Kurt said, “After I’ve climaxed, I am not ready for more, but relatively quick in the “man down” situation as you put it. So, after I’ve come, there is…. no more action possible.” There IS action possible, maybe not penis action, (After all, YOU just came, she didn’t. This isn’t about just YOU.) but your MOUTH and hands are still working? Aren’t they?

A new study said that men have NO more reason to fall asleep after they orgasm than women do, and most of us (in decent, adult relationships) usually orgasm first, manage to STAY AWAKE and THEN go on to work hart to have more sex for a while and make sure our Man gets what he needs. NO REASON to always immediately fall asleep. Gentlemen will fight the “sleepiness” if they care about their woman, and she hasn’t gotten what she needs yet.

As for the “Ew, I just came in there.” Ug, get over it….or, if it’s that “gross” (eye roll) make sure she comes, FIRST!

I’m usually more understanding, but Jeez, there is NO reason for man to refuse to help his lover to an orgasm because he orgasms too quickly, thinks it’s “icky” and doesn’t want to give head. There are PLENTY of other ways to let both of you enjoy sex than “Boy sticks it in, ejaculates, falls asleep, Girl cries.” THAT is recipe for either “Boy” getting very little sex in the future, or changing his selfish “Boy” ways, if Girl knows what she wants, and won’t settle for less.

Lela, I wouldn’t settle for this Little Boy Selfish behavior. TELL him what you need. I DO NOT believe in using sex as a weapon or a tool, but I can guarantee, you won’t want to have sex often if you don’t get what you need. HE needs to know this, If he doesn’t care, or change the way HE likes to have sex (meaning ONLY he gets off)…….dump him.

After I’ve climaxed, I am not ready for more, but relatively quick in the “man down” situation as you put it. So, after I’ve come, there is – at least for the next couple of minutes / quarters of hours – no more action possible.

Having said that, I’d like to address the “it takes too long” issue. Even though if you rush like mad, this might already be ‘too long’ for him. I myself know that with the lack of constant stimulation, no erection is sustainable for me.
There is no such thing as “once turned on, it stays up forever on its own”.

So, have you ever suggested to him that he touches himself to keep it up while you are gone? Men normally know extremely well where and how they want and need to be touched and who should know it better than he himself what his body wants?
If it stays up, it is easy to go for more after you return, but once it is down, it might be complicated to get back “online”. (At least for me.)
Maybe he’ll feel a bit (or even more than a bit) awkward about doing so but (and being “caught” doing it by you when you return) it might be worth a try.

Why he won’t go for some alternatives to bring you some relief I do not know.
It might be that most men (not me) are incredibly quickly sleepy after their orgasms. It is not something they do intentionally or even willingly; it has to do with the hormones that are emitted after the act (namely Oxytocin). So, maybe, he’s just too sleepy to try some.
Or he might find it icky to lick you after he has come in you. There are men who do not enjoy the taste of their sperm.
Or maybe he does not not how to use his fingers on you.

Regarding the “How can I become an orgasmic woman?!?”-question:
Please consider what laughingtiger wrote in the first paragraph. Being a man I can tell you that I’d plainly *love* it if my woman touched herself. It is soooo hot. Being visually oriented (valid for possibly all men), it adds extremely to the excitement. And if you occasionally touch him too it might even add. But this might well be too much stimulation for him. Being one man who has to struggle hard to acheive orgasm, I need every stimulus I can be given. For him it might be different. You complained that 10 minutes would be too quick for you, so you might rather want to keep the steam a bit down.
Before you ask: no, you won’t give him the feeling that he does not suffice. So please do not be shy about pleasuring yourself while riding him (oh my, what a lucky guy…).

Overall: have you considered choosing other positions if “you on top of him” is too much for him to take? Others might deliver fewer stimulation to him (keep the “man down”-scenario in mind) and thus might bring the chance to reach orgasm for you.

Best wishes and enjoy yourselves,
Kurt

i believe you must have gotten your information slightly mixed up; it’s not that only a small percentage of women can orgasm, it’s that only a small percentage of women can orgasm THROUGH VAGINAL STIMULATION ALONE. that just means you have to throw some clitoral stimulation in the mix! that’s the key to setting off the fireworks. don’t be afraid to touch yourself, whether it’s with your hands or with a toy. if you can come by masturbation, you can come during intercourse. practice, practice, practice!

also, it’s extremely bad form for your boyfriend to just leave you hanging like that after he’s had his. perhaps he’s just being thoughtless; maybe he just gives up because it takes so long. however, if you have a talk with him and he still is too lazy to at least try and get you off in some other way, i’d seriously rethink the relationship if i were you. selfishness in the bedroom often means selfishness elsewhere in the relationship.

I have a similar problem, the topic is the same but the problem is different. My boyfriend gets SO excited about my performance when I’m on top of him that he cums in like what 10 minutes!?
You see when he does cum he’s ready for more but then all of a sudden I have to pee. Then when I get back let’s just say “man down” I understand my situation but for him I don’t understand why? He says because I take too long I was in the bathroom for less than 1 min! I rush myself like a bootcamper to pee but still he can’t go up again, it takes him a long time. Then I give up on him.

It feels so freaking selfish that he gets to cum and I don’t but I guess he doesn’t really want to try either because it takes me a while to cum too. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me to cum I did some research and found out that only a small percentage of women can cum…. How Can I become ONE OF THEM????

any advice? suggestions?

thanks!

What is the problem with this man in the sheets? She is not being descriptive enough…

Does he not know that the clitoris is key to the female orgasm? Does he have a small sized penis? Is he a premature ejaculator?

There are solutions to each one of these problems.

As to premature ejaculation, there are ejaculation control exercises he can learn. Also, a low dose of the common SSRI’s (zoloft, paxil, lexapro) have been shown to greatly delay premature ejaculation.

If it is premature ejaculation, send him here:

Quick question regarding Ejaculation Control Techniques

As to penis size, there are traction devices, exercises or surgery that work to enlarge the penis, contrary to what most people will tell you. Tell him to look into this if it’s a problem.

If he’s your perfect man, minus the sexual skills, have him work on that part of him. If he can’t, or won’t, then you’re just going to have to drop the poor guy.

Hope this helps