The Men’s Health article “18 Things a Grown Man Should Never Have” made us think we should have dated more Men’s Health readers back in our single days. (“10. A name for his penis. Even if it’s a really clever name. … 13. A futon. Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, ‘Take me on your futon.’ … 14. Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.”) It also got us thinking about the sort of things a grown woman should never have…
- A stuffed animal on her bed. We’re not saying you have to donate that mangey bear to the Goodwill store — just store him as discreetly as you would your vibrator. No sex partner wants to share your bed with a blankie. Speaking of vibrators…
- A sex toy that contains phthalates or one labeled “for novelty use only.” Woman-up and buy yourself a sex toy that was actually designed with your pleasure in mind.
- Pants low enough that her thong peeks out the top. Or, as we like to refer to it, a “plot spoiler.”
- A list of all the people she’s slept with. Share your sexual history, yes. But naming names? People, no good can come of this.
- A poster of Doisneau’s “The Kiss by the Hotel de Ville” on her wall.
READ THE OF THIS TOP TEN LIST on SUNfiltered to find out why masturbation hang-ups, sex with your superior, and vaginas named “fufu” are not appropriate for a grown woman. (Oh, and this post is our entry in the “Most Trafficked Post” contest for June, so you’d be doing us a huge favor by clicking through, too.)