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Your Call: What’s a Good Term for Those Who Date Much Older People?

Tue, May 5, 2009

Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Your Call

old_people_signphoto by rileyroxx

About a week and a half ago, a reader responded to a post about the charming new term “hyena” being used to describe sexually aggressive teen girls:

Have they come up for a term for younger girls who date much older men, or even something besides cradle-robber, for older men who date younger women? I‚Äôd like a term for myself besides ‚Äúbaby cougar‚ÄĚ because that implies that at 19 I date 12 year olds… and that‚Äôs just gross. [Btw. my boyfriend is 28, and I'm a vocab nerd so a new term would be AWESOME!]

Do you have any ideas? Something positive that suggests these women aren’t simply shallow gold diggers but may actually prefer the more mature company of guys who are older and wiser would be nice. Even better if it’s a term that could apply to both women and men who date older. And if you’ve got a replacement for “craddle robber” and “cougar” — again a kinder, gentler term that could apply to both men and women who like dating younger — let’s hear it! Leave your suggestions in the comments below or email them here.

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32 Responses to “Your Call: What’s a Good Term for Those Who Date Much Older People?”

  1. Nora Says:

    They’re not gold diggers! They’re old diggers! That’s what a friend of mine call herself, and her boyfriend is like twice her age!

  2. KHM Says:

    My question, on a related topic, is at what age does one officially become considered a cougar? I mean, if I am still under 40, just barely, and ridiculously aroused by 20-something Brit film stars, aren’t I merely a healthy woman? Or, have I crossed into the prowling cougar status … I hope not, though I must admit that an appearance of Rob Pattinson on SNL in the Cougar Den skit would be Side-Splitting

  3. Nick Says:

    when i was dating an older woman i jokingly called myself an antique collector.

  4. L. Says:

    mature.

  5. Dave Says:

    classicists and modernists :)

  6. A. Says:

    wildcat is a good substitute for couger.

    “i’m not a cougar, i’m a wildcat!”

  7. Mr L Says:

    the reason this term doesn’t already exist is that the phenomenon barely exists if at all! when you get to be an old fart (tart) Game is over!

    so dream girl (boy) would be my suggestion.

  8. Slartibartfast Says:

    I always thought that ‘paleontologist’ was the term for people who dug on fossilized remains. Speaking as someone who was entombed during Ordovician Period of the Cenozoic Era, I usually employ the descriptor, “dangerously deranged” in referring to younger women who claim to be interested in mature males.

  9. KHM Says:

    OOO… I just thought of a good one for the opposite of the younger women with rich older dude “gold digger” … what about a “cherrypicker”

  10. xox Says:

    I always thought they were called ‘lolitas’ although if you read the actual book you see that this term isnt correct, just grew into how we use it now.

    All the animal names given to people who date whatever other people are so dumb though. Cougar. Wildcat. Hyena. Who cares.

  11. Joe B Says:

    WHO’S BUSINESS IS IT ANY WAYS?? IF PEOPLE ARE FINE WITH OLDER OR YOUNGER MATES THAT IS THEIR LIFE,NOT YOURS NOR MINE!! I DATE YOUNGER WOMEN. IAM 59 AND DATE WOMEN BETWEEN 29-36 AND ALL IS HAPPY AND IT IS NOBODIES BUSINESS EXCEPT OURS! YOU HYPCRITS!! DO YOU LIKE TO BE TOLD WHO YOU CAN AND CANNOT DATE?? DOES ALL THIS MEAN THAT WE ARE BAD PEOPLE?? HELL NO!!! LOOK IN YOUR OWN EYE FIRST, AND DON’T JUDGE OTHERS UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE JUDGED!!!

  12. ilah fashionista Says:

    wats wrong withh pple dating or getting intimate with sum1 much more older den them??Get over pple,we are livin in a 21st century. who cares who is dating who rite? do u like if strangers hacked into ur personal dating lives? well,for me, im a 19 n im dating an almost 40yr old men..well,sure enuf u all wud go ‘OMG!!!Wat the hell was she tinkin!!’ haha=)get a life pple..lemme tell u tat im not a ;gold-digger’ like wat sum of u out dere wud tink..we r fated by God to be with sum1 we love(trully). and i dun giv a damn wat othas might say,as long im happy n havin a prosperous life i dun mind wat otha pple might say;) && juz FIY,im gettin engaged wif hym nxt mnth;))Both our parents,relatives n frens agree to it. God bless us;))

  13. jrlova15 Says:

    I’m an eighteen year old, dating a 38-year old, and we are very happy with eachother.
    I really don’t think there should be names for people who date older/younger people. it’s really nobody’s business.
    I am just like any other woman, I just happened to fall for an older man. They’re more mature anyways, and you can have serious talks with them. They also just have an overall better head on their shoulders…

  14. Marie Says:

    Smh(Shaking My Head) @ a 36 year old man dating an 18 year old. She may believe that he is a great companion and an amazing conversationalist, but for a man that age to seriously consider a girl of that age? Something is wrong in his head. Not to say that jrlova isn’t a beautiful young woman who is mature for her age, but anyone with a bit more experience in life is wise enough to know the changes one goes through in their twenties. A man of an older age cannot give serious consideration to a child. Its simply a ploy in order to fulfill his own personal physical pleasure. Smh. It’s sad when men that age prey on girls so young. Most young girls foolishly fall for the game. They are too naive.

    As for the term for people that date older than themselves:
    “GREYHOUND”

  15. richard Says:

    ok what do you call me i had a wife for 35yrs she past 2yr ago she was 10yrs older then me i am now 59 my girlfrind of 1yr was only 42 when she pasted 4-01-09 are big day was going to be 07-04-09

  16. Rei Says:

    There shouldn’t be a name, it will just be another made-up word for something to be made fun of. If you are with someone who is old enough to be your parent, and you are fine with that, that is what matters, you and your sig other’s happiness.

  17. Slartibartfast Says:

    Very well put, Rei. If the principals involved are pleased with the arrangement, it really isn’t anyone else’s business. However, some of the issues that Marie brings up should also be kept in mind as well. If I understand her point correctly, the issue shouldn’t result in anybody condemning anybody else but the potential for an asymmetric or even exploitative dynamic shouldn’t be ignored either. At the end of the day, I’m inclined to put the whole topic in the category of “The heart has its reasons whereof reason knows nothing.”

  18. Patricia Says:

    I am a 57 year old female who happens to adore younger men…at least 10 years younger but not more than 15. I know that nine out of ten of them do not take me seriously so now I am thinking about going a bit older. No one every guesses my true age…always guessing 10 years or more younger.

  19. AlanK Says:

    Patricia, my sweet young sweet patootie…all the grownups in your life know your age. Anyone who can’t guess your age is too young for you. Mind, that’s not bad; you almost surely DO look 10 years younger than a woman your age would have looked 25 years ago, and since most children (i.e., people 10 years younger than you) have gotten the idea of what 57 looks like from old movies and TV they may guess wrong.

    Those of us your age know what 57 looks like and like it a lot. But don’t kid yourself; we know. Even if we didn’t we can look at the back of your hands.

    PS: I’ve noticed that conversation over these Intertube thingies filters out irony, so what I mean really is…you go, girl. Fifty is the new sexy.

    But enjoy. Enjoy. Just keep a tad or reality by the bedside.

  20. SoulSearchin Says:

    Well, I am so glad to see I’m not the only one in this predicament. I am a 23 year old woman who LOVES THE OLDER MAN! They are more mature and have much wisdom to share. They also have had their time to play, so now (around age 35-40) should have their act together, and many do. I am a serious woman, with serious ambitions and goals in life. I have my act together and need someone in life who has the same. Although I may seem head strong about being with an older man, it is a double edged sword. Because I have never been married and have no children, I would like to one day have this opporunity. But, the issure comes to when you find someone older, most times they already have children, dont want children, or do want them, but lets face it, by the time you two do decide to have them, the man will be a senior citizen, close to 60 when your first kid is graduating from high school! This sucks. Oh well. But, really and truly the key to me is not age. Really, its not. Its not about the finding the person you can live with, but its about finding the perosn you cannot live without! Got to have that connection. Much luck to you younger women trying to find that great mature sexy go it together man, I have yet to find one who has the complete package…maybe some day! :)

  21. Asia Says:

    I’ve always been attracted to older men when i was single and younger- at least 5 to 10 years older than i am. But then after i divorced, i started dating and met this 35 year old guy, 10 years younger than i am. I was very hesitant at first, sometimes i still get bothered by my own conscience… what am i doin g with this young guy? However, i found out that younger guys have this level of energy. They’re a lot of fun. I went out with guys who are 5 to 7 years older than i am b ut they look so old, i dunno why. One time, i was having dinner with this older guy at 8 pm, he already started yawning saying it’s almost his bed time…. and there i was, trying to hurry with this dinner because i am going clubbing after that. There’s no really big deal on age difference. What matters most is you share the same interest and you are having fun.

  22. LUCKY1 Says:

    I dated and married my husband who was almost 32 years older than I was. We had a WONDERFUL MARRIAGE that lasted 35 years. He passed away 7 years ago and I can’t even imagine dating someone else. Lots of people made remarks about us at the start of our relationship but we were very happy. Had a very fulfilling life together. I still love and miss him.

  23. wenie Says:

    I AM 30 YRS OLD AND MY BOYFRIEND IS 58 YRS OLD…,I KNOW THAT WE HAVE A BIG AGE GAP BUT IT WAS NOT A HINDRANCE FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP,,I NEVER FELT ASHAMED WALKING WITH AN OLD MAN COZ I LOVE HIM,SO MUCH AND HE MEANT SO MUCH TO ME,,,,,HE SHOWED ME THE REAL “LOVE” I AM LONGING,,,,,,,,,INFACT,,HE MAKE ME FEEL COMPLETE!!!,,,,,,WE ARE TOTALLY HAPPY !!

  24. Pal Says:

    Old men don’t keep young women around for conversation.

    A “trophy wife” before marriage was probably just “trophy”.

  25. Lolita Says:

    My Husbands and I are 19 years apart, I am 45 he is 64. We have this ongoing saying in our relationship that I Love You For???
    SEX, MULTIPLE ORGASMS, MONEY, HOUSE, CAR, Whatever, it really doesn’t matter because WE LOVE EACHOTHER UNCONDITIONALLY. We never look at ourselves as an AGE or a Number we just don’t care and we definatley do not care what others have to say because OPINIONS are like Assholes everybody has one not that we care but they are there ;) .
    So call us what you wish but it really doesn’t make a difference to us our life still goes on. I feel like I am Blessed to have him in my life for however long it is meant to be. It is what it is as some would say.

  26. ao Says:

    Just read most of this and it seems that the younger man has seemed to have been insulted a bit because if you look at statistics there will allways be differences and changes …. not every young man is a buffoon who is unintelligent, laxadazical with little qualities that some how magically appear when their older? Not every old man is wise, understanding and caring? Today society as a whole has become very superficial and we have names for everything. This doesn’t make them derogatory or harsh they are just names for things just because you fit under the catagory of a name doesnt mean its wrong its just the situation. Also there are stages people go through in life mentally and physically which changes things but again they all happen at different times for each indiviual.
    you all should stop living under the fear of a name or whether it is right or not because every situation that ever happens, has happened or is happening are different in their own way. Just because there is a name for the general situation doesnt make a difference.

  27. Jacq Says:

    My husband and I met when I was 19 and he was 29. We have loved each other unconditionally since then. I cannot imagine my life with anyone else. We have two great kids and no, I am not a goldigger because if I was I wouldn’t be with him. We have been married over 4 years and we fall in love with each other more as time goes on. Age is nothing but a number. We never even think of it. My grandparents were happy until death and they were 14 years apart. My aunt and uncle are also 14 years apart and they have been happily married for 40 years.

  28. Mishell Says:

    I’m a 23 year old white woman and I’m just saying, you let Benecio Del Toro show up at my front door and see what happens. Mmm!

  29. Sarah Says:

    I see nothing wrong with anyone dating whomever they want,and age should not be seen as a factor. If the two are in love, then let them stay that way. A true Love is difficult to find in this day and age so whether it be found in 24 year old lady dating a 61 year old man, like myself.

  30. liliana Says:

    I don’t wish to judge anyone by searching this topic. If you are older and wish to date younger people or vise versa that is your concern, however please avoid pointing fingers and classifying yourself as ” judged” when the very thing that lead you to this very website discussion, similarly, this topic is what lead everyone else to end up on this discussion. I’m not trying to label anyone, simply put my curiosity at ease. Since names like cougars, hyenas and baby cougars are present I was simply curious as to the classification of a young person having interest in older people. No judgment or accusations here, simply curiosity. In summary ….don’t get upset and preach not to judge anyone when your own judgement of people simarlar to you (if you like older people or young people or what ever) is what lead you to this very post. Good day.

  31. John Says:

    Alphamagamia. – Attraction to an older person. Can also mean someone (not necessarily female) married to a much older partner.

  32. Shanice Ireland Says:

    I’m 21, I usually go for guys around 30
    It’s different as I used to stick to my age, it’s a pleasant change as they usually are more mature and have this Alfa male vibe about them, makes me feel so secure.


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