We guess it was only a matter of time before the true-love-waits crew decided to use sex to sell abstinence. After all, if sex can sell anything — even, ew, toilet paper — why shouldn’t it be used to promote the very absence of sex? That’s so po-mo our heads hurt. But here’s what really makes our heads hurt: It’s the Candie’s Foundation — yes, of Candie’s shoes fame — that wants to sex up the abstinence-only campaign. The t-shirt above is the winner of the Candie’s Foundation’s “New Sexy Slogan” contest. Ah, Candie’s. How fondly we remember you from that ad starring a naked Playboy Bunny on the pot…and the one featuring a teen starlet who looks like she’s posing for doggy-style…not to mention the one with abstinence role model of the year, Britney Spears…and then this ad, which is so f*&%ed up we can only link to it, speechless. (And when we say f*&%ed up, we’re not just talking about Mark McGrath’s highlights.) Yay, girl power in stripper shoes! And did we mention that the new face of the Candie’s Foundation’s abstinence campaign is Bristol Palin? The jokes just write themselves, people.