Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve..
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to their ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we think you should give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. It’s not like you’ve dated a string of 8″ men and have discovered that only a super-sized schlong can satisfy you. (In fact, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is freakishly long). No, you just had one great experience with one 8″ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, when it comes to size, most women agree that girth is a lot more important than length, since the majority of sensation is felt in the outer third of the vagina, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix rammed).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what sex is going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options — at least until your tattoo idea catches on. We suppose you could post a personal ad specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply, but something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Why not just spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience converts you?
Here for the little people,
Em & Lo
January 5th, 2010 at 9:16 pm
my wife told me years ago, the 1st time we made love, that her ex-fiance was bigger than me. I know not everyone reacts the same way,but it has been a big turn on for me
January 5th, 2010 at 11:03 pm
it doesnt matter if its long or short.. the essence is that both person must enjoy sex.. the long dick is useless if it cant make a woman pregnant..
January 6th, 2010 at 1:26 pm
jorge said: “the long dick is useless if it cant make a woman pregnant..” Not all of us WANT to be pregnant at the present time. I think the article was an argument about the pleasure of sex, not the consequences….
January 6th, 2010 at 5:49 pm
Tom wrote: [...]
Tom… You’re awesome dude. Women do that to try and tool their man. It’s what we seduction community types call a “shit test” – she’s throwing a wrench in your spokes to see how you handle it – and it’s an especially rude one.
Most guys would flip out. I too once would have, until I got in touch with the part of myself that’s turned on by the thought of my girl acting nasty, with me or anyone else.
Tom’s way is the best possible way of handling a woman’s jealousy-based tests.
January 6th, 2010 at 7:53 pm
It’s funny that two other men said just what I would say. I had a gf when I was 21 yrs old who pulled the “I found a bigger dick” thing on me when she dumped me. I was bigger than average, myself, but still freaked out by it. A year later she returned pretending she wanted to get back together, then when we were naked suddenly got up, put her clothes back on, and whined, “You USED to be so BIG!” Told me about her interim bf’s huge girth and this time instead of feeling inferior I realized what a joke she was and found myself enjoying the image of her with her huge bf–I have “used” her in this way many times since, feeling perfectly entitled to after her attempts at cruelty to me. A few months later met my wife (over 25 yrs together now!) who had just broken up with an 11-inch lover because he was too big, hurt her to have sex with, and was a dork with a really drippy personality. We had awesome sex sharing her memories of his “asset.” We even tried 3ways with a couple of hung men, which were fun. BTW, you are so right about men sometimes not getting full erections when nervous–this was what happened when miss sizequeen was so disappointed by how much less big I was than she had remembered.
January 7th, 2010 at 1:37 am
look the real issue every woman is avoiding is how LARGE they can become esp after child birth(s). Ever try to screw the Lincoln Tunnel?
January 7th, 2010 at 6:21 am
thats what the keigel exercises are for – to tighten the loosened pussy up.
January 7th, 2010 at 12:32 pm
Its an interesting theory about “testing” us when they say that….I have had some really dumb stuff said to me and it did make me insecure. I would be curious to hear from some women about that….if its true confirms so thoughts I have come to recently. The sad fact is that most women on have been screwed over by a guy at some point and then then take it out on the next guy in line….Only to create exactly what they hated. Its a nasty cycle.
I like one of the guys above am “above average” on a large muscular frame….My current girlfriend after 3 weeks of compliments and love sees me going pee after sex. I am standing with my legs apart…..Why do you stand like that? I answer, I don’t know I guess if my legs were pressed together I would feel squished. Her response is “honey its not that big” (jaw to the floor) Then later she is rubbing my legs and says “Your legs are so big….that is what you men like to hear right? Again my jaw says…WTF!
Since this or that has come out and after birthing her first child her man told her she was like a mayo jar. Now I think she is great in that area, but you can see how she continued the cycle of damage. Now she is a loving loyal sub who would do anything for me….BUT I took some serious knocks to my ego dealing with her crap and damage.
Anyone else?
January 12th, 2010 at 5:54 am
My ex had been with several guys before me, one of them was a truly freakish length at 10 inches long and as thick as a coke can.
She tried to have sex with him, and all he did was hurt her. She never had an orgasm with him (or any of her boyfriends for that matter, they were all total jerks that just care about getting off as soon as possible then jetting).
I have a totally normal sized dick that tends on the “large” side. Not only was I able to make her cum multiple times in a single occasion, but she stated I was the best lover she ever had.
January 26th, 2010 at 10:38 pm
Why would a girl even say that sort of thing?
If a girl said that to me, she would be on her way out. Not because it offends me, but because it makes me think she’s crazy.
February 3rd, 2010 at 7:51 pm
this is really embarrassing but when i was little i got bee or wasp sting on my penis and my penis is about 4-5″ and i was just wondering if the sting would have affected the growth in my penis or if i was just maid small…..
kinda funny when you think about it lol
February 6th, 2010 at 5:20 pm
This small penis post is only 20 comments away from overtaking the Nuvaring post as the all-time most commented-on EMandLO.com post. I’m rooting for it!
And just so this isn’t a totally useless comment: No, Dave, the wasp stinging your penis had nothing to do with anything. (But man, that must’ve hurt!)
February 8th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
When guys are picking out a girl, some of the superficial/arousing bits are really easy to gauge. You can get good scope of bust size, curvature, assfulness, et cetera. And you get to then decide whether or not they’re worth pursuing despite whatever flaws. But even if you have the perfect bodied girl, she won’t necessarily be a great lover.
Girls can’t figure out how large you are til we touch you. And I don’t think it makes the Sizeist horrible for being disappointed. It doesn’t specifically say that she was a bitch about it and told her boyfriend. she said she didn’t know what the sex would be like or if her ex had set a standard that couldn’t be achieved by someone smaller.
February 8th, 2010 at 7:10 pm
Karen the average size penis is around between is over 5 and under 6 inches and 4.5 you 5 inches in girth. 99% of the worlds men fall in that size category as proven and proven in numerous medical test survey over the years. , they are not very many men that are 7 ihces and few are 8 and 9.
When woman say a small penis what they mean is an average penis, the average size penis is too small to gratify most woman during intercourse. Size counts to most women, but sure why wouldn’t it! After all it’s a big wet hole! A very big wet hole that is capable of passing a 10pound baby! With a hole that big it’s no wonder woman connect penis size particularly girth size with intercourse performance and vaginal pleasure and gratification. The good news for men most men are average, and most men are inadequate, we are far from alone. Mother Nature should have given all men bigger dicks for such a big hole; the average is just too small to gratify most women.
Men with an average size penis are sexually disabled; they have to resort to using their mouth and hands the same as cripple have to resort to a wheelchair to get around, and what is superior way of getting around? a wheel wheelchair? or working limbs? We all know the answer to that. It’s the same with using your dick and hands. . I can pleasure woman with my hands but I can’t with my dick because it is only average and that’s too small. When a man has to resort to using their hands and mouth its makes them feel like a inferior sexually disabled cripple because they can’t do it with their dicks.
Me myself lived a very masculine life, I have fought in wars and worked on fishing boats on the most dangerous seas on earth, despite the very hardened macho life I lived, I don’t feel like a real man because of my average dick, I feel less of a man. A little skinny frail cowardly geek would be classed as a real man in the eyes of woman if he had a larger than average penis.
February 8th, 2010 at 10:06 pm
Davey,
I am really doubtful that even the best sized penis would get me off as well as someone who was talented with their hands. Hands/fingers can do more period, and then can do many of the mores simultaneously. A Penis is basically just in and out. I suspect a lot of women are the same way. And if she’s cumming one way or anyother I doubt she’d care much about your apparently not so macho (???) dick.