Confession: Porn Makes My Heart Grow Colder

porn_setphoto by TheNaughtyAmerican.com

Our contributor, who wishes to remain anonymous, has a confession to make (in response to the recent confession by another contributor, “Porn Makes My Heart Grow Fonder“).

I don’t like porn.  Which strikes me as strange since not only do I love sex, I study it. But there’s just something about porn that turns me off.  Okay, a lot of somethings.

Porn makes me feel awkward.  Maybe it’s because our puritanical society has succeeded in convincing me that porn is the root of all evil. Or maybe it’s because of that time in middle school when I was watching a rated-R movie on TV with my parents and a sex scene came on. But porn makes me feel like a creepy voyeur sitting in the corner of a room while a couple has sex on the bed.  To me, sex is something private and sacred (even though I admit I enjoy sex in public).

Porn scares me.  When I was in high school I clicked the wrong link on a website and landed in a barnyard of bestiality.  It was absolutely horrifying.

Porn bores me.  In college, after I purchased my first dildo, I took a leap of faith and got a membership to an obscure porn website that featured role-playing (one of my favorite sexual indulgences).  I masturbated furiously for a good three nights, but come the fourth I just couldn’t climax anymore.  I suppose the novelty of it all wore off and the disenchantment set in.  I got pretty freaked out that I was masturbating to a guy my dad’s age hooking up with a girl my age.  That pretty much killed it for me.

Porn gives me second-hand embarrassment. I feel like I’m watching a high school play, the kind that sucks so bad you leave before intermission.  The acting is so terrible you can’t help but cringe watching it.  You sit there hoping it will get better, but it just gets worse.  My boyfriend has shown me plenty of this kind of porn (he loves it) and I can’t help but poke fun at how overemphatic the couples’ screams are or how cheesy the dirty talk is.

Porn lies to me…and everyone else.  It tells us female orgasms are easily achieved and anal never, ever hurts.  It slyly suggests that women, by nature, are all secret lesbians (or at least bisexuals) who enjoy being taken — and taken advantage of. It convinces us that we don’t need to worry about the risk of silly things such as sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy because they simply don’t exist in that world.  Not only does it get off on getting us off, it gets off on letting us off the hook of sexual responsibility. It has the power to influence our real sex lives and reinforce archaic gender stereotypes — and that’s dangerous.

Porn can’t fake me out.  I know how contrived it is.  My boyfriend worked as an actor in the porn industry before we started dating and the more I learned about his experiences the less attractive it all became.  Stopping and starting constantly to reshoot scenes or adjust lighting or try different positions.  He would often come home with a sore member thanks to “perfectionist “producers. The producers were demanding and disrespectful, not only to women, but to men, too.  He explained how he was treated more like an object than a person.  Plus he was paid to have sex — that didn’t sit well with me.

Porn makes my boyfriend annoying.  I love him, but I can’t stand the constant questions like, What do you think about a threesome?  Can I come on your face?  Can we do double penetration?  Can I use all five of our sex toys on you at once?  Can we have sex while wearing masks? Now who’s treating whom like an object? It’s not that I’m flat against doing any of these things, I just want to do them on my own terms, when I’m ready.  It gets tiring telling him this.

I can hear it now: Not ALL porn is bad; I just need to seek out better porn that works for me. But why? I’m happy with the sex I have. I don’t need to watch someone else having it…or faking it.


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27 Comments on "Confession: Porn Makes My Heart Grow Colder"


Amanda
2 years 4 months ago

How is it a man can find these women atractive enough to yank to. I like knowing my partner or on I am thinking of has been with less than those of a football team. That is what is wrong with this world. Nothing is sacred or with honor. I agree that porn is a major link in failing or cheating relationships. Here they put a “movie” out that gives false hopes to both sides. No man or woman is ever going to be like that, and if you need to see someone else in order to get off on either side of the sexes, maybe you should give your partner enough respect to walk away. I mean how many men or women out there want to be having and enjoying sex with someone, then realizing it was sooo good because your partner was thinking of someone else. That is what it all boils down too. It is the simple basics that we all learned in kindergarten. Treat others how you want to be treated. To men from a southern lady though, you ain’t going to get no good sex from a cheap woman who does porn, only a woman with enough respect for herself can give it her all….I am sure the ladies out there agree

Johnny
5 years 4 months ago

But I mean, this whole thing is about her across-the-board objections to porn, and we get only a passing mention that her BF is a PORN ACTOR!? Most people who LIKE porn would probably have trouble dealing with that.

I almost want to call bullshit here. Something’s off.

Madamoiselle L
5 years 4 months ago

It is exactly what I was saying, Johnny. Very inconsistent.

And IMO, porn doesn’t “make” her boyfriend “annoying” as he would be asking for or feeling her out for these activities anyway. If he is “annoying” he’s that way by himself. She seems to want to blame porn for her relationship problems, when it is obviously a personality and “novelty seeking” difference.

Johnny
5 years 4 months ago

Wait a minute… the author objects to porn in every way… porn scares the author, fills her with embarassment, makes her feel awkward, and makes her BF annoying… and that BF is… a former porn actor?

Does this not add up to anyone else? Something’s off here.

Aaron
5 years 4 months ago

I’m curious about the range of sexually explicit material that the poster has viewed. I have discovered that a lot of the readily available (free, internet) porn makes me very uncomfortable. It does feel to me like a violation.
I enjoy a lot of porn from the 70s better. The actors seem more like they are having fun in front of a camera.