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Comment of the Week: Virgins Aren’t Sizeists

Wed, Sep 30, 2009

Comment of the Week, Confessions

baby_carrotsphoto by ILoveButter

“Please don’t kill me for saying this, but as a virgin I’ve come to believe that — at least in my own case — I have an advantage. I could honestly care less if I married a man who was 2 inches, 4 inches or 6 inches. It seems Western society puts too much stock into ’sexual compatibility’ instead of quality compatibility. You could have the most intense, most wonderful sex in the universe…but during the intermission you have the worst relationship. Just my own two cents — and for the record, virgin does not equate close-minded, sex-fearing prude. The first time I get to be intimate with a man when I marry…rest assured he won’t sleep.”

Rosario, commenting on “Advice: My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis

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11 Responses to “Comment of the Week: Virgins Aren’t Sizeists”

  1. kb Says:

    Uh, some of us non-virgins aren’t sizeist either-in fact, we’ve learned what works with different sizes/types.

  2. kf Says:

    by saying you don’t care about the size of his penis (and thus sexual compatibility) as much as you care about the relationship quality, you’re actually kind of falling in to the size trap yourself. small penis does not equal bad sex, nor does it equal lack of sexual compatibility.
    also, although a great lover may suck as a boyfriend; it is really tough to be in a relationship where the sex sucks. i’m not sure it’s a good idea to focus on either extreme…

  3. Conrad Says:

    Both comments so far are pretty right on. The problem with waiting till marriage (not necessarily the case here) is that you don’t find out if you are sexually incompatible until it is too late. It doesn’t have to be a size issue, you could just not click… no matter how hard you try to work it out.

    For virigins everywhere, if you do wait till marriage, spend as much time before your wedding to read about sex and sexual practice. Read everything, even things you aren’t necessarily into.

  4. Michael Says:

    Also, there’s sizeist, and then there’s just reality. What if, as much as you’re focusing on compatibility outside the bedroom, the guy you marry really just IS too small–or even too big–for you? This is not to say that sexual compatibility should come before emotional compatibility, but that always seemed the danger to me in waiting ’til marriage. There’s a chance that maybe you’re not right for each other sexually. I think that’s a problem that can often be solved, but not always. This is admittedly an outside chance, but I don’t think it can be discounted.

  5. Seashell Says:

    To be honest, I think sexual compatibility is less about penis size and more about being into the same stuff- like if one of you was into BDSM-type stuff and the other really wasn’t, you’re going to have problems.

    I think it’s also about whether you like your partner’s way of doing things (ie the way they kiss and touch you) and whether you enjoy what your partner enjoys doing to you.

    And if you’re waiting till marriage, you can still talk about sex and what you imagine you’ll like/want to try. Plus I think you also need to allow yourselves to be sexual- you might want to draw a line as to how far you want to go- but you need to have something, not only to find out if you’re compatible, but more importantly, to make the relationship complete. I think that saving *everything* till marriage is silly- you’ll just end up marrying too early, ending up really sexually frustrated and getting irritated with one another, and/or having a really awkward wedding night.

  6. Jenn Says:

    You say that you could care less, but that is only because you have not experienced a small penis yet. You say that you will not care about the size of your future husband’s penis, but what happens if you have sex and it is so small that you cannot even feel it? Do you really want to be married to a man for the rest of your life in which you cannot feel anything during intercourse? I don’t think that a marriage will last if you never want sex and it is unsatisfying for you. The second man that I ever slept with was thin/small. It was really bad sex because I didn’t even know when he was inside me. The first guy I was with was normal sized. So I knew with the second guy that we just were not physically compatible. Even if you are a virgin, a thin/small penis can still be extremely unsatisfying. You will not understand this until you have actually had sex though.

  7. David aka Mr. Manpower Says:

    To be 100% honest… I do think you would care if you married a man with a 2 inch penis… quality compatibility can only take you so far.

    Even if you do marry a man with a small penis, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation… there are always ways to make it better.

    Have a great weekend!

  8. His_wife98 Says:

    More on the pancake project: a wide spectrum of humanity, from hillbillies to eggheads, is fascinated by high speed collisions. ,

  9. mark Says:

    How do you know that the the first time you have sex you will keep him up all night? Thats like the the teenage guy who thinks the first time he’s gonna rock her world. Like most things in life it takes practice to do it right.

  10. Madamoiselle L Says:

    I wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive and preferably taking it home, to see if it fits in my garage, and that the engine and body are in good shape.

    I wouldn’t buy a house, (even when I had never bought one before) without several walk throughs, a Home Inspection, and a complete review of the place from rafters to basement, along with making sure the furnace, the air conditioning, the plumbing and the windows work, not to mention that the structural integrity of the building is sound and I like the particular architecture of the house. (Believe me, if it’s a good house, it won’t think you are a whore for insisting on trying it out.)

    Just because you’ve never had sex DOES NOT mean that just any kind of sex will be “good” for you. Some women seem to think if they have NO experience, ANY man they marry will be able to please them. NOTHING could be farther from the truth. What if he is the kind of man who barely touches you, orgasms in two minutes, and then falls asleep, only to repeat this EVERY time? What if he can’t get it up at all? What if he isn’t aware or doesn’t care that YOU need to have orgasms, too?

    Do you REALLY think you aren’t going to care, “because I don’t know any better?” Hardly. You will care. And, you have NO IDEA if “he won’t sleep” the first time you have sex. You simply don’t know. He may, like I said, get his fill in two minutes and be out like a light. If the two of you have NEVER made love, HOW can you know it’s going to be compatible? (And NO, I don’t think “society” (whoeever they are) Puts “too much” emphasis on sexual compatibility. In fact, there isn’t ENOUGH emphasis on it, in most places.)

    The best bet it to sample the goods before purchasing. Just because you have not yet had sex does NOT mean that any old thing he thinks is adequate will automatically work for YOU.

    Again, would you buy a car without a test drive?

    And, per your “example” there are MANY of us who have fantastic sex lives and wonderful, long lasting relationships, as well. Both are possible. How do we do it? We made sure we both got along nicely AND made love properly before we made the possibly tragic error of making promises (like marriage, which is VERY important) to each other. We made sure by covering ALL the bases.

    In fact, I wouldn’t have a man who wouldn’t put both as a priority. But, HOW can you know, if haven’t made love yet? What if he’s HORRIBLE in bed? Worse, what if he’s just selfish? Believe me, even if you were a virgin before, if he’s a selfish lover, (and a LOT of men who were recently virgins themselves take some time to LEARN how to make love and not be selfish) eventually you WILL realize “this sucks” and desire something that satisfies you.

    I can’t wrap my head around the “I’ll stay a virgin until I get that white gown, so that anything he considers “good sex” will be the only thing I know, and I won’t desire anything better from him.” It won’t work, honey. Take a few tests drives, or you may make a “purchase” which you really regret.

    This has nothing to do with “size” and everything to do with common sense. Get to know everything there is to know about a man (including the way he makes love) before committing to a Vow with him.

  11. Elizabeth Says:

    I fully agree with Madamoiselle L here. I grew up in the “Wait until marriage” group, and while I am not going to knock someone’s decision to do so, I think that sexual compatibility is VERY important in a relationship and it needs to be determined in some way or another before you tie the knot. A marriage without a satisfying sexual relationship is probably not gonna last.


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