Strap-on Sex Won’t Turn You Gay (If You Aren’t Already)

We usually don’t dignify the crazies with a response, but we just can’t let this one go: A string of reader responses got us so infuriated that we decided to dedicate an entire column to setting him straight (no pun intended). We’ve edited his comments for space and readability while maintaining their warped content and spirit:

Hey Em & Lo,

What will happen when a straight couple who’s used a strap-on splits up? After months of penetration and a subsequent break up, where is the guy going to satisfy his newly acquired desire to be penetrated? It is not easy to find another woman that would want to do this to a guy. Yes, online it appears all women do it, but in real life, most women would be horrified at the idea of using a strap on on their BF and would make fun of a guy who enjoys getting penetrated. So it will take time and effort to find another woman like that.

In the meantime, with whom is this man going to talk about his desire to be penetrated? To his straight friends? I do not think so. To his female friends? Not unless they are strap-on girls, which is highly unlikely. Will he talk to homosexual guys about the issue, not because he himself is homosexual, but because they have something in common? Will he someday allow a man to penetrate him even though he still considers himself straight because he does not like men, because he thinks “It’s basically just the same thing as a strap on.”

Let me make an analogy: After a few years in a war zone becoming desensitized to guns and killing and shooting humans, a normal citizen could end up becoming a criminal. Now, not all men are secret criminals. A guy might not be genetically predisposed to become a criminal, but the the trauma of being in a military situation that involves weapons training combined with his confusion, weakness, stress and financial issues might make him prone to falling into a life of crime.

Similarly, a guy can become desensitized by getting dominated with a strap on. I am not saying that a straight man that gets done with a strap on will automatically become gay (unless he is already gay, a closeted homosexual or a feminine guy learning he likes that). What I am saying is that man, once alone, without the GF that used to bend him over, will still crave being penetrated. The guy in question might not become gay because he was a secret gay man, he might become gay because he needed to satisfy a need (penetration) that developed from a risky experiment with a girl that he wanted to try it with or that once asked him to bend over. Once the defense mechanisms are gone, he might end up somewhere he never intended nor wanted to be.

Women seem to play with bisexuality like a game, they go in and out of it with no real consequences. But men are different: a man that plays with homosexuality never goes back like women do. By bending a man over for her pleasure, she’s not necessarily turning that man into a homosexual, but yes, she’s taking him to the doorstep of that road. Does she have the right to do so? I think these women are destroying a human being just for the sake of their fantasy. If it was a married couple, I see no problem: the woman has the commitment to stay with the end product of her making. But if it is just a BF/GF thing, guys beware, you might end up becoming a completely different person. Would you turn gay? Not necessarily, but by parallel destinations, you might end up in gay guys’ company, the only ones able to hear you once you are alone.

All I am saying is that it is a ride with no return. Once you are used to being penetrated, you will never go back from that.

— James

Hey James,

It’s time to bend over. Not for a strap-on session, but for a spanking! Because you’ve been a very naughty boy, tainting our usually thoughtful comments section with your own brand of crazy. But don’t worry, we promise you won’t become a reluctant BDSM lifestyler from our walloping…

There are several holes (oh man, the puns are effortless) in your argument. But before we begin poking at them, let’s all agree that we are not talking about repressed homosexuals who are in denial about their sexual orientation. Okay then:

First, you cannot compare an otherwise well-adjusted person’s experience with intense military combat involving the massacre of human beings that results in post-traumatic stress disorder to a pleasant, consensual sexual experience between well-adjusted adults. In the simplest terms: the former is bad, the latter is good. One is outside the realm of healthy human experiences; the other is well within the realm of healthy sexual experimentation with someone you trust.

Second, if some people were so desperate for a specific sex act after a break-up — let’s say, oral sex — then by your argument, there would be many more cases where otherwise well-adjusted people felt compelled to turn to their golden retrievers for their similar licking abilities. We’re not saying this hasn’t happened in the history of sex and pets, but that’s not a legitimate, reasonable or logical reason for people to avoid cunnilingus or fellatio altogether with partners they care about.

(In fact, you inadvertently make butt sex sound soooooo enjoyable — enjoyable enough that it would drive people to extreme lengths — that we’re sure you’ve convinced a few people to see what they’ve been missing out on.)

Third, if you’re a decidedly straight guy who enjoys anal play but suddenly finds himself without a female partner, there’s no need to go against every sexual instinct you’ve experienced since childhood and suddenly go gay: you can simply choose from a plethora of butt-safe toys to replicate the sensation during masturbation. Sheesh.

Fourth, while you say not every guy would automatically start engaging in homosexual acts, you suggest that bum-loving is a ride you can never get off. We will happily admit that some people may try a sexual activity, enjoy it thoroughly, and then want to include in their repertoire on a regular basis from then on. Everyone has their preferences. But to suggest that once you go “back” you can never go back — no matter who you are — is ludicrous. Plenty of people are happy to try new things, enjoy them, but then can take them or leave them. Again, the average person could certainly go without, due to a breakup or an unwilling partner they cared about. And plenty of guys will try strap-on sex and not like it (believe it or not!).

Fifth, you talk about women who enjoy wearing strap-ons with their male partners as if they were all master sexual manipulators stripping men of all willpower and masculinity without a care for anything but their own sexual fantasies and satisfaction. Um, it takes two to tango. If a guy doesn’t want his backdoor knocked on, there’s no way his girlfriend is somehow sneaking in a strap-on dildo. Even if his girlfriend is Angelina Jolie.

Speaking of masculinity, if you think being penetrated is feminine, then you’re sexist. If you think enjoying anal play is gay, then you’re a homophobe. And we don’t tolerate either around these here 21st-century parts. As we’ve said before, nerve endings aren’t gay or straight, people are. Sex is all about context, which is why almost no women get turned on by tampon insertion. You engage in sexual activities with people you are attracted to — that’s a large part of what makes them enjoyable. If you’re not attracted to the person on a primal level, you’re not going to enjoy the sex. So if you’re not into guys, you’re not going to enjoy one of them intimately massaging your prostate. But if you’re into girls, then you very well may like having one travel down your hershey highway, because it’s chockful of nerves that respond to stimulation (the right kind of stimulation, whatever that is for you).

All this is not to say that for some people sexual orientation is not fluid. Many people are bisexual, of course. And there’s nothing wrong with experimenting with partners you trust, whether they fall in line with your current sexual orientation or not. Would that make you gay? Only if you want it to. The range of sexual activity is so wide that we believe you should define yourself however you see fit, even if it’s not neatly black or white. It’s your sexual identity — own it. So please don’t go poo-poo-ing others for wanting to play around with sexual roles. That’s usually where they can broaden their horizons, see how ridiculous some of the assumptions they have about sex or gender roles are, and have the most fun!

Now go blow it out your arse,

Em & Lo

Hoping He’ll Bend Over?
8 Steps to Convincing Your Straight Boyfriend to Let You Peg Him


Say Something

48 Comments on "Strap-on Sex Won’t Turn You Gay (If You Aren’t Already)"


p
1 year 9 months ago

Interesting topic
The reason i found this site is because i was watching different types of porn to see if i could be stimulated, i found very few did. I am bi and lesbian porn does little for me, gay porn i love, straight porn boring all the same. Today i discovered women fucking men with strapons, i am not dead down below.

The reason i looked this up and found this site is because due to sexual emotional and physical abuse i am very submissive, but have never enjoyed sex with men or women.

Watching porn has made me realise that the reason is i want to do the fucking. I have not been with a man or woman for over 15yrs because of my issues.

Reading your comments make me feel less of a freak. Thanks, you have done more for me than all the therapists i have seen.

Rex
2 years 10 months ago

I’ve read the entire post and all replies. I’m a man in my mid 40’s who has recently tried strap on play since the beginning of the year and now crave it every day. So much so I’m worried I’m bugging my wife about it too much. I find it very erotic but soon after I climax from penetration I get a depressed feeling that I can’t explain it, is it guilt, shame, but it soon passes and I began to yearn for it once more.
Boys who grew up with fathers who actually participate in their upbringing no doubt taught them that anal penetration is OK, normal and fun for every adult male to try and experiment with. Yeah, I think not, instead the opposite was transposed upon the child and we all understand the intricacies of changing the beliefs you were grown up with. And for the people who simply can not tolerate the way other people were raised to believe well then you part of the reason with what’s wrong with our country.
I understand James and what he is saying and I just think that like most women, they have no idea what we are talking about or how we feel about this subject. Most boys are taught growing up that women want that big strong man to protect them not the man bent over begging his gf/wife to fuck his ass with a big piece of plastic that resembles the male penis. Yeah, sure there are some guys that won’t have a problem with that but more times than not guys will began to question themselves. I’ve never considered myself gay, and I’ve never questioned my sexuality, and I have no problem with gay or lesbian people. But I have to wondered what a real cock would feel like in me, feeling the throbbing sensations. That sounds very gay and hell, maybe I am gay and always have been it wouldn’t bother me, but i’m sure it would my wife . I’m not attracted to men, there are some transgender people out there that are really beautiful. I’ve even wondered if maybe a threesome might happen one day with me and my wife. Now that’s something I would have never would have considered before we started playing around with the strap-on.
Even the biggest critic of James’s post would have to admit that for a man, anal penetration can be very confusing and immensely enjoying penetration to point of wanting it all the time can at times make him question his sexuality.

Mike
2 years 11 months ago

Not one of you Poked holes in his logic.

You made yourselves look like Morons for nitpicking after he came back and explained himself.

James clearly made the points of what he was NOT saying. And Amazingly you guys tried to give some quasi logical reasons why his logic doenst make sense in YOUR Heads!!

Like I always say to my brother… If we dont agree, It may be because I have or you have come to a conclusion about something based on Knowledge and a wealth of experiences and learning. And even sometimes in the explaination of things a point on why I may think the way I do may not even come out. So if after you ASSUME things upon people they come back nicely (even though some insult) and explain their position, if you dont UNDERSTAND their logic, that does NOT mean that YOUR Logic is correct! EVER! It could just mean that YOU dont have all the facts! And of course it also could be that you are correct.
But one thing I cant stand seeing over and over again on the internet… When someone explains themselves the others who Assumed it wrong come back with a SUPER Ego like they are right and cant possibly be wrong. And NOTHING is more arrogant then that type of attitude!! Because you were TOLD what he thought and where his thinking was.

Just stop being so freaken arrogant Internet people! You dont know everything and your logic isnt ALL MIGHTY

katie
3 years 1 month ago

“if you think being penetrated is feminine, then you’re sexist. If you think enjoying anal play is gay, then you’re a homophobe.”

Mark
3 years 1 month ago

I thought the reply was very fair and balanced apart from the following part:

“Speaking of masculinity, if you think being penetrated is feminine, then you’re sexist.”

Well being penetrated IS the feminine side of sex, whether it’s politically correct to say so or not.

“If you think enjoying anal play is gay, then you’re a homophobe.”

From such a good and reasonable argument to resorting to name calling.

Just what is a “homophobe” anyway? Someone who’s terrified at the thought of gay sex? Or a weapon to accuse a heterosexual male with someone who does not like the idea of gay sex for himself?

I do not like the idea of ever having gay sex, does that make me a homophobe? Does that mean I’m not welcome to post? If so then you are discriminating against people on account of their sexuality.

Otherwise a good article.