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My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me

Dear Em & Lo,

About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.

–Sizeist

Dear Sizeist,

We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to their ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?

But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we think you should give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. It’s not like you’ve dated a string of 8″ men and have discovered that only a super-sized schlong can satisfy you. (In fact, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is freakishly long). No, you just had one great experience with one 8″ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.

For a start, men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, when it comes to size, most women agree that girth is a lot more important than length, since the majority of sensation is felt in the outer third of the vagina, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix rammed).

On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what sex is going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?

Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like.  This doesn’t make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options — at least until your tattoo idea catches on. We suppose you could post a personal ad specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply, but something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Why not just spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience converts you?

Here for the little people,

Em & Lo

Do you worry about the size of your package?
“15 Ways to Make the Most of Your Small Penis in Bed”


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732 Comments on "My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me"


Sebastian
20 days 17 hours ago

i won’t throw EVERY female under the bus, but I honestly don’t (YET) know ONE in my personal life who’s ever thought they’ve been “lost” in bed. It is all too common that you hear of Men being “eh” or just all together Bad in the sheets. I gotta tell ya ladies, the idea some women get about “how to work a penis” is just…. Incorrect to put it nicely. The idea that “you just tug and pull and that’s all there is to it” is so dead wrong. Why can it take a woman up to half hour to successfully blow you when I could use my HAND and get the job done in 5? I’ve actually faked pleasure before with a woman while she was on top. She THOUGHT she was doing it right, But my shrinking erection said otherwise. I had to improvise to keep it up. I loved her very much so I didn’t exactly want to pop the question, “what are you doing?” and hurt her. But girls, we Men can “protect” YOU as well. Your body may be sexy, and your face beautiful, but this will not make you a thrill in bed by default. Just as having a 4 ft. Penis will not automatically prevent a guy from being boring to sleep with. No Man anywhere would commit adultery if his wife slayed in the sack by default, simply because she has nice breasts.

Sex Love
27 days 3 hours ago

My last resort before I convince myself that sex doesn’t matter. It’s only the love.
Dear Em & Lo
I have been dating my boyfriend for over 4 years. And I’m just going to get right to it, I am not satisfied sexually. Before I am claimed to be shallow I want to point out that we have tried a lot. He is not aware of this deepest secret of mine. I have hidden this from him because the last thing I want to do is hurt him. I care for him deeply. And The truth is he has a small penis. I have been with only 2 other men. And I KNOW what I like in bed. For one making love is at the top of my need list. I need to feel that connection with someone. I have only felt the connection with 1 other person and he is my ex. I was in love with him undoubtedly. We shared this connection I can’t even begin to explain. This man had a larger penis. Funny thing was, is that during sex it hurt because he was bigger. I don’t want it to hurt but what I’m trying to point out is the connection between us is what I crave. My boyfriend of 4 years is an amazing guy, he would do anything for me. We talk about marriage and kids and all those wonderful things. But I can’t seem to shake the want and need feeling of a deep connection and a sexual connection. I have researched and tried different things to try, sex positions, the tighten exercise, dildos, (which i like but it’s not the same), back door and other thing for 3 years now and still with all these different things, it hasn’t help any. I need advice. Very badly. Please help me.

Tintin
13 days 7 minutes ago

I faced the exact situation recently. I have been with my ex for 4 years and after first couple of years, I realized that she was not at all physically satisfied. We talked about it and she told there is a connection missing between us. Finally we decided to live separately for last one year but stayed as friends going holidays together etc.
few weeks ago her ex came back from abroad and I was cut off as friend also. She had told me before also how it was sexually better with her ex. And now she told that she is going back to her ex after 6years and they are together again.
This feels bad as I loved her but I now realize that physical connection is also very important in a relationship. I know I am now blaming her for all the bad times I had since due to lack of physical chemistry, she was upset quite often when we were together. But being a 40 years old I am slowly getting the hang of the situation.
To be honest, I am hurt as for me this was trivial thing and keeping her smiling and laughing and making her happy every other way was my only other option to get over the physical dissatisfaction. Unfortunately this was not the case for her. I am now not so excited to be with anyone else and look for new love as I realize my shortcomings. I told her all movie dialogue also that she will regret etc but I guess she will never as she seems very happy now and says she is in love again.
I am an Indian guy and the girl was European so there is definitely a difference in physical features.
So in your case, I can just comment that it hurts but it all depends on what you give more importance in life.

Jon
27 days 3 hours ago

I think you’d have to let him know how you feel. He must know in his own mind he’s small – does he assume you’re totally happy with his size? Or has he ever let you know he’s a bit insecure about it?

Sex Love
27 days 3 hours ago

He has mentioned that he has is smaller before. All I said was it’s not small and it’s not big. I don’t want to hurt him. Recently he’s been making jokes about having a big penis. I think he wants to see my reaction but after 4 years I can hide my true feelings really well and I don’t want it to be like this. It’s not healthy.

Jon
27 days 2 hours ago

Well the fact he’s making jokes suggests he wants you to talk to him about it – he probably won’t be as hurt as you might think. How about next time he makes a joke try going along with it and making a joke back?
As a “small” guy myself I can tell you it’s much beter to hear what the woman really thinks, and then find a way forward. Also much better for the relationship to have that open-ness. As you say – can’t go on like this. I think you’d be pleasantly surprised if you did talk to him about it.

Sex Love
27 days 2 hours ago

You are right. We are open about everything but this issue. We’ve had conversation before about how important it is for us to both share the connection. It’s hard to receive that when I’m not satisfied sexually though. Sometimes I feel like it’s his first time and he didn’t know what to do and he definitely isn’t confident. That is clear. And I talk to him about things that would help. But it doesn’t seem to work. I will not say his smaller then what I’ve been with either, ever.

Jon
27 days 2 hours ago

Well i can understand that your frustration must be kind of spoiling things. Why not tell him previos guys were bigger? He’s probaby guessed anyway and he’s always going to wonder – obviously tread carefully at first but if you can start the talk with him on a joking level thats going to be way easier.
Every chance his “performance” will improve a lot once youve told him you feel. The fact that youve started to be open with him can only boost his confidence, not knowing what you think is probably hampering his confidence now.

Sex Love
27 days 50 minutes ago

Thank you so much for the advice, it’s nice hearing it from a guys prospective. The last year or so we’ve opened up a lot when it comes to sex. Being completely honest is going to be the hard part though. I guess knowing how to foreplay and coming on to my partner comes naturally and I guess I think it should for him too.

Jon
26 days 13 hours ago

I think guys are a lot easier to please to be honest, so harder for a guy to “just know.” He’s probaby got a few insecurities going on about his size which are occupying his thoughts so he hasn’t yet made an effort. Its easy for a guy’s mindset to be I’m small therefore I can never satisfy a girl so I wont bother trying. Obviously he needs to break out of that mindset and get to thinking how he can satisfy you despite size. Confidence is key here.
Im sure the total honesty will be difficult but small steps at first, maybe start with something like well yea you are on the small side – in a light hearted way? And then work up to a stage of saying previous guys were bigger. You cant change his size but you can change his attitude/confidence. Hope things work out for you :)

LuckyGirl
1 month 27 days ago

Ok, I’d been with my husband for 25 years before he passed away in his 30s…I considered him to be of normal size by measurement measures. I could not always get my rocks off and sex was mediocre at best. The man I’m currently dating is small. I figured that the first time I tried to put a condom on him and it fell off (granted, it was a magnum – oops) he lost his confidence and his erection that night and I worried it was all over – in the sack. I was so freaking wrong. Once we got the condom thing figured out, holy hell. Not only did he rock my world, but I lost count after 6-7 times the next time we got together. He definitely knows how to work what he’s got. He’s maybe 5.5″ and not girthy and I’ve yet to not have an orgasm. Multiple ones at that…so there ya go.

jadeface
2 months 3 days ago

It’s done, women are not satisfied with a small penis but a huge dick is too big. There is no middle ground just unhappy partners until the next man, the cycle repeats.

EvilDick
2 months 19 days ago

Dear Em & Lo,
Suicide is a sin in my religion; one that prevents entry to heaven, but I question the veracity of this interpretation. Do you think that if I commit suicide, God might allow me to go to heaven anyway, owing to the fact that my penis is small? It may sound silly or weird and it’s very real to me that maybe God put men with small penises on earth to test them. I think God might be testing me to see if I realize that my relative smallness makes me evil. If that’s the case, my hope is that by committing suicide I might earn a less painful eternity in hell or, depending on how many underendowed men commit suicide instead of remaining evil, perhaps pergatory. To be honest, I think it works as follows: Let’s assume all guys with small penises are evil. I think this is safe to assume because it is generally accepted (for instance people say nazis, Sadaam Hussein etc had small penises… or like when a man drives dangerously or just generally treats people with disrespect it’s because his penis is small). Given this, maybe a guy with a small penis can better his soul (i.e. make himself less evil) by committing suicide, if and only if he also realized and realizes that if his spiritual worth is equal to the size of his penis as measured in cubic inches. I’m not going to kill myself this month so no need to rush your answer, I’m just curious to know your perspective and your readers’ perspectives on how I should kill myself, or if, perhaps, I’m better off creating deceit on earth (by pretending men with small penises aren’t evildoers, doomed to hell) so as to enjoy life as much as possible before my inevitable eternal damnation. Thoughts?
Hellishly warm regards,
EvilDick

Small
1 day 21 hours ago

I too am contemplating suicide. 4 circumference and almost 5 length. It’s funny how much discussion there is about size but no one talks about the actual size. I also wonder if this small dicked over life is just a test from God.