Wise Guys: Do Men Ever Choose Masturbation Over Sex?

masturbationphoto by slushpup

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “Do guys ever choose masturbation over sex? If so, why?”

Straight Married Guy (Ben): Sure. Plenty of times. Sometimes my wife isn’t around and I don’t really feel like waiting. Or sometimes she is around but really tired, or stressed, or pissed off at me. Sometimes, she wants to watch me do myself. Sometimes, I have a fantasy I’ve been working on and having another body with me would actually be a little, um, distracting. Sometimes, I just want to look at porn. Basically, I have lots of different moods and I find myself in all different types of situations and masturbation is just one tool I can use to be sexually expressive. It’s a good tool. I like it.

Gay Committed Guy (Mark): Ever? Sure, nothing wrong with that, or with a woman making the same choice. It also depends on one’s definition of “sex” — I don’t think I need to remind anyone reading this column that there are plenty of ways to get off besides penetration. But given the opportunity, whatever form the sex might take, I’d say it’s a rare guy who prefers to go it alone. So if we’re talking mutual masturbation with a partner: cool. But if he’s having a wank in the bathroom every night before hitting the hay, leaving his lady lacking: uncool.

Straight Single Guy (Max): The easy answer is uh… NO! My hand is not as sexy or as fun as a sexy and/or fun lady. If it’s a choice between lady and lonely… lady wins. I think all guys would agree. That being said, I have been in the situation where masturbation has been a better alternative. For example, in one particular relationship, which was riddled with power struggles, I chose on multiple occasions to stay away from the lady-friend in order to avoid the brainwashing that sex brought about. (You’re mad at me? Well… you wanna go to my room? Now then. What were we mad about? Very frustrating). Masturbation can be a real head clearer. Sex, on the other hand, can act as an amnesiac. On my better days, I can recognize this.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com. Our Committed Gay Guy, Mark, is a writer and teacher in NYC and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England — both asked us to file them under “shy.” To ask the guys your own question, click here.



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11 Comments on "Wise Guys: Do Men Ever Choose Masturbation Over Sex?"


Miss christy
3 months 3 days ago

My boyfriend has sex with me 3 times a week. Sometimes My boyfriend has sex with me 3 times a week. Sometimes 4. Once in awhile he will let me go down on him, which I love to do! I’d do it daily! However he will masturbate everyday. Sometimes 3 4 5 6 times a day yet deny me sex or oral. It’s annoying and rude and pisses me off. He wouldn’t like it if I did that to him. I can’t even leave for 5 minutes and he’s already jerking off. I’m willing to have sex, give him oral (and I’m good, I can get him off in under 5 minutes), I’m not ugly or over weight … I don’t understand. So annoyed!
Once in awhile he will let me go down on him, which I love to do! I’d do it daily! However he will masturbate everyday. Sometimes 3 4 5 6 times a day yet deny me sex or oral. It’s annoying and rude and pisses me off. He wouldn’t like it if I did that to him. I can’t even leave for 5 minutes and he’s already jerking off. I’m willing to have sex, give him oral (and I’m good, I can get him off in under 5 minutes), I’m not ugly or over weight …. I don’t understand. So annoyed!

SexlessSam
11 months 20 days ago

I have preferred masturbation to sex with my wife for most of our 25 years marriage. I just found myself unable to get sexually aroused by her after a few years of marriage. The rest of the marriage was fine so I turned to masturbation. I’d love to have sex with another woman but don’t want to jeopardize the marriage.

airisc
1 year 4 months ago

My bf of 10 months does the same thing…so annoying i rather have him in me than in the shower or bathroom for 2 hours while he jerks off,smokes weed…and then i get nothing…and by the time i do, i’m over it…and it doesn’t even last long..i’m 18 and have sexual needs,wants and desires:,(

Ashley
2 years 6 months ago

I hate it. My bf have sex with me once a week. He rather watch porn than have sex with me. What gets me and is when he say “we having sex tonight” but instead he wakes up at 3am goes to the living room and jerk off. Why do guys chose to mastubate instead of having sex with a sexy willing girlfriend? Once a week is not enough. He thinks its ok to have sex once a week and masturbate 3 times a day every day. Why? I need help. It puts my self esteem down and makes me feel unwanted it also gets me in a depress mood and it affects my studies.

Elco
2 years 9 months ago

I chose and prefer masturbation over sex because as a married man I cannot easily have the type of sex that allows me to become fully aroused. Ever since I was a teenager I haven’t been able to hold onto any sexual interest for a partner after two or three sexual encounters with the same person. This is not a matter of boredom but rather an actual physical reaction I have. What happens is after having intercourse a few times I lose all my desire and cannot function sexually. When I was single I got around the problem by simply moving on to another woman. But I wanted to get married and have kids and I lost interest in sex with my wife quite quickly. I want us to stay together for the kids but because I can’t function sexually with my wife (no desire-no erection) I turned to masturbation because it is the only way I can get sexual release. I’d love to be able to have sex with a variety of women, changes partners frequently when the sexual dysfunctions start but my wife refuses to have an open marriage. So the marriage has been sexless now for almost 2 decades and I masturbate four or five times a week. It’s not so much that I prefer masturbation it is that in order to become sexually aroused I need newness and variety and since I can’t have that I don’t have any other choice but to masturbate alone.