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Advice: My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me

Wed, Jun 17, 2009

Advice, Dear Em & Lo

baby_carrotsphoto by ILoveButter

Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve..
–Sizeist

Dear Sizeist,

We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to their ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?

But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we think you should give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. It’s not like you’ve dated a string of 8″ men and have discovered that only a super-sized schlong can satisfy you. (In fact, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is freakishly long). No, you just had one great experience with one 8″ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.

For a start, men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, when it comes to size, most women agree that girth is a lot more important than length, since the majority of sensation is felt in the outer third of the vagina, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix rammed).

On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what sex is going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?

Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like.¬† This doesn’t make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options — at least until your tattoo idea catches on. We suppose you could post a personal ad specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply, but something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Why not just spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience converts you?

Here for the little people,

Em & Lo

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702 Responses to “Advice: My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me”

  1. jon Says:

    Honestly wtf? im not small by any means but it irritates me to see all these bitches talking about size like its the end of the world. Girls talk 24/7 about guys objectifying them etc…and yet some chick says she doest wanna break up because he has a big dick…really? thats all youd lose? Go get a get a male prosy…idk whether size matters or not but i know its way better when you actually love the person…so figure that out and worry about the rest later.

  2. Jak Says:

    I totally agree with Jon, Women these days are f*cked up, Tbh, Half of you couldn’t give a damn about the guy himself just as long as hes got a ‘Remarkable’ shaft. Its just amazing how you can determine a guy by one piece of clothing being taken off, And you call us men judgemental, Wow .. .

  3. yeah right Says:

    …the letter is fake (either written by someone here or some internet liar)complete and total BS.It was put up to get a controversial dialog going and to shame men in the process.If they had a speck of integrity they’d pull this thread or at least lock it from further comment.

  4. Also Says:

    Also,”some” of these folks supposedly posting under male names are really females attempting to try and make guys look insecure.I know because im a guy and some of the comments DEFINITELY did not come from a guy–trust me.Might wanna try a little harder girls…smh

  5. UtahGimmeTwo Says:

    Hi there sizeist,
    On behalf of all the 5-inchers out there, I would like to extend a solemn thank you for being honest about your feelings. It truly is refreshing to hear this, and is a perfect set up for my two-cents. In my opinion, you should tell your boyfriend that he doesn’t measure up to your last ex. If he still wants to screw, you know you’ve got a winner on your hands – someone who doesn’t care about what you think and who probably end up making a lot of money. I know it sounds shallow, but guys who care always finish last. It’s just the way of the world, small or hung. So for all the average fellas out there, my advice is this: go to school, get rich, and don’t ever care about what women think. Who cares if she has an orgasm?! If she cheats, you can move on to someone hotter! Money truly is the great equalizer to dick size, and in this day and age, evolution favors wealth over braun (thank you, Darwin!).

  6. Dan Says:

    Okay, My girfriend was married to a guy who.she claims had 8. I myself am close to that, and a little over on a really good day. But she has also been with guys who were 5 -6 inches and claims that the sex she had with one of the smaller guys was better than the sex she had with her ex husband or me at first. What matters most is getting to know her and what she likes. Once you figure that out, it doesnt matter how small or big you are. Women are a little different than men when it comes to sex. Us guys its usualy all a physical thing, (which is why we are so obsessed with the size of our business) but for most women it is much more than that. Or at least that is what I have learned in my exp.

  7. Jamal Says:

    @ to da fools claimin’ dey bfs have over seven.Very few dudes (of any race)percentile-wise even over seven so get real and wake up fool.Gettin themselves off with dey fingers can also get off with a small to average stick.

  8. Shep Says:

    As a man of 27 with a nearly 5″ penis can I say that I have no hangups. When younger I was used to my classmates being bigger and hairier than me. In the locker room and showers I never hid. At 16 I had about 1 and a half inches and a few hairs. Nobody laughed. I was used to being seen because at a school-boarding-everybody saw everyone else. The 13 and 14 yearolds were ofen longer and thicker than me. Not a problem. Only once has a woman told me i was too small and that she could not feel anything.

  9. Sam Says:

    Just because half of you guys on here probably have a small penis yet claim you’re packing heat kills me! Then you’ve got the idiot below who claims women have to be posting half of the comments because God forbid a man have a small penis. You jackasses have been making women objects since the beginning of time, alI I hear men say is big boobs this, big ass that. So what women are finally calling you out on your small penis and the fact that most of you don’t even begin to know how to use them or pleasure a woman!

  10. wow Says:

    I believe ive just read several pages full of people posting as other genders yes indeed,like mentioned above by another poster when women pretend to be guys its obvious they say things a guy would never say.Hmmm..someone on this site really despises men,

  11. wow Says:

    it is common internet fodder to male bash these days.The “p-nis size” discussion is a feminists “ace card”.

  12. AverageJoe Says:

    It’s sometimes a cruel joke as men to not fully understand what is is a female wants these days. But lets face it, women are NOT the same nor do they hold the same values as our Mom’s and Gramma’s did in time past. So women are size queens now? No surprise, women have far escalated men in alcholoism, drugs, smoking and even cheating. Of course we man of average stature may take offense to a woman who exclaims that bigger is better…not just a bruise to our ego, but WHY is it better? Lool, MEN, we can only use what we have and anything short of merely pounding her to oblivion or waving it around light a light saber will normally get her aroused. As for the size queens, let them have their 8,9,10 inch plus shafts, a woman whose been around that will just be used and loosened up, you’d be stuck phucking her side to side to feel a wall. What a female does not understand is that BIG ol TITS and ASSES are only mentally appealing, there is no FEEL if a different nature while having sex with a girl with/without these attributes. It’s just visual and mental. However, you throw HULK’s cock in the mix, stretching a girls cooze like childbirth, what the hell would feel good about that? Anyway, some girls are size queens and don’t mind having their cootchies torn up and queefing air all day, while pinning the labias to the inside of their thighs. Let em have the herculean schlongs, they’ll need a baseball bat just to feel anything now that it’s used up and ruined for the average guy! Good luck with kegals to cure your “loosevaginaitis!” For the girls who have no preference, or prefer the norm, I’ll be glad to chase and spend $$$ for the less shallow females who care more about intimacy, being close and keeping their love boxes tight.

  13. AverageJoe Says:

    It’s sometimes a cruel joke as men; to not fully understand what is is a female wants these days. But lets face it, women are NOT the same nor do they hold the same values as our Mom’s and Gramma’s did in time past. So women are size queens now? No surprise, women have far escalated men in alchoholism, drugs, smoking and even cheating. Of course we man of average stature may take offense to a woman who exclaims that bigger is better…not just a bruise to our ego, but we ask WHY is it better? Look, MEN, we can only use what we have and anything short of merely pounding her to oblivion or waving it around like a light saber will normally get her aroused. As for the size queens, let them have their 8,9,10 inch plus shafts, a woman whose been around that will just be used and loosened up, you’d be stuck fucking her side to side to feel a wall. What a female does not understand is that BIG ol’ TITS and ASSES are only mentally appealing, there is no FEEL of a different nature while having sex with a girl with/without these attributes. It’s just visual and mental. However, you throw HULK’s cock in the mix, stretching a girls cooze like childbirth, what the hell would feel good about that? Anyway, some girls are size queens and don’t mind having their cootchies torn up and queefing air all day, while pinning the labias to the inside of their thighs. Let em have the herculean schlongs, they’ll need a baseball bat just to feel anything now that it’s used up and ruined for the average guy! Good luck with kegals to cure your “loosevaginaitis!” For the girls who have no preference, or prefer the norm, I’ll be glad to chase and spend $$$ for the less shallow females who care more about intimacy, being close and keeping their love boxes tight.

  14. Rich Says:

    Sam, your comment is upsetting to men like me. Objectifying women is not a trait of a gentlemen. Yes there are a percentage of men are like this but why the hell give them the time of day? What matters to a REAL man is who the woman is.

  15. drmojo Says:

    His penis isn’t too small – your vagina is too loose.

    Do some kegels to tighten yourself up. I doubt your BF enjoys throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

  16. hurt by this Says:

    the net is chock full of hurtful trash like this blog..and here you folks are piling on.Did it ever occur to female online bloggers out there that men actually have feelings too ?? :(

  17. Tiny Says:

    Funny that you aren’t dating the 8” anymore. I wonder why

  18. i date everyday Says:

    i have a small penis. i joke with my girlfriends that its small and agile – like a fighter jet. goes everywhere. not like a slumbering beach whale – just sitting there. That breaks the ice.

    After dating over 900 women (in the last 20 plus years across 6 continents) – I have met 10 who i thought would have liked a bigger dick and only 3 actually said it. No one has cancelled a repeat date because of unit size. I am amused by penis enlargement spam emails that are sent everyday. A woman’s fascination for a family-size wad is actually quite similar to a man’s fascination of being smothered by huge boobs. It’s a side-dish in the big buffet of sexual adventure.

    So the question asked by the lady is real and a good one. The response from the lady sexperts is equally fitting. BRAVO !

  19. KatiefromColorado Says:

    You people are all fucking stupid! MEN objectify women as well. I have no problem will a man with an averaged size penis! While some women do care about the size of the boat, I care about the motion of the ocean, as the saying goes. BUT I do have a problem with you guys saying you feel “so objectified”. Seriously? Grow up. I can not tell you how many times I’ve heard men make nasty comments about the size of my breasts or butt. It happens to members of both sexes, not just you guys. Please remember this before you open your mouths and spew shit all over the place.

  20. misard Says:

    I think that you need to read this : http://truepenisadvantage.blogspot.com/

    It’s really helped me a lot!!!

  21. Darla K Says:

    Yes…ufortunately some of my own gender are full of reverse-sexism and misandry.You people are putting a man’s value on the size of his wand and that is inexuseable IMO.We need also to stop using this as a “get back” because what the media does to us.Thanks.

  22. sadday Says:

    So I was sleeping with a guy who had a 4-6″ penis but it was thick and I was very satisfied, we broke up I met another guy with an abnormally long penis 8-10″ he was thin, I feel like I got the same satisfaction it was a different sensation and really the key to it is do the work yourself…

  23. INTERNET SCUM Says:

    It is objectifying and emasculating to have an entire internet full of the female gender dialing men’s worth down to what is in his f-n pants.Keep it up though i swear if you thought the 50′s were a time of sexism and women hating you haven’t seen ANYTHING yet.Karma is an unforgiving b–tch and its comin’ around…your gender will pay for every derogatory word that ever eminated from your mouths against a man.

  24. Mykindburn Says:

    Well, the truth is: (and no guy will admit this) If it’s a girl who he really gets to know and has a special place in his heart it won’t matter about her boobie size, bootie size or if she where’s make up or shaves her legs before she comes over to see him. And guys talk about they have huge wangs, most of the time just kidding. Average dong is 5.1 to 7 inches erect. So…I’ma go to a porn site and jack my lil weenis, and by the way this wasn’t the site I wanted, guys look at “Funny reactions to small penises” it’s text based but you’ll have a chuckle.

  25. Mykindburn Says:

    Oh and by the way. It’s also a stunt to peddle phony boner enlargement medicine. The inferiority complex men have with the size of there Va-Guy-Na, is all a scam. Don’t get me wrong some girls aren’t afraid to ride the lightning and some are pistol packin sex rangers, but this whole “Is it because my penis is small” crap is psycological. Look up “Penis Panic” on wikipedia and I bet you somewhere in this bullshit page there is an ad for some kind of ding-a-ling enhancement. HAH EAT IT ADVERTISMENT PEOPLE!!! But if you really have any advice to make my thing bigger please hit me up. HAHA. Nah. Just kidding I don’t give a damn, if it don’t fit in the front go in through the doggy door. Kiss the rings b*tch I’m out.

  26. anonymous Says:

    It sounds to me like both sides of the objectification debate are shallow and immature. If sex, big breasts, a big ass, or a big penis are the only things that matter to you in a relationship, you don’t have a relationship. Actual relationships are based on trust, communication, and love. While sex is what separates relationships from friendships, it should never be the primary focus of any relationship. This is partially the reason there are escalating divorce and cheating rates today. People are forgetting what relationships are really supposed to be about, emotional connection. Otherwise, it’s just legalized prostitution.

  27. ddw Says:

    My dick is about 8 1/2 inches long and 5 and some change in girth thickness. I jerk off a lot because I like seeing how big my dick is when its in my hands, I usually hold it at the base. Sometimes its about as thick as my wrist. But there are times when I feel that my dick is small. There are guys out here that have 9 and 10 inches, and I’d have some sexual anxiety fucking behind the big dick monsters. We fear the guy with the bigger dick who’d fuck who I’m fucking better than me.

    I say that to say this, not all women are size mongers, and not all guys who have 8 or more inches all the way confident with themselves, especially knowing that there are bigger monsters out there roaming the quiet countryside. lol. Its all about the fit of the woman. Its agreed that no one wants a loose vagina and more that a phallus the size of a tic-tac. But if you can make it do what it do with what you got, then you are in the clear considering some men who permanantly can’t even get theirs up even with soldinafil. I am learning to be happy with my little old 8 incher, there are woman out there who think that is huge.

  28. jamarcus Says:

    MOST WOMEN are like pre-paid cell phones you can use with your d–k.Dey all ez……

  29. Dahar@live.co.uk Says:

    Well what a debate. I’m a tiny guy, two inches on a good day, but I can still being every woman to a good orgasm, my fingers and tongue do a great job.

  30. johnathon Says:

    I have a huge penis & i’ll just say one thing… ITS FUCKING AWESOME.

  31. gazzie Says:

    If I were you Sizeist I’d keep searching cos I know there is a bigger one out there for you. Mean time I’ll keep banging away with mine as I don’t measure up to your standards

  32. George Says:

    I Guarantee Jonathan has a small penis

  33. dathan Says:

    i have a 6 inch and i love it i would not ask to make it bigger cuz its not to big and its not 2 small my girlfriend loves it although size does NOT matter i would still rather have a medium dick than a big one

  34. dathan Says:

    men honesly judge just as much if not more than women yes i like big tits wuts rong with that cant we just get along

  35. John Says:

    Im a man with a 7″ penis, several times i have been told im small, honestly it does bother me, it seems that anything under 8 is now considered not enough. young women have very high expectations now.

  36. Jack Says:

    Alright if anyone has picked up women they should know that they are emotional creatures. Women will choose to have sex with you after you chatted them up because they are emotionally attracted to you not physically even if its a one night stand. She doesn’t have to be in love.
    That said if you keep that emotion in bed… even if you are 5 inches she will totally orgasm. Guys size doesn’t really matter. I’ve had girls who cheated on their husbands with me and say that their husband is 8 inches and I’m an average guy… yet they keep on coming back.

  37. Uh Says:

    I’d say majority of men don’t like a big ass or big tits, they like petite. It’s in all how you use it.

  38. Josh Says:

    hahaha i like how everyones arguing! men who say women are objectifying and vis versa….

    yes there are guys that onjectify for big tits and big asses and there are women who objectify for big dicks, they are all in the same boat. fo the most part BOTH men and women dont cre about the opposite sex’s sizes there are just the size kings and size queens. so quit arguing with each other about who objectifys who.

    oh and btw im 17 and my dicks only a lil bigger than 5 inches long and i think a lil bigger in girth, however my gf doesnt mind and neither has any other girl ive been with. only one girl made fun of my dick saying its small, however it didnt stop her from opening up her legs to me the firrt time i hung out with her. not to mention she had a ridiculously tight pussy.

  39. KT Says:

    WTF? I must say that size doesn’t matter in the least. I’m a chick and I’ve had a 4 all the way to a 11. I was honestly happier with a guy around 6 than a larger guy. Personally, I can’t orgasm during intercourse so guess what? I don’t give a crap if my guy is tiny. I’m just more interested in HIM. Yes, I want to be pleased in the bedroom but I’d rather have a good man than a man that’s well endowed. So to all those chicks that freak out over a small penis, shut up and try it out. You might be pleasantly surprised.

  40. RangeRover808 Says:

    Every single girl I’ve had sex with has loved my “larger penis.”

    Every single time they see it for the first time (and then I grab their hands and make them feel it), they always (99+%) say, ”mmmm” with a big grin, when a girl says ‘mmmm” with a grin, it’s a good thing, I don’t think they are lying at all.

    I’ve heard ”oh my god you are so big” so many times if I had a dime for every time I’d be rich (hmm richER!). Some will talk about how their ex-bf was smaller, most will just show how much they like it by coming back for more. There is no other way to prove that the women like it bigger than the fact that they keep coming back for more.

    For the smaller guys, use it well and be happy. You can’t change anything and women will be turned off by your insecurity. Take care of your body and health, nobody wants a fat slob with a 10 inch dick (except a fat slob of a girl, perhaps).

  41. blab Says:

    the dude talking about relationships being important and not giving a damn about physical pleasure… im gonna come burn your church and sell your kids

  42. boe boe Says:

    ok men do like big boobs and big ass,”BUT” that dose not prevint sex, a small dick dose! a man will not tern a girl down cuz she got little titts or no ass. i dont even like big boobs i like girls feet, and i have a little dick its so small it gose inside me when im not erect! but i got big balls like the size of an apple so all and all its no dick just balls. all the girls iv been with left me after sex, thay never told me i have a small dick but i herd shit from there friends. so i gave up along time ago im going to die alone, but i came to terms with it so i dont care. god dont want me to have kids cuz im also unfertal :( its like a cicada that lives 17 years under ground just to splatter on a car windsheld the day you emerge from the ground. im 49 and iv done nuthing with my lime so i think im going to kill myself on my 50th berthday

  43. Em & Lo Says:

    Dear Boe Boe,

    We genuinely hope you’re not serious, but if you are, please know that there are alternatives. You can — and many people choose to — live a productive, satisfying life without sex. Please see our related post:

    http://www.emandlo.com/2009/04/dear-em-lo-can-i-lead-a-full-life-without-sex/

    And also check out Save:

    http://www.save.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=7025EAA4-D9D5-34CC-452DC6B57AF18483

    And if you’d like or need someone to talk to about these things, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline:

    1-800-273-TALK (8255)

    It’s 24/7, free and confidential.

    All our best,
    Em & Lo

  44. LEO Says:

    Its all porn videos after effects, in old times both genders lived contented sexual life , they didn’t crave for big boobs, ass and monster cocks.Since the porn industry revolution there had been radical change in sexual desires and that unending war begun over big and small, where it is all about relationship and true love.

  45. LEO Says:

    And these problems are mostly observed in western countries , where sex frenzy has crossed every limits. With such mental preoccupations about qualities of sexual partner , there is more divorce and failed marriage lives . in coming 50 years i see AMERICA as morally devastated country , where every second young men and women are engaged useless discussion.Sex is fun , we have all liberty to enjoy this , but isolating such persons who don’t “HAVE EXCEPTIONAL SEX ORGANS” will trigger more suicide cases, according to modern survey ,isolated persons for any reason are more prone to crime , like shooting in schools ,getting enlist to terrorist organisations to take revenge of their ostracism . I know there will be lot of jokes posted on my remarks , but ladies and gentlemen we have to get out of such ennui. Enjoy sex whatever kind of your kind of sex partner you have. My girl friend is flat chest and i have never desire handful of boobs ,so is my girl friend is happy with my average size penis. Dear fellows its all love, and in love such things are ridiculous.

  46. what a laugh Says:

    Funny how you give a suicide hot line number when its worthless feminist bloggers like you f–king c!nts who push a guy to off himself in the first place even throwing an idiotic thread like this up in the first place.Karma and negative vibes hopefully this site gets a double portion.

  47. truth hurts Says:

    ” in coming 50 years i see AMERICA as morally devastated country ”

    Umm,,,50 years? It already is morally devastated & morally bankrupt times 10.Males are 5-6 times more likely to kill themselves than women.Thats the dirty little secret no one wants to talk about you see.The epidemic of male suicide in the U.S.On the topic of suicide:White males equal 73% of all suicides in this country…some white male privilege there huh.Blah…Yeah,if it were minorities or women doing themselves in at that rate it would be fodder for ever d-mn talkshow in the country and roundtable discussion-thats the truth of the matter.Suspect online blogger types with questionable motives are no doubt becoming a seriously contributor to alot of it.

  48. misard Says:

    I think that you all need to read this : http://officialpenisadvantage.blogspot.com/

  49. Brenda Says:

    I went from my ex, who was almost 8 inches to my current boyfriend whose dick is maybe 4 inches hard. I’m not gonna lie, I prefer the bigger dick. He was a huge asshole, but my new guy treats me like a queen. I guess I will suck it up and be stuck with a small dick because of how well he treats me. He does good oral and stuff but some poisons I can barely feel his small dick. And I’m not loose, it’s just really small. But honestly I’ve had smaller so it’s all good

  50. dazbo Says:

    women are really starting to annoy me, they are more fucked up now than ever, so to all these women, i like big tits, nice round bum and nice slender legs, and vaginas with a tighter fit than a tennis players headband, so if you girls can 4 fingers up it then you dont have a vagina you have a cave that smells like a fishmongers at closing time on a hot day. to you moaning unapreciative women, take your clothes off and look in the mirror, your boobs are probably sagging and are so close to your stomach they are starting a reletionship with your naval which is probably covered in stretch marks that circle your spare tyre of a stomach which is joined to cellulite covered legs which resembles a road map, get real and stop being so shallow, have ever thought to yourself that your new small dicked boyfriend maybe 1 hot lover and he may feel that you are no good at sex, because you are only as good as your last performance.


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