Yesterday our first weekly column appeared in Metro, the 6th largest circulated newspaper in the U.S., with an audience of more than 1.2 million daily readers¬†in New York, Boston, and Philadelphia. If you’re outside these three cities or missed us on your morning commute, we’ll be reprinting our how-to column, unabridged, every Wednesday. This week’s edition is on one-night stands.
Just because the sex is casual, doesn’t mean your manners should be:
- Don’t have a one-night stand with a co-worker, sibling’s friend, friend’s sibling, ex’s friend, friend’s ex, mail carrier, or anyone else you’re likely to bump into often. Do have one on vacation or a business trip, but only if you don’t have someone waiting at home for you.
- Make sure the fleeting nature of the encounter is mutual; if you think the other person foresees a beautiful relationship developing, abort mission. In the right kind of environment, you might even be able to say, with a cheeky grin, “Let’s have sex and never see each other again.” If not, you’ll just have to intuit things.
- That said, once mutual casual interest is established, no need to harp on the issue (for example, with a post-climax “So just to confirm, I can go now, right?”).
- Keep the emotional baggage light and the mood breezy: Don’t talk about family, exes, therapy, or love. And no candle-light.
- But just because you may not care to see each other again, you still need to care about each other’s safety. Talk about your sexual history and health: “By the way, I have HPV” won’t be so difficult to admit when you’ve only got a fling to lose. And condoms, of course, are a must!
- That said, remember that condoms can’t always protect you from everything (including a fibbing stranger), so don’t be surprised if you wake up with a case of herpes a few weeks from now.
- Because this person doesn’t know you so well, use it as an opportunity to experiment: be a little kinkier, whatever that means for you. Perhaps it’s role-playing and spanking, or perhaps it’s just doing it doggie-style. But if you’re going to attempt any dirty talk, never demand, “Say my name,” just in case the other person already forgot it (awkward). Also, never let a stranger tie you up (duh).
- Remember that reciprocity has to happen now, during this one-and-only session, so be giving…and demanding.
- No need to spoon, but let’s be grownups here: Past midnight, it’s just polite to offer to share your bed for the night — and a cup of coffee the next morning.
- If you never want to see them again, don’t lie and say you’ll call. Go instead with a simple, sincere, “I had a totally awesome time” (high-five optional).