Wise Guys: What's the Big Deal About BJs?

blowpopsphoto by iandeth

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: What’s the big deal about blowjobs — seriously, what makes them so special?

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): On the physical level, it’s simple: they feel fucking amazing. They provide physical sensations so desirable that a straight man would let a queer guy suck him off, either for the right amount of money or with the lights out. It’s that real. But aside from that, I recently asked some straight female friends whether or not they actually enjoy giving head, or do they really just do it because they know the guy will like it. Unanimously they said the latter, and that’s why blowjobs are indeed quite special. For many women (and certainly not all), blowjobs aren’t about the immediate satisfaction of their physical wants, but rather, the pleasure gained from satisfying someone else’s desires. There is an element of selflessness. A woman might even think giving blowjobs is downright nasty, but might continue to blow her man because she gets off on getting her man off. Some guys know this and thus know just how lucky they are for getting one.

Straight Single Guy (Mark): My first reaction is an overwhelming, “What isn’t the big deal about blowjobs?!”  But there’s more than just the primal, physical, when-they’re-good-they’re-freaking-amazing aspect. Of course there’s the stereotype that the appeal of BJs is about some sort of control or domination/submissiveness, but I think there are deeper factors involved, like trust and acceptance, that truly make them so great. Oral sex — in both directions, by the way — can in many ways be even more intimate than the regular ol’ in-n-out.

We don’t always acknowledge the more emotional aspects of oral, but — even if partly subconsciously — those elements probably get closer to the heart of what makes this expression of affection so special.  To be face-to-face and naughty-bits-to-naughty-bits is one thing.  But for your partner to be so into you that s/he would go downtown and get up-close-and-personal to provide pleasure exclusively to you (okay, there are those of us who derive almost as much from giving as receiving, but that’s another story)…well, I think that’s a pretty gosh darn “big deal”!

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Blowjobs used to be really, really stigmatized and therefore really, really rare. Even for couples in long-term relationships.  In a few states in the U.S. it might still legally be sodomy, even for heterosexuals, and in the past it’s been strongly associated with “latent” homosexuality, porn, and prostitution — and strongly not associated with “good girls.”  Something else contributing to the stigma:  blowjobs break the gender rule that sex is something for men to do and women receive. And all those insults with the word “suck” in them?  Some of those used to be taken deadly seriously.

Nowadays, not so much. But add up the little bits of historical taboo, the little bit of gender-bending for both men and women, and the fact that blowjobs feel very good and… well, that’s enough to make them seem pretty special.  Which, incidentally, I think they ought to be.  Special. Instead of, oh, say, obligatory.  Not least because when they start feeling obligatory, men’s partners start wondering, well, what makes them so special?

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech god at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


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16 Comments on "Wise Guys: What's the Big Deal About BJs?"


tboz
4 years 4 months ago

I do not have a strong background with datin tons of different people. I was married 2 years into college and remained married for a while. My exhusband and I explored oral sex a few times but just felt that it was not for us. I am remarried and my husband says in one breath that oral sex is not a big issue but in the next breath he holds it over
head, that I have not performed it on him yet. I honestly am a woman that can take it or leave it. He states that it proves other things such as me not putting limitations on our marriage. He states that this act shows him that I will do anything for him.I beg to differ. How does me giving him a bj prove that. I have had an exboyriend that performed oral sex on me in all aspects leaving nothing to the imagination. That didn’t prove anything to me. i just wondered how many other women he’d done this with. i still left him when he did something stupis in the relationship

Caris
4 years 6 months ago

I’m 18 and gave head on my boyfriend a few days ago, we’d just spent the best part of two hours making out and i was very turned on, as was he. Prior to seeing him i was contemplating going down on him, but was obviously nervous, but when it came to it he didn’t stop me and i just went for it. He loved it and it was the best feeling in the world to see him enjoying it so much he couldn’t even talk, i felt his hands grab the bed and it was a massive turn on. Nothing frightened at all, i was comfortable and i think it comes down to how much you care about the person, if they mean nothing to you then it might be awkward, but for me it was really intimate and laid back and i enjoyed it. Nothing to be afraid of, its like my body took over and everything in me wanted to, i can’t wait to be that close with him again, we felt high for hours afterwards, just amazing!

Mike
5 years 10 months ago

From a man’s point of view…
First off..it feels good. Also just the thought that you love your man enough to put his penis into your mouth is just the beginning. I mean, it’s obviously the most intimate part of his body, so right there that’s a huge turn on for most guys. Some guys dont care for it or they are not really into it. Which is fine. There are plenty of other ways to show effection. I mean…some people are turned on by sucking on toes…or fingers. Everyone is different.
The feeling is like a snowball effect. A woman is turned on by his man…so she goes down on him. A man is turned on because his woman is going down on him. The woman is turned on because his man is turned on, and the man gets turned on by that turn on…etc etc etc. You get the point.
I dated one girl that refused to perform oral sex on me, she thought it was gross. But she had never done it before. It’s like those people that wont eat sushi cause they think that it’s gross to eat raw fish. Get educated people…it’s fairly shallow and small minded to judge anything that you have yet to experience.
I think the more appropriate question is…how far do you take oral sex? If you have to ask what I mean…then you probably shouldnt know anyhow.

Alexandria
6 years 1 month ago

Strangely enough, me and my boyfriend both love performing oral sex… and not recieving it *thud*. This leads to a lot of awkwardness. Nothing like not being able to do something you really enjoy without turning off the other person. It’s not we can’t appreciate the theory… It’s just that physically, it’s not our cup of tea. Weird…

Elizabeth
6 years 3 months ago

gotcha slartibart… I misunderstood the first time. :)