Comments on: Confession: I’m Relocating Oral Sex Past Home Base

By: Jerry (Male)

Jerry (Male) — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 19:04:47 +0000

My spouse never enjoyed giving oral sex for years. I could count the events on one hand per year. I never forced her, asked, but never got the package. In a 69 position she would do it I guess because she got something back, but would stop prior to my squirt. A few years ago, and to my suprise and delight she got into it. She had a period of 6-9 months when she could not get enough. Today is is on occasion again.

By: Sara

Sara — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 01:13:50 +0000

I agree that oral sex is much more intimate than intercourse. when I was younger I didn’t feel comfortable doing it so I didn’t. That all changed for me once I met someone I felt extremely comfortable with who showed me respect, now turning him on is a huge turn on to me too.

By: Spes

Spes — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 14:15:03 +0000

You’re not totally the odd man out, Dana. I love giving oral to my husband and it turns me on so much better than receiving, but I also see it as something more intimate that intercourse. I even keep two sets of tallies in my mind, those I’ve had intercourse with and those I’ve gone down on. The latter is definitely the much shorter list, and I’ve never given head to someone I haven’t had sex with first. After all, that’s my mouth, I’d have to taste them! That’s a big deal. Not to mention, as so aptly put above, there is the issue of STD’s, and since I think it’s silly to spit, it’s certainly an issue to take to heart.

By: Dana

Dana — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 06:55:16 +0000

Wow. Here’s yet another topic where I feel like the odd woman out. I absolutely love giving oral, and it shows up somewhere in most of my sexual fantasies. I actually become physically aroused (“get wet”) during the act. Of course, this is in the context of a 26-year monogamous relationship with a man who has always been generous, sexually and otherwise, to me, always told me I’m beautiful and that he loves me, and makes me feel like home could be anywhere as long as he is there.

I suppose that’s a very different situation from the emotional/psychological complexities involved in more casual encounters, especially when there hasn’t been the time put in to establish real intimacy and trust. I have no moral issues regarding one-night stands and “hook-ups;” I just wouldn’t be able to do it myself because the level of personal caution and wariness required wouldn’t allow me to give myself over completely, which is part of really good sex. Someone above already mentioned this problem, along the lines of “Well, I’ll go ahead and have the sex, but I refuse to come because that’s so intimate and I don’t know you.” To me, that’s crazy.

The real mystery to me about oral was that I would feel not only sexually aroused while doing it but also strangely calmed and soothed at the same time (weird), and I couldn’t figure out why. After studying evolutionary psychology in college, I came up with a quirky “oral gratification” theory related to eating food and the connection to pleasure centers in the brain, etc., and wrote out the whole thing as a sort of mini essay. The reasoning worked for me, but I did not follow through with this topic for my senior paper!

By: Katie

Katie — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 22:13:23 +0000

I don’t know for other girls besides me, but I also view even just orgasming as a very intimate experience. When a guy only wants a hook-up, I don’t feel comfortable enough to let go (but I don’t fake it either). I still have “fun” of course, but part of me doesn’t want to give everything to a guy who’s not interested in sticking around. It’s almost like my second form of virginity (I’ve never seriously dated so make the connection yourselves…)

By: Laurie Davis, eFlirt expert.

Laurie Davis, eFlirt expert. — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 21:27:40 +0000

Another great reason to move oral beyond home plate: STDs! When is the last time you’ve ‘wrapped it up’ before giving or receiving oral sex? I’d be willing to bet very few times. When is the last time you had the ‘STD talk’ before engaging in oral? Probably also few.

Safety first, guys and gals! Protect that booty.

By: Stella

Stella — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 19:12:11 +0000

OMG this was like reading my own thoughts. Well with a few edits, my views are the exact same however my actions are different. I’ve only ever given one blowjob in my entire life to my current boyfriend and it was performed with a condom. I have also only been eaten out once when I was extremely drunk (and just wanted to get off). Thankfully my boyfriend has a very similar view on oral sex and does not want oral from me (he says he sees it as degrading to me and the idea of kissing me afterwards grosses him out). I have a lot of anxiety surrounding being eaten out but I also feel like the exact reasons I am nervous shouldn’t be a problem (i.e. he shouldn’t want me hairless i’m not a 10 yr old, my taste should be sexy to him, him giving me orgasms should be sexy to him) but i still stress over these things.

By: Emily

Emily — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 18:34:20 +0000

i consider myself an outspoken feminist and say take as much of a stance as you want. being a feminist doesn’t mean you can’t try things for the sake of other people.
anyway, i just wanted to say that i agree with you: oral sex is more intimate to me than “regular” (for lack of time to think of words) sex. it’s something i don’t do unless i’m dating the person, which is my own comfort thing.
good topic!

By: Wesley

Wesley — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 17:03:38 +0000

I understand how much pressure the male world (especially the young male world) puts on women in terms of the Mind-Blowing Blowjob as a natural ability. So it makes sense that you’d succumb to certain pressures in that regard.

But as an “outspoken feminist” who’s also double majoring in women studies (and here I have some understanding, as I’m working in women’s history at the moment), I’m somewhat surprised that you don’t take more direct and firm stances against this shit.

My last girlfriend had been in similar situations and flatly refused to go down on me for nearly a year. As long as she gave me wonderful handjobs, and after I convinced her to let me eat her out, I had no problem with this. Eventually her opinion changed, but on her *own terms*. Also, she would never have shaved for me (nor would I have requested it).

My advice for women uncomfortable with blow jobs would be to simply STOP giving them; this may make them less popular in certain circles, but I have to think that building one’s self-worth is more important than being viewed as a good sex partner by someone who probably doesn’t deserve to be swallowed in the first place.