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Wise Guys: Do Men Really Love Bitches?

Tue, Jul 14, 2009

Advice, Wise Guys

bitch_tattoophoto by Publicly_Scalped

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do men really love bitches?

Straight Single Guy (Colin): Guys love a challenge. That’s why we’re always trying to fix cars, throw the perfect spiral, or look cool with really awful facial hair. If we’re ever with a bitch, it’s only because we want to overcome her militant manner and make her swoon for us. We want to find her soft spot and turn her around to show the world she’s not all bad — that way we look great, too, for having cracked her stone cold exterior. Don’t feel like playing the B-Card is ever going to help you out, though. Most of us tire of silly games like this pretty quickly — and even if we do love bitches from time to time, the good ol’ American sweetheart will always win out.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): I don’t think so. Maybe some guys like getting treated like shit and pushed around, but that was never my thing. I mean, if a girl is attractive and a real bitch, in my single days, I’d probably have wanted to have sex with her. But that’s just because there’s this idea that the sex would be more charged. Sometimes it was, sometimes it wasn’t. I don’t think bitchiness equals hot sex on its own. But beyond sex: dating (or falling in love with) a bitch? Forget it. Life’s dramatic enough on its own — I don’t need to fall in love with a pain in the ass.

Gay Committed Guy (Terence): That’s a big can of worms. I might be old-fashioned, but I’m having trouble typing the word bitch. When did this word become commonplace, or even acceptable? As I’m trying to think of how to characterize a b****, I can only think of that show Bridezillas. So let’s use the terms girlzilla and boyzilla instead. I think a man who claims to love a girlzilla has as many issues to work through as the girlzilla. His willingness to accommodate a difficult and unpleasant woman is saddening and self-destructive. In fact, it’s a mutually destructive cycle of immaturity that wouldn’t know love from a can of worms (I had to squeeze in my worm metaphor one more time). There ain’t no love for a zilla.

Our ‚Äúwise guys‚ÄĚ are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. Colin Adamo is an undergrad at Yale University where he directs the biennial Sex Week at Yale; the other two are a little shy.

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14 Responses to “Wise Guys: Do Men Really Love Bitches?”

  1. figleaf Says:

    Go Terence! ” I think a man who claims to love a girlzilla has as many issues to work through as the girlzilla.” That sounds about right. Actually it sounds right no matter what your gender or your ‘zilla’s. Feminist blogger and author Amanda Marcotte talks a lot about where we got this idea that relationships are *supposed* to be hard work — like, you bust your tail all day at work and then come home to… bust your tail fixing up your relationship the way people fix up their houses or cars.

    I also have to agree with Colin that many men think the love a challenge. The challenge you most often see is men trying to “score” with someone who’s “out of his league.” Which right there leads to one of two relationship disasters: either he really isn’t a suitable match, in which case she may not have much patience for him. Or else they’re a good match but he keeps projecting “you’re a challenge” which she’s not likely to be very patient with either.

    Of course, for only slightly different reasons women love a challenge too, which is why so many women wind up with ‘zillas too. (Cosmopolitan magazine has at least one article a month about “how to get your man to…” where it’s just assumed your partner, and thus your relationship, is broken.)

    None of that means we’re supposed to just “settle” for any old someone. It’s just that I think relationships go a lot better we spend time appreciating who are partners actually are instead of who we wish they were.

    Oh yeah, one last thing: saying you love a “challenge” is sort of code for saying you want to try and dominate someone with more willpower than you. In which case either they’re going to win… and be the ‘zilla. Or you’re going to win and *you’ll* be *their* ‘zilla. Perfect recipe for a 50% divorce rate, folks.

    figleaf

    figleaf

  2. Pygmalliazilla Says:

    Very perceptive. I’m glad there are people who recognize the game of “making her (or him) a “zilla” so they can have the challenge of overcoming them. Sometimes it goes like this: go after your friend’s ex. If the two of you stay friends, the three of you will inevitably spend time together. Then, you can always accuse her of flirting with or favoring him and start a fight which you will surely win because she will certainly be confused about what is going on. If you don’t spend time with the friend any more, you can still always bring him up in the middle of arguments and accuse her of being hung up on him which will have the same affect.
    For good measure, and to make it even MORE fun, tell all your friends and family members in a tone that let’s them know you don’t want this info spread around, how much trouble you are having with this “zilla” so that they will feel sorry for you and think you are a stud??? if you can “tame” her. “Yeah, she’s doing better, but I still have to keep my eye on her.” Oh the BLISS you’ll discover!!! Then you can deign to marry her, knowing that it might not last because she may not be able to tow the line, but at least you will have gotten yourself a couple of kids whom you can “save” from the zilla and oh, what a hero you will be!!!
    Ohmygosh, what a terrible tale, but a cautionary one for sure. So don’t enter those woods, children. There are vicious beasts in there.

  3. Puf Says:

    There’s a difference between a dominant personality and a b****. A b**** is a woman who is, by definition, self-absorbed, demanding, short-tempered, lacking patience, and easy. No man in his right mind would find such a woman attractive – except maybe the easy part. However, a woman who is confident, motivated, and most importantly decisive, can be incredibly irresistable. Matching up two dominant personalities, where genuine compassion and affection are involved, can lead to some amazing tension – good tension – and real electric sparks can fly. Hollywood loves to parody this in film, but the effect is real. However, when one or both partners are focused too much on themselves you get problems. The good kind of tension is rare, but it exists and it’s so worth it when you find it. Whether the sex is more “charged” or not – I wouldn’t know, being a virgin.

    I do have to agree with Colin – sometimes we just want to find the rich goeey center. Not so we can dominate the dominatrix – but so we can play the hero: the knight in shining armor come to save the ice queen from herself. Some “girlzillas” are like a geode – a coarse rocky exterior with a sparkling crystal center you have to work to find. So she may have issues – I dare say nobody in this world doesn’t have issues. Issues don’t matter; what matters is how we deal with them. Besides, that geode may be worth the effort. Then again – some zillas are just plain b****y and all we can say is “Hey! Where’s the cream filling?”. So I say it’s OK to like the woman on top – just pick your battles.

  4. HM Says:

    I think good guys don’t stay with “zillas” for very long. If they’re drawn in by some kind of excitement, it will wear off after a while.

    On another topic – does anyone know if there is some kind of sister site where women answer questions like these from men?

  5. james Says:

    I think we guys like bad girls in the same way women like the bad guys.
    It is like a challenge need our egos have.Women and men go for that kind of person because it is different, it is like an amusement ride, new expectations, new situations, surrounded by an aura of sensuality.
    Problem is that those adventures always end up with a wrong, because those qualities and behavior that we find alluring, are exactly those qualities and behavior we consider undesireable for ourselves and our loved ones, and soon, like a pitbull dog turning against its master, this relationship bites at us and ends up hurting us.
    Then we go back to our senses and look for a wothy person for company.

  6. Johnny Says:

    Here’s some dude-language translation:

    “I love bitches” = “My girlfriend is a bitch, and being a total pussy myself, I’m scared to stick up for myself or dump her”

    “I love a challenge” = “I get shot down or walked all over more often than not; I frame these interactions as ‘challenges’ rather than ‘failures’ to protect my ego”

  7. lucy Says:

    well letting a woman control you
    dont not make you a real man..cause real woman need a real
    man in their lives for suport.but if you yourself as a man
    acting like a pussy then what would you expect from the woman
    im a woman myself all women are B!tChEz no matter who you and no matter where you from we stil B!TcHeZ

  8. james Says:

    Well, this depends on your definition of bitch. What the word bitch brings to mind in my case is not a dominating woman, but a whore of a woman.

    A whore and a dominating woman are 2 different things.

  9. crystal Says:

    to lucys post *cause real woman need a real
    man in their lives for suport.*
    a real woman or as some think * bitches* DONT need a man for anything, thats part of the allure to men i believe, she says she dont NEED us..we will prove her wrong ( whether its money, sex, cars, diamonds) . i grew up in a strong female house, i do what needs to be done , with or with out a mans help! most times with out..so i guess that makes me a bitch..but ill gladly take that title becuase i know at the end of the day i can trust only one person…ME

  10. Johnny Says:

    Crystal, I don’t think Lucy’s talking about needing men to accomplish tasks that she can’t complete on her own. Yin and yang baby – women need real men, and men need real women.

    She put it harshly, but she’s right. Americans are unattractively genderless – men act like pussies around women for fear of being labled sexist, women have an underdeveloped sense of femininity and grace… it’s not good. The genders are equal in terms of human value… but they’re different. We’ve created this sexless grey area in gender relations that harms us all.

  11. Loverbitch Says:

    I am a female bitch and lover. I think a man needs both in a relationship. When I am a bitch my husband of 27 years respects me as an independent woman, he knows that I can do things without him, I feel it makes him appreciates me more. I am also a lover I show my husband that I appreicate him as well. I respect him as a MAN, and I let him wear the pants when needed. He cooks ,cleans and caters to me all the time. I also take turns catering to him as well, The bottom line is in any relationship you need a balance. A man will get bored with a good girl and tired of the bitch. So keep it excited, and be both. The bitch will keep him from boredom and the good girl will keep him there.

  12. Arturas Says:

    oh yeahh bitches rules forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. Madamoiselle L Says:

    I think the word “Bitch” means different things to different people. For some it means “whore?” (really?) Others a “zilla” whatever that is (sorry, I don’t watch Reality TV. I am assuming the term is from that particular vomitus of programming?)

    For some a “bitch” is a woman who simply makes them feel insecure about themselves, for others, she’s a self absorbed woman, intent on her own desires, for others ANY woman who stands up for and voices her own opinions, uses her God Given gifts for the best, and doesn’t back down, has no problem pointing out errors, and doesn’t crumble at the slightest “insult” to her reputation is one. For others, it’s simply a word to substitute for “woman.”

    Without a proper definition, it’s hard to comment.

  14. JHoward Says:

    What kind of question is that? I think I’m one of the most decisive and smitten people who will ever reply to this.
    I’m a tough young men. Extremely different from the few peers I know, literally.
    I do NOT like bitches.
    My mom and my sisters are one. That makes me a son of a bitch. I don’t want to actually want to be involved with any other.
    The answer is no.


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