on my knees when waiting on the platform or riding the subway in Paris. We were actually behaving a lot like teenagers, but what the heck? Of course we were getting dirty looks. But I just don’t care. It’s just plain jealousy, and all I can wish to these jealous people is to be able to live their relationships as I live mine! Look at all these couples sitting at their table in restaurants, not talking because they have nothing to say anymore! Sorry, I will never get there…

By: Mike

Mike — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 17:57:00 +0000

I agree with the article aside from the forgotten mention of future intentions. To great an age difference will play heavily into the potential permanency of a relationship. Marrying someone much greater or lesser in age leaves one of the spouses alone when the other passes on. I can think of no greater pain than the loss of my mate. Still exceptions being the case in every rule, I could understand marrying a person of great age difference in the presence of great love (soul mate), with the pretense that whatever time available would be worth the inevitable pain.

By: Matt

Matt — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 08:38:33 +0000

I think a good guideline is half your age plus three (the half your age plus seven thing has been long taken out of context, it was meant in Victorian times to be the IDEAL age of a bride, not the youngest she could be), although there are some exceptions. However, although I’m very accepting and tolerant of age gaps, there are limits, and younger people have less wiggle room. For example, although there’s nothing wrong with a 30 year old dating a 17 year old, a 17 year old dating a 10 year old is just plain wrong. When they’re really young, the limits are even narrower (let’s assume “date” in this scenario means going to an amusement park together), a 12 year old shouldn’t feel that way about a 6 year old, but they’re close enough in age that to feel that way about a 9 year old is just fine.

Now, going up the ladder some, I think that once you get past 21, guidelines are just guidelines. I know a 24 year old woman who is with a 54 year old man. I see nothing wrong with it, although normally that would seem a bit much. I think that 40 is the age where there’s less upper limit for dating, not exactly 35 (to me, 35 and 80 seems a bit much, but 40 and 80 isn’t). And believe it or not, I think the same rules can be applied with younger guys dating older women, but with one additional factor. If he wants kids, he shouldn’t date a woman older than 40 or 41. Reason being, unless they behave sexually like high school or college aged kids, a few years will pass before they are in that situation to have kids, and I usually don’t reccomend getting a woman older than 45 pregnant.

By: Hally

Hally — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 18:47:55 +0000

So a 30 yr old woman with a 11 and 8 yr old boys father knocks up a 21 yr old girl . After taking a break he stated mess with get at 19. They were messin around for about 2 years . Although continuing a stable strobg close family bond environment for their kids I not knowing anything about her and still loving him finds out in a email that she’s 4 months pregnant and I should move on . Hurt and in shock I of feared fir my family and decided to grow up and fight for them. This girl has agreed that he can’t give her what’s she wants because his kids come first and him being an active full time father. Although not together having love for the mother of his kids he kept her secret for that 2 year time. The young girl had no family and clearly is going to rely on him as this situation grows Trying 2 act grown sent email wanting to contact the mother and claiming that they are still together. During her 4 months if pregnancy he tried to explain his position that he will never be with her cuz of his commitment to his children, he’s hurting his childrens mother and could risks his kids cuz of her and this baby , also he is in no financial position to have another child she agreed and still want to have her baby. I’m crushed and he has already admitted that thus us a mistake but he had to deal with it. His has taken the very badly cuz they share a close relationship with her and the children . Not raising kids to gave babies all over his father says she’s not welcomed right now cuz of the children and me. After the breakdown of seeing the emails we’ve had sex a few times already which confirms that this relationship wasn’t serious though i kno it will be a tuff road accepting this child and having to eventually tell our kids not anytime soon we’ve chosen to let them be happy right now cuz they are too schedule. I kno I must accept this but I’m not ready yet. If I want my family back which I do I have to act grown and be patient She was messin wit her at 19 he is to Blame and he’s has admitted it … I have reason to want him and my family we love our kids he messed up and is going to do the right thing .right now I kno he’s not with her it about this kid I’m being positive and I have the family support although we are nit together he does love me and I know it he is a great father we need a break but not a break for this to happen this situation won’t go away but it can make us fir the better— some advice please??

By: 64 million dollar question

64 million dollar question — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 21:56:22 +0000

Dating is one thing but, what about “Forever”?

I am in this “situation” (Interesting choice of words I know)… me 52 / her 30. (Most assume 40/30 when they meet us) We are in an amazing relationship approaching our 1st anniversary. Neither of us has ever been this happy. The next step in our relationship evolution would be to cohabitate. There is hesitation on both parts at this point as we both understand that we face a major “deal-breaker”…

… As I’m sure is the case with most 30 yr old women, she wants and deserves a family. I on the other hand, share the feelings of most fifty-something men… I don’t want to do that again at my age.

I understand and believe that all men are most attracted to the “Light” of a woman and that generally that light is brighter in younger women. I am captivated by her light… she consistently and absolutely lights up the room and that is becoming a rare feminine attribute. The other side of the coin is that generally, women are attracted to a solid presence and the other attributes that a mature but physically viable man brings to the table. In short… 50/30 makes a great deal of sense.

So, why am I writing this… to elicit thoughts and ideas, to help myself to make sense of it and to help figure out my next move. My gut says, step up and free her from this emotional hell. My heart says this is too good to loose. What do you think?

By: Spes

Spes — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 16:52:49 +0000

I don’t feel age should ever be an issue. But then again I wouldn’t since I was 18 when I started dating my ex-husband who was 31 at the time. Obviously it didn’t last, but we have remained close friends. And no, I wasn’t simply ‘arm candy’ nor did was I ever treated that way.
In general there are plenty of immature older men and women, just as there are plenty of mature young men and women. In the end it isn’t really age that matters but experience.

By: Grand Cougar

Grand Cougar — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 15:28:33 +0000

Well I am a 72 year old female and very attracted to a 30 year old man. As a woman once told me – when you’re young you can make money on it. When you’re middle aged, you have to give it away. When you’re old you have to buy it back and you know what? I don’t mind buying it back. Very few women can .. it’s usually the men who buy it back. Fortunately, I still have a good paying job and have been told I look 50 which, by the way, is my Daughter’s age. He knows my true age too. hahaha – dream on, people !

By: Madamoiselle L

Madamoiselle L — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 17:32:28 +0000

As long as the woman knows what she is getting into, is not being LIED to (which is SO common in these relationships, from both of them) and knows he usually wants her for arm candy and consents to that shit, I guess it’s OK.

I know some relationships where the man and woman are 10 year apart, give or take, but most farther apart than 10 year don’t last. As long as the woman knows it’s a “play” relationship and that is usually won’t amount to much……

I know SOME work out, but usually the man moves on to a younger woman when the girl gets mature. (And gets suddenly on to him.) At least, that’s what I have seen.

I wonder what people in these relationships TALK about? What common interests do they have? If an older person tries too hard to be interested in too much of young people’s interests, it’s just pathetic, (look at a 65 year old guy at a Panic at the Disco! concert. Sad.) and I imagine a man who wants a very young girl would be turned off if she was sophisticated enough to be interested in HIS interests. Unless he’s really immature, I can’t imagine there would be a lot of common ground.

I am sure in SOME relationships it works, but those are the exceptions, at least from what I have seen.

By: George

George — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 03:29:33 +0000

So is a 33yr old guy with a hot mature 21 yr old girl a cradle snatcher or a legend?