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Wise Guys: Do Men Ever Choose Masturbation Over Sex?

Tue, Jun 23, 2009

Advice, Wise Guys

masturbationphoto by slushpup

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “Do guys ever choose masturbation over sex? If so, why?”

Straight Married Guy (Ben): Sure. Plenty of times. Sometimes my wife isn’t around and I don’t really feel like waiting. Or sometimes she is around but really tired, or stressed, or pissed off at me. Sometimes, she wants to watch me do myself. Sometimes, I have a fantasy I’ve been working on and having another body with me would actually be a little, um, distracting. Sometimes, I just want to look at porn. Basically, I have lots of different moods and I find myself in all different types of situations and masturbation is just one tool I can use to be sexually expressive. It’s a good tool. I like it.

Gay Committed Guy (Mark): Ever? Sure, nothing wrong with that, or with a woman making the same choice. It also depends on one’s definition of “sex” — I don’t think I need to remind anyone reading this column that there are plenty of ways to get off besides penetration. But given the opportunity, whatever form the sex might take, I’d say it’s a rare guy who prefers to go it alone. So if we’re talking mutual masturbation with a partner: cool. But if he’s having a wank in the bathroom every night before hitting the hay, leaving his lady lacking: uncool.

Straight Single Guy (Max): The easy answer is uh… NO! My hand is not as sexy or as fun as a sexy and/or fun lady. If it’s a choice between lady and lonely… lady wins. I think all guys would agree. That being said, I have been in the situation where masturbation has been a better alternative. For example, in one particular relationship, which was riddled with power struggles, I chose on multiple occasions to stay away from the lady-friend in order to avoid the brainwashing that sex brought about. (You’re mad at me? Well… you wanna go to my room? Now then. What were we mad about? Very frustrating). Masturbation can be a real head clearer. Sex, on the other hand, can act as an amnesiac. On my better days, I can recognize this.

Our ‚Äúwise guys‚ÄĚ are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com. Our Committed Gay Guy, Mark, is a writer and teacher in NYC and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England — both asked us to file them under “shy.” To ask the guys your own question, click here.


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9 Responses to “Wise Guys: Do Men Ever Choose Masturbation Over Sex?”

  1. hero Says:

    i like extreme

  2. David aka Mr. Manpower, Sex King Says:

    If I had to choose one forever, I would have to choose sex, obviously…but sometimes you just want to go off and wank one to some random woman in a porno…

    I personally like to jerk off on top of my lady, while she fondles my testicles…best of both worlds.

    I write a sex blog for men, and update it a couple of times a week. Pass by and take a look; this was today’s post:

    “Can Penis Enlargement Exercises cause harm to your Erections?”

    Thanks!

  3. Larry Says:

    there are times when sex with my wife is too time consuming – I just wanna get off… then there is the times when it is a prelude to really good sex, if you whack one off an hour or so before sex with your woman you will be able to go a little longer… masterbation is something women think too much about – guys are going to do it, its natural, women ought to do it more – yeah right here on my lap will be just fine ; ) So the answer is yes, occasionally I’d rather get off on my own then to have sex with my wife, she knows it, she has caught me enough with a hustler and I really don’t think it bothers her.

  4. Betty Says:

    I understand everything said here, but be careful what you do and say guys; it isn’t a mystery that women are sensitive creatures. Work/school/kids leave(s) everyone a little tired at the end of the day, and your lady feels it too. But if it seems like you just don’t want to make the effort to get her off, then that can be hurt-feeling territory. What if she did the same? What if she came home from work and locked herself in the bathroom with a playgirl? What would you think? And then, when asked, she admits that she just wanted to look at other guys and fantasize for awhile. Would anything about that concern you? Would you think she was unhappy with you?

    Women sometimes take this stuff to heart. They get self-concious and think that they are either not pleasing you, or just not enough. Women want to feel special, and not like a choir on the “to do list”. These feelings can be frustraiting for both parties and end up creating a rift in your sex life.

    If you must must must watch porn or masturbate a few times a day, just be respectful about it and don’t (unless you can’t live with out it, or she’s asked about it) drag it into the bedroom with you two. Most women love sex because they know you love it too, but if they think you’re mind is elsewhere with a blonde-18 year old on some dot com, or that you hate having to hold-on for her to finish, then she is bound to enjoy it less.

  5. Betty Says:

    * of course I meant a “chore” on the to-do-list. And it’s true!

  6. eva Says:

    in japan due to the increase of well all the new sex toys more males are choosing masturbation instead of well sex…this is causing the birthrate to plummet at drastic levels. The japanese government is working at changing this as to pay couples to have children and have a popular show about that teenage pregnancy is good (this is taking out the abortion rates of japan)

  7. Elco Says:

    I chose and prefer masturbation over sex because as a married man I cannot easily have the type of sex that allows me to become fully aroused. Ever since I was a teenager I haven’t been able to hold onto any sexual interest for a partner after two or three sexual encounters with the same person. This is not a matter of boredom but rather an actual physical reaction I have. What happens is after having intercourse a few times I lose all my desire and cannot function sexually. When I was single I got around the problem by simply moving on to another woman. But I wanted to get married and have kids and I lost interest in sex with my wife quite quickly. I want us to stay together for the kids but because I can’t function sexually with my wife (no desire-no erection) I turned to masturbation because it is the only way I can get sexual release. I’d love to be able to have sex with a variety of women, changes partners frequently when the sexual dysfunctions start but my wife refuses to have an open marriage. So the marriage has been sexless now for almost 2 decades and I masturbate four or five times a week. It’s not so much that I prefer masturbation it is that in order to become sexually aroused I need newness and variety and since I can’t have that I don’t have any other choice but to masturbate alone.

  8. Ashley Says:

    I hate it. My bf have sex with me once a week. He rather watch porn than have sex with me. What gets me and is when he say “we having sex tonight” but instead he wakes up at 3am goes to the living room and jerk off. Why do guys chose to mastubate instead of having sex with a sexy willing girlfriend? Once a week is not enough. He thinks its ok to have sex once a week and masturbate 3 times a day every day. Why? I need help. It puts my self esteem down and makes me feel unwanted it also gets me in a depress mood and it affects my studies.

  9. airisc Says:

    My bf of 10 months does the same thing…so annoying i rather have him in me than in the shower or bathroom for 2 hours while he jerks off,smokes weed…and then i get nothing…and by the time i do, i’m over it…and it doesn’t even last long..i’m 18 and have sexual needs,wants and desires:,(


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