Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “What do blue-balls feel like… is it really that painful, or that big a deal? Is it even a real physical phenomenon?”
Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Blue balls are the testicular equivalent of a migraine headache. They are very real and can be very painful: pressure builds up due to sexual excitement from direct stimulation and has nowhere to go. Imagine having to sneeze, getting right to the second before and holding it for 15 minutes. Now, to be clear, I’m referring to situations where sexual activity has already begun (i.e. handjobs, oral, whatever) and then stopped in the middle for some reason. Mere kissing doesn’t cause blue balls, and those guys who claim otherwise are probably pigs. (To suggest a romantic situation that starts with kissing HAS to end with an orgasm is not only absurd, it’s borderline abusive.) But in those situations where physical contact with the johnson has been initiated by a second party and then arbitrarily withdrawn, it can be not only physically frustrating, but emotionally frustrating as well. It’s like, Why would she do that? Why??? My work ethic has always been to finish what I start, and I recommend this philosophy be applied to the bedroom as well. Of course, guys who find themselves in this situation have a very easy solution: masturbate! Much like Excedrin cures a headache, masturbation will cure blue balls. It’s really quite simple.
Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): Truthfully, I had to look this up. Wikipedia claims it is “the condition of temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostrate region caused by prolonged sexual arousal in the human male.” I say no way. Total urban legend. “Prolonged sexual arousal?” What kind of oxymoron is that? I don’t know any guy who “prolongs” sexual arousal. Sexual arousal in men is like Superman: it’s up, up and away, end of story. Maybe it existed in the ’50s, when people would just “neck” for hours and it wouldn’t go anywhere. But those days are looooong gone. Hi Bristol Palin! And gay-wise? Uh, never an issue. However, if I’m wrong and there really is such a thing, I would sincerely hope they look like Smurf balls — because that would be kind of cool.
Straight Married Guy (Jim): What does it say about me that I’m not even sure I’ve ever really experienced blue balls? All I can say for sure is that not having orgasmic sex is the worst part of not having orgasmic sex. I’d prefer to think this is an evolutionary advance, rather than a carefully cultivated myth I’m ruining for half of everyone. Maybe someone who wasn’t effectively celibate in high school can explain if it’s only a problem with new balls.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Jim from New York, our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter, and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett, owner of the LA PR firm Barnett Ellman. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
July 7th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Very weird. I’ve never experienced this, either, and I’ve been in a situation before where I was facing very direct and, shall we say, imminent temptation to do naughty things with a very hot someone I should not have been doing naughty things with… In fact, started doing other naughty stuff before stopping myself and disengaging, as it were. If ever there was an incident that should cause the mythical blue balls, that was it, but nope. No such experience.
Maybe some guys get them, but I never have. I’ve always assumed that they were just a lame excuse that douchey guys give to their high school girlfriends.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
I’ve experienced it before, but it was no where near “migrane headache” level. More just an ache — like my balls were swollen or something.
It surprised me, since I thought blue balls were just an excuse that jackasses gave to get laid.
But, having experienced it,
It’s still no excuse for being an asshole.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Now, as a married woman, my husband in no way has to use lame excuses to get some action…..but god forbid I feel up on Big Willy & the Twins every once in while (you know, just to make sure they’re still there and they still love me) I get, “I hate it when you do that, you’re give me blue balls.” I’m not sure of the specifics of what exactly it would feel like, but 2 out of 3 of the guys call it a myth, so I’ll be sure to bring that up the time I just want to fondle my husband!
July 7th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Oh, they are very very real. I’d disagree that you need touching, just prolonged arousal and an erection that doesn’t go anywhere (e.g., no ejaculation).
I’d never (and never have) used them as a bargaining chip or for a mercy fuck, but they’re quite real and they do hurt…
July 7th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
I was, shall we say, timid when first dating my ex; although he was too gentlemanly to tell me I was blue-balling him at the time, he revealed later that too much excitement without finishing did indeed give him migraine-level crotch-pain. I can believe it. However, I also believe it can be used as a cheap, sleazy excuse for overly-pushy men.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
My boyfriend has admitted (blushingly) to having blue-balls. For the longest time he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, just that he had a “really bad stomachache.” I discovered later that the “stomachache” was really blue-balls because one of our sessions from earlier in the day had stopped without him ejaculating.
He had trouble walking for awhile, and tried to masturbate as Tyler B. said in his reply, but was in fact too sensitive for him to even attempt it for quite some time. I suppose this must have been very uncomfortable for him, but this leads me to reason that if a guy really did have a bad case of the blue-balls, he wouldn’t be able to use the excuse of “Let’s just do the deed so I can get rid of this pain” because in all likelihood, he may be in too much discomfort/pain to do anything for awhile!
July 7th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
The first time I got blue balls I thought I was dying of testicular cancer. I think they could do more to educate young guys on blue balls.
July 8th, 2009 at 3:02 am
I used to get this all the time with high school girlfriends who had reached the petting stage, but weren’t yet ready to get me off. It actually hurts like hell. The worst part is if you don’t have the opportunity to masturbate for an hour or so after being seriously aroused. The ache really sets in and even walking is uncomfortable. Then you get home and find you’re so sore that it’s difficult to get hard. And when you finally do get hard enough to jerk off, the orgasm is so powerful it hurts a bit.
I doubt I’ll ever be as aroused again as I was back then, though. The mere fact of a girl touching me can’t possibly carry the same novelty.
I agree with Colin– they need to teach guys about this. Girls too.
July 8th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Hoodie’s right — there doesn’t have to be “intimacy” involved to get blue balls. I got it bad one time without even kissing the girl. As to why it affects some stronger than others, I think one factor is level of sexual activity. Going a very long time without sex makes you a lot more susceptible to blue balls (which is a problem since I’m usually in a dry spell).
I’ve never had anything as bad as a migraine, though; it felt more like extreme soreness to me. Like any bit of movement or touching would make it worse. Masturbation is a handy cure, but as David says, it’s not always a practical option. If the girl just wants to cuddle, she probably won’t want you dashing off to the bathroom with your kleenex.
July 8th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
My boyfriend actually went to the hospital for blue balls, shortly after our first date – he didn’t know what was happening. I never touched his genital area, we just spent nearly the entire day together, with lots of cuddling and things like that. I should probably mention that he was about 16 at the time.
July 8th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Add me to the group that thought the term was merely a metaphor… until I experienced them first-hand. The first time was in college after an extended makeout session, although there have been instances since. It’s definitely real, and it definitely hurts. It’s also no justification for any demands to be made and I’ve never mentioned it to any partners (mostly out of a desire to *not* seem douchy or lame).
July 8th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
I have had blue balls and they HURT LIKE HELL. Definitely not an urban myth. But I think some guys are more susceptible to it than others.
July 8th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
I didn’t start getting them till pretty late in life. It’s a deep ache, not so much in the testicles as higher up. It sounds like it’s different for different men but for me just being aroused for a long time isn’t enough to trigger it. It also has to have been a pretty long time (maybe a week or longer) since my last ejaculation too. Since that doesn’t happen very often blue balls don’t happen to me very often either. I mean, even without frequent partnered sex there’s still frequent masturbation.
And speaking of which, I’ve got a feeling that as masturbation has lost most of its stigma blue balls has probably become a lot less frequent in the general population. And if nothing else, its certainly painful enough, and the “preventative medicine” is pleasant enough and harmless enough, that it *shouldn’t* have to be terribly common either.
I agree with some of the other men here that ejaculation once you’ve got them isn’t entirely pleasant. The orgasm’s nice but the achy cramps in (what seems to me like) the epididymis and vas deferens knocks out a lot of the enjoyment. But! The nice thing? If it’s been that long since my last orgasm it’s pretty easy to get aroused again. And the next orgasm feels just fine.
All that said, I disagree completely that “taking care” of blue balls anyone’s responsibility but one’s own. It’s usually up to you to go that long without ejaculating, it’s easy (and often surprisingly quick) to deal with them, and if you’ve had them once you can recognize the warning signs soon enough to call things off before it really gets bad.
So. Sample script you can try out: “I’m really enjoying this but if we keep it up I’m going to get blue balls. I’d like to keep going if you’d feel comfortable helping me have an orgasm. But otherwise I want to stop.” And, incidentally, by making it a choice for your partner instead of an obligation she (assuming your partner’s a woman) may be a lot more interested in continuing than she might otherwise have been.
figleaf
July 8th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
They are very very real. I used to get them when i was young, and then never experienced it for 20 years or so. Lately I’ve had more than a few bouts, and no, it does not require physical contact.
Last week I was giving my girl an extended session of oral, and by the time she came down(double pun?) and was ready to move on, I was basically disabled by the pain in my sac.
Too bad for me!
July 9th, 2009 at 10:51 am
I always thought blueballs were BS too… I mean, yeah, it’s uncomfortable to have a boner and not be able to come, but I never experienced anything near pain. But I guess if so many guys say it’s real and painful, I guess some people must experience it that way.
Anyway, we’ll have a conclusive answer soon. I just linked this page to the MythBusters.
July 9th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
According to wikipedia, there’s quite a lot of science behind this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_balls
The formal term is vascocongestion, or “epididymal hypertension”– “the condition of temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostate region caused by prolonged sexual arousal in the human male. It is often accompanied by a cramp-like ache of prostatic congestion and pain/tenderness or edema of the testes”.
Reading this, I kind of resent being told that blue balls are a myth. I agree with other commenters that they’re no excuse for being pushy with a partner, but that doesn’t make them any less real, or any less painful. And I’m not surprised that your one gay wise guy is a skeptic, because I suspect that most men intuitively understand this about each other and would never let it happen. Female partners, sadly, are often used to the idea of sex without orgasm, and may imagine that men are comfortable with the same.
Which brings me to a final point– Em and Lo, can you do a post about antidepressants and anorgasmia? I’m not currently on anything, but I’ve tried prozac, zoloft, and lexapro in the past, been sexually active on all three, and found that it was either difficult or impossible to have an orgasm. Sex began to feel like a chore. It helped me understand what some women experience– the mild plateau of sexual excitement that eventually gives way to soreness and boredom, since an orgasm just isn’t happening. Another thing I discovered, somewhat to my surprise– even if they know the reason, women tend to take it very personally if they can’t get me off. I think antidepressants seriously damaged a relationship, and now that I’m off them, I’m as horny as a 13-year-old again.
July 10th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
I agree with David, I resent the implication that the condition is a myth, it’s certainly not. It’s not an excuse to pressure anyone into doing anything that they don’t want, as I have experienced this condition and I went ahead and took care of it myself with no lasting ill effects, but it does happen. In my case it wasn’t a pain near a migraine, it was very uncomfortable however.
July 12th, 2009 at 4:40 am
Funny, blue balls just came up with my boyfriend the other day. I got back from a long trip away and upon my arrival home, he surprised me with a mini-vaca outside the city. On the way, we were kissing in the car which led to rubbing, and while stopping to pay a toll on the highway he mentioned his stomach hurting. I asked him why and he said it’s from getting excited but not coming..kind of the same feeling as when a guy gets hit down there. I was like, oh yeah, we call it blue balls (my man is Italian..lol, bit of a language thing occasionally) So yes, I think it definitely does exist, although it’s just a nickname for the feeling when theres alot of buildup and no release, nothing changes color – ha. And probably not all men get that feeling which makes it so debated.
July 18th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
As a woman I have had a similar experience in my nether regions when they have become engorged. It’s an achy feeling.
August 15th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Me too, DC. For me, it’s mostly around the vaginal opening, but it might be different for other women. It hurts *a lot*, but I would never use it as an excuse to push someone into sex. Like others have said, masturbation was invented for a reason.
September 3rd, 2009 at 3:43 am
Blue balls are a very real, quite painful phenomena. I cant give an exact definition or the scientifical reason that they happen but I can say that the do happen and they are quite painful
November 20th, 2009 at 12:06 am
I have always gotten blue balls since my mid teens, I’m 43 now. It hurts pretty bad for me but not so bad I can’t take it. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst pain you’ve every felt for me it is a 6. When I do have it I am glad when it finally subsides. Usually for me it will last for 2 or 4 hours before it finally starts to go away and yes it will only happen if I have a hard on and am very sexually aroused for like 30 minutes or more and then don’t organsm. Its a wierd thing but I’ve always just put up with it.
I have know guys that say they never get it and others that say they do. It just depends on how an individual guys boby works.
November 20th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Some women have a very similar situation.
It usually happens when you are having sex, and for whatever reason, you can’t or aren’t able to orgasm.
It feels like menstrual cramps. My guess is blood and other fluids build up in the uterus, ovaries and outer pelvic areas and when the congestion is not relieved, IT HURTS!
When someone in a movie (particularly a woman) says “I ache for you.” I think of this condition.
I don’t know if all women experience this, but it is very unpleasant, and if you can’t orgasm, your man can’t seem to help (or sometimes falls asleep, eh ehm!) and can’t even get to the point where you can relieve yourself, you can get not only “congested” but VERY VERY irritable.
I don’t think anything actually “turns blue” though.
November 20th, 2009 at 10:05 am
Oh, and I did want to add, my Man has also told me this has happened to him, but more when we were younger and not having sex regularly enough or before we started having sex, and just petting (Hey, I was YOUNG!) At least for me, and my Man, this is NOT like a migraine. (at least for us.)
I have terrible migraines, and it is one of the worst pains imaginable. (In some ways worse than childbirth.) There is a HUGE difference between being physically uncomfortable from being sexually frustrated and the nauseating 10+ pain of a migraine.
November 20th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Just a funny anecdote. When I was in High School (this was NOT the Man I have now) I was dating this guy, and we made out, nothing too intense, but he claimed he had a case of Blue Balls and if I didn’t “do something about it” he would have “permanent damage.” I thought he was being a jerk (I didn’t know him that well, and wasn’t sexually active yet, and sure didn’t want HIM to be my first, and not for that reason.) So I told him, sorry. He persisted, that he would be “damaged” and it was “up to” me to fix the problem, and I finally got upset and said, “That’s what the Good Lord gave you a left hand for.” And went home.
Sheesh.
November 20th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Madamoiselle L: I fully know what you are talking about female wise. I have had this often… It’s achy, and sometimes I get a bit of a stomach ache. But I have never felt like I needed to force someone into sex because of it!
And David from July 9 … Wikipedia doesn’t qualify as a good source of information. I can go put whatever I dang well please on that page you link to… So there is no guarantee that the info is accurate.
December 1st, 2009 at 2:32 pm
I can’t believe any guy would say that Blue Balls are a myth. THEY ARE NOT.
Here’s a true story from my past.
One time in college I was walking home drunkenly with a girl in the middle of the night, hopefully to get my end away. However, half way back to her place we were so horny we started eating each others faces on a path through a small wood. Due to the secluded nature of said path, we gradually got more and more physical until we were lying in the dirt, tearing at each others’ clothes manically. She soon she had my pants down and was giving me a five knuckle shuffle. She had been going for a good few minutes when we heard people approaching. She had to stop and the moment was lost, after that she said she should go home and left me, unsatisfied..
I started walking home and after a few minutes got the most righteous ache in my love spuds. I am talking severe groinal pain, so bad I had to sit on a bench at the side of the road for half an hour (at 5 in the morning). The pain was so bad at one point that I was dry heaving onto the hard shoulder.
When I eventually made it back to my dorm room I was in so much pain still that I had to sleep with my gajungas on a pillow, after having taken three paracetomol.
If anyone suggests to me that blue balls are a myth I will personally take them out and beat this person with them.
December 1st, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Sambo, while I would never suggest that blue balls aren’t real (like I said before, women experience something I imagine to be quite similar), don’t you think that maybe some of your symptoms had something to do with the fact that you were drunk? Really, your story sounds more like someone hit you there, rather than just not allowing you to come. Obviously I can’t know, that just sounds WAY more severe than anything I’ve ever heard anyone experiencing.
Oh – and as an aside, I think that if you beat someone with your testicles, it’s more likely to cause you that kind of pain again, than to cause them pain. I’m just sayin’.
December 1st, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Elizabeth, obviously I can’t speak to Sambo’s tale, but in my limited experience it actually felt akin to getting tagged in the nether region. Not crippling pain, but it definitely took my breath away.
I’ve certainly never regarded as justification for coercing anyone into anything.
December 5th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Blue balls is real. I had it last night. Drove up to my girlfriend’s house earlier in the day. We made out for a couple hours and some touching but nothing else. Well when i was leaving, about 12 at night, i had the WORST ache in my balls. I got in the car and drovr about half a mile and stopped to take a piss on the side of the road. i got back in the car and my balls were aching so bad… it was like i just got kicked really hard, except the pain was this intense for about an hour or so. Went home, went off, and felt better. Blue balls SUCKS, and is most definately real.
December 12th, 2009 at 1:11 am
Anyone who says blue balls is a myth is completely ignorant and ungrateful for how lucky they are to have never experienced it.
I guess it’s not super painful for some guys, but for a lot of us it is. It’s not permanant damage but it puts you out of commission for a good few hours.
It’s hard to jerk it off to get rid of them because your balls hurt way too bad in my experience.
December 20th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
I have certainly experienced blue balls. About 7 years ago i took Paxil for two weeks. At the time I met a very sexy girl and started a sexual affair with her. The paxil made it so that no matter how much sex i had with her .. i could not cum. after a few days the pain in my testicles was so incredible that i had a hard time walking. I ended up damaging my left testicle and it now hurts when I don’t cum every few days and i also have a ton of pre-cum I did not have all of this pre cum before… its like its leaking out during intercourse. This is very real and my testicle is visibly damaged thus it goes beyond the pain and leakage
February 7th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
Blue balls is VERY REAL. I see there are still skeptics out there who don’t believe that they can be that painful, well let me tell you, it is just as bad as people say.
I get blue balls from hell. The first time it happened I had no idea what was going on, I’d never even heard of blue balls but I felt like I was going to die. All I knew was that after a night with my girlfriend of repeated periods of erection and flacid state without ever coming, my testicles were strung high and sensitive as fuck, not to mention the stomach ache which was relenteless. Eventually I found myself at the bottom of the stairs, unable to stand up and with hardly enough strength to hold the phone while I dialled for an ambulance.
When I got to hospital I must have looked like hell because the nurse who admitted me looked horrified. I later found out she admitted me on the highest level of emergency which is usually reserved for life-threatening and other serious emergencies. They gave me a bunch of painkillers and I fell asleep. Later in the day a urologist finally examined me and couldn’t find anything wrong. By that time the pain had gone, although my balls still felt like someone had played football with them.
The second time it happened was with a christian girl who didn’t want to put out before marriage but she spent the entire night rubbing against my cock. Surprise, the pain of blue balls (which I’d hoped I’d never experience ever again) came back. I thought, not THIS again! I recognised that dull, deep stomach ache combined with high-hanging testicles that scream with pain if as much as a fly flies past them within a mile radius. The stomach pain also seemed to cause some sort of diarrhoea, because I rushed to her bathroom and DESTROYED it with the smelliest, runniest shit I’ve ever had. I felt embarassed because she must have heard through the wall that abomination come out of my ass, but at the same time I was like, meh, you gave me blue balls, this is how I get back at you. She was kind enough to drive me back to my house though. Once home, I ran upstairs and vomited a whole bunch of bile. I spent the rest of the day lying on my back, with my legs far apart.
Eventually I put 2 and 2 together and worked out that prolonged sexual arousal (I mean several hours worth) combined with no ejaculation equaled pain. I finally found the term ‘blue balls’ on the internet after researching my symptoms. So if anyone again says blue balls is a myth or a half-truth then they’re calling me a liar. I’ve had my balls scanned and examined by 2 urologists and as many doctors and they’re anatomicall y fine. I have no other condition; deal with it you non-believers, blue balls, it really is just that bad for some people.
My last occurence of blue balls was a couple days ago. I met a nice girl and spent the day with her. I was well aware of the potential for blue balls here and was determined not to be caught out. Still, I liked her a lot and everytime we held hands, hugged or kissed I started growing a raging boner. Yeah I know it’s FUNNY but I couldn’t help it. Immediate erection. I knew she wasn’t the kind of girl to sleep on a first date so I knew I had to do something otherwise I’d get blue balls again. I tried to consciously stop my erections but that was impossible. They just kept coming back. When I finally said bye to her, the pain had begun. I was in the middle of town and miles away from home. I now knew what caused blue balls and realised that the only way to avoid vomiting in public/ending up in hospital was to masturbate. So, in the middle of a busy street, I was walking like John Wayne trying to keep my testicles safe from brushing against my underwear (yes, the pain was that bad), thinking, I gotta find a toilet and rub one off in there. I went to a nearby train station, found the public toilet and locked myself in a cubicle, took a massive, disgusting, painful shit and then reluctantly proceeded to jack off. I gotta tell you, the odour of my shit, the noise of the train station, the whole thing could not have been less conducive to arousal, yet I knew it was absolutely necessary otherwise I would not make it home that day. So I forced myself. I had trouble getting an erection because I was in so much pain, but eventually managed a semi, and came. I have to say, my cum did not look normal. Instead of the usual thick white paste, I seemed to ejaculate mostly clear liquid and very little white pasty stuff. The pain relief was almost instant. My balls, although still hurting, were nowhere near as bad as before. The stomach ache however, was still hammering away and showing no signs of going away. I washed my hands and left, not even ashamed of what I had done. I did it because it was a matter of life and death.
On the train ride home by stomach was killing me and people watched me as I was doubled over in pain. The pain had almost totally left my balls and I knew that masturbation had ’saved’ them, at least this time. But I knew the stomach ache was there to stay. When I got home (after walking like John Wayne), I ran hot water in a bowl and dipped my gonads in; hmmmm it felt so good and seriously helped soothe was little remained of the pain there. I popped a few pills to deal with the stomach ache and lay down with my balls on a pillow, like there were some sort of expensive freaking pedigree cat. Eventually all the pain went away.
So there, blue balls is sadly very real, I wish I didn’t suffer from it, but those were the cards I was dealt with. I really hope any people reading this that are still skeptical about it come round (no pun intended) and realise it’s not blown out of all proportion. I gave an accurate account of what blue balls is like for me.