Comment of the Week: Four Thoughts on Fantasizing

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1) I fantasize about other women all the time. All The Time. I’m in a wonderful, committed relationship with a gorgeous woman. I’m able to have my fantasies, and tell her about them — which means that they become part of our relationship. Something that brings us together, rather than something that drives us apart. If you want him to never cheat, engage his fantasy life, encourage him to tell you what he wants and needs — and, if you’re lucky, if he ever feels like cheating he’ll tell you about it first!

2) Unless he’s an asshole, in which case he’ll cheat either way. But those assholes are a lot less likely to tell you about their fantasies in the first place.

3) I’m a lasagna — I’ve got fresh vegetables, great meat, melty cheese, and noodles in all the right places. Yet for some reason people still sometimes think about a hamburger. Or a salad. Or Pad Thai. Or a tomato sandwich. Or cookies. You get the idea.

4) While you’re at it, work on having your own fantasies, too. Maybe eventually you can fantasize about your BF with another gal…

5) All this openness to your partner’s dreamworld can only work if you’re 110% confident in yourself and your relationship. I can think about my gal with another guy and be okay with it — because I know she loves me, and that she’s not leaving me. I’m not threatened. This kind of trust only happens over time with the same person, and is awfully hard to achieve at 23. Be patient and open and you’ll be fine.

Evan, commenting on “Your Call: He Fantasizes About Other Women; Will He Cheat?”


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3 Comments on "Comment of the Week: Four Thoughts on Fantasizing"


cara
5 years 10 months ago

Well said, Evan!

Elizabeth
5 years 10 months ago

He brings up food because it is a common comparison to monogamy. It’s the idea that the person you are with is this one type of “food” that you love love love, but eventually even food you love love love gets boring, so you start thinking about other foods even though you don’t love them as much as you love the others.

5 years 10 months ago

A lasagna? Cookies? Pad thai?

That one flew over my head.