Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve..
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to their ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we think you should give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. It’s not like you’ve dated a string of 8″ men and have discovered that only a super-sized schlong can satisfy you. (In fact, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is freakishly long). No, you just had one great experience with one 8″ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, when it comes to size, most women agree that girth is a lot more important than length, since the majority of sensation is felt in the outer third of the vagina, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix rammed).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what sex is going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options — at least until your tattoo idea catches on. We suppose you could post a personal ad specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply, but something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Why not just spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience converts you?
Here for the little people,
Em & Lo
January 5th, 2010 at 9:16 pm
my wife told me years ago, the 1st time we made love, that her ex-fiance was bigger than me. I know not everyone reacts the same way,but it has been a big turn on for me
January 5th, 2010 at 11:03 pm
it doesnt matter if its long or short.. the essence is that both person must enjoy sex.. the long dick is useless if it cant make a woman pregnant..
January 6th, 2010 at 1:26 pm
jorge said: “the long dick is useless if it cant make a woman pregnant..” Not all of us WANT to be pregnant at the present time. I think the article was an argument about the pleasure of sex, not the consequences….
January 6th, 2010 at 5:49 pm
Tom wrote: [...]
Tom… You’re awesome dude. Women do that to try and tool their man. It’s what we seduction community types call a “shit test” – she’s throwing a wrench in your spokes to see how you handle it – and it’s an especially rude one.
Most guys would flip out. I too once would have, until I got in touch with the part of myself that’s turned on by the thought of my girl acting nasty, with me or anyone else.
Tom’s way is the best possible way of handling a woman’s jealousy-based tests.
January 6th, 2010 at 7:53 pm
It’s funny that two other men said just what I would say. I had a gf when I was 21 yrs old who pulled the “I found a bigger dick” thing on me when she dumped me. I was bigger than average, myself, but still freaked out by it. A year later she returned pretending she wanted to get back together, then when we were naked suddenly got up, put her clothes back on, and whined, “You USED to be so BIG!” Told me about her interim bf’s huge girth and this time instead of feeling inferior I realized what a joke she was and found myself enjoying the image of her with her huge bf–I have “used” her in this way many times since, feeling perfectly entitled to after her attempts at cruelty to me. A few months later met my wife (over 25 yrs together now!) who had just broken up with an 11-inch lover because he was too big, hurt her to have sex with, and was a dork with a really drippy personality. We had awesome sex sharing her memories of his “asset.” We even tried 3ways with a couple of hung men, which were fun. BTW, you are so right about men sometimes not getting full erections when nervous–this was what happened when miss sizequeen was so disappointed by how much less big I was than she had remembered.
January 7th, 2010 at 1:37 am
look the real issue every woman is avoiding is how LARGE they can become esp after child birth(s). Ever try to screw the Lincoln Tunnel?
January 7th, 2010 at 6:21 am
thats what the keigel exercises are for – to tighten the loosened pussy up.
January 7th, 2010 at 12:32 pm
Its an interesting theory about “testing” us when they say that….I have had some really dumb stuff said to me and it did make me insecure. I would be curious to hear from some women about that….if its true confirms so thoughts I have come to recently. The sad fact is that most women on have been screwed over by a guy at some point and then then take it out on the next guy in line….Only to create exactly what they hated. Its a nasty cycle.
I like one of the guys above am “above average” on a large muscular frame….My current girlfriend after 3 weeks of compliments and love sees me going pee after sex. I am standing with my legs apart…..Why do you stand like that? I answer, I don’t know I guess if my legs were pressed together I would feel squished. Her response is “honey its not that big” (jaw to the floor) Then later she is rubbing my legs and says “Your legs are so big….that is what you men like to hear right? Again my jaw says…WTF!
Since this or that has come out and after birthing her first child her man told her she was like a mayo jar. Now I think she is great in that area, but you can see how she continued the cycle of damage. Now she is a loving loyal sub who would do anything for me….BUT I took some serious knocks to my ego dealing with her crap and damage.
Anyone else?
January 12th, 2010 at 5:54 am
My ex had been with several guys before me, one of them was a truly freakish length at 10 inches long and as thick as a coke can.
She tried to have sex with him, and all he did was hurt her. She never had an orgasm with him (or any of her boyfriends for that matter, they were all total jerks that just care about getting off as soon as possible then jetting).
I have a totally normal sized dick that tends on the “large” side. Not only was I able to make her cum multiple times in a single occasion, but she stated I was the best lover she ever had.
January 26th, 2010 at 10:38 pm
Why would a girl even say that sort of thing?
If a girl said that to me, she would be on her way out. Not because it offends me, but because it makes me think she’s crazy.
February 3rd, 2010 at 7:51 pm
this is really embarrassing but when i was little i got bee or wasp sting on my penis and my penis is about 4-5″ and i was just wondering if the sting would have affected the growth in my penis or if i was just maid small…..
kinda funny when you think about it lol
February 6th, 2010 at 5:20 pm
This small penis post is only 20 comments away from overtaking the Nuvaring post as the all-time most commented-on EMandLO.com post. I’m rooting for it!
And just so this isn’t a totally useless comment: No, Dave, the wasp stinging your penis had nothing to do with anything. (But man, that must’ve hurt!)
February 8th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
When guys are picking out a girl, some of the superficial/arousing bits are really easy to gauge. You can get good scope of bust size, curvature, assfulness, et cetera. And you get to then decide whether or not they’re worth pursuing despite whatever flaws. But even if you have the perfect bodied girl, she won’t necessarily be a great lover.
Girls can’t figure out how large you are til we touch you. And I don’t think it makes the Sizeist horrible for being disappointed. It doesn’t specifically say that she was a bitch about it and told her boyfriend. she said she didn’t know what the sex would be like or if her ex had set a standard that couldn’t be achieved by someone smaller.
February 8th, 2010 at 7:10 pm
Karen the average size penis is around between is over 5 and under 6 inches and 4.5 you 5 inches in girth. 99% of the worlds men fall in that size category as proven and proven in numerous medical test survey over the years. , they are not very many men that are 7 ihces and few are 8 and 9.
When woman say a small penis what they mean is an average penis, the average size penis is too small to gratify most woman during intercourse. Size counts to most women, but sure why wouldn’t it! After all it’s a big wet hole! A very big wet hole that is capable of passing a 10pound baby! With a hole that big it’s no wonder woman connect penis size particularly girth size with intercourse performance and vaginal pleasure and gratification. The good news for men most men are average, and most men are inadequate, we are far from alone. Mother Nature should have given all men bigger dicks for such a big hole; the average is just too small to gratify most women.
Men with an average size penis are sexually disabled; they have to resort to using their mouth and hands the same as cripple have to resort to a wheelchair to get around, and what is superior way of getting around? a wheel wheelchair? or working limbs? We all know the answer to that. It’s the same with using your dick and hands. . I can pleasure woman with my hands but I can’t with my dick because it is only average and that’s too small. When a man has to resort to using their hands and mouth its makes them feel like a inferior sexually disabled cripple because they can’t do it with their dicks.
Me myself lived a very masculine life, I have fought in wars and worked on fishing boats on the most dangerous seas on earth, despite the very hardened macho life I lived, I don’t feel like a real man because of my average dick, I feel less of a man. A little skinny frail cowardly geek would be classed as a real man in the eyes of woman if he had a larger than average penis.
February 8th, 2010 at 10:06 pm
Davey,
I am really doubtful that even the best sized penis would get me off as well as someone who was talented with their hands. Hands/fingers can do more period, and then can do many of the mores simultaneously. A Penis is basically just in and out. I suspect a lot of women are the same way. And if she’s cumming one way or anyother I doubt she’d care much about your apparently not so macho (???) dick.
February 11th, 2010 at 12:13 am
my penis is around 3-4 inches hard and i cannot keep a girlfriend everytime they see it they laugh it real sucks. im from mississauga ontario and im croatian. since im a electrician does that affect penis growth. my girlfriend i meet a year ago she thinks its cute what should i do
February 11th, 2010 at 11:25 am
frankie, Being around electricity does not effect penile growth. Besides, your adult erect size was determined by the time you were 13 or 14 years old.
Maybe get to know the girl better before y’all attempt to have sex. Someone who cares about you, and knows you already should never laugh.
February 12th, 2010 at 11:35 am
The best lover I ever had was gifted with his tongue and fingers! Size does not matter. What matters is whether a man loves cunnilingus and after 50 years – and living through the 60’s – I’ve only met one man who really loved it and did it because he loved it and not because he thought he should do it to please me. There aren’t that many men who love raw oysters either. But God love the few men who do!
February 14th, 2010 at 11:00 am
Point of advice. My stats are 8ln x 8grth but I find my wife gets the most out of sex when I focus on her and only use half of my penis and multi-task by kissing her neck or breast during intercourse.
Your body size may give off the appearance of making you look smaller. A big penis would look smaller on a body builder than on a skinny guy.
February 21st, 2010 at 3:10 pm
I’m in my 40’s, never had kids, and I happen to have a very tight vagina, I’m told (probably all the masterbation through the years). I have had different-sized lovers. Yes, I think about what is in their pants before I get to feel or see. I’m very passionate, feely-touchy, and sensual. I embrace the entire guy. My best lovers have been average-sized or less. The ones about 6 or 7 inches relied on intercourse only–boring! My average or lower babes were creative, sensual, sex-loving freaks like me. Open the positive side of your heart and mind when with a partner. I’ve just being dumped by a boring one, but I just heard that an old friend who I can see through his pants is about average (but he exudes sensuality) got divorced two years ago. I’ve got a date with him this week! Yes!
March 3rd, 2010 at 1:50 am
Wow I am glad I read all of these comments, I haven’t laughed like that in awhile:) It’s cool how everyone can be so open about sex. It’s a part of Life. We should be proud to have it!!!!! Sex is amazing, but only with foreplay. My boyfriend is average size and I cum every time:) oh and by the way to those who say women get loose after a baby, can go blow themselves, cuz I had a baby, and I am not!!! Women were created to have babies!!! How do you think you got here???? That suxs if a person doesn’t have kids, when you get older you are going to wish you would have. I couldn’t imagine not having my son with me, he is the joy of my life:)
March 3rd, 2010 at 10:00 pm
Girl size definitely does not matter. My ex(in his mind) thought he was huge. The only orgasm I got from him was through oral sex. I met someone years later and he didn’t consider himself all that(to him) but he was the best lover I ever had. I had never had so many orgasms in my life. It was great and true love making.
March 4th, 2010 at 11:28 am
Wow! Jean I agree with you. =)
March 6th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Davey, who on earth told you that an average-sized penis is too small to satisfy a woman? What a load of bull! 5″-7″ is more than enough for me! The vagina may stretch when it needs to (but nobody ever called childbirth enjoyable!), but most of the time when it’s relaxed, it sits closed (just like the anus). It is not a “very big wet hole” – it simply stretches to accommodate whatever is inserted.
But getting back to Sizeist: give the new guy a go. Seriously. I went from a boyfriend with a 9″ dick (who didn’t claim to know that he was big, and so didn’t go through the “I don’t have to try” phase) to one who was 4″ at a stretch. Which one felt better? The 4″ guy was AWESOME!!! 9″ was ok, and very considerate in bed, but he always kept hitting my cervix (which I find really painful) and still never got all the way in. 4″ got in right to the hilt, meaning LOTS of pelvis-to-pelvis contact and LOTS of clitoral stimulation. No hands required, and huge orgasms!
In all honesty, the only problem with the 4″ guy turned out to be the massive chip on his shoulder from the fact that previous girlfriends had called him small. It didn’t matter that I found the sex mind-blowing, because he was so insecure that he convinced himself that I was lying. That sucked. His worry over his imaginary “inadequacy” lost me the best sex I’ve ever had.
Really, both men and women need to get over the whole “bigger is better” myth. Guess what guys: if a woman call you small, nine times out of ten it’s just because she’s trying to hurt your feelings. Size is no measurement of satisfaction.
March 6th, 2010 at 10:19 pm
The worst scenario I had was with a beautiful boy I met in college. We had amazing chemistry and he was built to the hilt, but after two months (in the 80s no less, lol) I was getting a little aggressive for sex, hello…well he had was what I have heard is a “micro penis” which fully erect was only about an inch. By the time I tackled him and made him do it (I am a redhead) I was really shocked and I tried to make it work but man oh man it was a theatrical performance. I heard that Osama Bin Laden has a micro penis and an american woman laughed her tits off at his penis and made fun of him in the disco era in Lebbanon which I presume was a very hot spot back in the day, thats why he is so incensed? I read it in Vanity Fair not just a stupid rumor….lol
March 7th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
I’m going to tell the truth here. I had one boyfriend who was large – 9″ and thick – and it was the most pleasure I’ve ever had. I also had a boyfriend that was 5″ – and it was the least pleasure I’ve ever had.
March 15th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
It’s so silly the focus on size these days. For most of recorded history, a big penis was looked down upon and associated with savages and rapists. Ironically, the rapist part is 100% true as a “big” penis is associated most with the number of partners a woman has in a short period of time. A “longer” penis when competing with other penises within a short time-span deposits sperm more closely to the fallopian tubes and is more likely to fertilize an egg. Thus a person who has a long penis is most likely the descendant of promiscuous parents.
It’s only with the recent explosion of porn and the media that somehow big size was associated with sexual desirability. This is speaking as a doctor who had one major in anthropology in college.
Men with bigger penises tend to have more flaccid erections as well and generally less natural stamina since their organ drains so much blood. They really need to work on their cardio to maintain an erection for a long time. My patients come to me worried about their penis-size because of what they see in porn (which is reflected in some women’s comments). It’s common enough that I tell them the truth, men in porn take drugs to get it up many times and one scene is filmed over a day or more with constant breaks.
Aside from my educaation and professional experience, personally after having been with a lot of women with an average member, the most common complement I get is that, even though I’m not as big as the hugest guys, my stamina in bed (over 2 hours average) drives women crazy. This is from good cardio and intense concentration. I’ve found this to be true in general. It just needs to be a minimum size for a woman’s pleasure. To really get a woman going, its all about how many times you can bring her to a climax.
March 19th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
it’s all about the cunnilingus. as long as a man can go crazy with that and actually enjoy it, i’ll be wetting the sheets all night long.
March 20th, 2010 at 5:46 pm
To the sizest, Maybe you and females like you should have a tattoo on ur wrists that say Shallow! So you dont waste the time of men.
Question: why do some women feel the need to talk about the penis size of ex lovers? I am above average but that really doesnt help when you hear ur girlfriend bring up an ex and say OMG! when she is talking about some other guys cock.
Even tho she says im the best sex she has ever had. I have even broke some hearts in the past because some grown women thought that was ok to say,its hard to want to stay if you dont feel good enough.
I would never talk about someone elses breasts!(Not that you can compare the two) I mean I have never seen a porn made just with small to average cocks.But i have seen porn made with just small breasted chics)
Anyway, its very hurtful and women you should know better.
March 22nd, 2010 at 1:12 am
ok this might be a little embarissing but my penis size is about 2 and a half inches and 4 and a half inches erect. I am a chick magnet but they just dont know about my penis im kind of scared to have sex with my girlfriend because she might make fun of me
March 22nd, 2010 at 1:14 am
o and on porn all porn stars that is guys takes steriods to enlarge their penis
this message is to greenman69
March 22nd, 2010 at 4:47 am
I have a 4 inch penis erect. Is my “Wang” considered to be micro