Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “What do blue-balls feel like… is it really that painful, or that big a deal? Is it even a real physical phenomenon?”
Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Blue balls are the testicular equivalent of a migraine headache. They are very real and can be very painful: pressure builds up due to sexual excitement from direct stimulation and has nowhere to go. Imagine having to sneeze, getting right to the second before and holding it for 15 minutes. Now, to be clear, I’m referring to situations where sexual activity has already begun (i.e. handjobs, oral, whatever) and then stopped in the middle for some reason. Mere kissing doesn’t cause blue balls, and those guys who claim otherwise are probably pigs. (To suggest a romantic situation that starts with kissing HAS to end with an orgasm is not only absurd, it’s borderline abusive.) But in those situations where physical contact with the johnson has been initiated by a second party and then arbitrarily withdrawn, it can be not only physically frustrating, but emotionally frustrating as well. It’s like, Why would she do that? Why??? My work ethic has always been to finish what I start, and I recommend this philosophy be applied to the bedroom as well. Of course, guys who find themselves in this situation have a very easy solution: masturbate! Much like Excedrin cures a headache, masturbation will cure blue balls. It’s really quite simple.
Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): Truthfully, I had to look this up. Wikipedia claims it is “the condition of temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostrate region caused by prolonged sexual arousal in the human male.” I say no way. Total urban legend. “Prolonged sexual arousal?” What kind of oxymoron is that? I don’t know any guy who “prolongs” sexual arousal. Sexual arousal in men is like Superman: it’s up, up and away, end of story. Maybe it existed in the ’50s, when people would just “neck” for hours and it wouldn’t go anywhere. But those days are looooong gone. Hi Bristol Palin! And gay-wise? Uh, never an issue. However, if I’m wrong and there really is such a thing, I would sincerely hope they look like Smurf balls — because that would be kind of cool.
Straight Married Guy (Jim): What does it say about me that I’m not even sure I’ve ever really experienced blue balls? All I can say for sure is that not having orgasmic sex is the worst part of not having orgasmic sex. I’d prefer to think this is an evolutionary advance, rather than a carefully cultivated myth I’m ruining for half of everyone. Maybe someone who wasn’t effectively celibate in high school can explain if it’s only a problem with new balls.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Jim from New York, our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter, and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett, owner of the LA PR firm Barnett Ellman. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
March 24th, 2010 at 2:43 am
I have definitely had blue balls. Usually it isn’t that bad, but recently I had a terrible case of them. Walking hurt really badly, and I was quite concerned because they hurt for some time, but it went away eventually.
I also agree with the comment that suggested that they would be too sore to masturbate, because I can’t even imagine jerking off after that. It would have killed.
April 1st, 2010 at 1:24 pm
I experience very mild blue balls pretty regularly. Like after fooling around with the wife for a while but not finishing the deed, or while having sex but holding back myself so she can come.
These cases, let’s put them at about a 3-4 on the pain scale. It aches, but it doesn’t get in the way too bad. I usually don’t even mention it. On about three or four occasions in my life it’s been so bad (7 or
that for some reason it made me feel like I had to take the most painful BM in my life, similar to Dude. Then pushing for the BM made the pain twice as bad. I never got to the vomiting stage, though I did feel nausea. A couple of these times were when I first had sex, since it took me a couple tries to get over the nerves and reach orgasm.
In my experience once the pain has started it’s too late. Prevention is the only cure.
April 2nd, 2010 at 2:44 pm
So I actually found out what causes me to get BB. I always thought it was just prolongued, unsatisfied erections. But I discovered with my girlfriend that even if I have an erection pretty much all day long, I can stop getting BB. How? I just let the erection happen but I don’t encourage it. It’s difficult to describe with words, but basically when a man is erect, he’ll be contracting muscles around the penis area, petting, stroking etc, all for sexual pleasure. I decided I would do none of that, and just let the erection happen, on its own, but just ignore it. Guess what? it works for me! IGNORE your erection guys. Just pretend it’s not there, and definitely do NOT encourage it. Works for me. Of course, the best thing is when I get to undress my girlfriend and do her, but that’s another matter.
August 4th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
I have had Blue Balls twice in my life and both times it was extremely painful. The 1st time when I was 13 my GF was trying out oral sex for the first time, when her mother came home. I slipped out the window disappointed and went home horny as hell. The next morning it felt as though I had been kicked in the nuts. The pain was unbelieveably bad. My balls were so sensitive that any movement sent jets of pain up in to my lower stomach. The second time was during marine corps boot camp. I was close to 3 months without an orgasm when I had a hot encounter with naval nurse that was cut short. I woke up later that night to excrutiating pain. By then I had learned through the grapevine that ejaculation cured Blue Balls. I went to the Head, did the deed, and the pain disappeared.
April 14th, 2011 at 6:05 pm
My girl just gave me blue balls today, she thinks it’s funny but the truth is it hurts like hell. I wasn’t even in control, she would crawl on top of me and start riding me(dry humping) and right as soon as she knew I was getting into it, right when I started to grind back, she stops and laughs at me. If blue balls aren’t real, explain why mine hurts so damn much.
May 7th, 2011 at 4:05 pm
I had never known for sure if blue balls was a real thing until yesterday morning. I spent all night in bed fooling around with a new lady friend of mine, then the whole morning after we woke up again. But because she is new and very shy, she wasn’t ready to give me oral or really even touch my genitals (though I did give her a manual orgasm which, slightly hypocritically, she didn’t welcomed and encouraged). For much of the time we were fooling around, especially after watching her get off, I was quite erect. I was aroused for at least 2 hours late at night, then another 1.5 hours the next morning, and never reached orgasm. As she was getting ready to leave my apartment, my balls and lower abdomen started to feel a bit uncomfortable. After about 30 minutes, it had reached about a 6.5 on the pain scale. I sat down in a chair and almost cried out because the contact between my junk and the chair was so painful. The pain was concentrated in my testicles themselves, but also more generalized to my penis and pelvic region. I masturbated and took some ibuprofen, and the pain receded in about an hour. But I definitely had blue balls, and hope to never have to experience it again
May 7th, 2011 at 4:11 pm
I had never known for sure if blue balls was a real thing until yesterday morning. I spent all night in bed fooling around with a new lady friend of mine, then the whole morning after we woke up again. But because she is new and very shy, she wasn’t ready to give me oral or really even touch my genitals (though I did give her a manual orgasm which, slightly hypocritically, she welcomed and encouraged). For much of the time we were fooling around, especially after watching her get off, I was quite erect. I was aroused for at least 2 hours late at night, then another 1.5 hours the next morning, and never reached orgasm. As she was getting ready to leave my apartment, my balls and lower abdomen started to feel a bit uncomfortable. After about 30 minutes, it had reached about a 6.5 on the pain scale. I sat down in a chair and almost cried out because the contact between my junk and the chair was so painful. The pain was concentrated in my testicles themselves, but also more generalized to my penis and pelvic region. I masturbated and took some ibuprofen, and the pain receded in about an hour. But I definitely had blue balls, and hope to never have to experience it again
May 8th, 2011 at 1:12 am
Hey guys, this is REAL and no myth…all men are not pigs but real men get erections all the time and not all can be satisfied all the time. today’s story:
today I got to meet in person, a lady I Emailed for a while. She turned out to be extremely attractive… much more so than her screen pix ever showed me. I was floored when I approached her and immediately started to get erect! she also was surprised by my good looks and gave me a ‘hello’ kiss…Boing! well after we walked and talked for awhile we got comfortable with each other and began holding hands and then I put my arm around her…feeling her body get closer to mine…Boing #2! when we walked back to her car, she gave me a kiss , this time with open mouth and Boing #3. after dinner we took another little walk and then the last kiss was with tongue!…well that was #4…I went home so sore I could barely walk normal.
Hey all you experts & doctors, listen to anecdotal evidence, theres plenty out there…we HURT!
June 7th, 2011 at 1:44 am
I don’t care what any of ya say! If u have a girl of any kind(wife or girl friend) you have experienced “blue balls”. Your in the mood and want some of your lady and she gives only a little but doesn’t feel like having sex, then you have had blue balls! Or if you jacked off and stopped before you came, and then started back up again and stopped again for a few cycles. Then you WILL get blue balls! I warn you! If you jack off and stop before you climax. And keep doing that for like 5 or more times and finally stop without coming at all…them my friend, you will experience the pain of blue balls…but I warn you if you try this, you will hurt like hell!!
September 25th, 2011 at 9:29 am
I HAVE GOT THE WORST BLUE BALLS STORY I’VE EVER HEARD SO IF YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT THEN I AM DEEPLY SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN. I HAVE BLU BALLS!!! NOW, YOU ARE PROBABLY THINKING TO YOURSLEF “WHAT MAKES THIS GUY’S CASE ANY DIFFERENT?” WELL, I WAS IN WITH THIS CHICK FOR ABOUT 25 MINUTES OR SO AND I HAD TO S–T!! IT TOOK ME A MINUTE, SOME THINGS CAN’T BE RUSHED, TO FINISH AND, NO LIE, I STARTED FEELING THAT AGONIZING PAIN ONCE WE PICKED UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF. SO WE BOTH “FINISHED” BUT I STILL GOT BLUE BALLS. WHAT THE F–K DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS. PLUS, IT IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE HAD SEX IN QUITE A WHILE. [HMMM.... I WONDER IF THAT IS WHY?] IN CONCLUSION, I WISH THIS PAIN OR SITUATION ON NO ONE AND IF ANYONE TRIES TO SAY THAT WE MAKE IT OUT TO FEEL WORSE THAN IT DOES, THEN YOU CAN SUCK IT!! sORRY, NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE, JUST THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD TIME TO SAY THAT. THIS IS LIKE 10 TIMES THE PAIN OF GETTING KICKED IN THE LITTLE FELLAS. NO LIE BUT AT LEAST I DON’T HAVE THAT OTHER FEELING YOU GET, IN YOUR STOMACH, IF YOU DO GET KICKED IN THE PILLS. ANYWAY MY CONDOLENCES FOR BLUE BALL SUFFERS AND BID YOU ADIEU!
September 26th, 2011 at 1:07 am
I am sorry that you knuckle dragging Neanderthals have made it this far and long in society. You childish little bastards don’t know meaning one of a relationship, morals, ethics and the value of a mans word. 21 Years. I never cheated. Was cut off and given up for lent more times than I can count. The divorce is pending. But, I did some good things along the way and I have a roof over my head (for now) because I am a man. And, I respected one little word every woman can say. NO. Not that I did not try, attempt to coerce or bare angst. But, it is her body. Not your property or right. Learn, Live and EVOLVE.
October 7th, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Untrue about not happening during kissing. If you are the kind of guy who can get aroused by a kiss then you can get blue balls. I got them today after just THINKING about my girlfriend (no physical contact with penis going on) and I’m not even thinking about sex.
Does this mean you can use it as an excuse to cajole your woman into sex she doesn’t want? Absolutely not! 5 minutes in the restroom will solve the problem. The pain is nasty but it’s not utterly unbearable anyway.
October 10th, 2011 at 1:22 am
I had a serious case today. My wife and I were filling around this morning and interrupted and I did not get to finish. Problem is I was leaving for a 15 hour drive from DC to Florida. Roughest ride of my life!
October 23rd, 2011 at 12:12 pm
I have to say this was a new one to me, not having had many sexual partners (long term from school jobby). I recently had a romantic encounter with a girl i have been after for ages. Given we was in public when first contact was made we was unable to complete the job, however there was significant touching and feeling. After about an hour of this i began to get a dull ache in the right ball. This increased to about a 4 on the pain scale, walking and touching was uncomfortable… I rushed home and looked it up on Google and was relieved to find it was nothing serious… In my thirty odd years i have never experienced it!
October 28th, 2011 at 1:31 am
I recently had foot surgery… I was prescribed pain killers… my wife and I where messing around and where having intercourse for over 2 hrs…I did not get off. due to the pain killers … kinda like having whiskey peter… so my wife was sore and pleased with what she got… so it ended there… I didn’t get mine… I will be the first to tell you “BLUE BALLS “are real and ot hurts like nothing else I have ever felt… I thought I was gonna puke.
October 29th, 2011 at 4:36 am
Sorry ‘Gay single guy’ (seriously, Jay dyckman?), but some new couples do make out for hours.
I’m 32, and divorced, and I recently met a very attractive brazilian with a sex drive to match my own. But while we have talked about it, and have been very open with our beliefs and desires, we have only ‘necked’.
And I’ll tell you, that can get you very excited! blue balls are real; they’re a pain in your testicles due to pressure, and in your abdomen as well. It sucks, but it comes with the territory of being fully aroused.
October 31st, 2011 at 9:34 pm
had blue balls masturbated hurts worse then before
January 1st, 2012 at 2:02 pm
Had a two sessions of erect penis and my girl couldn’t get me come, and by 10 in the morning, I began to feel 50lbs stones hung from my bladder through the balls.
Hurts like a woman giving birth.
I COULD NOT JERK OFF coz tiny movements peaks the pain. I lied on floor, prostrated, drank lot of water and tried to pressurize the balls while peeing to get rid of it.
January 7th, 2012 at 12:37 pm
I have blue balls all the time. It happens when I don’t climax and the main source for blue balls is when I don’t masterbate. I masterbate every day and if I go as little as one week without doing one session my blue balls occurs. To relieve the pain I simply masterbate and about ten minutes later late I’m relieved.
Try playing football with blue balls LMAO! It hurts!!!!
January 8th, 2012 at 1:54 am
I can tell you as a woman, the times I was having sex and came close to orgasm for one reason or another, had to cut it short (like say, a cop showing up at the car window) : it hurt. The whole pelvic was really sore. It’s like all the muscles are tensed up and can’t relax. It’s like wanting to sneeze and not being able to times a thousand. Took my husband a few years to figure out I wasn’t joking; apparently a few too many previous girlfriends with the “Oh, I don’t care if I orgasm or not, I just enjoyed the quality time together” line. It does hurt and it’s extremely distracting.