Comments on: Dear Em & Lo: My Vibrator Doesn’t Kiss or Cuddle

By: Emelina Denoia

Emelina Denoia — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 13:55:01 +0000

I wanted to make an impression at a family reunion and bear in mind the names of all of the new husband’s family members. There was one gent whom I’d asked his name and tried incredibly to remember but failed repeatedly. Finally he bailed me out and said his name was Dick. Without a thought I quickly said, “Gosh, how could I forget? You *look* like a ‘Dick’!!!”

By: ally

ally — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 21:49:08 +0000

I recommend you get your hands on the book “Lessons from the Fat-o-Sphere” by Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby, and read the chapter on relationships. It’s a little disheartening to me that the response to SOPS focused so much on masturbation tips, and so little on working on learning to love your body. Wanting a partner’s totally valid, and fuck waiting to lose weight before trying to find one.

You can also read Kate Harding at Shapely Prose- she has a post pretty related to this question here: http://kateharding.net/2008/05/05/ask-aunt-fattie-how-can-a-fat-woman-find-love/

By: Jenn

Jenn — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 08:37:55 +0000

I think that the lack of attention from men is more about the confidence that you project than your weight per se. For example, my sister is probably more overweight than you but she is just comfortable with yourself. She is funny, beautiful and charming. And she always has guys after her. People are attracted to confidence in other people. If you are giving off a vibe that you are not good enough for a guy or that you are lonely or desperate, guys will run fast in the other direction. If on the other hand, you show them that they would be lucky if they got you because you are great and you know it, you will be surprised by how many guys will be pursuing you. There are many men out there that like plus sized girls. But most people, men and women, like a partner that is secure and confident in themselves. If you can work on doing that, then you will be well on your way to finding someone who agrees with you on how awesome you are.

By: Joe

Joe — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 13:08:43 +0000

I agree that over weight might be a problem but its personal. If you feel you should do something, then do it for you, not for anyone else. You must be beautiful for yourself, love yourself and keep your standards. A man wants a woman who is in touch with herself. Someone will love the person you are inside.

By: T. Flowers

T. Flowers — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 21:32:09 +0000

well i after reading this i felt i had to comment on it because reading it made me kind of sad for SOPS. I feel that it made me sad because i am also 100 lbs over weight but i love myself and i feel like SOPS doesnt love herself. Girl its all about how you carry yourself, fake it till you make it. Thats what i did and i got guys all over me. lol. If you think you are beautiful and you are wanted and you keep that mindset you will feel beautiful and wanted and you will eventually be beautiful and wanted. It is hard at first, cause you feel like youre lyin to yourself but you arent, every woman has beauty its all about making it work for you. Yeah you have a few extra pounds, so what? Find a man who loves that youre overweight, not a creep, but someone who appreciates that, cause there are guys who do, and you will be amazed at what they want to do for and to you. And also to go with the fake it till you make it, not every man is gonna be the man for you, but if they wanna make you cum along the way, theres no sense in letting that go to waste. lol. So until you find the right one let the rest work for you.

By: alex

alex — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 06:47:56 +0000

Well.. I agree that confidence is one of the most important things in landing a man, plenty of very, VERY overweight girls have found love because they’ve been aggressive enough to get out there and take it. BUT if your weight is that much of an obstacle, and you feel so unattractive, I’d say you should try out one of those “BBW/BHW” sites where people who ARE attracted to bigger women seek out relationships. You might find a guy who finds your size amazingly beautiful, and you’d probably gain some self-confidence knowing you have someone that finds you neither ‘unattractive’ nor ‘invisible.’

By: Lady Tarrant

Lady Tarrant — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:05:54 +0000

Wow. And I though I was the only girl who went years during her early twenties without getting laid (3yrs to be precise). I know how such yearning for intimate human contact can eventually become almost physically painful. It was a horrible time not just because of what it was doing to my poor body, but my ego as well. Although, kudos to you SOPS, for being comfortable enough to have a good relationship with your vibrator. I must admit life would have been easier for me if I had that kind of familiarity with myself to be comfortable enough to masturbate. Kudos, chickie!

Don’t let yourself be convinced that you won’t be able to get a guy because of your weight. That’s simply not true. I was (am) a size 2, and for the life of me couldn’t find a decent enough guy to get dirty with. I saw many girls much bigger than me smooching with their respective men while I was cursing my ineptness at flirting. The internet dating websites are a great idea. I tried them out for a summer, and although I didn’t make any love connections, it did give my fantasy life one hell of a kick. There’s a ton of material on those profiles to use in your fantasy land. And because you can play out sweet and sexy scenarios about meeting this guy or that guy for the first time and being seduced into a puddle ecstasy, it’s really easy to get lost in your new mental playland. And lastly, it can be an ego boost. When a guy starts talking to you, even if you’re not interested in him, you can no longer tell yourself that no one notices or is interested in you.

I’m not saying don’t lose the weight if that’s what you want to do (a healthy lifestyle is sexy in its self), but instead I’m trying to say that confidence can go a lot further than just a pretty smile. Just think of what you could do with both!

Oh, and you might want to check out ‘Closet Land’. It’s beautifully, disturbingly erotic.

By: Dave W

Dave W — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 01:15:24 +0000

I can only guess why you recommended match.com, and not one of the sites with your original spot-on profile questionnaire. Fastcupid is the umbrella site nowadays. Probably still the best for eliciting actually interesting profiles – or attracting interesting people. Can even view full-size pics with free membership.

By: Ally

Ally — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 00:47:09 +0000

OMG, I’m totally with you on ALL of this.
For me, it’s going to be 2 years of no sex and I feel like I’m ready to explode. I’m a university student and my first sexual encounter was with this guy friend that unfortunately left because he was on an exchange program. So our lovely “friends with benefits” relationship was cut short… What a shame!
Oh well, all I can say is patience and of course, the first step is loving and taking care of yourself (a bit like what Rei has just written).

By: Rei

Rei — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 19:08:23 +0000

Learn the healthy lifestyle, and stick to it, do not make it a ‘diet’ or you will fall off the wagon. Being healthy and eating right drops pounds off and makes you more confident, and that aura you will have will catch the eye of one attractive man, and you’ll have a date in no time!! You just need patience, self image love, and dedication for success!!