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Contest Winners: Name That Schlong!

Fri, Jun 19, 2009

Pop Culture, Websites

green_porno_penises1The marmoset penis, a.k.a. jacchus hammer

Thanks to everyone who entered our Name That Schlong contest, inspired by the ‚ÄúWhy Vagina‚ÄĚ episode of the second season of wacky Isabella Rossellini‚Äôs ‚ÄúGreen Porno‚ÄĚ series on SundanceChannel.com. As all but one of you guessed, the arrow is indeed pointing to the marmoset’s penis — not that you necessarily knew what a marmoset was. But now you do! The undisputed winner is Pepper, whose entry came packaged with a mini science lesson. She wins a whole bunch of green goodies from the Sundance Channel. The rest of the honorable mention entries just win our respect (you can’t sell that on ebay but, hey, you can’t buy it on ebay either).

Winner:
“A marmoset is a monkey, sometimes no bigger than a finger. Since the common marmoset‚Äôs genus and species is Callithrix jacchus, I nominate ‘jacchus hammer,’ a la the human male penis euphemism, ‘jackhammer,’ for the slang. Runner-up is ‘jacchus in the box.’” — Pepper

First runner-up:
“Gnome dome.” — Prag

Second runner-up:
“This is a marmoset cock with a wizard‚Äôs hat for a cock head. ‚ÄėZard sabre is my slang name for this cock. What a lucky monkey to have such a spiffy cock!” — Richard

Euphemisms we think the marmoset community is most likely to adopt:
“Monkey junk!” – Dave W
“Marmoset penis a.k.a. Marmosex Pistol” — Amanda

Euphemism most likely to be used by a marmoset’s bitter ex-girlfriend:
“The Little Pinprick That Could.” — Leo

Euphemism most likely to be used by a lady marmoset who just wants to be friends:
“A wee marmoset ween!” — Lisa

Extra credit:
“Marmie is the slang I present for this schlong of the marmoset. For the slug — I could argue the arrow is pointing toward the slug, sorta, too — it‚Äôd have to be ‘Lousiville’ (as in the Slugger)!” — Bubbles

Special mention for cracking us up:
“That pink pointy thing is the head of a marmoset‚Äôs penis and one of the finest I‚Äôve seen this week.” — George Krause

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One Response to “Contest Winners: Name That Schlong!”

  1. PK Says:

    Wow, I bow to the brilliance of Pepper’s response. I’m going all “Academy award/pageant contestant” and saying, it was an honor to be nominated in such company.


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