Em & Lo's RSS Feed Em & Lo's Daily Email Feed Be Our Facebook Friend! Follow Us on Twitter!

LEVI's on Amazon

Good Vibes Summer Lubes

Buy on Amazon Kindle!

Sandals on Amazon


Wise Guys: What’s the Deal with Blue Balls?

Tue, Jul 7, 2009

Advice, Wise Guys

blue_ballsAdvice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “What do blue-balls feel like… is it really that painful, or that big a deal? Is it even a real physical phenomenon?”

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Blue balls are the testicular equivalent of a migraine headache. They are very real and can be very painful: pressure builds up due to sexual excitement from direct stimulation and has nowhere to go. Imagine having to sneeze, getting right to the second before and holding it for 15 minutes. Now, to be clear, I’m referring to situations where sexual activity has already begun (i.e. handjobs, oral, whatever) and then stopped in the middle for some reason. Mere kissing doesn’t cause blue balls, and those guys who claim otherwise are probably pigs. (To suggest a romantic situation that starts with kissing HAS to end with an orgasm is not only absurd, it’s borderline abusive.) But in those situations where physical contact with the johnson has been initiated by a second party and then arbitrarily withdrawn, it can be not only physically frustrating, but emotionally frustrating as well. It‚Äôs like, Why would she do that? Why??? My work ethic has always been to finish what I start, and I recommend this philosophy be applied to the bedroom as well. Of course, guys who find themselves in this situation have a very easy solution: masturbate! Much like Excedrin cures a headache, masturbation will cure blue balls. It‚Äôs really quite simple.

Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): Truthfully, I had to look this up.¬† Wikipedia claims it is “the condition of temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostrate region caused by prolonged sexual arousal in the human male.”¬† I say no way.¬† Total urban legend.¬† “Prolonged sexual arousal?”¬† What kind of oxymoron is that?¬† I don’t know any guy who “prolongs” sexual arousal.¬† Sexual arousal in men is like Superman: it’s up, up and away, end of story.¬† Maybe it existed in the ’50s, when people would just “neck” for hours and it wouldn’t go anywhere. But those days are looooong gone.¬† Hi Bristol Palin!¬† And gay-wise?¬† Uh, never an issue. However, if I’m wrong and there really is such a thing, I would sincerely hope they look like Smurf balls — because that would be kind of cool.

Straight Married Guy (Jim): What does it say about me that I’m not even sure I’ve ever really experienced blue balls? All I can say for sure is that not having orgasmic sex is the worst part of not having orgasmic sex.¬† I’d prefer to think this is an evolutionary advance, rather than a carefully cultivated myth I’m ruining for half of everyone.¬† Maybe someone who wasn’t effectively celibate in high school can explain if it’s only a problem with new balls.

Our ‚Äúwise guys‚ÄĚ are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Jim from New York, our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter, and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett, owner of the LA PR firm Barnett Ellman. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

, ,

 

102 Responses to “Wise Guys: What’s the Deal with Blue Balls?”

  1. tim Says:

    I get blue balls almost every night but if you go to sleep it will go away and masturbation doesn’t work for me so it really sucks when they hit midday.

  2. Kyle Says:

    All the “Lol, clearly they aren’t man enough to not get them” or “anyone past high schoole” jokes are hilarious. Considering the fact I can think myself into blue balls, and have extremely high levels of testosterone.

    Follow up question:

    What’s with insecure inferior males constantly belittling others? Does it make you all feel better about yourselves?

    “Truthfully, I had to look this up. Wikipedia claims it is ‚Äúthe condition of temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostrate region caused by prolonged sexual arousal in the human male.‚ÄĚ I say no way.”

    In the same sentence?

    Dude this has to be the most toxic idea for a website anyway. You have a panel of morons saying “I know nothing about this” and “I’m positive it’s false” in the same sentence?

    Holy toxic internet mentality.


Leave a Reply