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Dear Em & Lo: Is It Wrong to Masturbate More Than You Have Sex with Your Partner?

Fri, Sep 25, 2009

Advice, Dear Em & Lo

masturbationphoto by slushpup

Dear Em & Lo,

When living with a man, is it a healthy sexual relationship if you masturbate (alone) more than you have sex together? He seems not interested during the week so I take care of my own needs. What can I do?

– Diddley

Dear Did,

It’s fine! No two people’s libidos match up exactly — a fact that becomes especially clear once couples start living together. Some people want sex more, some want it less. There’s no “correct” number of times a couple should do it in a week that reflects a healthy relationship. We think taking matters into your own hands, literally, is a great thing to do — you scratch an itch without pressuring your partner into something he’s not in the mood for. As long as you don’t resent him for “making” you resort to masturbation, and as long as he doesn’t feel left out, there’s no problem — just enjoy! If you do feel resentment, then you’ve got to talk to him about ways you might make more regular sex more appealing to him. If he feels left out, then you’ve got to gently explain to him that you’d much rather have him come along for the ride, but if he’s not going to jump on then he can’t expect you to go without your joy rides.* You can certainly try to keep your self-love seshes a private thing behind closed doors, if that helps. But pretending you don’t ever masturbate would be akin to lying — which is definitely not healthy. Both of you should realize that masturbation is a natural part of life that can relieve stress, get you in touch with your body, and most importantly, even out differing libidos to help keep the sexual peace in a long-term monogamous relationship.

Love yourself,
Em & Lo

*By the way, we’re assuming your joy rides aren’t compulsive and interfering with your work, your ability to bathe, your desire to have sex with your partner on the weekends — if they are, then you probably want to consider professional help.

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3 Responses to “Dear Em & Lo: Is It Wrong to Masturbate More Than You Have Sex with Your Partner?”

  1. richard ludwig Says:

    personally, speaking for me myself and i, i get absolutely NOTHING either emotionally or sexual pleasure from jerking my cock off. i require a partner to share the experience with me for me to enjoy it.

  2. Madamoiselle L Says:

    I just saw this and HAVE TO ask. How does masturbation “interfere” with being able to bathe?

  3. Francoise Says:

    Hurrah for RL! Thanks for that reply, I have lived with two long term partners both of whom felt the exact same way you do and I also FAR prefer sex with a partner than without. Without is to me entirely pointless and boring. People act like if you don’t mb you must be lacking something sexually – let me tell you that is not the case! I have a high desire for sex and would happily f&ck a partner every night, but having been single for over a year now I only resort to masturbating about every 4 to 6 weeks.


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