Your Call: 38 and Want a Baby But He’s Not Ready

infertility_statuephoto by Daquella_manera

Dear Em & Lo,
I’m 38 and have been with my boyfriend a little over two years. He recently told me he is not and will not be ready for a family and marriage for at least two more years because he is having financial issues. I am ready now, or at least within the next year, and I want a future with him. I am scared to stay with him another two years just for him to again tell me he is not ready or maybe by then I’ll be too old to have kids. He has a lot of financial baggage and debt, I don’t. Should I move on or stick it out?
— Lady in Waiting

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58 Comments on "Your Call: 38 and Want a Baby But He’s Not Ready"


Karen
3 years 3 months ago

Wow im in the same floating boat. I know my partner loves me very much but i think he might be scared of being a parent. I have also discovered the older one gets the more difficult it becomes to get pregant. My sister jus had a bay a the age of 43..seven years of unprotected making. I have even thought of sperm banks but i know that would turn my love away. I did share with my partner if we didnt try i would have resentment. Wish you all the best. Try praying about it..it cant hurt.

J
5 years 25 minutes ago

What is the reason why the guy has “so many financial issues and debt?” That would be a big concern for me regardless of the ticking biological clock. Is he financially irresponsible (or was there a good reason for the debt)? Is it possible for him to file bankruptcy so that the couple can start with a clean slate? If he’s financially irresponsible that is a major dealbreaker in my book.

5 years 2 months ago

oooh nice info!

kay
5 years 2 months ago

Dear Lady in waiting,

I am in exactly the same position, same age also… by chance if you are still following up on the responses… what did you finally decide to do?
My partner suggested we have couple therapy. He already has 3 children prom previous marriages.
I agreed to this, but by the 3rd session got fed up with the whole scene… asking myself why am I here. I broke it off. we see each other sometimes.
2 months have passed and I miss our relationship terribly. I feel I made a hasty decision and perhaps should have continued the couples therapy a little while longer.
anyway just wondering what did you decide.

Lovereaction
5 years 3 months ago

This is happening more often than I like to think of.