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Advice: My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me

Wed, Jun 17, 2009

Advice, Dear Em & Lo

baby_carrotsphoto by ILoveButter

Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve..

Dear Sizeist,

We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to their ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?

But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we think you should give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. It’s not like you’ve dated a string of 8″ men and have discovered that only a super-sized schlong can satisfy you. (In fact, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is freakishly long). No, you just had one great experience with one 8″ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.

For a start, men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, when it comes to size, most women agree that girth is a lot more important than length, since the majority of sensation is felt in the outer third of the vagina, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix rammed).

On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what sex is going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?

Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like.¬† This doesn’t make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options — at least until your tattoo idea catches on. We suppose you could post a personal ad specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply, but something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Why not just spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience converts you?

Here for the little people,

Em & Lo

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717 Responses to “Advice: My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me”

  1. not about size Says:

    I really don’t think this is a typical problem. I once really liked this guy and we had intimate relations twice. He was on the very small side (maybe a little more than 2 inches). I think he had a bigger problem with his size than I did because he pushed me away. What I suggest to men of smaller size, you have hands and a mouth…use them. Also communication helps a lot!!

  2. Bby girl Says:

    Dat is soo true he could use his hands and mouth;) dats wat mine does… And hes from 3″ to 4″ long… Deirs nothing wrong with deir size!!!

  3. Gabriel Says:

    I havea small one too but i want a bigger one my girlfriend isnt happy with it what should i do? nevermind this

  4. Hi Says:

    Yikes! When average size is too small something is seriously wrong.

  5. Amit Says:

    Hello sir, i am 20 year old, but my panis is only 3-inc. Pleas help me and tell me what i do to increase my panis size.

  6. Rorita Aubrey Says:

    Yes man has a small penis also, but we deal with quite well. my man is very secure with the size of his tiney short penis,he has no problem when i call my friend over to give me that deep and full sexing i need from time to time because my man know that when my friend leave i take care of my man very well he has no compliants.My man’s penis is 4 inches swinging and 5 and 3/4 standing.I like a big long penis sometime and sometimes i like a small one so we can have fun when i tease my man about his short tiney penis.

  7. teetee Says:

    I love a man with a hard one.size isnt everything. big, small we like them all.

  8. The little one Says:

    Maybe your vagina is just too big and lose??

  9. JRod Says:

    People! Seriously,lol, its not that difficult. You have what you were born with whether you’ve got a big penis or not. Just be thankful for whatever it is you got. There are always gonna be people out there who will have their opinions, whether they consider bigger is better or an average guy is fine. Cool, let them say what they want, its america! lol. I’m an average guy, still a virgin, and in no way do I worry when that day actually comes when ill have sex for the first time because I know that when I have it, its gonna be for love, and imma make sure that imma do everything and learn everything my woman desires to be done to her, and no I’m not delusional nor am I trying to fool myself, I know there are ladies out there with size obsession and that’s fine, its like whatever. I just believe that you shouldn’t need a big penis to sweep a girl off her feet. To the girl who’s dating the guy with the smaller penis, ask yourself whether or not you truly love him because if you do it shouldn’t matter. From what you said about him, its not like he’s hung like a hampster, he seems more than capable to get the job done,lol.

  10. Jessica Says:

    I dunno,lol. It does depend…. I am going through same thing. I do like the guy and we have been hanging around for couple of months now. I am still not sure I should persue anything real. For the fear that I might cheat for the penis. Cause sadly 5 3/4 is pretty small :(

  11. mike Says:

    hello anyone out there lol

  12. tracy Says:

    can men with a small penis have kids

  13. Aimee Says:

    Hippo holes require hippo poles…nuff’said

  14. anomaly Says:

    hmmm i noticed that the larger the women the larger the penis it takes to satisfy…. obese women seem to prefer the 8 in cock…. im just saying lmao

  15. Robert Says:

    @Tracy – ummmm, are you dense on purpose??? Of course they (we) can! I’ve got 3 kids, 2 boys and a girl.

    Jeez – some guys with small penises may be insecure, but the women are even more insecure!

  16. Francis Says:

    Pls let leave it d way it is wethr d big or smal.cos God has a purpose 4 evrytin.bt wat mattr most is 4 a man 2 fuck ah hell yah of a vigina.

  17. G Says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHA!!!!! I always laugh my ass off when I see these questions! I have a 5 inch something penis and I have girls addicted to me. Why? Because I know what the hell I’m doing. Ok, so the dude has a huge dick but if he doesn’t know shit about what to do to a woman than he’s screwed!!!!

  18. Deanna Says:

    My boyfriends cock is so tiny, hes 21 and its only 4 inches hard. Damn near the size of a babies

  19. slvn Says:

    Hi! To everyone that posted and thanks for all the advice from the article. I have a problem and I don’t know what to do anymore, I have a 6.3 inch penis and 1.4 inch of girth. It’s a average penis in my point of view and used to be proud of it until my girlfriend of 3 years said that “truthfully its not long enough to make me climax”. That shattered all my confidence in myself. I don’t want to portray myself as great lover but I always given my 100% when it comes to making love, I go down for her for hours(and I love it) I massage and play with all of her body and try to turn every sense on specially the ones she seems to enjoy and I’ve ask her too so I’m not getting it wrong i hope, I keep it fresh with various positions new and all the ones she prefer I talk sweet and dirty to her and nothing… I can tell shes enjoying it all but never to an orgasm. Then one night I ask her if my penis wasn’t long enough for her and she said yes. I was able to satisfy and give multiple orgasms to my past girlfriends but never her the girl I love and wish to marry. I really need help for the past days I’ve been avoiding her and I don’t have a good excuse as to why but I can’t bare the shame that my penis is too small for her. Would some one give some advice I need it more than ever.

  20. djlove Says:

    slvn, if you truly love her then let her cuckold you :) meaning she gets to fuck other guys but you have to be faithful to her, usually in this case sh will slowly start to cut you off from sex so be ready for that

  21. djlove Says:

    I say this because i’ve been a cuckold for almost 8 months now after my girlfriend finally admitted that she misses having real orgasms and doesnt feel much with me. We decided cuckolding would be fun and she also keeps me teased/denied sex usually, right now it’s been over 3 weeks!

  22. Johnny Says:

    ^ ai, djlove… I was with you right up until “you have to remain faithful to her/she will slowly cut you off from sex.”

    My girl can cuckold me all she wants, but I’ll be damned if she’s the only one getting some on the side. And if you’re not getting laid at all, that’s “celibate,” not “faithful.”

  23. MadMax Says:

    My god.. Girl. You watched to much porn, huh? Not every man has a 8 inch penis- most have 4-7 inches. You have psychological problems if you think that only a 8 inch penis will make you happy.

  24. brent Says:

    How women can carry on with wild abandon making some of these derogatory comments pains me.Some women act as though guys have no feelings…this thread is hall of shame worthy–truly pathetic.

  25. Katie L. Says:

    There was one survey that had 88% of women who slept with someone besides their husband was because of size and not getting satisfied. Honestly if you even think of doing this with someone else, then you are clearly not being satisfied fully!

  26. April Rain Says:

    My sister has a small cocked husband and I wish she would just sleep with other guys as she doesnt get satisfied fully, and I know there are guys out there that could do her good!

  27. LadyLulu Says:

    I think married women who arent getting satisfied fully should make their husbands watch them with a dildo and not let them have ANY sex at all. I get way more turned on teasing my small husband by not letting him have any than from letting him put it in, plus the dildo feels really good!

  28. ben Says:

    Im 21 years old and 140 pounds and my penis is 1 and a 1/2 inches soft and 3 inches hard. Is that small? Tell me ladies

  29. Assurance Says:

    Wow she most have some elephant like hole.ok am small yet my girl after sex most atimes,do look straight at me saying,”YOU FUCKED THE HELL OUT OF ME”

  30. Julian Says:

    Well Ben im not a chick but my dick is 4in. soft and 5-1/2in. hard, and from what ive seen in the showers thats about average.

  31. M Says:

    Don’t worry, things can be done…not permanently, but one may use a penis pump and perhaps a cockring.

    At 6,5 inches, and a circumference of 5 inches I’m somewhat small. Since my girlfriend is used to bigger, I’m now accustomed to use a penis pump and sometimes a ring. This doesn’t increase size permanently, but by pumping in advance of sex, I’m able to grow to a decent size (according to my gf) of 8 to 8,5 inches in length and a tad bigger than 6 inches around.

  32. Bettyboo Says:

    Mike – no idea on the average size of a 13 year olds penis, but unless you’re very ahead of your age range you’ve got plenty of growing left to do and I’d imagine that would grow with the rest of you so don’t obsess about it :0) And at the end of the day, especially once you leave the teen years behind, it’s the things you can affect, your personality, your interests, how you treat the people you date etc that will make the difference long term, focus on becoming a good and interesting person rather than worrying about a body part :0)

  33. KellyB Says:

    My husand is average. 5 1/2 to 6 1/2 depending on how turned on he is. My ex was easily 9 inches. I love my husband now sexually compared to my ex. With my ex, given the time of month and other factors, sex was often painful, there wasn’t a whole lot we could do that really felt pleasurable to me. I’m a rough kinda girl, so what a let down. Not only can my current “really give it to me” he DOES have the most amazing hands ever. 90% of the time, I am completely satisfied before intercourse even comes into play! Also, as cliche’ as it is, sex is better if you either love someone or hate someone. Emotion makes all the difference, so I say give the guy a chance. The vagina has a way of becoming tighter or more relaxed depending on the need. It’s made for flexibility.

  34. Eddie Says:

    Im a black guy with a smaller thin 3inch hard cock, funny though i like white chicks who almost got more that i can manage..ya know the super voluptuous thick types,
    At top it off im 6ft tall and well build.Get hit on All the time, but soo shy/afraid to let them see the tool.

  35. aly Says:

    i am nine inches my ex went out wih someone smaller and felt let down

  36. mahdi Says:

    my dick is 10″ is that too big

  37. kevin Says:

    i have a 6 inch cock but it isnt thick enough and i have always had a complex but i know how to use it as well as my mouth and hands and i love to kiss

  38. kevin Says:

    i have a 6 inch cock but i feel that it isnt thick enough but i know how to use it and my mouth and hands are magical i think it makes up for it but i am still envious of larger men

  39. kevin Says:

    please reply

  40. Azza 261985 Says:

    I have a willy and i get it out and all women wanna lick it coz it soooo soft. All you men beware, stay bare remove that hair. Same for the chicks-gotta have that shaven haven baby!

  41. Carl Says:

    I too have a small one but i use PenisCourse(.com) for 1 month already and have added an extra inch, currently at 6″. The course is 100% natural & medically approved; you can also choose a Coach as well. I picked Dr. Milton. My erections & girth had increased as well. Ill keep you posted with the progress. Im a lot more confident now with a larger penis

  42. Jason Says:

    Firstly, for all the men out there with small penises looking at this post and thinking ‘Damn, this is how women really think? I’m screwed’. No, it is not typical.

    When you hear a woman say that her boyfriend called her ‘too fat’, you say to yourself ‘What an asshole her man is’.

    The woman asking this question is the equivalent of that; a jerk.

    She is one of those people that thinks she deserves the perfect partner for no reason at all, and the best part is, she’s such an arrogant person that even if she does get him, (which is unlikely), if he has any self respect he’ll realise what a shallow little girl she is and drop her for a woman with a sense of decency and respect for her partner.

    To pursue a person with penis size being the most important quality, is like a man pursuing a woman with big boobs being the most important quality; it will never work. It’s shallow, low, unfair, completely void of respect and it’s actually quite sad.

    Fellas, a lot of women have this mentality nowadays that they are the only important person in the relationship. That they can behave as selfishly and small mindedly as they like because ‘it’s the twenty-first century’. They will end up alone and desperately unhappy or completely whipped trying to keep their well hung man.

    There’s far more to a relationship besides size, and if any woman ever drops you because of it, all it means is she had no respect for the relationship in the first place. This isn’t your fault because you are small or not good enough, it’s hers because she has ridiculous views on what a relationship is.

    The size queens will say ‘but sex is such an important aspect of a relationship’. Let me make this clear for EVERYONE, if he/she dumps you over a sex issue, this means sex was more important than anything else in the partnership, that is logic. This kind of person will only ever be after the sex. They are a sex addict. They think constantly about sex. If this person is a woman, she will measure men up in her head. She dumps men over size. This kind of woman isn’t normal, she has a problem.

    She pursues a dick, not a person.

    If your wife isn’t satisfied with your size lads, what do you do? You drop the shallow bitch like she never existed. If your husband calls you fat, ladies, what do you do? You leave that sucker for a respectful decent man.

    I’m not exactly Mr BigDick myself. I’m the average Joe, but I have a sufficient amount of self respect that I don’t date shallow, abusive women.

    There is an ugly side to having a average penis, of course. It is a more difficult love life than if I were hung like a horse, because there are going to be some women who reject you because of it. That doesn’t matter. When you die you don’t count the money you have or the big dicks you’ve enjoyed, you count the friends you’ve made, the life you’ve led and the love you’ve given, I know this because I’ve been close enough to experience it.

    So, how do these kind of women measure up on the respectable life scale? Bottom tier I’m afraid. Too shallow to love, too cold to care, and too messed up to wake up and see the truth; they are wrong about size.

    I’ve rarely slept with a woman who didn’t orgasm. And if she didn’t, in all honesty, tough shit. It isn’t at the top of my list of priorities in life to spend my time wondering if my woman is satisfied enough. It was either because I was too tired, too drunk, or I wasn’t feeling it.

    You see, women aren’t the only ones with opinions. Sometimes a woman just doesn’t do it for me. The thing is, that doesn’t mean that the same woman never will.

    Boys, Men, Whoever is reading this; we are stronger. We don’t need to put her down in order to feel better about ourselves. So we forget what’s not perfect and concentrate on what is.

    That’s what being a man is about.

    It’s being decent, kind, fair, truthful, and strong enough to reject these kind of women, for reasons that actually matter; personality.

    To whoever suggested cuckolding; man, get some self respect. A penis isn’t so important that you need to humiliate yourself, and neither is a woman.

    To the woman who said she liked to screw other guys and ridicule her partner; you are going to hell, if you aren’t already in it. I’m guessing you’ve had control issues and personality problems from a young age. Take some responsibility and see a counsellor so you can stop inflicting your damage on others.

    And for all the girls who speak like ‘don’t worry, things can be done about having a small penis’. It isn’t a disease that needs curing (and for any women thinking ‘yes it is’, see above. You are insignificant in much more important areas than body parts).

    It’s been said a million times to women the world over, now I’m saying it to everyone; A normal, sane, loving person will not ever care about your hair, your make up, your breast size, your wallet, your car, your dog, or in fact your penis.

    They will care about your mind.

    So keep it safe. Stop destroying your self worth by reading posts from shallow people with nothing better to do than go on the internet and hurt others, when there’s a whole world full of decent ones out there.


  43. Meg Says:

    For all the men with smaller penises. Its not about how long or wide it is, its what they do with it that counts. So as long as you find out what the girl finds pleasurable just use that to your advantage and belive me she wont forget you. ;)

  44. Alexi Says:

    Yes, size is important, but its what fits aka works for each woman (and man). Average works for me. If he is the size of my regular tampon. We have a problem. Oral does nothing for me and I O during penile intercourse regularly. I know what works for me, I also know which size and thickness will work, too. Just b/c a man is average or smaller, you just need to be choosier about the woman.

  45. Kafluffle Says:

    No, it doesn’t make you a bad person. Just petty.

  46. averaged josh Says:

    by juss reading what sum of u women/men wrote. i aint dat big or dat small. sum women said im too big, sum have said im perfect none of em have said i wasnt good or too small i know how to satisfy any girl ;) by being real with em. i also know how to talk to women & make em realize deres more to me & our relationship den sex & size & methods of our sexual ways :P i am uglier den fu7k to traditional standards. but i know how to approach & talk to women. gettin to know them . like i read in sum of the posts above. relationships arent about the male size & the womens breast size its about connection, wanting a life, responsibilities. everyone has once in their life wanted that. even if u femalez had a bf/husband dat was bigger den the mate u have now. think about if ud rather have a nice decent male who’d do anything to satisfy ur needs even if he cant in bed. jus find other wayz to satisfy that.(im not sayin havin a fuckbuddy who has ah bigger dick den ur mates) teach him ur weaknesses & spots dat’ll satisfy u enuff to be with him.
    i know im broken english but my point is jus cuzz u need that big one. ask a man his size b4 or stick withthesame sized guy! no need to hurt a mans feelings & underestimate him. a male has tried to make his johnson bigger once in his life but if ah female doesnt like the real u den find sum1 who does! thankz 4 readn :P

  47. WE Says:

    Well, I can tell you from my experience with a small man, I didn’t like it.

    The first one I was with, I couldn’t even jack him off well enough because he was so small 1-2 inches.

    I didn’t feel turned on at all.
    He wanted to have sex, and I just felt like I couldn’t do it.

    If I’m looking for good experience, I’d like someone with more girth AND length.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with women wanting bigger men. It’s preference. It’s as much preference as men choosing not to date: fat women, brown hair, brown eyes, small boobs.

    It’s just preference.

    I certainly don’t think women should be inclined to give up their sexual preferences just to help men feel better about themselves.

    I would feel like I’ve been lied to.

    In this case, I would give him a change. 4-6 inches doesn’t sound bad, but by ALL means, 8 inches isn’t freakish.

    That sort of attitude puts down women for wanting big men, like it’s abnormal.

    Go with what you has you feeling comfortable.
    I feel that a small penis couldn’t satisfy me: been there done that.

  48. Don Says:

    8 inches is HUGE. Idc what some say..5-6 is great for many I know…im 6 inches and almost 3 inches around…im thick I feel thats my quality…but being like this can REALLY hurt a guy if you ever say my ex was bigger…SIZE MEANS EVERYTHING to GUYS.

  49. Ana Says:

    Wait, really? 8 is freakishly long? I’m not being sarcastic here. I mean I know avg is like 6 or so, but I guess I wasn’t sure exactly how the bell curve fell. I am now wondering about my apparently years-long string of good luck. I guess the fact that I’m attracted to tall men helps, and I do seem to be able to suss out what my sister used to call “the supreme self-confidence of the well-hung.” That nerdy guy who plays D&D and isn’t great w small talk but just exudes sexual confidence. Yeah. I know one of those who must be a freak amongst freaks, because he’s in the porno size class.

  50. GeeGee Says:

    To be completely honest i don’t want a guy with a huge dick, im young and tight so i really would be put off by an 8 inch one ~ 4 – 6 is fine ;) lol

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