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Wise Guys: What Makes a Great BJ?

Tue, Sep 1, 2009

Advice, Wise Guys

blowpopsphoto by iandeth

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s the difference between an average blowjob and an excellent blowjob?”

Straight Single Guy (Chris): I have had a handful of extraordinary blowjobs in my lifetime. Generally I say something to any talented giver, pointing out how noteworthy her skills are. One lovely woman asked me to explain why I thought it was so good. I thought about it for a minute and I think my answer to her is the same answer to this question:

  • Enthusiasm. You’ve got to enjoy what you do.
  • Vigor. You’ve got to do it like you want to finish the job.
  • Lubrication. You can’t be afraid of a little saliva.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): The thing that really separates the ho-hum BJ from the eyes-rolling-into-the-back-of-my-head one is undoubtedly passion and enthusiasm. Of course, there are many technical aspects that come into play, but even the most experienced, tongue-twisting mouth would be boring if there was no desire behind it. So, if you want to give a guy an excellent blowjob, get into it. There is nothing sexier for me than when the person blowing me is performing enthusiastically and getting turned on while doing so. I understand blowjobs are not everyone’s¬† cup of tea. So it’s time to play-act a little. Find out what your man likes and go for it full tilt booty. Hopefully you’ll get something equally excellent in return. Oh, and just in case somehow someone missed the memo,¬† the cardinal rule of blowjobs is NO TEETH.

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): No teeth, and a lot of practice. Problem is, women don’t know how it feels to have your dick sucked, and how it should or shouldn’t be done — and we guys aren’t about to tell them how.¬† We’re far too grateful to be on the receiving end to interrupt with helpful hints.¬† We just lay back, relax, and hope it doesn’t grate too much.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook of Manflet, our Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico, and our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



87 Responses to “Wise Guys: What Makes a Great BJ?”

  1. Slartibartfast Says:

    Ma’amselle, thanks so much for the validation! I have to confess that my imagination’s gone into overdrive wondering what kind of conversations you regularly have with medical personnel where this topic comes up. The mind reels!
    As an aside, I’d like to mention how much I lurve your posts and how my countenance brightens every time I see one. However, I often wish you’d stop editing yourself and really open up and share with the group. Tell us how you really feel!

  2. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Slart LOL! (In my best imitation of Marissa Tomei’s Jersey Girl in My Cousin Vinny) “Oh, yeah! I Edit!”

    ROTFL! ;)

  3. Nervousmark Says:

    Ladies, there are two different types of oral sex for guys…one is foreplay for sex and the other is the good old fashioned BJ. Let’s face it, anytime I can get my wife’s mouth on my dick, I’m happy, but when she gives me a gratuitous BJ, it’s just amazing! The commonalities between the two have already been mentioned a bunch in this forum, namely:
    1. enthusiasm
    2. desire to please
    3. NEVER let him feel that it’s being done out of a sense of duty or obligation or even concession. If you do, it will take at least 2/3 of the pleasure out of it. It’s really hot if we think it’s YOUR idea.
    4. your giving of oral sex shouldn’t be doled out or withheld as a reward or punishment for his behavior. This is demeaning and feels much the same like if would to you if we handed you $10 to $50 afterward depending on how well you did it.
    5. Lubrication. Saliva, flavored oils, lard (jk)…we don’t care as long as there is a lot of it. Sloppy, slippery blowjobs are the ONLY blowjobs.
    6. eye contact or not is not as important as your ability to demonstrate that you are very much into what you are doing and at least enjoy how you are making us feel.

    The differences:
    oral sex as foreplay should be pretty much straight to the point but no too intense as to risk ending it before it really begins as that can happen. It should be enthusiastic, rhythmic, and get you turned on knowing whats about to happen for you as well. A few good minutes of it and then abruptly stop and switch positions for the next action. We’ll pretty much know that the happy ending will avail itself someplace other than your mouth and that’s fine.

    The gratuitous aka “Monster” blowjob is and should be set up beforehand with much thought. Think of it as your full-body massage complete with scented oil, candles, wine, rose petals and soft music. Don’t be afraid to plan a little bit. Get the towel, the flavored oils, the ice/Altoids/hot tea ready and staged. A bed is great, but can be tiring for you. Remember, we WANT you to enjoy yourself too, so it detracts if we think you are in any discomfort. A comfy chair works, loungers are even better. If you’re going to be kneeling at all, get a folded towel or soft blanket for your own knees. Wear something comfortable but sexy. You don’t have to pull out the “special” lingerie unless it makes you feel sexy. You may be surprised to find how hot we think an old tank top or flimsy t-shirt (no bra of course) and pair of panties is.

    If you want to really make it all about him, get his favorite drink ready for him and don’t even think about being offended that he takes a sip whilst you work your magic. It’s all part of the sensual experience.

    “No Funk on the Junk”: It’s okay to ask him to shower, trim or shave the shrubbery etc. He’ll gladly do it if you let him know that the experience is going to be worth the effort.

    Think variety. I love to savor a great blowjob so I want it to last a while. Get creative with your movements, your tongue, hands, etc. Get a small massager (not penis-shaped vibrator) and use that on him for a while as well as your mouth. Switch things up and watch his body language for what you know he really likes so that you can finish him up with that technique in a bit. Ask him if he likes what you are doing at that moment, but do it in a way that shows you are really interested in knowing and don’t expect a 2-minute dissertation. A good grunt, “uh-huh” or gasp should be a good indicator. Likewise, you may get a response that says “Yes”, but conveys a less-than-enthusiastic tone. This is our way of saying, “it’s just wonderful that you’re doing this, and I appreciate your creativity, but I don’t like the belt sander as much as some of the other stuff you do.”

    Time management: You don’t have to be there for 2 hours. 15 solid minutes will feel like forever if done right and it will take him a good 5 minutes for his eyes to uncross after he climaxes.

    Swallowing is amazing! Spitting is okay as long as you don’t make a big deal about it. Least desirable is the hand job finish. It’s very anticlimactic and ends your amazing work on a sour note.

    Finally, and please, if you hear anything from me, hear this: After you have performed this mind-numbing blowjob, do NOT under any circumstances and within 30 minutes of finishing:
    1. nag him about unfinished projects
    2. tell him he “owes you” a massage, dinner, housework, jewelry, etc.
    3. give him any indication that you did not enjoy what you just did for him. This includes the comment, “I’m glad YOU enjoyed it.” or, “It doesn’t really do anything for me, but I’m happy if felt good to you.”

    One last note: I’ve heard that a lot of women get hung up on the idea of a blow job because to them it seems more like a “power” thing. They get the image of the porn star man standing in front of the kneeling passive girl while he semi-violently throatfucks her. Hear me when I say this: we do not feel this way! That is NOT what we want. We love your mouth on our dicks…that much is true. Your mouth and tongue feels like a vagina with a brain. We want you to enjoy doing this for us, even if it doesn’t happen every day. Any man worth having loves you very much and would never demean you or want you to do something you can’t stand to do. If the mental thing is too much, you may actually want to speak to a counselor as the issue is probably much deeper than an aversion to oral sex.


  4. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Good post, mark! Very on the mark, I’m sure my Man would say about the same thing.

    You posted: “Ask him if he likes what you are doing at that moment, but do it in a way that shows you are really interested in knowing and don‚Äôt expect a 2-minute dissertation. A good grunt, ‚Äúuh-huh‚ÄĚ or gasp should be a good indicator.”

    LOL! So like a man. Now, ask US, we’ll give you a blow by blow (sorry) explanation of the entire event, maybe even with a Power Point Presentation for visual aid, (“Now, here (point, with video stopped for dramatic effect) you changed direction, but you let the intensity wane a little, and I was almost there, then you had to change positions HERE (point) but then my head was up against the headboard and my hair looked weird, so if you don’t mind, next time…” which is why you don’t ask US. ;) ) but ya’ll guys will be happy to just grunt.

    Belt sander? OOOO! Scary.

  5. Nervousmark Says:

    Madamoiselle L,

    Your posts are classic! To get a compliment from you is indeed an honor. I did my best to convey how men feel about a good BJ. When I say “men”, I mean myself and a few buddies of mine who have voiced a few opinions from time to time. I realized that I should have made one more comment regarding inhibitions. We know when our woman is naturally inhibited. My advice to the woman is not to change too drastically or it will freak us out and could actually backfire. If you don’t normally like to go down on him, but have made the decision to change your thinking, that’s great…just let him know about it. I promise he’ll be supportive. Just don’t go from a strict “no oral contact” policy to the star of Horny Deepthroat Sluts 6 overnite. We’re gonna think something bad happened and we won’t enjoy the event at all. Ease into your new mindset so that he as well as yourself can adjust and enjoy it.


  6. Elizabeth Says:

    Nervousmark, I loved your line “your mouth and tonge are like a vagina with a brain.” Quite funny – and descriptive.

    As for the power thing – I don’t get it. I’m pretty sure I’ve said it before, but giving a BJ makes ME feel powerful and in charge. There’s the obvious way (Uh, his junk, in my mouth, with my teeth … pretty sure I could do some damage if I wanted to – I would never do that, but still). But that’s not even it for me – it’s the fact that I am giving pleasure. I get to draw it out or quicken it up or what have you, and that in the end, I am responsible for giving him all that pleasure. It is INCREDIBLY hot. The only time I ever feel submissive when going down on my man is when we’re doing powerplay and I’m the bottom.

  7. Nervousmark Says:

    Elizabeth, I wish more women (even my wife) had the understanding you do about it. The power is truly in your hands, and er…your mouth. It seems that women who don’t like giving it often have issues receiving as well. I’m not without hangups myself. I can’t seem to understand what’s so enticing about rim jobs (giving and getting), but some people act like its not really sex without it. Bottom line, if you really love your partner in a non-selfish way, you will get pleasure from giving pleasure and will WANT to please them in almost any manner they draw pleasure from. I say almost because there are always exceptions and you should never coerce or guilt a partner into doing something they aren’t into. If you are as unselfish as you want them to be, you wouldn’t be able to derive any pleasure from a coerced act anyway.


  8. Nervousmark Says:

    okay…this is a great teaching video for women who DONT want to give a blow job. You may have seen it already. Don’t worry, its totally SFW except for the whole theme itself. I promise most of you will laugh hysterically. It’s on youtube so it can’t be that bad anyway.


  9. sam Says:

    my girl does a great job at it,including the swallowing,she loves it,slow and easy last for hour,s

  10. sam Says:


  11. amo45 Says:

    Nervousmark great posts and advice you seem to know exactly what you like and aren’t afraid to express it(in detail)link was great thanks.But don’t believe any woman who doesn’t innately love it can learn to -as for me its like breathing

  12. Enrique Says:

    Elizabeth, do you do personal counselling ;o) You so get it.

  13. jerry Says:

    how often do you have oral?

  14. GP Says:

    The difference between a good BJ and a mind-blowing experience is hands down the givers genuine enjoyment of the activity. I can actually climax giving them‚ÄĒmy boyfriend gets soo excited knowing how hot it makes me.

  15. Kristen Says:

    Mark should’ve just written the actual article, ha! Thanks for the detailed honesty, you’ve actually given me some new ideas.

    Overall, I feel the same way as Elizabeth; and interestingly, even when I’m not necessarily chomping at the bit to give him one (sorry, bad mental image), the knowledge of how much he’ll enjoy it is more than enough for me to get into it. Plus, knowing I’m giving him that kind of pleasure is a HUGE turn-on; which, in the case of the pre-sex blowjob, makes intercourse even better for both of us. Give and ye shall receive.

  16. happywife Says:

    Thanks for sharing Nervousmark :) I have a wonderful husband and love to give BJs (apparently he says I’m super good) but I’ve gained a few pointers so thank you!

  17. Nervousmark Says:

    Anything that I’ve said that helps others in anyway is very gratifying to me. I’m no guru by any means. I like this site very much because they promote thoughtful communication as a main key to improvement…and we all have areas we can improve in.


  18. jerry Says:

    how often do you have oral sex?
    is that every time you have sex?

  19. Kitty Cat Says:

    Nervousmark thank you so much 4 ur thoughts! I think they were great. U should have just written the whole thing. I will use some of this in the future. I was once very anti- bj… when I was younger but I’ve become more open w/ it w/ the different guys I been with. I have found that just knowin that I’m makin him happy makes me happy which makes me get into it even more. It’s not like I do it all the time but when it does happen I can only hope they’re enjoyin it as much as I’m giving it to him.

  20. Steph Says:

    Some women don’t like giving blow jobs. For many different reasons. Personally I think if you really, really don’t like it, don’t do it. Everyone has their different hang ups.

    I like doing it, but not everyday. It is something that can take a lot of effort on the woman’s part. I find that the more enthusiastic you are the easier it is. And doing it a lot would probably take that enthusiasm away from me. One pointer I would suggest is condom free. ( Obviously this doesn’t apply if it’s a one night stand as you don’t know what nasties they may have.) I know someone who only gives head with a condom because she hates semen in her mouth. I feel sorry for her guy.

    One thing I do believe in is that there should be an equal amount of give and take. Most women absolutely love when a guy goes down on them. And they love it when the man does it without being asked. Some women like it more than sex itself. Personally I think, depending on my mood, they are about equal on the pleasure scale. There can be nothing hotter than looking down and watching your man going for it.

    One last thing, to all guys out there. There is one thing girls don’t appreciate when giving a blow job. And that’s pushing her head down for a deep throat affect and not releasing her if she pushes her head back up. I know it feels good right back in the throat but if it’s forced upon it’s disrespectful and completely uncalled for behaviour.

  21. Nora Says:

    I love giving blowjobs! And swallowing. Bring it on, I love seeing a man enjoying himself! And if anyone would have any power in that scenario, I think it would be the person with their teeth closest to the other persons genetalia. Not that I would! You know… just saying ;)

  22. bobby Says:

    yah condoms take away alot of feeling for the guy but im sure he’ll survive. haha um i think being excited and willing to give a bj is key to giving him confidence in knowing that youre comfortable and ok with every thing. mabe if you wanted to start the turn-ons: a big one ive found is gently sucking on his ear lobe and breathing light warm breaths into his ear. itl drive him crazy. also feel him up, rub his arms and legs slowly and sensualy. When ‘its’ out dont dive right in … make him wait a few moments in anticipation… apriciating his body and loving him. but dont wait too long. OK so FIRST take the very tip, the head, into your mouth (its the most sensitive part of his penis) get his head good and wet with your mouth and suck. listen to his moans of pleasure. (hehe, hes al yours now) then slowly put the whole thing in your mouth. after you get everything lubricated well and a good rythym of his penis going in and out take it out and quikly switch to hand if your mouth needs a break. once you feel his penis getting dry its time to continue blowing. while youre stroking his penis in your mouth do some strokes shorter and longer than each. keep it random and exciting. then if youre feeling risky ever so gently introduce your teeth for one or two strokes at a time. to many strokes with your teeth may cause irritation even though he’ll be moaning. then as you feel his penis flex and as he’s reaching an orgasm its your choice to swallow, spit or finish off with a hand job. dont forget while youre giving a bj to cup his balls and feel his body.
    ~hope this helps!

  23. Cher Says:

    How has no one mentioned oral stimulation of the balls? My husband positively melts when I stop for a moment and proceed to lick and suck his balls. He will stroke himself while I do this and it makes him bonkers!

    He calls me the blowjob queen. I’ve earned it!

  24. Aimee Says:

    I love giving head… all the time… but there are two things that are automatic turnoffs for me… if you grab the back of my head and gag me, I instantly want to stop pleasing you because you just pissed me off. I know what I am doing, and I know what my limits are. If you signal to me that I am not doing good “enough”…. then suck it your damn self.
    The second thing is, I swallow… if you refuse to kiss me after… don’t expect me to swallow anymore. It’s disrespectful to me not to want my tongue in your mouth regardless of what was just in there. Don’t be rude.

    So if my man doesn’t do these things, I will give you head any time you can handle it. =]

  25. wicked Says:

    Sounds like a great deal to me!

  26. Kitty Says:

    Okay, so..
    My loverr likes it when I use my teeth.
    “Don’t be afraid to be a little rough.”
    I’d read everywhere that guys hate it when girls use their teeth — that it’s painful and uncomfortable, but my man loved it! Is that not normal?
    I didn’t mind it but it was a little difficult to be so careful about not biting his penis. o-o’

  27. Elphaba Says:

    I love reading the comments. I asked my bf if I needed pointers and he said absolutely not…I could teach. That made me feel great. I love giving BJs and never rush.

  28. Blowjobless Says:

    Aimee, if my wife thought like you, I’d be in heaven!

  29. Evan Nassau Says:

    I have recently written an article about the important differences between intercourse and oral sex from both a physiological as well as a symbolic perspective -> http://www.evannassau.com/intercourse-and-oral-sex/

  30. val Says:

    Same as kitty,these guys should not generalize and speak for everyone. On the no teeth rule. I’ve always been careful never to use my teeth,until my boyfriend actually asked me to. Turns out he loves the sensation,I do it very gently,don’t think I clamp down. He says he lovesit because its different than any of his ex gfs bj skills.I als do a twisting corkscrew motion up n down,EYE CONTACT is the key(makes them feel like they’re watching a “POV” porno I suppose),rub ur breasts and masturbate your p***y while giving him a bj and deepthroat as much as u can. Oh yea,and if you really want to burn your image into his brain and make his eyes roll back,let him give u a facial. My bf’s told me I’m the best bj giver he’s ever had,he’s had a lot of ex gfs,me,only a handful. Aguy can’t be wrong,its all in the technique.

  31. Good Date Ideas Says:

    When done well oral sex for both parties can be a total game changer…

  32. corpse Says:


  33. Noe Says:

    I love my man,I love his penis, and I love having it in every way. I’ve been having trouble with my jaw lately,so I’ve had to take many breaks during oral, but I use, not only my hands, but I like to flick my tongue out at it and rub my face on it and purr just to show how much I love every part of it. I also find that wiggling my tongue around a bit while I’m sucking him drives him crazy. FYI, I love swallowing n hate wasting any…unless he eats asparagus for dinner. Please guys, no asparagus if you want us to go down on you. Yucky…

  34. Jaeleen Says:

    Great article ~ and great comment, Mark!

  35. Andrew Says:

    What I need answering is how can your woman go down on you without it hurting? The first time I had it was hilarious. She and I were in a corner of a seemingly abandoned parking lot. She and I had some condoms and she really liked it but as she sucked it, first of all, I guess since I’m circumcised, it doesn’t feel like anything (WHICH I WOULD LIKE TO ASK, HOW DO YOU INCREASE SENSITIVITY SO THAT IT WOULD FEEL LIKE SOMETHING AND FEEL GOOD?) but worse off, it feels like someone is sending my dick through a pencil sharpener. What should I tell her to do? She licks it now and it feels nice, as well as sucking my balls. However when she does both or either one, if I thrust her and dry hump her against the wall, then by the time for the BJ, I get a bit tired to the point that Paco, my penis, is limp. But then when she rides it and she is on top, dry hump of course, then he’s ready to fight Osama Bin Laden again. I am so confused. And before anyone asks, I cannot shove Paco into She-Osama’s Cave just yet (she reserves that spot for her future husband, and I will not do anal. Her boobs are good but not big enough to wrap the Pig in the Blanket. And yes, I can and will finger her. Please help. Thank you.
    Pain in the Paco.

  36. Female Says:

    I never did blow jobs, I found them to be degrading to women, especially when regarded to as “gobbies”, I suppose it’s that image of the town bikes handing them out at parties that turned me off them. However, lately I have acquired myself a boyfriend who I am extremely fond of and my perception of them changed. I found it enjoyable to make him feel good. I used my lips pretty much all over His body which drove him crazy, he was having trouble controlling himself and wanted to do thigs to me, however, I was having such a good time pleasing him, I had to tie him up and gag him with a scarf haha. This added a greater element of enjoyment to the situation, and it made me feel like I wasn’t some sex object to him and that I had some control. I really got into it, switching around from his
    Penis to round his body and back to his penis to keep it exciting. The whole time he was panting, clenching his jaw and almost in tears when I teased. He came,which was apparently not a common occourance without sex. He told me it’s the best he has expirenced, not sure if thats a confidence booster or a truth, but I do think it was the fact I was enjoying it, role playing and getting into it. It was also good on his part to show enjoyment, it helped me feel confident and want to keep going. The location I found was important to, he was sitting on a low couch laying back, so I could see his face most of the time, it created more of a connection and I never felt like the submissive ‘pornstar’

  37. LoveLife Says:

    Um, my favourite sex act of all time is giving my man a blow-job while he finger fucks me. We can both cum at the same time :)

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