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Poll: What Do You Call a Female Cuckold?

Thu, Jul 16, 2009

Confessions, Poll

hilary_clinton_doll0001photo by ian_ransley

An article in last weekend’s NY Times Magazine about “cuckold wives” in politics notes, “I can find nothing in the dictionary that applies to sexually betrayed women, though you would think Webster would have added one by now.” Actually, according to Wikipedia, the female equivalent cuckquean first appeared in English literature in 1562. Though clearly that moniker never caught on — and after four and a half centuries, we don’t think that’s going to change. (Perhaps because the term cuckquean sounds like it belongs in the fetish world.)

Who knows why it never caught on — perhaps because a cuckold is often meant as a term of derision, and we’re more likely to feel sorry for a cheated-on wife than we are to ridicule her. Then again, remember all the Hillary haters back in the late nineties, circa Monica-gate? We guess sometimes we like to ridicule the cheated-on wife, too. Those bent on derision back then were forced to use the term “female cuckold.”

And what about all those men who’ve been cheated on who deserve our sympathy? How come they get saddled with the insult “cuckold,” as if it were someone their fault? The way “cuckold” is thrown around, you’d think a deficit of masculinity — rather than a female wandering eye — was to blame.

Well, we think we need it’s about time we came up with a new term for someone who’s been cheated on. Something that’s both gender- and judgment neutral. “Jenny Sanford” will date too quickly (and besides, we think most men who’ve been cheated on would rather be called a cuckold than a Jenny Sanford). “Cheatee” is too clunky.

Any suggestions, dear readers? What would you call a man or woman who has been cheated on? Give it your best shot in the comments section below and we’ll follow up with a poll of our favorites next week.

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15 Responses to “Poll: What Do You Call a Female Cuckold?”

  1. Elton Andersyn Says:

    As someone who’s been observing the cuckolding fetish for some time, this question has occurred to me as well.

    I’ve often seen the word “cuckoldress” thrown around to mean the woman doing the cuckolding most of the time. On other occasions, though, I’ve seen it used to mean a “female cuckold,” which makes sense from a grammatical standpoint.

    So if forced to choose a name for a “female cuckold,” my vote would be for “cuckoldress.”

    However, I am loathe to tack that gender identifier on the word. Just as with the words “whore” or “slut,” I think it’s rather sexist to have to add the word “man” before those words (man whore, man slut), as it implies that those words are gender biased to women. Men can be whores and sluts too.

    Ultimately, I’d just stick with “cuckold” and petition the dictionary to change the definition to “a PERSON whose SPOUSE is unfaithful.”

  2. Zen Says:

    Jilted Spouse
    Betrayed lover
    injured spouse
    victim of adultery
    wounded party

  3. Johnny Says:

    Not to exonerate the female with the wandering eye, but a deficit in masculinity is often to blame when guys get cheated on.

  4. figleaf Says:

    If you don’t mind sounding judgmental “wronged partner” sounds familiar. If you want to be expansive and swingery (I’m pretty sure being a swinger doesn’t immunize against infidelity) you could say “excluded partner.”

    But Elton Andersyn’s remark about the cuckolding fetish makes me wonder if there’s anything like *that* for women (either the fetish or the term.) At any rate I’m inclined to think we should probably drop the term cuckold for anything but fetishism. Which actually might be happening anyway. The first couple of pages on the keyword “cuckold” in Google yields fetish-related links.

    Also, not to disagree with Johnny but while I agree that imagining insufficient masculinity goes with cuckolding fetishes I, well, disagree that it has much to do with women”s infidelity. (Any more than insufficient femininity has much to do with male infidelity.)

    figleaf

  5. seks shop Says:

    So if forced to choose a name for a “female cuckold,” my vote would be for “cuckoldress.”

  6. Pepper Says:

    There actually IS a word for a female cuckold: cuckquean. It dates back to the 16th century.

    Check it out:

    http://www.sex-lexis.com/Sex-Dictionary/cuckquean
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cuckquean

  7. emandlo Says:

    Pepper, you must have not read past the first sentence of our post. In the second sentence, we note: “Actually, according to Wikipedia, the female equivalent cuckquean first appeared in English literature in 1562. Though clearly that moniker never caught on — and after four and a half centuries, we don’t think that’s going to change. (Perhaps because the term cuckquean sounds like it belongs in the fetish world.)”

  8. swinger Says:

    interesting question – we are looking at it now, as we are building a dating site which is tailored for swinging couples, and singles.

    its complicated to build a system which gives users all the correct options to describe their sexual needs – for instance, if you have two lesbian swingers, which one is the cuckold / ress / quean?

    i think using term “cuckold” for both is going to be understood by most people, just hope it doesnt offend!

    this isnt really relevant to article, but it does highlight how a lot of english language is quite rigidly defined and outdated now.

  9. Robert Says:

    A cuckold is a man who either permits or accepts his wife fooling around without hiding it
    or..a man who likes to watch his wife be taken by other men
    or..a man in a relationship who’s wife makes him watch her be taken by another man or men whether he likes it or not and may make him participate in a derogatory way. There is a whole lifestyle and porn around this and even has a hit of domination to it.

    My question to you all is: what is a woman called who is in this situation.

    Note the above male chooses to stay in the relationship and may even enjoy it.

  10. Aimee Says:

    Do u not get the question? I’m a female in a commited relationship with another woman. I’m bi…she’s bi, i crave her with a “stunt” dick. Right down to tasting her and and switching some nights so she can do the same. Name that tune?

  11. sexleksaker Says:

    Not simply a man who’s wife/girlfriend cheats on him, but rather a man who actually gets aroused by knowing or seeing her in sexual situations with other men, such as flirting, kissing, fondling, or sex. In particular, situations where he is NOT participating but instead marginalized, just observing, or even completely ignored.

  12. Gabe Says:

    I’ve been in a mixed relationship for just over a year now with two women of different age groups and of european origin while I’m of british Caribbean origin. One calls me Master she is in her 30s the other calls me husband she is in her 20s. She (the older woman) enjoys watching me having sex with my younger partner and refers to her as Mistress. And has also made reference of including more females in the future. She (the older woman) also enjoys being a sub and being humiliated by me and her younger Mistress. Would she (the older woman) be consider a cuckold or is it more a Master and Slave lifestyle?

  13. Jon Says:

    Ok, first of all, Elton Andersyn, I like the way you think. Second of all, Robert is an idiot. Robert, how are you capable of replying without even reading the title of the f*cking post?? I’m in awe. We all know what a cuckold is. You don’t have to define that. And the question you asked, what is the female equivalent? THAT’S WHAT THIS WHOLE DAMN BLOG IS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT!

  14. Craig Says:

    How about “adulteree”?

  15. Ladybug Says:

    There’s not a name for it because it’s more standard. How about “womanized?”


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