Em & Lo's RSS Feed Em & Lo's Daily Email Feed Be Our Facebook Friend! Follow Us on Twitter!

LEVI's on Amazon

Good Vibes Cupcake

Buy on Amazon Kindle!

Sandals on Amazon


Strap-on Sex Won’t Turn You Gay (If You Aren’t Already)

Mon, Jul 13, 2009

Advice, Dear Em & Lo

strap_on_kita Starter Strap-On Kit

We usually don’t dignify the crazies with a response, but we just can’t let this one go: For the first time ever, a string of responses by one individual in the comments section of a post on this site got us so infuriated that we’ve decided to dedicate an entire column to setting him straight (no pun intended). We’ve edited his comments for space and readability while maintaining their warped content and spirit:

What will happen when a straight couple who’s used a strap-on splits up? After months of penetration and a subsequent break up, where is the guy going to satisfy his newly acquired desire to be penetrated? It is not easy to find another woman that would want to do this to a guy. Yes, online it appears all women do it, but in real life, most women would be horrified at the idea of using a strap on on their BF and would make fun of a guy who enjoys getting penetrated. So it will take time and effort to find another woman like that.

In the meantime, with whom is this man going to talk about his desire to be penetrated? To his straight friends? I do not think so. To his female friends? Not unless they are strap-on girls, which is highly unlikely. Will he talk to homosexual guys about the issue, not because he himself is homosexual, but because they have something in common? Will he someday allow a man to penetrate him even though he still considers himself straight because he does not like men, because he thinks “It’s basically just the same thing as a strap on.”

Let me make an analogy: After a few years in a war zone becoming desensitized to guns and killing and shooting humans, a normal citizen could end up becoming a criminal. Now, not all men are secret criminals. A guy might not be genetically predisposed to become a criminal, but the the trauma of being in a military situation that involves weapons training combined with his confusion, weakness, stress and financial issues might make him prone to falling into a life of crime.

Similarly, a guy can become desensitized by getting dominated with a strap on. I am not saying that a straight man that gets done with a strap on will automatically become gay (unless he is already gay, a closeted homosexual or a feminine guy learning he likes that). What I am saying is that man, once alone, without the GF that used to bend him over, will still crave being penetrated. The guy in question might not become gay because he was a secret gay man, he might become gay because he needed to satisfy a need (penetration) that developed from a risky experiment with a girl that he wanted to try it with or that once asked him to bend over. Once the defense mechanisms are gone, he might end up somewhere he never intended nor wanted to be.

Women seem to play with bisexuality like a game, they go in and out of it with no real consequences. But men are different: a man that plays with homosexuality never goes back like women do. By bending a man over for her pleasure, she’s not necessarily turning that man into a homosexual, but yes, she’s taking him to the doorstep of that road. Does she have the right to do so? I think these women are destroying a human being just for the sake of their fantasy. If it was a married couple, I see no problem: the woman has the commitment to stay with the end product of her making. But if it is just a BF/GF thing, guys beware, you might end up becoming a completely different person. Would you turn gay? Not necessarily, but by parallel destinations, you might end up in gay guys’ company, the only ones able to hear you once you are alone.

All I am saying is that it is a ride with no return. Once you are used to being penetrated, you will never go back from that.

– James

Dear James,

It’s time to bend over. Not for a strap-on session, but for a spanking! Because you’ve been a very naughty boy, tainting our usually thoughtful comments section with your own brand of crazy. But don’t worry, we promise you won’t become a reluctant BDSM lifestyler from our walloping…

There are several holes (oh man, the puns are effortless) in your argument. But before we begin poking at them, let’s all agree that we are not talking about repressed homosexuals who are in denial about their sexual orientation. Okay then:

First, you cannot compare an otherwise well-adjusted person’s experience with intense military combat involving the massacre of human beings that results in post-traumatic stress disorder to a pleasant, consensual sexual experience between well-adjusted adults. In the simplest terms: the former is bad, the latter is good. One is outside the realm of healthy human experiences; the other is well within the realm of healthy sexual experimentation with someone you trust.

Second, if some people were so desperate for a specific sex act after a break-up — let’s say, oral sex — then by your argument, there would be many more cases where otherwise well-adjusted people felt compelled to turn to their golden retrievers for their similar licking abilities. We’re not saying this hasn’t happened in the history of sex and pets, but that’s not a legitimate, reasonable or logical reason for people to avoid cunnilingus or fellatio altogether with partners they care about.

(In fact, you inadvertently make butt sex sound soooooo enjoyable — enjoyable enough that it would drive people to extreme lengths — that we’re sure you’ve convinced a few people to see what they’ve been missing out on.)

Third, if you’re a decidedly straight guy who enjoys anal play but suddenly finds himself without a female partner, there’s no need to go against every sexual instinct you’ve experienced since childhood and suddenly go gay: you can simply choose from a plethora of butt-safe toys to replicate the sensation during masturbation. Sheesh.

Fourth, while you say not every guy would automatically start engaging in homosexual acts, you suggest that bum-loving is a ride you can never get off. We will happily admit that some people may try a sexual activity, enjoy it thoroughly, and then want to include in their repertoire on a regular basis from then on. Everyone has their preferences. But to suggest that once you go “back” you can never go back — no matter who you are — is ludicrous. Plenty of people are happy to try new things, enjoy them, but then can take them or leave them. Again, the average person could certainly go without, due to a breakup or an unwilling partner they cared about. And plenty of guys will try strap-on sex and not like it (believe it or not!).

Fifth, you talk about women who enjoy wearing strap-ons with their male partners as if they were all master sexual manipulators stripping men of all willpower and masculinity without a care for anything but their own sexual fantasies and satisfaction. Um, it takes two to tango. If a guy doesn’t want his backdoor knocked on, there’s no way his girlfriend is somehow sneaking in a strap-on dildo. Even if his girlfriend is Angelina Jolie.

Speaking of masculinity, if you think being penetrated is feminine, then you’re sexist. If you think enjoying anal play is gay, then you’re a homophobe. And we don’t tolerate either around these here 21st-century parts. As we’ve said before, nerve endings aren’t gay or straight, people are. Sex is all about context, which is why almost no women get turned on by tampon insertion. You engage in sexual activities with people you are attracted to — that’s a large part of what makes them enjoyable. If you’re not attracted to the person on a primal level, you’re not going to enjoy the sex. So if you’re not into guys, you’re not going to enjoy one of them intimately massaging your prostate. But if you’re into girls, then you very well may like having one travel down your hershey highway, because it’s chockful of nerves that respond to stimulation (the right kind of stimulation, whatever that is for you).

All this is not to say that for some people sexual orientation is not fluid. Many people are bisexual, of course. And there’s nothing wrong with experimenting with partners you trust, whether they fall in line with your current sexual orientation or not. Would that make you gay? Only if you want it to. The range of sexual activity is so wide that we believe you should define yourself however you see fit, even if it’s not neatly black or white. It’s your sexual identity — own it. So please don’t go poo-poo-ing others for wanting to play around with sexual roles. That’s usually where they can broaden their horizons, see how ridiculous some of the assumptions they have about sex or gender roles are, and have the most fun!

Now go blow it out your arse,

Em & Lo

Check out the Velvet Thrust Kit at GoodVibes

, , , ,

 

48 Responses to “Strap-on Sex Won’t Turn You Gay (If You Aren’t Already)”

  1. Elizabeth Says:

    Um… I’m pretty sure women who enjoy strap-on play aren’t nearly as rare as this guy thinks. Just like women who masturbate every day, or women who actually watch and enjoy porn, or women who have higher sex drives than their boyfriends/husbands aren’t as rare as people always assume. Yeah, it’s probably not something the girl is going to offer on the first date, but any kind of “kinky” sex play is generally saved for when both parties have greater trust in each other, most of the time.

  2. Slartibartfast Says:

    Emandlo-

    Yet more evidence that I made the right decision in tattooing your logo in a small, discreet location. My own assessment of the ‘James’ series was to either write it off as a troll or the brain droppings of a benighted lunatic. By turns I was moved to either ignore them, fight the urge to tap him on the melon with a lemon peel wrapped around a large brick or stash the whole mess in the root cellar of my psyche with Rick Santorum’s infamous “man on dog” diatribe. Your response is Sterling and far superior. Thanks for being grown-ups.

  3. Scott Says:

    This is a great reply. My wife and I occassionally (maybe one or two times a year) have strap on sex which I think we both enjoy it. If we broke up for some reason it would be no different any other breakup. Without a partner most of us would fall back to masturbation and anyone who enjoys having their butt played with has available a wide assortment of toyes like aneros to use until they find another partner. It surely would have no effect on what kind of partner I would look for other then hopefully a partner that is kinky and willing to experiment with all things sexual.

  4. Johnny Says:

    He’s right about one thing – once you get used to penetration, you’ll never want to give it up!

  5. emandlo Says:

    Scott, thanks for reminding us about the toys! That was one of our first reactions to his argument — just get a freaking toy! We knew we had left something out — there were just so many wrong things to address, that one slipped through the cracks. We’ve updated our response to include this important point.

  6. Dave W Says:

    I probably should have read this post before responding in the previous one. These are all very good points. Gosh, I hope he doesn’t come lurking again. If he does, I might have to distract him by asking about when he got “saved”.

  7. Zandria Says:

    He is nothing but a judgmental, attention-seeking troll.

  8. Henry Says:

    I don’t know. I can see his point about once ridden you will always want it. I believe I have changed to a different person. I crave it like crazy with my wife. Maybe we do it 4 times a year. It took 10+ years together to get her to do it to me. I can’t image any of my other gf’s ever doing this.

    If she weren’t with me???? It’s sad to see the guys begging for it on Craigslist etc etc.

  9. james Says:

    Henry, Johny, thanks for your participation. The rest of the panelists are reacting and defensive.
    We have to accept others have different points of view. Unfortunately some people attack instead of engaging in exchange of ideas.
    Yes, yes, I heard it all, troll, attention seeker, salvation, creationist….very clever tricks that have as intention discredit that person that thinks otherwise. The inteligent can see through that cloud of name caling.
    Let’s see and wait for more comments. I am glad to participate, in a civilized manner, without feeling threatened nor defensive.

    James.

  10. Veronica Says:

    James,

    By your logic, couldn’t you also argue that gay men shouldn’t have anal sex with each other lest they love it so much that they, in a moment of anal-pleasure fueled desperation, let a woman peg them? Or that people should not engage in any sexual acts lest they lose control of themselves and end up doing it with someone of the same sex?

    That paints a pretty bleak picture of people’s ability to exert control over themselves, and of all the great activities they would miss out on.

  11. Ellie Says:

    James, why is it that only the people who agree with you to some extent or another are the ones who are participating “in a civilized manner” without being “threatened and defensive”? It seems to me that you do, in fact, feel defensive, because you are doing that which you claim others on here are doing – which is completely discounting any opinions other than your own.

  12. Kari Says:

    I just came across this site, and I do agree with what em & lo have to say on this matter.

    However, to Dave W, what’s with you wanting to ask james when he was “saved”? By assuming that a closed-minded person is a Christian, you’re just showing your own closed-mindedness.

    For the record, my husband and I are a Christian couple who happen to enjoy kinky sex with each other on occasion… including anal play on him. And no, it has not made my husband any more attracted to men lol :)

  13. xexe Says:

    James,

    You speak of homosexuality like there is something inherently wrong with it. You compare it to crime (presumably violent crime), and you describe the inadvertent discovery of anal pleasuring as if it were like some poor kid being forced to shoot smack, only to develop a desperate, unhealthy addiction to it. As Em and Lo already said, they’re apples and oranges. Or apples and grenades. Sex, for most people, is not a crippling addiction and, as long as it is consensual, is not in any way a crime. So, I don’t understand why you insist on calling this experimentation “risky,” and that “a straight man playing with strap-ons is playing with fire, with his life.” Especially the ‘life’ part. So what if a guy discovers he really likes being poked in the butt? Let’s just say that he likes it SO MUCH that he wants it all the time, to the point that he goes to the first gay bar he sees and asks a dude to do him doggy style–except, hold on, he doesn’t dig dudes nearly as much as he digs girls with strap-ons. So is he going to grind his teeth and weep and despise himself while someone fucks him in the ass AND blissfully orgasm at the same time? James, that is crazy talk. I’m not saying it’s impossible, because some people DO get off on humiliation and self-deprecation, but that’s still a bit of a wild scenario.

    The reason why it’s crazy is because, as others have pointed out, there are so many other options before this apparent ‘last resort.’ More girls than you know are into pegging, and there are many anal toys available for masturbation–and let me remind you that that’s what most of us do when we’re horny and there’s no one else around to scratch that itch. We masturbate.

    Let me bring up an analogy that actually does fit this issue a little better. You express concern over a man developing an unhealthy appetite for being anally penetrated, but… what about the men who try “regular-ass” anal sex with their girlfriends and discover that they really like it? I mean, really really really like it? I imagine you assumed it’d be relatively easy to find girlfriends willing to be screwed in the butt, but… you know, a LOT of women don’t like anal sex. I know I don’t, and I don’t know of any of my friends who enjoy it either. But, as with the previous scenario, if this guy likes it SO MUCH that he wants it all the time, to the point that he cannot wait around for a girl who will concede to having butt sex, and instead he goes to the people that will -definitely- be willing to be anally penetrated: the gays. And once again, in order to satisfy his extraordinary need to insert his penis into an anus, he finds himself screwing a homosexual man despite the fact that he is not attracted to this men at all.

    Say what?

    By the way, the problem with either of these scenarios is not that the protagonists are now becoming homosexual against their will (I mean, moral judgments on homosexuality aside, it really is erroneous of you to call them homosexual if they feel no actual attraction for men. They are attracted to either having things in their butt or putting their junk in other people’s butts.). The problem is that the protagonists are both exhibiting serious self-restraint issues, to the point where they are doing things that are unpleasant to themselves in order to get off.

    So, James, if you are trying to address the problem of sexual dependency or sexual compulsivity, then good for you: sex addiction is a real and stigmatized problem suffered by many people. But trying to establish a relationship between anal sex and sex addiction is a little questionable.

  14. Rissa Says:

    I’m keepin this short & sweet…….I’m reminded of the saying, ‘Inside every homophob is a gay man/woman fighting to get out’. This guy wants to be ‘penetrated’ so bad he can’t stand it!!!

  15. james Says:

    Hi Xexe.

    I read your post and it makes sense. The only problem I have with it is that you are assuming that I belive that homosexuality is bad, evil etc.

    But at least you explain your point intelligently. Too bad others like the poster after yours resorts to insults, in an attempt to daub my image.

    One thing that I have said earlier, and it is in every one of my posts, implicitly and explicity, I am not homophobic. I am straight though, so being straight does not mean being homophobic, at the same time, being accepting of others means that, acceptance and coexistence, it does not mean endorsement or countenance.

    My view is geared towards straight men that want to experiment with the infatuation of seing a woman with a strap on on. To those men that are feminine, ( like the BF of a woman in the original page for this topic ), or guys that play BDSM acting submissive or dominant, etc, to those guys my best of luck.
    My advise is for those men that are happy heterosexual men and that are about to engage in a new practice. I am the word of caution, not the word of bigotry.
    A word of caution is sound advise. All I say is that there are consequences and those consequences have to be thought over in advance.
    This is not about homosexuals being bad because they like anal sex, I never saud that, and I challenge you to quote me on anything of that sort. This is about heterosexual men that are about to engage, like I said before, in a new practice that can change their outlook on sex. It could, it might not, hence my caution appeal.
    You talk about a man that could discover that anal sex is good, and even discover that he has gay tendencies. I am not talking about the case of a man that is a closet gay guy or a man that wants to try homosexual sex, again, I am talking about a guy that is straight, and that might get involved in this activity to please his GF, or to please a psycological infatuation with beautiful women wearing strap ons.
    I never said that a man will “become gay”, or catch a homosexual bug like some said before in their reply attacks. Those are fabrications of facts, I never said that. What I said is that a guy that will develop a tatse for being anally penetrated ( as attested by Henry and Jonhy ) will develop a need for that practice.
    That is the Caveat Emptor advise I want to bring in. I am sure many people around the world , in regards to many subjects, be it sex, drugs, financial practices, sports, you name it, many people engaging in risky behavior or activities would had liked to hear some words of caution at that right time, just before they engaged in that life changing activity.
    Financial practices could lead to jail time. Risky sports could lead to crippling injuries, suntanning saloons could lead to skin cancer…..there is a time when advise comes a little too late, words of caution are advise that is given with the best of intentions, there is nothing for me to gain in using my time writting this reply to you.

    Have a nice day Xexe.

  16. Elizabeth Says:

    James – nice (ish) reply this time. But you did not answer the question that I am sure is on many people’s minds … If you are not homophobic, if you do not believe that homosexuality is wrong, or anal pleasure is wrong – then what exactly are you cautioning against? I really question where it is that you have all of this knowledge of how strap on sex will (apparently inevitably?) lead to a man engaging in sex with another man. I doesn’t sound like this has personally happened to you, but I guess I could be wrong there. Do you have a huge gaggle of friends who ended up having a sexual relationship against their will with another man? Everyone on here is getting upset at you because there are a lot of men who enjoy that type of play and never engage in a sexual act with another man. There are also a lot of women who enjoy this type of play, but you basically discount all of us as either complete anomalies or prostitutes. Really, do you think that its possible that the reason women don’t talk about this particular act often – and get freaked out about it – is not because “normal” women don’t do this stuff, but because society tells us it’s wrong, and that it will feminize our men? Because, see, I don’t believe that it does. At all. I believe that all of this is a social construct around taboo acts.

    As an aside – both of the men you used as an example say that they crave it from their women, yes, but neither said that have or planned to turn to men to scratch that itch. And that does not mean that they will turn to other men for that, either. It just means it’s something they enjoy.

  17. Michael Says:

    James, let’s get one thing straight (heh): trying strap-on sex is NOT akin to trying crack. The fact that you seem to imagine it as so potentially addictive belies something in YOUR perspective, not the reality.

    Unlike you, I can speak from experience. My wife has used a strap-on on me. It felt pretty amazing, I have to tell you–sometimes absolutely intense and wonderful in a different way from orgasms through me penetrating her or her giving me a blowjob. It can be really great.

    And guess what? We’ve done it maybe 5-6 times over 4 years or so since the first time. I like it, just like I like tying her up, or being tied up, or penetrating her anally, or any number of the kinkier things we happen to do once in a while.

    It kinda cracks me up, actually, all of these warnings you’re casting around (a little projection, there, maybe?). Someone developing a taste for something does not necessarily mean he or she will develop a need. Far from it. Maybe you, James, need to just bend over and get it over with. It sounds to me like you of all people really, really NEED it.

  18. james Says:

    Ok guys and gals. I am going to leave this topic for good, feel free to throw stones or darts at my face, have fun.
    I can see that it is very difficult for several participants to respond with facts, some do, but then add their grain of salt to the mix, messing up a good participation.
    Apparently there is a need to discredit me by calling me several things, and the last ones I see try to portray me as a guy that is hypocritical or has experience with strap ons or “projects” himself.
    This advise , the one I present, is for those that want to take it. I am sure there are a lot of people reading my advise and heeding it.
    Comments like “everybody on here is getting upset at you” seem to be attempts to stiffle the oposition by creating caos.
    Have a nice time crowd. Untill another opposing view comes along, enjoy the party. To the next participant with an opposing view, enjoy the ride, zero tolerance seems to reign in here ( this topic.)
    later.

  19. Michael Says:

    No, we merely poked holes in your logic, and questioned your strong opinions on something you’ve never experienced.

    It’s like this, James: if someone walks up to a conversation at a cocktail party and says, hey, I’ve never tried a shrimp cocktail before, but I’m pretty sure that if you ever tried one, there’s a good chance you’d never be able to stop eating them, and would have to eat one every night for dinner… is calling that person out on their nonsense “messing up a good participation”? Maybe you’d nod along at this observation like it makes all kinds of sense, but most of us would probably ask wtf the person is talking about.

    Statements like that aren’t “opposing views”–they’re just ignorant. And yes, zero tolerance is a pretty good idea when it comes to people talking out of their asses.

  20. Elizabeth Says:

    James – seriously – I was not trying to portray you in any sort of way. I am honestly curious as to what caused you to develop this view. You say that you are not homophobic at all – okay, fine, I don’t know you and don’t know your life. But if you, yourself, has no experience at all in this, then what exactly are you advising against? That would be similar to me advising someone not to eat a certain kind of food because it tasted badly, except that I had never tried the food.

    I truly do not comprehend why asking you where you are getting your information and opinion from is “throwing stones”. I also really don’t comprehend why answering your allegations that myself and others here that feel you are a tad homophobic is in any way “messing up good participation”. If you are not, that’s fine. I’m merely pointing out that myself, and likely others, percieve you that way because of the language you use. You may not be homophobic, and I would be glad to say that I was wrong, yet you do not change your language in any way, which leads me to believe otherwise.

    And another clarifying question, if you do so choose to answer it, can you please explain to me why the phrase ‘everyone on here’ “creates caos”? I am pretty sure that pointing out that all but one other commenter adamantly disagrees with you is not chaotic.

    I’m sorry that you felt attacked by my words. It was not my intention (with the exception of when you claimed I wanted to push people off cliffs for my own entertainment. I was very upset by your allegations). But, if you would like to come back and have an intelligent discussion – and actually answer the allegations brought against your point, then I promise I, at least, and probably the others, will not be attacking YOU specifically.

  21. Dave W Says:

    Kari,
    I admit that I don’t like it when people say they are saved. My knowledge of scripture is shaky at best, but it’s my impression that people are judged after they die, or at the rapture. That one is supposed to invest in the afterlife, and not expect rewards here on earth(a principle of faith?). Accordingly, it seems wrong that someone could unwrap that gift while they’re alive. And of course, could then take a wrong turn and rape children, or murder folks, and still go to heaven. The concept of being saved seems thought up by a denomination trying to win a popularity contest.

    One thing I’d like to change from the previous post is that I shouldn’t have mentioned religious conservatives, only people that try to push their morality on others. They are clearly not the same. It was wrong to connect the two.

  22. suni vajina Says:

    I also really don’t comprehend why answering your allegations that myself and others here that feel you are a tad homophobic is in any way “messing up good participation”. If you are not, that’s fine.

  23. Jack Says:

    I could never ask my wife to do it. Opinions are voiced over the course of a relationship. When you hear about the negativity involving certain sexual pratices,you keeep your mouth shut for fear of ridicule. i love her for many other things than sex. I have tried it with other men. i have no bonding relationship with that person ,other than sexual gratification,even then, I feel ridiculous for having let my cock do the thinking. I enjoy the uninhibited exploration but,without the spritual connection, its just masturbation with no future. I think “it’s just sex,get over it”. You’re thinking too much man,just have fun.

  24. Bonnie Says:

    My boyfriend is not gay at all and I occasionally from time to time use to toys to stimulate his ass. I love it and so does he. We are very comfortable with one another and it’s awesome to find someone where we can be ourselves, because we are a bit, well a lot crazy in the sheets. So MEN, if you’re not gay, don’t ever be ashamed to like anal pleasure, it’s all sexual, nothing about being gay or not. If a woman is going to judge you on that, then you obviously need to move on and find a woman who will not. I don’t mind using a strap on, shit it was my idea ;)

  25. Bonnie Says:

    WTF JACK! You’re married to a woman and having sex with men??? WOW that’s love man! Get over yourself, and YOU be a real man and come out of the closet and tell your wife! This is about cheating.

  26. xexe Says:

    Jack.

    Are you James in disguise? You’ve got that same odd-grammar-thing going on.

    If not: seriously, dude, that kind of cheating is pretty WTF-worthy, and also pretty unnecessary.

    And James, I know you said you weren’t coming back, but I wanted to thank you for reading my post, although I wish you actually understood it.

  27. Pepper Says:

    Love you, and all the sensible, logical types–and pro-peggers. :)

  28. jacky Says:

    Guys ive been following this for a while. The views are interesting

  29. Rube Says:

    Pegging! Oh what fun. Toys work too…but I really do want to know what the real thing feels like one of these days!

  30. Arvid Says:

    I was talking to my girlfriend and we had a chat about kinky sex.I`m open minded on everything in sex,but she suggested she wants to penetrate me, I lost in words.I just asked her..what actuall satisfaction may man receive by being penetrated.Even it is only with the toy.I am very much up for a lot of types of kinky sex,but never tried something like that.She said,I`ll enjoy it..

  31. bim Says:

    Hello,

    I just came across this site after this blog.

    I believe James is partially right; specifically when he mentioned that strap on sex has a side problem if the couple breaks up. And the reason is clear: Few women have the will to go for it, and if a man suggests this sex type, she will have automatically all the labels about him in her head, from gay, to sissy, to slave, …

    If women who are into strap on sex love it for itself, not for other things in mind, I don’t think they would have this view of strap on sex.

    The problem does exist, and that’s why many of the men who love to be penetrated seek lesbians thinking they could have something in common.

    I think it is time to free up sexuality. It’s not wrong to be on the receiving end, because there is no giving without receiving, so they are both important. Likewise, it is not wrong to be submissive, and by the way, strap on sex need not make the person submissive beyond the bed!

  32. Nb Says:

    I think that if a guy really likes to get penetrated, and he pursues it whether with toys or strap-ons with his girl, don’t you think there’s a chance he might think he wants to try it with other guys? I did! I’ve been trying to figure out whether I should seriously classify myself as bi for a long time. When I was in my teens I started to experiment with penetrating myself, loved it, and now I need it, a lot! I use toys mostly but yes I have let a few guys get behind me a poke me. I am much more attracted to women and love to fuck them. But I must say that if you like being penetrated, penises are made for that people and if you try a real penis you’ll find out that they feel a little bit different than toys or strap ons! Yes nerve endings don’t have orientations, but penises penetrate and I can say that if you’re a guy that finds out you really like it, you might try men to find out you liked it, and pursue it again and again. That’s me and I don’t really care, it’s just something I’ve learned to accept. Yes, I like it up the butt and I will take advantage of an opportunity for the real thing if I get the chance. So did experimenting make me gay or bi?

  33. Dixie Normous Says:

    Theres a difference between finding a man attractive and taking it in the ass and liking it… but either way your still gay!
    Your prostrate is the most sensitive glan in your body, and if stimulating it brings yyou pleasure then so be it, but don’t be open about it unless your ready to be labeled!

  34. Lotte Says:

    my boyfriend loves bumplay, and he’s all man ;)

  35. Jimi Says:

    I have been crossdressing and masterbating anally since I was 11 years old. My last two girl friends, and I think possibly my next girl friend to be, all loved wearing strap ons. I tried being with a man once in my life and it was such a big turn off I have never tried again. I wonder how James would explain that phenomenah.

  36. bim Says:

    Nb,

    I partially agree with you. Strapon sex for a man has different reasons. (1) It could be just for the pleasure received through the nerves. (2) It could also be for submissive reasons. (3) It could also be because he internally is bisexual but society forbids him from knowing this. In case 3, he would most likely find out that he is bisexual or gay.

    Even in cases 1 and 2 he might be bisexual too, but he still does not know so. He might be looking for a woman just because she is feminine (not because she has a pussy). That is, a feminine man or a transgendered woman may turn him on the same as a genetic woman. That happened with me. I had some flirting once with a TG and it was a big turn on for me.

  37. bennybutton Says:

    ok I’ve read through most of the discussions. I often fantasize and have even tried to push my member off to the size and tried to have strap on intercourse with my g/f. she wont allow it. i tell her all i want her to do is have it her way and to really get into it with out me finishing first. and of course to try something new. has anyone else tried this or am i just weird?

  38. collegestudent19 Says:

    I have to say, reading the posts that you all had left entertained me for hours (but not really. more like minutes). Im not going to voice my opinion on the subject matter, but I will say that for anyone (including James) trying to argue their point, the low-blows and stabs take all credibility from the entire post. Also, I have noticed that the longer posts also try to use big words to make a better argument when, really, the misspelling of simple words pretty much steals the attention.

    James, you make good points and you make bad points. The same goes for anyone on the opposite side. What you all have severe issues with is keeping it to a civilized exchange of information, key points, etc. Seriously? Insults only make you sound like an insecure person who uses big words to sound important. On top of that, it makes it so you all have no idea what you’re trying to say. With the exception of the personal experience posts.

    So I guess what I’ve been trying to say is that attacking is immature and cannot be taken seriously. Next time, try to make a good argument instead of bitch-slapping each other.

    Yes, I realize I call out James a few times, but this whole forum is about his article, and there are too many names for me to put into this post. I don’t mean to offend anyone, I just wanted to give advice to the people who really want to debate and not fight.

  39. Kali Says:

    Turning all against one is an art that’s hard to teach. — Offspring

    Somehow, this fits.

  40. guy Says:

    he made a lot of good points and yet u pass it off as some kind of lunatic’s rant. instead of disproving anything he said u poked fun at him and gave ur OPINIONS on the matter.

    wat i find funny bout this is ur clearly being 1 sided and closed minded as well as most of the ppl replying. kinda odd coming from a group like this. but i guess if his ideas dont match up with urs its straght ludicay huh

    seems to me ur just promoting ur lifestyle and couldnt care less bout anything that could make ppl think twice about it.

  41. casey Says:

    Ok, so I came on here to figure something out, and some of the posts have really helped me but last night, this guy that I have been seeing for a while were hooking up and I slid a finger in his butthole, only because he had told me when I first met him that he owns a strap on and butt plugs, so I thought I should try penetrate him with my finger. He totally loved it. I then went ahead and slid in a vibrator and he went NUTS! Now, two things, he works at a his family owned gay bar as a manager and he is way too sexy and manly to be gay. But all my girlfriends and guys are convincing me that he is totally gay. I wouldnt have any issues with him being gay at all but I am just curious, he gets so turned on by me, we have like AMAZING sex, but he takes a while to cum, could that be because he isnt that turned on by a woman?? This is all so new to me, and I really like him. I dont mind kinky sex, but what if hes being bent over at work, and then coming home to me? But I am just so nervous that he might be gay, should I ask him?? Or do some men just maybe enjoy the penetration???

  42. Will Gotoo Says:

    Ok, I’ll throw my two cents in. A number of years ago a woman told me that the reason that guys enjoy watching videos of girls going down on dick is because psychologically, the guy imagines himself being that girl, not because they identify with the guy.

    I became determined that I would try to suck a cock and see if she was right. She was wrong, I had no desire to suck a cock and in my experimenting, I found out that I had no sexual desire watsoever to be in physical contact with a man. The act of touching and being touched by a man was physically repulsive to me. Now that being said, I had a very interesting expeince with a man who was gay. I had gotten naked with him and nothing exicting had happened and we both gave up. I was getting ready to get dressed and he came into his bedroom with a solid brass bottle-opener that had been made from a mold of a man’s erect cock. It was seven inches long, solid brass and heavy. I forget the exact conversation, but he wanted to fuck me with it. The whole thing was so bizarre, I was so stunned by the turn of events that I agreed for some reason. I lie back on the bed and begin to masturbate as he sits there and greases this thing up and starts putting the tip against my anus. Now, I had never been involved in anal play before, so this whole process was a good 40 minutes of the tip of this thing slowly opening me up, sometimes touches of pain and sometimes a bizarre thrill of the unknown. He knew enough to never thrust it into me, he just waited while my hole started to open and accept. I was masturbating and slowly fucking myself onto this metal cock. Writhing, pulling back, moaning until after a long time i felt its head pop in and its length slid deep into me. Then slowly but surely he began to fuck me with the brass cock. I was moaning and sighing with each stroke touching me in places nothing had ever touched me before. I’m not sure how long the fucking lasted, maybe 15 minutes. It was absolutely amazing and I came screaming as this thing pounded me and pounded me.

    Over time, I met with this man dozens of times and was thoroughly fucked. Eventually we drifted appart (more me just having other involvements than anything else). It’s been a few years since the last time. Never in that period of time have I had a desire to have gay sex with a man.

    Being opened up anally and fucked with a toy was a great experience, I’m glad I did it, and my friend enjoyed doing it to me. But I also learned that I had no attraction to men. So I wouldnt worry about being turned gay by a strapon boning or two.

  43. WD Says:

    I love the responses from people who understand how wrong James is and why. Like Bonnie–right on, sister!
    I am a straight man who LOVES anal play. I crave it. It has nothing to do with sexual orientation. I fantasize about a WOMAN nailing my ass. I always have, always will. Men don’t do anything for me. I’m so glad that people are getting over the sexist and homophobic myths. Butt sex is straight if you’re straight. Just enjoy what you enjoy and stop categorizing and judging and creating false myths about sexuality.

  44. Mark Says:

    I thought the reply was very fair and balanced apart from the following part:

    “Speaking of masculinity, if you think being penetrated is feminine, then you’re sexist.”

    Well being penetrated IS the feminine side of sex, whether it’s politically correct to say so or not.

    “If you think enjoying anal play is gay, then you’re a homophobe.”

    From such a good and reasonable argument to resorting to name calling.

    Just what is a “homophobe” anyway? Someone who’s terrified at the thought of gay sex? Or a weapon to accuse a heterosexual male with someone who does not like the idea of gay sex for himself?

    I do not like the idea of ever having gay sex, does that make me a homophobe? Does that mean I’m not welcome to post? If so then you are discriminating against people on account of their sexuality.

    Otherwise a good article.

  45. katie Says:

    “if you think being penetrated is feminine, then you’re sexist. If you think enjoying anal play is gay, then you’re a homophobe.”

  46. Mike Says:

    Not one of you Poked holes in his logic.

    You made yourselves look like Morons for nitpicking after he came back and explained himself.

    James clearly made the points of what he was NOT saying. And Amazingly you guys tried to give some quasi logical reasons why his logic doenst make sense in YOUR Heads!!

    Like I always say to my brother… If we dont agree, It may be because I have or you have come to a conclusion about something based on Knowledge and a wealth of experiences and learning. And even sometimes in the explaination of things a point on why I may think the way I do may not even come out. So if after you ASSUME things upon people they come back nicely (even though some insult) and explain their position, if you dont UNDERSTAND their logic, that does NOT mean that YOUR Logic is correct! EVER! It could just mean that YOU dont have all the facts! And of course it also could be that you are correct.
    But one thing I cant stand seeing over and over again on the internet… When someone explains themselves the others who Assumed it wrong come back with a SUPER Ego like they are right and cant possibly be wrong. And NOTHING is more arrogant then that type of attitude!! Because you were TOLD what he thought and where his thinking was.

    Just stop being so freaken arrogant Internet people! You dont know everything and your logic isnt ALL MIGHTY

  47. Rex Says:

    I’ve read the entire post and all replies. I’m a man in my mid 40′s who has recently tried strap on play since the beginning of the year and now crave it every day. So much so I’m worried I’m bugging my wife about it too much. I find it very erotic but soon after I climax from penetration I get a depressed feeling that I can’t explain it, is it guilt, shame, but it soon passes and I began to yearn for it once more.
    Boys who grew up with fathers who actually participate in their upbringing no doubt taught them that anal penetration is OK, normal and fun for every adult male to try and experiment with. Yeah, I think not, instead the opposite was transposed upon the child and we all understand the intricacies of changing the beliefs you were grown up with. And for the people who simply can not tolerate the way other people were raised to believe well then you part of the reason with what’s wrong with our country.
    I understand James and what he is saying and I just think that like most women, they have no idea what we are talking about or how we feel about this subject. Most boys are taught growing up that women want that big strong man to protect them not the man bent over begging his gf/wife to fuck his ass with a big piece of plastic that resembles the male penis. Yeah, sure there are some guys that won’t have a problem with that but more times than not guys will began to question themselves. I’ve never considered myself gay, and I’ve never questioned my sexuality, and I have no problem with gay or lesbian people. But I have to wondered what a real cock would feel like in me, feeling the throbbing sensations. That sounds very gay and hell, maybe I am gay and always have been it wouldn’t bother me, but i’m sure it would my wife . I’m not attracted to men, there are some transgender people out there that are really beautiful. I’ve even wondered if maybe a threesome might happen one day with me and my wife. Now that’s something I would have never would have considered before we started playing around with the strap-on.
    Even the biggest critic of James’s post would have to admit that for a man, anal penetration can be very confusing and immensely enjoying penetration to point of wanting it all the time can at times make him question his sexuality.

  48. p Says:

    Interesting topic
    The reason i found this site is because i was watching different types of porn to see if i could be stimulated, i found very few did. I am bi and lesbian porn does little for me, gay porn i love, straight porn boring all the same. Today i discovered women fucking men with strapons, i am not dead down below.

    The reason i looked this up and found this site is because due to sexual emotional and physical abuse i am very submissive, but have never enjoyed sex with men or women.

    Watching porn has made me realise that the reason is i want to do the fucking. I have not been with a man or woman for over 15yrs because of my issues.

    Reading your comments make me feel less of a freak. Thanks, you have done more for me than all the therapists i have seen.


Leave a Reply