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Your Call: When Should He Leave His Wife for Me?

Wed, May 27, 2009

Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Your Call

divorce0001postcard via PostSecret

We feel just awful that we can’t answer every single advice question we get, but we figure that any answer is better than no answer at all. Which is why, once a week, we’ll let you guys decide how to advise a reader. Make your call by filling out the poll after the jump:

Dear Em & Lo,

I am currently seeing someone from my high school years of more than 25 years ago. He is currently married, I am divorced, and I happened to call him about a problem with my mom’s car. We live in different states so when he heard my voice on the phone, he immediately said how much he loved me in high school but never told me so. After we resolved the car issue for my mom, he asked if he could call me sometime.  Well, we have not stopped talking.  Since I started talking to him 5 months ago, he has sent for me to meet him in Mississippi 2 times and we are now both in love. He said he and his wife have been having problems for more that 20 years but have not resolved the marriage and neither wants to save the marriage because they do not have what it takes to stay together.  He says he never wants to let me go. How should I go about the time frame to give him to make the move to file for a divorce?

– The Other Woman

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43 Responses to “Your Call: When Should He Leave His Wife for Me?”

  1. Shewolf68 Says:

    Considering these two aren’t kids…if they are going to do something about it…if it is serious…They best get on with it.

  2. Nick Says:

    it sounds like the cheeters most common lie.
    he is saying he wants a divorce, is not going to get a divorce.
    he claims to be having problems and wants divorce so that you will be willing to sleep with him.
    he probably loves his wife but for some reason can’t stop sleeping around.

  3. Elizabeth Says:

    Like Nick said… isn’t that what basically every low-down cheating man says to every lovesick, low self esteem Other Woman he wants to have a little fun with – while keeping whatever semblence of stability that his wife gives him?

    And on top of that… put yourself in her situation. If you were with a man you didn’t love and for whatever reason, couldn’t figure out how to get away from… and then he starts boinking his high school long lost love, at the very least, wouldn’t you be completely humiliated? Do you really want to do that to another woman.

    And finally – all he’s doing is proving to you how he treats the woman he’s with. Do you want to be the woman he’s with next, and boinking that hot waitress behind your back, while he tells her that you two aren’t in love and he wants to leave you? I’m pretty sure being the Other Woman works out the way she wants about 2% of the time. So if you think your odds are that good… then go for it.

  4. Maggie Says:

    My father was a cheater, and he did this with numerous women over the years, telling them he was going to leave my mom, that it was over and had been for sometime. Then, when the other woman started to get too serious, or the relationship lost it’s excitement, he’d tell them that he had to stay with his wife because of the children, that they should end it and he’d suffer on alone. I know all of this because I hacked into his email account and showed my mom. Over ten years of affairs saved on his account. Then, when my mom divorced him (after 30 years of marriage), he dumped the woman he was seeing and married someone else. I’m not saying your guy is like my dad, but there are a lot of similarities between what they’ve said. You need to look out for yourself in this, tell him you can’t see him or talk to him until he’s filed for divorce and they’re living separately. Then don’t hold your breath, start seeing other people! Other people who aren’t married! Even if it’s not serious, it’ll help you not cave and call him again. Good luck to you.

  5. SC Says:

    “I happened to call him about a problem with my mom’s car.”

    Am I missing something here?

  6. Dave W Says:

    I have the nagging feeling she didn’t mention that this guy has kids. An omission like this wouldn’t surprise me, in light of the fact that so many letters start off with, “My boyfriend is completely perfect, except for this one huge detail”. Sometimes it’s hard to dismantle the illusion.

  7. The Other Woma Says:

    Why does the “other woman” have to be lovesick with low self esteem. She might just want a “maintenance man”. Someone to enjoy and send home without all the drama. The “other woman” is not the villain!!! Two adults making adult decisions. Is monogamy really all that – evidently not since cheating has been around since the beginning of time.

  8. Rei Says:

    I’d wait for him to make the divorce final before moving onto a married man.

  9. Asia Says:

    I was the other woman at one point in my life. It’s hard to let go. Easier said than done. Good luck.

  10. Amurra Says:

    I am in a relationship currently described above. He promised he would be divorced by now & he is still married. I moved cross country to be with him in a house, he supposedly bought for me. I have been waiting for him for 3 years now. We are living apart now, in the same town, trying to see if we can resolve all the drama that has gone on for the past 5 months. I have learned a valuable lesson in life; Do not live or run your life based on what another does or doesn’t do. He claims he is still getting divorced, but needs to fix & sort all his problems by himself for now. Time will tell, if he has lied to me. Now, I must get back on my feet & support my Son & make a new life.

  11. cornell_guy Says:

    Twenty years is a bit too long to take, realistically. If this guy has been having “problems” for that long, and hasn’t found “Miss Right” yet, it ain’t you, babe. He’s seeing an easy mark.
    If he doesn’t possess the means to leave his wife after all that time and pay the price of a divorce, you don’t want him.
    If he doesn’t have the desire to leave his wife after all that time, you don’t need him.
    If he doesn’t possess the decisiveness to leave his wife after all those “problem years,’ you don’t need him.
    He’s merely on the prowl.

  12. Elizabeth Says:

    To The Other Woma – I don’t think of the other woman in a cheating situation as a villan… but I do think she is doing something wrong. I believe that every single person is responsible for not willfully hurting anyone else, and if you are screwing a married man – you are (in all likelihood) hurting his wife, full well knowing you are doing so. And IMHO, that is a terrible thing to do. If you want “maintenence sex”, as you called it… find a booty call who doesn’t have a wife to go home to. Not exactly that difficult a dilemma. There is no possible way you could justify those kinds of actions to me.

    On top of that, my description of the lovesick other woman was not describing a woman like you – who is using the man just as much as he’s using her. I’m talking about the woman who wants him to leave his wife for her… I’m not saying that lovesick is a perjorative… I’m sure most women have felt that way over a guy – taken or not. And honestly, I do believe that women who fall in love with taken men, hook up and then believe a bunch of lies about how he’s going to eventually be with JUST her does mean she has low self esteem. I could be wrong, but every woman I’ve seen this happen to fits the bill. Again, if you’re using a married man as a booty call or what have you – then this doesn’t fit you… I was talking about a certain kind of “other woman”… and the person who wrote this letter certainly sounded like her.

  13. mary lynn Says:

    Well i am in the same boat.i am in love with a married man and i have known him a very long time.they have no kids.but i do.so he says they have bills they have to get caught up.well they still in the same house together.well if they dont love each other then some body move out.

  14. Donna Says:

    Elizabeth says it all
    How can you respect a person who cheats on their long term relationship? And then want to be with them?

  15. Rei Says:

    Married men rarely divorce their wives and go start a life with the mistress they’ve had an affair with. You are setting yourself up for lies, lies, lies, and be lonely and know that he is home with his wife (and kids) instead of you. I don’t like name calling, but jeez, I hate ******* cheaters!

  16. I'm a wife Says:

    Men will tell all kind of lies to get a woman in bed. Once a cheat always a cheat. He’ll do the same to you. You shouldn’t get involved with a married man unless he’s already filed for divorce. That man is not going to divorce his wife of 20+ years. You need to go get your own single man and leave this one alone. Have you ever heard of KARMA?

  17. OhioGal Says:

    I, as well as Asia above, was the “other woman” at one point. My boyfriend left his girlfriend of almost 6 yrs.. 3 months after he met me. I gave him a time frame after a couple months. After 2 months I told him he had 1 month to get out or I’m done. He did and we are still together 1 year later. We are getting our first place together in a month or so.
    Time frames are very important. They need to know you have a life, too. Their time is NOT more important than yours. Tell him he has to X amount of time to leave or you’re done. Keep your distance in the meantime or you will get crushed if he decides to stay w/ her. That’s what I did.
    20 years is a long time to have problems. IMO, he’ll never leave her. PLEASE do not set yourself up for heartache. If you stop talking to him, you will be sad for a while. But, he lives out of state, luckily. OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND.
    Good luck to you. I would never want to be the “other woman” again and I will never put myself in that position AGAIN. We all learn from our mistakes and I’m afraid this is one that you will be learning from. I wish you the best! xoxoxo

  18. mimi Says:


  19. TIMA Says:

    Where were you before he got married?well you said he can marry 4 wives but think about it.

  20. Rei Says:

    ^yeah, uh, would it be like, one wife cleans house, the other cooks, one takes care of the kids, and one to have sex with? That is why monogamy is such a great thing, you have one person to love, and have sex with. Plus, it cuts down on human population having only one spouse :)

  21. Mika Says:

    How about you wait til, she leaves him!! It’s all a matter of time before she finds out. That’s what I did! I left him! Just remember once a cheater, always a cheater!! Sooo, good luck with that! And by the way, most likely he won’t leave..tha’s why I had too..haha!

  22. Darnel Lane Says:

    She needs to have a conversation with the both of them,something tells me that he is not telling her the whole story, and is just after her for sex. How long would it take a man to get out of a situation he is unhappy in? Wake up and go on with your life please!

  23. Sopheea Says:

    I am in the same situation. We live over 500 miles apart and his wife’s health has been deteriorating. I put my foot down last week and demanded he get his finances together and divorce her if he really wants to be with me. He said he would, because he does. His wife is back home from the hospital now and we hardly talk. I hear maybe a sentence from him a day, whereas before we talked (through various media) all day long. I am in love with him, and he knows it, but my heart is breaking. It’s hard not being able to talk to him because of his wife, but what kills me is knowing he’s home with her and not me. I also have no way of verifying if he’s even trying to do something about his situation. I keep thinking I should just back out and leave, but for some reason I can’t. Some part of me thinks he really is telling the truth. I guess I am just scared that one day I’ll find out he isn’t and I don’t know how I will handle that.

  24. hedgehog Says:

    Two words: DUMP HIM.

    And I mean all of you who are worrying about a guy getting a divorce.

    If guys want that divorce, they do it ASAP. Guys are built that way: they know what they want instantly, or they will never ever know.

    I’ve waited for more than three years. Wasted time. Don’t do the same mistake. Kick their asses:-P

  25. Shan Says:

    Honestly, I don’t think this man is really going to leave his wife. And, even if he did, I would never trust him to be faithful to me. I mean, come on, he’s cheating on his current wife with you, there is nothing that can guarantee you he isn’t going to cheat on you when you two are officially together.

  26. an-other woman Says:

    i am also currently “the other woman” i have been with my bf for almost a year, for the first 4-5 months i didn’t even know he was married. we are still together, and happy and “in-love”, but i am also going through this dilemma of “time-frame”, like someone above said “easier said then done” i know its difficult to leave when u feel so much in love.

    well i suggest(i need suggestions too) give hime a time frame of (6months- 1 year)because that’s what i am going to do now, every time i talk to him about it, he either gets annoyed, or changes the topic, n says “i need time” and when i ask him “how much time” he says “i dont know”,

    however my situation is bit diff, cz my bf been married for abt 3 years now, and we talk pretty much all day, so i can tell he has no feelings for her, and doesn’t even spend time with her (the way a happy couple should”
    so i think, sometimes other things count as well, pretty much everyone here said, he is not going to leave her, but u know better, how are things between you 2, when he isn’t talking to you..what is he doing? is he with her? no? …you get the point i think…

  27. confused Says:

    Hi, Ladies

    I am in a very similar situation. I did give him a time frame. It did not work. He could not leave her even though he said he would. He does not know when. I tried to put a string on him. He just got annoyed. I do not want to lose him. But I can not stand being away from him. (We are currently having a long distance relationship. I have not seen him in person for the last 12 months). He gets all depressed every time I press him to give a date that he will leave her.

    I do not know if he will ever leave her for me. I think I will just wait for one more year. If he does not leave her then, I will leave him.

    There is an exception though, a friend of mine also fell in love with a man who had been married for over 20 years. He left his wife for her. Now they are happily married.

    I hope I am this lucky. I just do not know if my man will ever have the guts to divorce his wife.

  28. Madamoiselle L Says:

    confused said a bunch of predictable things about the married man she is “seeing” and then said: “I do not want to lose him.” How can you Lose what you never had? He’s married. It doesn’t matter what he SAYS about his wife, it matters what he does.

    And, if he wanted to leave her, he would simply DO IT. He hasn’t. So, he can’t be “lost” because he’s hers. You are there to have sex with when HE says he wants it. YOU are a convenience to him. Nothing more. He holds ALL the cards, in both relationships (until she finds out, and then he’ll drop you like a hot potato.)

    What is in this for you? Misery? Growing old alone? Knowing he’s with his WIFE most of the time? Knowing if he REALLY “didn’t love her” he already WOULD have left her? Knowing the ONLY time he thinks about you is when his dick gets hard and he doesn’t want to do his wife? Not much in it for you.

  29. Kaleen Says:

    Speaking as a soon-to-be-ex-wife whose husband started up an emotional affair with an unhappily married woman at his workplace…. PLEASE think of the wife and how you would want someone to treat you if you were married. I had a very loving and happy marriage but my quiet and shy husband went off the deep end after being seduced by a crazytown lamebrain like you. He’s not with her anymore but now he thinks there is something better out there…. so much pain and heartbreak you cannot believe. Why not stick to guys who are free and willing to commit to you? You not only do yourselves a disservice but you are destroying the lives of other people in the process. I have no pity for any of you “other women” and hope you all die a slow painful death! KARMA!!!

  30. confused Says:

    I know how hateful the wives are. But think about it. If a man is in a very terrible marriage, shouldn’t he find pursuit his happiness when he finds someone special. Not every one of us is fortunate enough to find his/her true love. I think that once we find this someone special, one should go for it. It is hard to say when I am in the situation as a wife instead of the other woman.

    The one I love married his wife because he loved her and he thought that she would be a good companion. However, after he met me, we both realize that we have found our true love.

    I have decided to give him time let him get over the guilt of having to divorce his wife and hurt her.

    Of course, most of the men who are having an affair are for excitements and other benefits.

    We ladies should come together and punish these kind of greedy pigs.

  31. an-other woman Says:

    confused…i totally feel you, i completely agree with u about men finding the pursuit of happiness. and not because i am also “the other woman” but i look at it all this way, that if that man loved his wife or cared for enough, he would not even cheat on her at first place. so if he is going out there and finding love outside of his marriage, that proves he doesn’t love her, and he doesn’t care for her. so there are chances he is sincere with you, specially if he is having a long term relationship with you, because if he only wanted sex, then the affair would have been over after sex, and that way he wont have to do all the extra things to show that he cares for you; and that matters the most.
    i once saw a poll on this website about what is worse? your partner having sexual relationship with the other woman or him having a emotional relationship with the other woman? and as far as i remember most of the people said emotional cheating was worse. so that means who you are with emotionally, matters the most.
    that’s one reason even i havent given my bf a time frame, because so what if he is married to her, he doesn’y love her, he loves me, we spend more time together then he spends with her, we talk more, he does things that i can truly tell he is doing out of care. and that is all i need. if i am getting my time, care, love, everything that i am looking for or i want, why should i complain about anything, when his wife’s status in his life is only of a “a woman at home” whom he sees only for a few hours… i don’t care much about her then. (not that her existence doesn’t bother me, or i m not hurt by all this)

    to all those wives, who are blaming “the other woman” please, get a life, if you were good enough for him, or if he was really into u, he won’t b going out there, if he was happy with you, he won’t nobody else. and if u think you were loyal to him and he is wrong, then leave him, he clearly doesn’t deserve you.

    to confused: keep the hope alive till you can, just know when its time to move on.

    one more thing, men cheating on their wives, not all of them are necessarily cheaters or players, sometimes it’s just about finding the right person (may be soul mate) after getting married, and it’s fate, so all men who cheat can’t be blamed or not wrong for doing so, they may have reasons.

  32. Mix Says:

    Does the wife know about you? Are there kids? Regardless of whether or not you both love each other, you need to remember that there are more “members” (tangential or otherwise) in this relationship than you may necessarily think. As the daughter of a man who left my mother after an affair with a woman he “loved” in high school, my response would be to please consider who else you are hurting with this information. While there had been problems in my parents’ relationship for many years, my mother still desperately loved my father and was devastated when he asked for a divorce after meeting with his “lover” for one month. In this one moment, he destroyed my family, and five years later, we are still feeling the effects. My mother has moved on, and now has a loving boyfriend who is ten times the man my father is, but while my mother is fine, my sisters and I often aren’t. Furthermore, my father is alone (the relationship didn’t work) and to put it nicely, someone I can not be proud of. Ultimately, my suggestion is this. You’ve met with him twice? Over 5 months? How on earth do you know he is telling the truth about his home life? Think first if you may actually be destroying a family that maybe could have existed fine without your help. (As a side note, if there are kids and they are old enough to understand, there’s a chance that they’ll never forgive you. I never will forgive my father’s mistress.)
    Also, there is a massive chance that he’ll never divorce her (Divorces are incredibly expensive and time consuming). Do you really want to take that chance when there are thousands of men around? Love is easy to regrow. Restart when you have the chance

  33. an-other woman Says:

    mix: i am sorry to hear about your situation. 2nd, i agree with you on the kids* issue, they should be considered.
    Also i am glad you made the point about divorces being incredibly expensive and time consuming, because sometimes “the other women” forget about this and blame the guy for not leaving his wife, and fussing over it, but actually i think this is one of the main factors to consider before blaming the man for not leaving his wife.
    also the “time-frame” theory sometimes doesn’t work because of this problem.

    one more thing, about people being hurt in this situation, well if the kids are not involved then its one person he will have to hurt, either his wife, or the girlfriend, and if he hurts the one he wants to be with too, then he is hurting himself as well.
    beside what kind of a wife would want to be with a husband who has cheated or is in love with someone else, but is in relationship with her because of “divorce problems”

  34. Elizabeth Says:

    If you not gone give him a time frame he will not leave her…why should he he got both…secure home and exiting love affair…
    I have been seeing a married man for 2 years now…from the beginning It was just fun and sex then we did fall in love, and from that point i was just trying to finishing it with him every 3 – 4 months try to get away…but we couldn’t …eventually I did broke up with him…I thought he will work his marriage out…instead he find another woman for few weeks who asked him to leave his wife…of course he didn’t…6 months after the brake up we got back together…now he telling me about the other woman…totally broke my heart…he would still say to me that he loves me and that he wants to leave her and to be with me….but I was hurting too much, so after few months he finished it with me…I was hurting too much…
    …after he went to see the other woman again…told her about me…totally broke her heart as well…that is a dead end for him as well, did he loved her? Does he love me? Or his wife? Is this love to hurt so many people? This is madness! How did I do this to myself?
    I decided to leave the country and start a new life…I cant see other way to get away from all this its just too painful…and I would just say for other people what they say about woman with self esteem…when you fall in love you just fall in love you don’t think you don’t plane with who you fall in love with ….
    …you don’t want to think it just happened…the thing with the low self esteem happened after you are involved with a married man…because you never know whether he truly loves you…you never know where you are…its just a dream you are in love with a fantasy…and so it is for him…my married man…is now back taking cocaine because he cant cope with how many woman he hurts…he is hurt and everybody around him…is he gone leave his wife?..no…but I am sure some day she will leave him…because I would not want to be her…and I don’t ever want to be the other woman either…and he will not change how can he? This is who he is…and I don’t think that I don’t believe that marriage should last for a life time…maybe for some…why stay and be miserable? For the children? Right…my father was so unhappy in his marriage that he become alcoholic…when I was 18 I left and went so far that I didn’t ever wanted to go back…was it good that he stayed? No…I wish he left and I could have 2 normal parents…so in your situation…give him a time frame and after that you just gone have to leave it for the universe to decide…love isn’t easy…:o) have a nice day…

  35. Starlight Says:

    i just sent this letter to my ex-fiance who is married 4 months to someone else and his wife is pregnant with their baby. He says I was always his one and only and he loves me more than her and we are soul mates and fated to be together blah blah blah. He is having a full blown emotional affair with me complete with phone sex and plenty of emotional intimacy. I actually love him and still have feelings for him and do wish I could be with him. BUT, my heart is breaking everyday because I want to be with him the right way, not as his mistress. We have not slept together and I will not let him have any actual physical contact with me even though he is desperate for it. I also love him too much to let our relationship become any more dirty and un-wholesome. Today I asked him if she was not pregnant would he leave her for me. His answer was “maybe.” I was crushed so this is what I wrote to him.

    I deserve to have a normal relationship, I deserve to have a man that can be there for me ALL the time. A guy who loves me would not keep me as a second tier secret lover, he would want me to be the center of his world. I don’t want to spend anymore time clinging to a dream of you and lose the opportunity for someone who really loves me to come into my life, sweep my feet off the ground, and give me the normal relationship that I deserve. If I continue a relationship with you, the slimmer my chances are to have a real relationship that fulfills me in every way. I would rather spend this time preparing my heart for someone who I finally can call my own instead of putting my life on hold for a cheating husband. And on the off chance our relationship worked out and we got married… well, if I marry a guy who would cheat on his wife, I am married to a guy who would cheat on his wife.

    If I am really the object of your love you could never, never live any other way than to be with me and me only. And you could never, never knowingly cause me pain. I truly feel good about myself and whole as a person and I believe in my head and heart that any man who truly loves me has to be able to pay the price to be with me. And that price is respect, honor and value above all else. Any man who truly loves me knows deep in his heart that I deserve that and is more than willing to give that to me.

    I always believed you really loved me and we were soul mates destined for each other. But now I ask myself ‘would my soul mate be doing this?’ Of course not. If we were soul mates, your heart couldn’t have made a promise to someone else if I was still in it. And even if you did, when given the chance, you would leave her to be with me so we could start the rest of our lives together. Actions speak louder than words and you married someone else and got her pregnant. If I really always have your heart like you said, and I was your one and only and nobody could ever compare to me, then the girl you married would have been me. But you didn’t. And you’re not going to. And we need to stop whatever it is we are doing. I love you —–

    I am sticking by this and I am changing my phone number. I don’t want to tell his wife. He says she oblivious because she is pregnant and he is the best husband ever. I hope for her sake she can someday see through his lies and unfaithfulness. He is a horrible husband in my opinion and according to him he cheated on her up until their engagement. And of course now that she is carrying his baby he wants to stick it in someone else again.

    I am hoping my love for him will die quickly and I can meet someone wonderful who would never put me in this position. Good luck to everyone who still believes in true love and has a pure heart. I know we will get the love we deserve.

  36. Nomad Says:

    I have been reconsidering a married x. After reading all this, I say have divorce papers and be single and then give me a call. I also don’t see if he cheated on his wife, why wont he cheat on me. What has changed? Why would he suddenly be monogamous? Starlight, thank you for sharing that letter. It was amazing, and I think you for one, do not have low self esteem. Not sure for myself, but I love what you wrote and I agree whole heartedly. What the hell are we all thinking! You will meet someone wonderful because you are not going to settle for less. God Bless You sister!

  37. Tygi Says:

    My lover and I were very fair with each-other and both married. For years I had saved to leave my unhappy life and finally made enough to do so. More than enough!  However, I never told him this because within the first year of our relationship coming into the open, he told his wife he had only been with me for 2 months when it actually spanned 3 years in the end.  He told me his wife was depressed, fat and that they had no sex despite the fact that she once gave sexual favours for money and never held down a decent job or owned a property. He seemed to genuinely love me and I was certainly head over heels in love with him. The drama was heady, the lies were infinite… Why would I tell him I had the money to give him a wonderful life if he could not leave the woman he seemed so attached to? Sure, money is one less worry but I wanted his love, his commitment, trust and honour even if an affair is anything but that. so I lied about what I had or didn’t have. I proved my point and he would not leave his wife because, he said, he could not afford to!! Ha ha…. After 3 years of the most intoxicating love I have ever felt I stepped into my new world and he has no place in it. Sad? I am like a woman with an arm missing but I am now on guard and will find an equal in status, intelligence, love and trust only this time my shield is faith and belief… The one thing he certainly had none of no matter how much I told him I would be his heart and soul. Believe in yourself ladies… These men are only after two things…. You and money! A better life they cannot be arsed to make. Protect yourselves and walk away strong.

  38. Jessica Says:

    Married men suck. They lie and cheat and tell you they are in love with you when they are not. All you are is just a passing fancy, they cannot prove to you that they love you, because to do that – they would have to leave their safe, secure little nest. AND THEY WONT.

  39. Brandon Says:

    As a married man for the past two years and with the same woman the past 8. I am disgusted by this homewrecker. He is married, there are millions of single men out there and you choose to go after one that is married? Do you even understand what monogomy is? His vows? ANYTHING? What you think if he’s willing to cheat on his wife with you, that you’ve found a keeper? Yeah you’ll be in his wife’s shoes one day. People like you make me sick. No honor, no loyalty. Do the world a favor and kill yourself homewreck, unbelieveable no respect I tell you.

  40. Dawnna Says:

    I fell for that line and when I realized he was just stringing me along I felt like a whore. He said he wanted to tell his wife but I think he was using me. I told him why tell his wife, it would only hurt her. It ended up making us feel like low life skum. I live with it everytime I hear about the other woman. I feel like a horrible person that I fell for his lies and would do that to another humanbeing. Honestly I don’t know how these cheaters can live with themselves.

  41. Mrs. B Says:

    My husband and I have been together for 20 yrs. Married 5 yrs. He began talking with his high school friend in 09. He says he lost his virginity with her. On face book they began a relationship again. She lives in NE we live in CA. He has been having an affair with her since. My husband is a sales rep. and travels for his work. She sent me his itineraries to prove he had been seeing her when he would travel once a month. She sent proof of the 1st time she slept with my husband and where. She sent me messages between her and him and sent me pics. to prove they were sexually involved. I refuse to leave my husband. She refuses to leave him and he refuses to leave me or her.
    If our marriage was so bad like she said he told her why has he not left our home? If he can’t stand me and I am such a bitch, why does he make love to me when he leaves on his trip and when he returns. Why does he do everything for me and my kids? She lives alone with her kids. She has her own place. She is skinny with fake breast. Why does he not leave my home for her??????? Why? Because he is never leaving the 20 yrs. of memories we have made together. I gave him 3 perfect sons. I have stood by my man through the worst a man can do to a woman. SHE IS THE OTHER WOMAN AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE OTHER WOMAN AND I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE. SO EVERYTIME HE IS WITH HER SHE CAN BE SURE ALL HE HAS ON HIS MIND IS ME. He has obviously not left me for her. I am not going anywhere. His stupid ass pays my bills. Provides very well for my kids and I basically can do what i want because he trust me. Why would he leave all this? The only thing they need to worry about is when “I say its over”. He will have nothing left and he will be so sad he lost me and the kids that he will not be able to make her happy. Not to mention the fact I will be sure to stay with him as long as I have to so that I can get child support/alimony or what ever I deserve. My friend “OTHER WOMAN” yes give your cheating lover a time frame of 1 week 1 month or 10 yrs. do what ever it takes to make him leave his wife. Wait for him night after night, year after year with that burn in your heart, the anxiety of him not being there with you everyday. Continue to sneak to see him, suffer not knowing when and if you will here from him in the day.
    Suffer for your man girlfriend and the whole time you are fighting for him in your heart you will suffer the worst part of it all which is the fact “HE IS NOT GOING LEAVING HER FOR YOU” he would have done it with out a time frame if he “LOVED YOU”

  42. athenaspell Says:

    I met a man on a dating site and was totally unaware that he was married. After a few months of non stop talking and dating.. I fell in love with him.. deeply… He was my soul mate. The man I had searched for my whole life… INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH i WAS NOT PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO MUCH.. iT WAS WHO HE WAS… Then he finally broke the news to me that he was married.. I was devestated and broke off with him. He pursued me again and told me he was seperating from His wife… which he did . I gave him a dead line to file for divorce… which he claimed he did… I found out that he lied to me months later and did not file so I broke off with him again.. mind you, this was after relocating and promises to marry…again I realized I could not trust him. I did not sleep with him for 2 or 3 months after first dating him . I wrote his wife a letter and told her everything and apologized to her… However, This man broke off with me and then came running back claiming he loved me. I told him if that be true.. file for divorce immediately…. He came a week later with his papers in his hand… claiming he found the love of his life in me and he could not bare to live without me. He let go of his 400,000 house . There are NO CHILDREN… His parents are angry with him and me… and his poor wife is hurt, but he does not desire to be with her…
    I feel terrible about all of this but He made his choice and I love him deeply… I do feel that trust may be an issue .. but this man has never cheated before or during his 10 yr marriage….He is now residing with me and plans to marry me after his divorce is final…. MEN do leave their wives for other woman.. I dont condone it and personally I think it is breaking vows.. but when you fall for someone and its mutual and you cant escape the love… then I guess sometimes life just happens….

  43. Myra Says:

    Im also in love with a married man that lives in another state. He wanted me to go move to his home town and then we could get our relationship going. I said yes, but I decided I wont, I will be going up North but will be moving to GA close to my son and I will be 3 hrs away from him, he says he is leaving her, she cheated on him and he says he does not love her anymore. He says he loves me and wants to be with me. Ok so now I told him that when he leaves her and starts the divorce process we can start our real relationship. I do love him with all my heart and it’s so hard..so very hard.

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