Comments on: Your Call: When Should He Leave His Wife for Me?

By: athenaspell

athenaspell — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 15:20:59 +0000

I met a man on a dating site and was totally unaware that he was married. After a few months of non stop talking and dating.. I fell in love with him.. deeply… He was my soul mate. The man I had searched for my whole life… INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH i WAS NOT PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO MUCH.. iT WAS WHO HE WAS… Then he finally broke the news to me that he was married.. I was devestated and broke off with him. He pursued me again and told me he was seperating from His wife… which he did . I gave him a dead line to file for divorce… which he claimed he did… I found out that he lied to me months later and did not file so I broke off with him again.. mind you, this was after relocating and promises to marry…again I realized I could not trust him. I did not sleep with him for 2 or 3 months after first dating him . I wrote his wife a letter and told her everything and apologized to her… However, This man broke off with me and then came running back claiming he loved me. I told him if that be true.. file for divorce immediately…. He came a week later with his papers in his hand… claiming he found the love of his life in me and he could not bare to live without me. He let go of his 400,000 house . There are NO CHILDREN… His parents are angry with him and me… and his poor wife is hurt, but he does not desire to be with her…
I feel terrible about all of this but He made his choice and I love him deeply… I do feel that trust may be an issue .. but this man has never cheated before or during his 10 yr marriage….He is now residing with me and plans to marry me after his divorce is final…. MEN do leave their wives for other woman.. I dont condone it and personally I think it is breaking vows.. but when you fall for someone and its mutual and you cant escape the love… then I guess sometimes life just happens….

By: Mrs. B

Mrs. B — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 10:18:09 +0000

My husband and I have been together for 20 yrs. Married 5 yrs. He began talking with his high school friend in 09. He says he lost his virginity with her. On face book they began a relationship again. She lives in NE we live in CA. He has been having an affair with her since. My husband is a sales rep. and travels for his work. She sent me his itineraries to prove he had been seeing her when he would travel once a month. She sent proof of the 1st time she slept with my husband and where. She sent me messages between her and him and sent me pics. to prove they were sexually involved. I refuse to leave my husband. She refuses to leave him and he refuses to leave me or her.
If our marriage was so bad like she said he told her why has he not left our home? If he can’t stand me and I am such a bitch, why does he make love to me when he leaves on his trip and when he returns. Why does he do everything for me and my kids? She lives alone with her kids. She has her own place. She is skinny with fake breast. Why does he not leave my home for her??????? Why? Because he is never leaving the 20 yrs. of memories we have made together. I gave him 3 perfect sons. I have stood by my man through the worst a man can do to a woman. SHE IS THE OTHER WOMAN AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE OTHER WOMAN AND I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE. SO EVERYTIME HE IS WITH HER SHE CAN BE SURE ALL HE HAS ON HIS MIND IS ME. He has obviously not left me for her. I am not going anywhere. His stupid ass pays my bills. Provides very well for my kids and I basically can do what i want because he trust me. Why would he leave all this? The only thing they need to worry about is when “I say its over”. He will have nothing left and he will be so sad he lost me and the kids that he will not be able to make her happy. Not to mention the fact I will be sure to stay with him as long as I have to so that I can get child support/alimony or what ever I deserve. My friend “OTHER WOMAN” yes give your cheating lover a time frame of 1 week 1 month or 10 yrs. do what ever it takes to make him leave his wife. Wait for him night after night, year after year with that burn in your heart, the anxiety of him not being there with you everyday. Continue to sneak to see him, suffer not knowing when and if you will here from him in the day.
Suffer for your man girlfriend and the whole time you are fighting for him in your heart you will suffer the worst part of it all which is the fact “HE IS NOT GOING LEAVING HER FOR YOU” he would have done it with out a time frame if he “LOVED YOU”

By: Dawnna

Dawnna — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 03:57:31 +0000

I fell for that line and when I realized he was just stringing me along I felt like a whore. He said he wanted to tell his wife but I think he was using me. I told him why tell his wife, it would only hurt her. It ended up making us feel like low life skum. I live with it everytime I hear about the other woman. I feel like a horrible person that I fell for his lies and would do that to another humanbeing. Honestly I don’t know how these cheaters can live with themselves.

By: Brandon

Brandon — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 20:35:33 +0000

As a married man for the past two years and with the same woman the past 8. I am disgusted by this homewrecker. He is married, there are millions of single men out there and you choose to go after one that is married? Do you even understand what monogomy is? His vows? ANYTHING? What you think if he’s willing to cheat on his wife with you, that you’ve found a keeper? Yeah you’ll be in his wife’s shoes one day. People like you make me sick. No honor, no loyalty. Do the world a favor and kill yourself homewreck, unbelieveable no respect I tell you.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sun, 29 May 2011 13:17:26 +0000

Married men suck. They lie and cheat and tell you they are in love with you when they are not. All you are is just a passing fancy, they cannot prove to you that they love you, because to do that – they would have to leave their safe, secure little nest. AND THEY WONT.

By: Tygi

Tygi — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 16:34:22 +0000

My lover and I were very fair with each-other and both married. For years I had saved to leave my unhappy life and finally made enough to do so. More than enough! However, I never told him this because within the first year of our relationship coming into the open, he told his wife he had only been with me for 2 months when it actually spanned 3 years in the end. He told me his wife was depressed, fat and that they had no sex despite the fact that she once gave sexual favours for money and never held down a decent job or owned a property. He seemed to genuinely love me and I was certainly head over heels in love with him. The drama was heady, the lies were infinite… Why would I tell him I had the money to give him a wonderful life if he could not leave the woman he seemed so attached to? Sure, money is one less worry but I wanted his love, his commitment, trust and honour even if an affair is anything but that. so I lied about what I had or didn’t have. I proved my point and he would not leave his wife because, he said, he could not afford to!! Ha ha…. After 3 years of the most intoxicating love I have ever felt I stepped into my new world and he has no place in it. Sad? I am like a woman with an arm missing but I am now on guard and will find an equal in status, intelligence, love and trust only this time my shield is faith and belief… The one thing he certainly had none of no matter how much I told him I would be his heart and soul. Believe in yourself ladies… These men are only after two things…. You and money! A better life they cannot be arsed to make. Protect yourselves and walk away strong.

By: Nomad

Nomad — Sat, 04 Dec 2010 05:42:40 +0000

I have been reconsidering a married x. After reading all this, I say have divorce papers and be single and then give me a call. I also don’t see if he cheated on his wife, why wont he cheat on me. What has changed? Why would he suddenly be monogamous? Starlight, thank you for sharing that letter. It was amazing, and I think you for one, do not have low self esteem. Not sure for myself, but I love what you wrote and I agree whole heartedly. What the hell are we all thinking! You will meet someone wonderful because you are not going to settle for less. God Bless You sister!

By: Starlight

Starlight — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 05:04:20 +0000

i just sent this letter to my ex-fiance who is married 4 months to someone else and his wife is pregnant with their baby. He says I was always his one and only and he loves me more than her and we are soul mates and fated to be together blah blah blah. He is having a full blown emotional affair with me complete with phone sex and plenty of emotional intimacy. I actually love him and still have feelings for him and do wish I could be with him. BUT, my heart is breaking everyday because I want to be with him the right way, not as his mistress. We have not slept together and I will not let him have any actual physical contact with me even though he is desperate for it. I also love him too much to let our relationship become any more dirty and un-wholesome. Today I asked him if she was not pregnant would he leave her for me. His answer was “maybe.” I was crushed so this is what I wrote to him.

I deserve to have a normal relationship, I deserve to have a man that can be there for me ALL the time. A guy who loves me would not keep me as a second tier secret lover, he would want me to be the center of his world. I don’t want to spend anymore time clinging to a dream of you and lose the opportunity for someone who really loves me to come into my life, sweep my feet off the ground, and give me the normal relationship that I deserve. If I continue a relationship with you, the slimmer my chances are to have a real relationship that fulfills me in every way. I would rather spend this time preparing my heart for someone who I finally can call my own instead of putting my life on hold for a cheating husband. And on the off chance our relationship worked out and we got married… well, if I marry a guy who would cheat on his wife, I am married to a guy who would cheat on his wife.

If I am really the object of your love you could never, never live any other way than to be with me and me only. And you could never, never knowingly cause me pain. I truly feel good about myself and whole as a person and I believe in my head and heart that any man who truly loves me has to be able to pay the price to be with me. And that price is respect, honor and value above all else. Any man who truly loves me knows deep in his heart that I deserve that and is more than willing to give that to me.

I always believed you really loved me and we were soul mates destined for each other. But now I ask myself ‘would my soul mate be doing this?’ Of course not. If we were soul mates, your heart couldn’t have made a promise to someone else if I was still in it. And even if you did, when given the chance, you would leave her to be with me so we could start the rest of our lives together. Actions speak louder than words and you married someone else and got her pregnant. If I really always have your heart like you said, and I was your one and only and nobody could ever compare to me, then the girl you married would have been me. But you didn’t. And you’re not going to. And we need to stop whatever it is we are doing. I love you —–

I am sticking by this and I am changing my phone number. I don’t want to tell his wife. He says she oblivious because she is pregnant and he is the best husband ever. I hope for her sake she can someday see through his lies and unfaithfulness. He is a horrible husband in my opinion and according to him he cheated on her up until their engagement. And of course now that she is carrying his baby he wants to stick it in someone else again.

I am hoping my love for him will die quickly and I can meet someone wonderful who would never put me in this position. Good luck to everyone who still believes in true love and has a pure heart. I know we will get the love we deserve.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 12:12:28 +0000

If you not gone give him a time frame he will not leave her…why should he he got both…secure home and exiting love affair…
I have been seeing a married man for 2 years now…from the beginning It was just fun and sex then we did fall in love, and from that point i was just trying to finishing it with him every 3 – 4 months try to get away…but we couldn’t …eventually I did broke up with him…I thought he will work his marriage out…instead he find another woman for few weeks who asked him to leave his wife…of course he didn’t…6 months after the brake up we got back together…now he telling me about the other woman…totally broke my heart…he would still say to me that he loves me and that he wants to leave her and to be with me….but I was hurting too much, so after few months he finished it with me…I was hurting too much…
…after he went to see the other woman again…told her about me…totally broke her heart as well…that is a dead end for him as well, did he loved her? Does he love me? Or his wife? Is this love to hurt so many people? This is madness! How did I do this to myself?
I decided to leave the country and start a new life…I cant see other way to get away from all this its just too painful…and I would just say for other people what they say about woman with self esteem…when you fall in love you just fall in love you don’t think you don’t plane with who you fall in love with ….
…you don’t want to think it just happened…the thing with the low self esteem happened after you are involved with a married man…because you never know whether he truly loves you…you never know where you are…its just a dream you are in love with a fantasy…and so it is for him…my married man…is now back taking cocaine because he cant cope with how many woman he hurts…he is hurt and everybody around him…is he gone leave his wife?..no…but I am sure some day she will leave him…because I would not want to be her…and I don’t ever want to be the other woman either…and he will not change how can he? This is who he is…and I don’t think that I don’t believe that marriage should last for a life time…maybe for some…why stay and be miserable? For the children? Right…my father was so unhappy in his marriage that he become alcoholic…when I was 18 I left and went so far that I didn’t ever wanted to go back…was it good that he stayed? No…I wish he left and I could have 2 normal parents…so in your situation…give him a time frame and after that you just gone have to leave it for the universe to decide…love isn’t easy…:o) have a nice day…

By: an-other woman

an-other woman — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 05:34:27 +0000

mix: i am sorry to hear about your situation. 2nd, i agree with you on the kids* issue, they should be considered.
Also i am glad you made the point about divorces being incredibly expensive and time consuming, because sometimes “the other women” forget about this and blame the guy for not leaving his wife, and fussing over it, but actually i think this is one of the main factors to consider before blaming the man for not leaving his wife.
also the “time-frame” theory sometimes doesn’t work because of this problem.

one more thing, about people being hurt in this situation, well if the kids are not involved then its one person he will have to hurt, either his wife, or the girlfriend, and if he hurts the one he wants to be with too, then he is hurting himself as well.
beside what kind of a wife would want to be with a husband who has cheated or is in love with someone else, but is in relationship with her because of “divorce problems”