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Top 10 Tips for Taking Naughty Pics

Wed, Jun 10, 2009

Advice, How To

woman_jeans_undiesphoto by Just_SallyRye

Thinking of playing a little very candid camera with your other half? So long as you know your partner well enough to trust that the saucy pics won’t end up on some godawful site like GuessHerMuff, then you have our blessing. Here are a few things to bear (heh) in mind…

  1. There’s no need to get totally naked and go for the full-on spread-eagle or “money” shots. Sometimes showing less is more. In fact, if you have any body parts you’re self conscious about, then by all means use an item of clothing, a blanket, a pillow, dramatic chiaroscuro lighting, or your partner to hide them.
  2. Ladies, are you absolutely 100% sure that your boyfriend isn’t the Guess Her Muff type? Even if you break his heart by sleeping with his roommate? Even if you have a Chris Brown-Rihanna style relationship melt-down? If there’s even a shadow of doubt, remember that the photograph doesn’t necessarily have to include your face — maybe you’d relax more if you knew that no one who accidentally stumbled across these photos would know it was you. Either that or just don’t break his heart.
  3. A tripod is your friend. Use it to photograph yourself when you’re alone so you can practice poses and moves. When you take a pic you like, make it a surprise present for your partner (assuming, again, that you trust them implicitly): hide it in their suitcase before a business trip or email it to them as a promise of things to come. When you’re together, use a tripod so you can both be in the shot. That said, it’s also fun to pass the camera back and forth, so you can experience both sides of the exhibitionism/voyeurism coin.
  4. Don’t feel like you have to strike a pose for every shot. Just like when you’re on vacation, the best pictures are the action shots (when you’re in the middle of doing something, moving, or laughing) rather than those boring, stiff, head-on shots in front of landmarks.
  5. If you’re behind the camera, don’t shoot your subject from below, or from any unflattering angles for that matter. Respect the laws of gravity: taking a picture of your partner when you’re on top and they’re on the bottom usually looks better than taking a picture of your partner when you’re on the bottom. Basically, consider your subject and try to make them look as good as possible ‚Äď and not just what you think looks good, but what you think they’ll think looks good.
  6. If you’re in front of the camera, don’t slouch (it creates rolls), do flex your muscles (it masks flab), and do work your good side (you know you have one). If you’re standing for the camera, pose at an angle (rather than straight on), have good posture (it makes you look thinner), and do something with your arms (other than keeping them at your sides).
  7. Ladies: arching your back, pointing your toes, and lifting your arms over your head are all feminine slimming tricks.
  8. Avoid harsh, overhead, or florescent lighting — it tends to highlight imperfections. Experiment with daylight from a window, low-wattage lightbulbs in lamps, and candlelight. You should also avoid using a flash that lights up the whole room. Go with ambient light instead: that’ll mean you’ll have to hold the camera very still to keep the picture from turning out blurry, but the improved aesthetics of the picture will be well worth it.
  9. Speaking of blurriness, sometimes that’s not a bad thing. For example, you could both hold still save for her pumping hand around his unit and then take the pic — chances are that focal area will come out blurry and end up looking a little more arty (i.e. less porny). Blurriness can also nicely capture the motion and drama of, say, intercourse.
  10. Don’t use film that needs to be developed by a professional. Go with instant-gratification gadgets like digital cameras and Polaroids.* Then review the pictures together. Delete or trash anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, whether it’s for reasons of vanity or caution. But don’t be too hard on yourself or too overprotective — in twenty years you’ll wish you had that body back again and might appreciate it captured for posterity.

*We have always recommended Polaroids for their retro factor, their built-in suspense mechanism, and the fact that they’re not great with detail, which is good news for imperfections and modesty. Unfortunately, it would seem that Polaroid film won’t be around for much longer, so you better stock up now.

Coming up next week: Top Tips for Making Naughty Vids

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5 Responses to “Top 10 Tips for Taking Naughty Pics”

  1. Anon Guy Says:

    Mention of the ‘Guesshermuff’ website was not required, I think. I came to know of the website through you. In effect, a link on your website provides an advertisement for websites like these!

  2. emandlo Says:

    Good point, A.G. — we delinked it. Shame on us!

  3. Paul Says:

    Heh, my girlfriend is always worried that I’m the “Guess her muff” type

    But i would never! honest!

  4. Nikonhermit Says:

    CORRECTION- and a good one- Polaroid cameras and film are coming back. Soon:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/06/polaroid-camera-to-be-rel_n_319158.html

  5. Gerald Massey Says:

    I am a hobbyist photographer basic themes, landscapes, architect, events. But have been studying Naughty Photography as i have come to know it for some time on my own and have some pointers.

    No 1 No vagina at all in the picture-cover it with clothing, a ball or other object, towel even other body parts like a leg pulled up.

    No 2 For Titty shots, even encased, gravity is the main item it can destroy a shot, – do not lean or lay flat – when standing or sitting lean forward about 10-20 degrees.

    No 3 High heel shoes are a must-ear jewelery also.

    No 4 No cell phone shots – you don’t have good controls with a cell phone.

    No 5 A Digital camera with a self timer and a tripod is a have to requirement.

    No 6 some one else taking the pictures.

    No 7 Basic photography rule of thumb – don’t take just one picture- take many shots – several hundred is okay.

    No 8 completely Nude not a good shot . a cleave shot is great – bottom covered, jeans, even a bikini – shoot from behind.

    No 9 Mr Google is great for tips and suggestion and views.

    No 10 use Clothing is definite.


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